Wednesday, September 30, 2009

all this for a six mile run

strange how some days can feel worse than other days. today felt clunky. like my legs were concrete, concrete blocks for feet, pounding down clumsily on the street. it was a day that i couldn't find my rhythm, i couldn't get the fluidity that i love about running, that point where your body is just moving along perfectly. where every stride is a battle.

and all this for a six mile run. i had enough time. i thought at first about only doing four and then doing six on friday. but when i woke up at 7:20, i decided to switch. halfway through i wish i didn't.

my times didn't suffer, just sore a lot of places. mainly on the inside sole of my right foot. i tried to work it out some last night and this morning. it is still throbbing though.

today is that last day of the month. i looked at my totals. 268.45 miles for the month. this is the most miles i've ever ran in one month. 4.24 miles longer than when i raced the marathon this summer. this is encouraging because my body feels generally better than it did in that peak marathon training. even with a baby being born.

in other news . . . i just signed up for the 2010 eugene marathon. it's the first sunday in may. i ran it the inaugural year, it was my first marathon. they have changed the course a bit, which is very exciting. it all ends on the track at hayward field. so much history there. as the websites boasts 'so many records broken . . . the home of several olympic trails . . . etc. . . . i'm just excited about the whole idea of finishing on a track. a crowd in the stands bringing you home on that final straight away. it seems all very official, all very olympic, all very epic.

training starts next month. here we go.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

a million little deaths

i felt so strong this morning. from the first stride to the last. 6:54's felt easy even with the hills, even going the hour that i did, even the six sprints after the hour. most of the time i was hanging around 6:50-6:52, and it felt easy. should it surprise me when the easy pace feels easy? probably has a lot to do with the sleep i got last night. thank you lovely wife for getting gracie ready for bed and letting me sleep. thank you mom for coming to stay with us this week to help out and watch the kids. i went to bed just after 9 and woke up around 6:45. on my own. no alarms, no pats on the shoulder, no newborn cries.

again it is getting colder. today seemed like winter not fall. windy with large grey clouds threatening. and finally half way through my run the bark became bite. cold, biting, sharp rain drops hurled at me like so many daggers by the wind, a million little deaths. but not even that slows me down. nothing can today.

hit my strides at 22 seconds right on. with the exception of the third one and the last one. the third one was a second slower. i wasn't focusing on my running. i was thinking about work, stress, the latest worry. although i can do this during easy running it does not do for speed work. must focus. the last one was a second faster and it gave me a new image.

just as i was turning the block for my last stride, a truck pulled up to the stop sign and was headed on my route. i hit the thin crack in the asphalt that marks the beginning of the sprint and shot out fast. i could hear the truck behind me. coming right towards me. passing me. i imagined a rope tied to the truck and wrapped around my waist pulling me towards the stop sign. it gave me that extra lunge to end with a 21 second sprint.

walked through the door cold, wet, and charged with confidence.

Monday, September 28, 2009

no rest for the weary

there is no more denying it. this schedule with this new baby and everything else that is going on in my life, with less sleep, ministry starting up, etc. is taking it's toll on my body. rolling out of bed at 5:40 or so, my whole body was crying to stay.

hit bush park when it was still dark, really dark. especially through the trees. i was surprised to see how many other people were running. my times suffered a bit for the first part of my warm up because i couldn't really see where my feet were landing. this slowed me down.

at the top of the hill i hit the bathroom. the guy next to me in the stall was making weird grunting pushing sounds. i was glad when he left.

when i got out of the bathroom it was much lighter. i reset my watch and hit the other half of the warm up right on. by then we where well into morning and it was heating up. stripped down to my singlet and just one pair of gloves and made my way to the track where a group of psuedo-pilates style middle aged women where hogging lanes 2-8. at least i had lane 1.

i've already talked about how i feel about 1000m repeats. this is my third week in a row that i've done them. i felt like i had much more control and my times reflect that. but it was still effort. intense effort. even that first one. this scarred me. can't i even get through one 1000m easily? it's odd how much of running is a mind game. one intense 1000m run and i start to doubt why i'm up this early, why i'm trying to do something with this hobby, why i'm pushing for the olympic trials. the second one wasn't much better. but hope came in the shape of the third one and and the fourth one. that fourth one seemed effortless. i was just flowing, always two seconds under time. i cruised in with ease.

and then came the last one. the hardest of the lot by a billion. by the first lap i was slow by a second. i tried to hit the next 200m harder but made no ground. the air was getting warmer but just in sections. the track had become like a swimming pool, little pockets of cold and warm air dotted about at random. i hit the 800m right on. but at this point there was a head wind shooting right at me going into the 400m and 800m. it was so hard to push into it. i felt like a giant sail being blown backwards by the wind. i tried to think about the wind just cooling me off (a trick someone told me about on a 10k i raced last spring). this helped little. that last 200m was pure misery. especially that curve. it felt like i was pushing 5x harder but going 5x slower. then i hit the straight. that last 100m was just steam. it was as though the last two weeks was pressing down on my shoulders, legs, arms, pushing me back towards the beginning. somehow i pushed through. i played different songs in my head. i told myself that it was just pain. then a new pain came. my upper abs violently contracting as though preparing to vomit. and then just before it was over, one stride away, i let out a cry.

and then it was over. and i'm smiling. and i'm taking off my track shoes. and i'm doing my warm up. and i'm driving home. and i'm drinking water. and i'm feeling the utter euphoria of runner's high coupled with another workout done.

times: 3:08:90, 3:10:78, 3:08:97, 3:09:15, 3:09:50

on a completely different topic and should perhaps be a different note entirely . . . yesterday at church i met a personal trainer. he loves his job and he loves to help people realize their fitness goals. that's why he doesn't want to move into management yet at the club. he doesn't want to be that far removed from the people who need him. i found this to be a refreshing outlook. i asked him if he could give me a few exercises that target the sides. he started explaining one. it became complicated. i think i'm more of a kinesthetic learner. we moved to the south auditorium now mostly empty. i laid on my back. he explained while moving my legs and spotting me. i can tell he is good at his job. he showed me three different exercises that i tried last night. i could actually feel the burn.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

early morning animals

gracie woke us up at 5:20 this morning. i asked my wife if she would wake me up after the feeding. at 5:40 she tapped my shoulder. by 6:10 i was running. still mostly dark with the exception of a faint white light low in the sky. it was cold too. which means i got to wear my new long sleeve skin hugging shirt i picked up at the outlet stores in august but have only worn once since. i love the way it compresses my body and the way the cold wind feels on me. makes me feel faster. it's like a second skin but spiderman like and trimmer. it also stinks like my skin when i wear it. i had another one that i would wear all the time in the winter months. my wife bought all sorts of detergents to rid the stink from it but even the special one she found on the internet 'guaranteed to get rid of the worst sport stink' couldn't defeat it. i finally ended up cutting the arms off of it.

it was dark for about 40 minutes of my 56 minute run. what i thought was a opossum turned out to be a cat. what i thought was a cat ended up being a raccoon (and this right on a main street clawing at the sidewalk). and two rabbits, one black with white spots, the other all black caught me unawares at the park.

fairly easy effort wise. went longer than typical too. i figured since i was up, i should put in more. will help me to sleep in on another day when i can.

spent some time praying over the course of the first two miles. took up the challenge presented last night at service. to pray that i would know my mission. that GOD would use me to impact people for HIM. that HE would use this thing called running to bring HIM glory.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

victory over the gooey goodness

stupid chewy chocolaty nearly dough cookie blocks sitting in an opaque rectangular container on the island that i've had to pass for the past two days. finally got the better of me. shouldn't have asked my wife to describe how they tasted. about five minutes ago went over to the drawer, snuck a knife, and cut one delightful morsel in half.

then temptation as soon as i swallowed it. tempted to finish it off. i've already fallen why not go further?

and here is the moral of the story. failure is inevitable. it will happen. it may be on a saturday afternoon with a cookie, a monday morning on a 400m, or a 5k race. the question is, what will i do with that failure? will i have the strength to pick myself up from it, move on from it? or will i let it drag me down into utter degradation?

that opaque rectangular container sitting on the island could be empty now at my hand from this tiny fall. but it's not. in fact, the other half that i cut into is still there.

i count this as a victory.

in a fog

chrisy's mom went home yesterday. she's been here the past week to help out because of baby gracie. i decided to hit up my long run a day early so i could do my shorter run this morning when it's just us. this put thursday's hard track day next to friday's two hour run. this coupled with the fact that thursday, with leading worship at high life, made for a really long day. i was so tired by the time i got home, i had not the strength for yoga. i started the long run a bit sore. but it was an exciting run nonetheless.

i finally got to venture on to those streets i use to run on before the fear of gracie coming tethered me to courses around my home. straight into downtown, riverfront park, over the west salem bridge, through wallace marine park. i found a new mulch path that was laid down last week. i could tell not many people had been on it. it was still really springy, inconsistent, and fairly bumpy at places.

i hit great times with surprisingly not that much effort. right on my 6:54's when i finally stopped the watch. the two truly glorious parts of the runs was looking into the fog hunkering low over the willamette, blocking the view south to minto brown park. the other was going up the steep incline at 12th street. when i finally crested the fairly large hill my watch read an average of 6:51's. and this was on the last half of my run.

i hit quite a few water fountains (as many as i could find) and i think that helped greatly.

by the time i got back home and started eating i noticed that i had some amazing runner's high. i've asked other people if they get this phenomenon. when they say yes, i ask them to describe it. they say that they feel like they are in a zone and can run forever. my high isn't like this at all. mine always happens when i stop running. i breathe in and i can feel the oxygen tingling through my throat, lungs, and even tickle my brain. the deeper i breathe the more intense. i've never used drugs, but perhaps this is a similar feeling. this high lasted into the afternoon. i love it when that happens.

i did get my yoga in last night. it was very essential. so many sore points. mainly i.t. band, gluets, and shins. especially the shins. i think it could be time to retire those shoes i did my long run in. or maybe just reserve them for shorter runs or warm ups and bush park.

this morning's six miles was less than glorious for the first half. really achy for that first mile. primarily felt a slow burn in my left hamstring. i circled around schirle elementary school on the mulch path for two miles. then went up to the high school to work a few on the track. i wanted to stay on really soft ground today for healing. unfortunately the football team was working there so i just circled through some neighborhoods. i felt much stronger on the second half. hit my times right on though: 6:54's.

i've been craving sweets for the past two days and almost cheated on my diet yesterday with a secret roth's donut. those cake ones with the white icing and green sprinkles where calling to me. i had to pass by them close twice because i forgot the avocados. which, by the way, i actually like now. at least in burritos. my quest to like all whole foods is one step closer.

today also marks the most miles i've ever put in a week: 72. and if i can do it on a crazy week like this, with little sleep, and sore muscles, i am confident i can do more.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

facing my nemesis

i couldn't sleep last night. i kept tossing and turning. checking the alarm clock to see the time. not sure if i was anxious or if this waking up every two to four hours to help with gracie is the cause. i finally rolled out of bed at 6:30 and running by 7:15.

i had mixed feelings during the twenty minute warm up. still a bundle of nerves from the ever closer workout. something about the unknown in running frightens me. didn't help that my legs felt a little tired.

fortunately this twenty minutes takes me around a park that surrounds the track. it goes by a little stream, through some trees, down a field, all of it on a cinder track. runners, walkers, dogs, bicyclists, students walking to school, old man doing tai-chi (or something like it), park employees repositioning sprinklers or picking up garbage or digging ditches. this morning as i came out of the trees section towards a baseball field, i light fog clung to the ground no higher than the chain link fence. as i strode into it the temperature seemed to drop about ten degrees. epic.

and now i'm at the track. i start with six strides. they are slower than normal. not because they are difficult but because i am thinking to much about the next part of the workout. that and i really need to go to the bathroom. so either from a desire to stall the next part or from real necessity, when i'm done with these sprints i go the bathroom.

now i'm at the start. i drink some water (another stall?), i do a few needless stretches, shake out, can't think of anything else, so i start.

the workout is 10 X 200m at 34 seconds with a minute recover at a 6:54 pace. after this i do a 10 minute run at 6:54's. after that i do another round of 10 X 200. same tempo, same recovery. two things scare me about this. one i've never done this many 200m before. i don't have much running experience. never did track or cross country in high school or college. i just started a few years ago and went right to marathons and half marathons. second, it's 30 minutes of speed work. yeah it's broken up with a minute recovery. but what is a minute.

it turns out i had nothing to be afraid of. i need to trust in my ability, in my training, in my fitness, in my coach. i need to believe that i can hit these things. i need to see the pain for what it is. like all of life, temporary. if i can just push through with victory. not that i'm saying this was an easy workout. it was tough. probably one of the tougher track sessions i've had. those minute recovery seem to shrink and shrink and shrink as you get more exhausted. then to finish all ten only to realize that this is only half the workout--tragic.

i averaged the first set of 10 at 33.25 seconds and the second set at 33:85. fastest was a 32:12 (the fourth one on my first set). the slowest was a 35:32 (the second one on my second set). this was my only one over 34 seconds. i think the problem was that i lost focus for some reason and thought i could just cruise without pushing. i made up for it with a 33:10 on the one after it.

my nemesis (the old asian lady that walks in lane one) came near the end of my first set. she was walking in the very middle of my lane which made it difficult for me to pass her. i finally thought that this is enough of the madness. i needed to talk to her. i was hopelessly out of breath having just completed the first set and barely choked out 'can you move into another lane for me?' she didn't respond. she just looked through me with those pensive eyes, lower jaw jutting out, stone cold face, and kept her slow shuffle down the first lane. i looked back she was still in the lane. but then suddenly she moved over to lane two. when i passed her i said thanks. 'thanks' she echoed back in a harsh snarl.

rocky = 1
nemesis = 0


Wednesday, September 23, 2009

just another six mile run

feel so much better today. one of those runs that gives me hope, assurance, that i will reach my goal. went to bed at around 10:30 and got out around 7:30. i only had to wake up two times to change gracie.

my legs seemed to have completely lost all fatigue. i ran strong today. hit my 6:54's right on with little effort. it truly seemed like an easy pace.

this helped me to free my mind during the run. all i could think about was the olympic trials. how i was going to get there. what it would feel like to run a 2:18 marathon and run with world class athletes. also worked some on a song that i shelved for awhile. yesterday at work i started playing it and it seems to have some new life.

last night, after credo my stomach was grumbling like mad. we had momiji's take out and i purposefully only ate half, knowing how i feel after eating all of it. even added some asparagus. had my bowl of iron enriched grapenuts at 6:45 and the my pear at around 7:20. by 10:00 when i got home i was so tempted to have a little bite to eat. broke through it though and went to bed.

feel a little apprehensive about tomorrow's workout and the lack of sleep that will come with it. but i feel much more confident after today.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

blood red sky

i loved the sky this morning
gracie screaming me awake twenty minutes till six
starting the run just before daybreak
and there it hovered
over the horizon
over the trees
over the mountains
large, ominous
a deep blood red sky
shooting rays of crimson horizontally
into me
extending my shadow
ten paces down the scarlet tinted road

. . . though not all was beautiful this morning. i don't really feel pain in any specific part of my body, just a general fatigue, everywhere. though mostly in my right leg. it could be from the added mileage, the increase of speed, the less sleep, the messed up schedule, the different meals this past week (either take out or cooked by others--though i'm staying true to my diet), or it is a combination of all of these things.

the first half mile was not pretty. i knew it was going to take a lot of will for this one even as i sped up before starting my watch. throbbing everywhere. quads, i.t. band, gluets, hamstrings. everywhere and yet nowhere, just all together miserable.

i did get into a pleasant rhythm for the middle section of the hour run at my easy pace (which has dropped down to 6:54's). the end was a little bit of a push. it was mostly uphill. but i kept right on pace and actually ran a little bit longer than the hour.

i still had six strides to do which equals another 20 minutes or so of running. i sprint for .1 mile, which takes 22 seconds, a slight uphill, and then round the block at my easy pace which takes just under three minutes. i was thinking of a billion excuses not to run these strides and save them for tomorrow. things like i need to use the bathroom, i'm too tired, i'll be less tired tomorrow, high school students will be walking to school on this route and i'll see them over and over and over again, i have a hat and gloves i'll be much too hot.

it took a huge chunk of effort to pass over the street i live on instead of turn on it to my home. it took an equal effort to start that first stride. that first one is always so hard. i've been running for an hour at a consistent pace and now i'm sprinting, fast, focused, loose, pushing towards that stop sign. fortunately once that one was under the belt the rest came fast and easy.

in this training, for this goal, i cannot, i must not delay my workouts for other days. i cannot get into this pattern or my dream will never be realized. stay on that path.

Monday, September 21, 2009

on a crisp september morn

this morning was cold. really cold. the days of frost on the windshield and doubling up on gloves is just around the corner.

for my warm up, i had on my t-shirt, gloves, hat, and arm warmers. this was the right amount of clothing. but twenty minutes later, as i was changing into my track shoes, i noticed a stark increase in temperature. i decided to hit the track with just my singlet and shorts, which proved to be a great idea. it just kept heating up with each and every lap of the track. until the end, as i was sitting back in my car, changing back into my trail shoes, where i was dripping sweat. large drops, two, three at a time, blurring my vision and smashing to the ground.

the workout was amazing, exhilarating, and so incredibly tough. my least favorite workout use to be 800m repeats, after this morning it has switched to 1000m repeats. the concepts with this distance is that you are to run at the same pace and effort you would an 800m but an extra 200m is tacked on at the end. this may not seem like much. what is a half a lap? but by the last couple repeats, when you hit the 600m mark and realize that you still have to go around the whole track again, it becomes an intense battle.

i hit my times nearly perfect on. my slowest was a 3:10:18--and this was my second repeat. my quickest was my third at 3:08:80. typically on these track workouts, i memorize my 200m and 400m time and then reset the watch every lap. today i tried a different technique. i decided to not reset my watch until after the 1000m and memorize all five 200m times. last night i wrote them down :38, 1:16, 1:54, 2:32, 3:10. and then for the rest of the night i kept repeating them in my mind. every time gracie would wake up for a feeding, as i was changing her diaper, i would be repeating these numbers in my head. over and over again. until they would come without thought.

i think this helped me to be even more consistent over the course of the 1000m. it left all the extra mind energy of adding and subtracting numbers to see how close i am to the target time. i can just look down at my watch at ever 200m and know exactly where i am at. this helped me to focus solely on my running.

:38--focus on holding back. don't go out too fast or you will suffer for the remaining 2:32.
1:16--don't slow down. don't settle into a slow pace. push through that turn but not too hard. not yet.
1:54--you should now be settled into your pace. but this is no reason for your mind to float off into the clouds or to be annoyed with that ancient hunched over asian lady who walks with incredible slowness around the inside lane of the track even though you speed by her within centimeters yelling 'track.' this is a focus but a rhythmic focus.
2:32--this is a battle now. but only stage one. don't push too hard yet. don't give your all. but don't give in to your weariness.
3:10--this is where legends are created. become one. leave it all on the table. don't let that time of 3:10 slip away from you. at the end of this 200m don't let your watch say 3:11 or worse yet 3:12. you are fit enough to run this. and run it ever faster.

i found myself even on the second repeat making excuses for myself. my legs are too sore from holding and rocking gracie. i haven't had enough sleep over the past week to hit these times. my mind is too wearied from all that afternoon/evening running. i'm not ready to run this fast. i was foolish to move up a point value from mr. daniels. i had to grab each of these doubts, one at a time, and stuff them out of my mind and just do my workout.

one day at a time, one workout at a time, on point at a time, one repeat at a time, one 200m at a time.

that's how i had to run today. i feel powerful afterwards.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

running since gracie . . . taking the good with the bad

things have been a whirlwind of craziness ever since we drove back from the hospital with the new little one. i haven't had time to do much of anything and have barely squeezed in a few training sessions. some things have been epically beautiful, others have been tragically low. so here they are the good and the bad over the last couple of days.

-it's thursday night. i haven't run since monday morning. the first few strides down the street away from my house are so amazing i can't even begin to describe the euphoria of it. breathing in that air, movement of body, pounding of heart, after such a long break. i am a runner. i know realize that i can never stop.

-i mark out 200m in the darkness with the aid of my garmin. my hope is to do a twenty minute warm up, 6 strides, and then 10 x 200m repeats with a minute break between each. then a ten minute easy run. then repeat. but it is already late. my legs are tired. my body is week from little sleep. i do the 6 strides and then do a cool down. i'll save this for another day.

-it's friday afternoon. late in the afternoon. i'm fighting to stay at my easy pace of 7 minute miles. i'm easily doing 6:54's. as i enter the belcrest cemetery, i realize that it is stupid to put this much effort into staying slow. this is when i decide to move onto the next fitness point level on mr. daniels' chart. i am one step closer to reaching my goal. i smile, though barely perceptible.

-i'm fight three different pains. a deep thirst from this hot weather. a pressing desire to sit on a toilet. a sharp sting in my eyes from the sweat running of the brow. afternoon running is NOT fun.

-i'm excited to hit my run today at the sprague track. it's a new track and i haven't done any speedwork on it. i am ready. i am excited. let's do this.

-i'm sitting in the outhouse at the track after doing my warm up and two sprints. this is frustrating. even more so, i hear band instruments. as i open the door, i see that the high school marching band has taken over my track. i have to run by them to get my water bottle and t-shirt. i head to the middle school 'track.' a bumpy, old, cement track. but at least it is marked out every 50 meters.

-i hit my first five 200m's right on pace at 34 seconds (some even at 33) with a minute between each.

-i can't finish the last five 200m's. the outhouse is calling again. aaaaarrrrrgggghhhh. afterwards. i run around the track and get ready to hit more 200's. the urge comes again. out of frustration i leave the track.

-some punk middle school wanna be skaters walking down the street from the 7-11 with fountain drinks look at me, smile, laugh. one of them does a mock victory cry. i mock him back. he mocks me back. i end the conversation with boo-ya!! why is it that i can go months without getting heckled in morning runs and then get mocked every day of afternoon and evening runs? i have a theory that stupid people don't wake up before ten in the morning.

-it's sunday morning. i've had enough of this. my training is suffering. i wake up early, as i should, and do my six mile run. this is awesome. this is epic. this is running as it is meant to be. this is the running that i have missed. though i may regret it, though i may have to go to bed way earlier than i want, though i may have to drink ten shots of espresso, i will wake up early tomorrow and go to the track.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

and even when he sleeps

i left mommy and the baby this morning at 8:30 to get some breakfast (they stopped giving dads the gift certificate dollars for the hospital cafe) and coffee. i parked downtown across from the governor's cup and started walking over to great harvest. it had been forty-eight hours since my last run. a half block away from the street, the crosswalk had just turned green. i thought that if i ran, i would be able to make it easy. i think i was a bit inspired by the book i'm reading, the perfect mile. one of the main characters got his start running by just running wherever he went instead of walking. i broke into a light, smooth, easy stride.

at that point my mind shot back to a very vivid dream i had last night in the midst of broken sleep between dirty diapers and baby cries.

i have had many dreams about running since i've started getting serious about it. mainly dreams about races. either pre-race (where everything goes wrong) or during the race (where i somehow miss a turn on the course and become disqualified). this was my first running dream where i am simply on a training run.

it's a large vacant field. no vegetation, no building, a few people walking around watching me run. there are rolling hills with one end of the field higher than the other, a slow gradual incline. i start by running towards this incline. and i am running fast. faster than i should be on terrain this steep. fast like my strides, fast like my 400 meter runs. air is rushing at my face, not from wind, it is a calm day, but from my pace.

this is when i notice that i'm barefoot. and this field is unlike anything i have ever seen before. it is soft and spongy. similar to a track. almost like clay. but much softer and not springy. it's the perfect surface to run without shoes on. so you feel one with your running, nothing artificial in the way.

i'm now at the top of field. i turn a wide turn and proceed down. my fast tempo becomes even faster and i'm rolling off of the little hills. from one i catch a little bit of air. i decide to take advantage of this phenomenon, increase speed even faster, and explode from the crest of the next hill. i shoot in the air. i'm not flying though. it's more of a continuation of my run. my legs are still moving. i look down at my wrist to check my pace on my garmin.

this is how i see my running.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

and there are times when you don't run

i've never liked that idea of saying "i was going to do a run this morning but . . ." very very very very rarely do i ever say this. in fact i think i go to far to the other extreme. i probably run when i shouldn't. a few examples:
---12:00 at night in the l.a. airport
---the last mile of a 5k after i had broken my foot
---during a really bad wind/rain/thunder storm
---going off of little sleep
---at a really busy camp
---during my i.t. band issues
---achilles tendinitis ordeal
---an ice storm where there was a foot of snow with an inch of ice over the top of it

most of the times i get looks, laughs, proclamations that i am stupid. but maybe it is my stupidity that pushes me ever forward in this mad ordeal.

however, there will be no running today, or tomorrow, or the next day, though my schedule tells me otherwise. and the reason is MY DAUGHTER GRACIE HAS BEEN BORNE!!!! this morning at 5:05, she came into this world.

sorry running, there are some things that are more important. but i'll see you again soon. don't worry.

Monday, September 14, 2009

the fourth repeat

this week brings about some changes in the daniels' program primarily in the quality workouts. i was a little leery of this mornings' track session. mostly because of the unknown. more than anything that is the big fear in running, not knowing what will happen. whether it is in the speed or the distance or a combination of the two. if you have never done it before, you just can't be sure how your body will react. but once you are on the other side of that, it comes easier the next time. you go into the run with confidence, a "i have been here before and conquered" attitude.

the workout called for 5 X 1000m at a 2:12 pace. this is two laps at 1:16:80 a piece with a final 200m push at 38:40. i have never run 1000m. i've done 800's and 1200's. the speed called for me to run at my typical 800m pace with that extra half lap tacked on to the end of it. this was going to be interesting.

the first one i hit with incredible times, especially that first 400m. this isn't strange in speed work. to blast out of that first one as though you have something to prove. fresh on strength. even a little fearful that if you don't push hard enough on that first 200m, you are going to jinx the whole workout.

over the course of the second and third, i notice that those three minute recovery laps are feeling shorter and shorter. my heart is beating much too fast, my breathing is much too deep, as i line up for the next repeat. this has me a bit worried. but i focus on relaxing, pushing through, trying to just think about that turn of the track.

then comes the fourth repeat. i hate the fourth repeat. not the fourth in everyone but what the fourth one stands for. it's not the last one which you can always power through with amazing form and speed because it is the last one. this is where you can give your all, leaving nothing back. yeah it's hard, probably physically the hardest one of the lot, but mentally it's the easiest. because you know that after this one you are going to do your cool down, hop into your car, drink water, eat a breakfast, take a shower, and go about your day never to see the track until three days later. it's the one before the last one that gets you. where you are so tired and you still have two more to go. you can't give it your all, you have to hold something back for the last one, but you can't think of the last one too much or you will go mad. this is the hardest one, mixing the physical and mental pain into the perfect balance of maximum pain. this is where you truly find out your worth as a runner. this is where you come face to face with your doubt and pain. where you need to dig deep to fight against yourself. your mind is weak, your body is weak, everything is weak. so what is it that pushes you on? but you can't think about that, for your three minutes is up and you are rounding the track again for the fourth repeat.

i did hit some amazing times. the first, third, and fifth were at 1:09's. the second and the dreaded fourth where at 1:10's. all of these are much faster than what he called for. which tells me that i am ready to jump up to the next number on the vdot scale. this is so exciting!!!! all my times will need to be faster. though i think i will wait until next week to officially start it, so that i get a full four weeks of this vdot number (as daniels recommends).

the only thing that i was a concerned about in this workout was that i felt bit out of control. all of my times total where within a second of each other which is good. but within each repeat i was constantly speeding up and slowing down. it was hard to hit a rhythm at this pace like i did with 800's and tempo work of last week. it's a strange push/pull that i'll need to get the hang of. but i will get the hang of it.

yes, i will.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

the soreness of it all

two things combined to make this mornings' six mile 'easy run' more difficult than it should have been.

first there was the hills from yesterday. it's strange that different terrains, elevations, and tempos work different muscles in different ways. something about steep downhills that just jack the hips and gluets.

second, forgetting about the simple truth of point one, i neglected stretching. i could sense sitting in church on saturday night that i was getting a little tense there but either forgot it or just got lazy.

paid for it this morning though. i came zipping out of the cul-de-sac as is my custom on my easy days so that i can hit my 7:00 pace early in the run. after a block i look at my watch. 7:35. i pick up the speed. 7:15. this is ridiculous. this is hard. my hips and my gluets are absolutely hating life. i had to push so hard for the whole forty-two minute run. how frustrating is that? the worst part is, i could have prevented it all with just a little more stretching.

if i'm serious about hitting this goal, i have to be serious in all the little things that i know will gradually add up to either my success or failure. like this afternoon for maile's birthday lunch at o.p.h. whereas i usually get the vegetarian omelet and three pancakes, leaving the booth absolutely stuffed, today, i got the two by four (two eggs and four pancakes--whole wheat with granola baked in). i have to mind my diet, my stretching, my icing, my sleep, everything. not let a single thing slide.

this is the path i have chosen. today the cost was a painful six mile run. tomorrow it could be a 2:19:30 marathon instead of a 2:19.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

making new tracks

there is a road ever so close to the high school. i have heard that when the cross country coach wishes to torture his students they have them run this road. i'm sure all across america similar roads stretch out next to high schools as though the two are working in conjunction with each other. this road is whispered reverently, fearfully. respected by those who haven't faced her torment. memories of deathly pain for those who have.

ballyntyne.

there comes a point where you fall into a rut of running the same courses day in and day out. what starts as a new route has become a permanent fixture. you try to spice it up by running it in reverse, adding a new little piece, or only running part of it. soon even this becomes monotonous.

driving back from the coffee shop this week i saw that road, that road i heard talked about so much, that road i passed two to three times a week, but the road i had never given a try. for whatever reason on this particular day it got stuck in my head. so this morning for a six mile jaunt i decided to make some new tracks.

ballyntyne.

it starts quite beautiful, peaceful. a nice rolling descent with a forest to your left, a small creek and abandon field to your right. very shaded and very cold. then you turn and see the first of three hills.

the first one is not that incredible. only slightly steeper than what i normally run on and pretty average in length. you roll down the backside of it. i nice break before the true beast that has immortalized ballyntyne.

two consecutive hills. the first one quite inconsequential. but you aren't looking at that one. you only barely see it. for pressed right up behind it is a wall. i giant vertical concrete wall towering over you, daring you on. up to this point, i was averaging 6:54's. at the top of this hill, breathing hard, muscles pushing with everything they had, sweat dripping off, i had dropped to 7:10's. after this is a constant uphill of little rolling hills that under any other circumstance would be a nice little run.

there is a beauty in the beast that is ballyntyne. you are isolated, it's quiet. the people who live there are of a different breed than those who live just a couple miles over the hill. they are country folk. they like the solitude, they embrace it, they want to be left alone, so they live on this beast.

at the top of the first hill i was greeted by a rooster ushering in the morning. as i climbed this street, the houses were growing in size and splendor. at the very top, the very end of the road, the largest of houses, a mansion, lay across a dark green rolling lawn. a large imposing gate guarding the front.

on the way back to the house, i still had to add a couple more miles to finish my six for the morning. i decided to swing by the high school. back in june they started putting in a new track. i hadn't seen if it was finished yet. and there it was. fresh paint, fresh track, perfect white lines and numbers, glistening, sparkling black top. i greedily ran to it and did a few laps. it was so soft and smooth. i can't wait to do a speed session on it.

i'm not sure when i will visit ballyntyne next. i have read that one of the quickest ways to improve speed, strength, and stamina is to include hills in your regular runs. i'm just not so sure that the writers had ballyntyne in mind when they wrote that.

Friday, September 11, 2009

running in circles

people will often ask me if it is boring running around the track. i was under the assumption also before i started speed workouts. naturally if you were to run your easy pace around the track it would get very boring. however, in a track session, you are going so fast, feeling so much pain, trying to focus with all that you are that you don't have time to get bored. the hardness of it all doesn't come in the fact that you are passing that same set of bleachers for the tenth time and still need to pass it ten more times.

what is much harder, much more boring, is running circles around your house for two hours. the baby is so close now, but being so incredibly stubborn about coming out. i thought it wise for this mornings long run to stick close to the house by running two one hour circles, that way i would never be more than thirty minutes from the house in case she started going into labor.

i had a similar dilemma two years ago with some i.t. band problems. it was hurting so bad at points that i'd have to stop running. if it stopped me for good, i didn't want to be an hour from the house. i'll never forget that morning when i had to put in twenty-one miles. i ran the exact same point to point seven mile course three times. the advantage is in storing your water and gels in your mail box. the disadvantage is in stopping right outside your house after running fourteen miles and starting back up again. that first step as you press start on your watch is incredibly difficult. the warmth, the food, even the bathroom are crying out to you from behind the front door.

this is what i felt this morning. standing at my mailbox, drinking my water, one hour displayed on my watch. one more hour to go. this is when the excuses come, the body and brain ganging up on your will, trying to convince it. 'you've already run an hour . . . you've had a long week, an unusual week . . . you did a hard workout yesterday . . . and the day before a night run . . . you could run the rest tomorrow.'

these voices come at the darkest of times. you have to silence them quick before they overpower you. there is no answering them. there is no logic. the only thing you can do is run away. that shuts them up quickly.

loads of hills today. some steep some long. but i stayed right on my easy pace target and ended the run with an average of 6:59 (just one second quicker). i mostly hovered around 6:57 to 7:00. this has been an amazing three weeks of running. ready to see what happens next.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

week three with mr. daniels

this morning i ran the same workout that i have for the last two weeks. i went into it with a little bit of fear i must confess for two reasons. first this is the first week of ministry since the break in august and it started up with momentum. jared is in the sudan and asked me to teach for the first riot and i also taught for credo on tuesday night. two long nights in a row with less sleep than normal. the second thing i had working against me was last nights run. i wasn't sure how having to runs so close together would pan out in my times. fortunately these fears proved to be inconsequential.

the first six strides i hit with power, relaxation, and times that have been unparalleled--only one over 21 seconds. after a two lap cool down, i paused briefly for a drink. i stretched this brief pause out, fearing the next 20 minutes of tempo pace. i was actually hoping christy would call saying that she was in labor so that i wouldn't have to run. but what was it that i was really afraid of? basically it comes down to this . . . that i am not up to this task. not just this workout but this running goal that i have, that this whole blog is devoted to. that i'll try and fail. that i'll go half way into it and fall flat on my face. finally, i realized i was stalling, set my water bottle on the turf, jogged for a moment in a little arch, and pushed off the staring line.

this 20 minute run would best be described as controlled. so incredibly controlled. i was just locked in this pocket, this gear, that gave me incredible consistent times without much increase in effort over the course of the 14 and a half laps at 1:24. there was one point where i lost my focus, my mind flying somewhere else. this was my slowest 400m. after i realized this, i re-tuned my mind and focused all the way through the end. it was beautiful.

next was an 800m cool down into six more strides. the past two thursdays, these strides have been the hardest part of the workout. after running for all these miles, after already putting in six strides, after this tempo run, to push through six more sprints is a difficult tasks. your legs are jello and you have to strain yourself through each one, fight against a feeling of ropes attached to your body and limbs pulling you back to the start.

that was until today. it was like i wasn't even trying. i just focused on relaxing, mostly my hands, arms, and face (particularly the eyes). in this state i hit everything at 21 seconds or better. faster than my first set of strides. faster than any other set of strides. and easier time at it.

that's what i like about jack's training plan. i can see results. i can look back over these past three weeks and see improvement. something that i haven't seen in any previous plan that i've tried. seeing this, feeling this, gives me a renewed sense of confidence. that boost that shouts at me 'you can do this . . . this and much more.'

on night running

this whole waiting thing sure isn't fun. these are days where no plans can be made or they could be broken just as quickly. my wife continues to ebb and flow in her contractions. at one moment they hover in the eight to ten minute and then just as quickly as they came, they are gone again.

yesterday morning as i was preparing to run six miles, she came out of the bedroom and said that i better not go. this could be the time. i thought this was great. i cannot wait until this new little one is born into the world. i am ecstatic, so excited. so i stuck around. but no baby.

so after a day full of message prep, working on new song, dressing up as lord maestro alfonso cabellero the third, and teaching a message for the high school group, watching the season premier of so you think you can dance, i finally laced up my running shoes. it was ten at night.

night running is a different creature than morning running. and both of these stand in stark contrast to afternoon running. each has their own unique qualities, their foibles, their strengths and weaknesses.

night running feels most of the time like you are in a dream. sensations, questions, is this really happening? am i really running? is this really me? darkness, quietness, stillness, surrounds you broken up by feet pounding on cement, the beating of your heart, your breathing, making it seem like you don't fit in this world.

the glare of your watch shines in your eye. a large bulbous blue green mass blocks your left eye. slowly over the course of a couple miles, he shrinks and finally disappears.

you try and find a road that is a perfect balance between busy and empty. too busy and the freaks which cruise the night time streets yell at you, mock you, pull u-turns to repeat it all over again. too empty and the streets are darker, sinister, more dangerous. the occasional car will speed close to the narrow shoulder.

your shadow continues to appear and disappear as you run from streetlight to streetlight. it stretches out long before you. longer and longer. stretching your neck and arms, distorting your body like so many fun house mirrors until finally it is swallowed up in the darkness.

you are carrying the entire day on your shoulders. all that you have eaten. all of the stress accumulated. your legs are tired. your body cries for bed.

night time runner, i salute you, though i never want to become you. only out of necessity. like last night. and many more nights in the future as we adjust to a new baby.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

looking to the future (and trying not to)

a few nights ago my wife sat down at the computer for quite some time and made a calender for me. we printed it off and put it in a binder. the first date i wrote on was sunday may second, the date of the eugene marathon. then i filled out the weeks, working backwards to the current date.

the other thing i did that night was a somewhat scary proposition, scary, yet exciting. as is the case with running. perhaps the hardest thing. to grasp your potential, to reach for it, to push fear and doubt and insecurity out of your mind. these are things which will only hold you back.

running is strange. it's a constant state of discontentment. you look to that next level, those longer miles, those faster speeds, the group of people who were ten minutes ahead of you at the last race. in the back of your mind you cannot possibly see yourself at that stage. but then slowly, gradually, through time and work and sweat and early mornings and sore muscles, and faithful constant work, you reach it. but it's a false summit. the next level stretches out before you and you can't imagine being at that level.

taking into account a perfect year, free of injury or any serious setback, following jack daniels' formula, increasing my fitness level one point every six weeks, i should be able to train for a 2:18 marathon. this is a 5:18 pace, the qualifying time for the olympic trails. i cannot see myself running that fast right now sitting at my computer. my best 6.2 mile run is a 5:34 pace. that is my best. how in the world could i run 26.2 at an even faster pace?

so what i need to do is stop thinking of it in these terms. i need to not look at the real summit and focus on the hundreds of false summits between here and there. it's like running mile repeats. if you think midway through a repetition, when your body is crying to stop, that you still have four more miles to run, you will go mad and cry or stop or puke or faint or all four. just focus on this repeat, this lap, this 200m, this next step.

so that's the goal. just wake up tomorrow and run.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

september sky

september sun straining through september sky
pushing hopelessly through september haze
fighting against thanksgiving turkeys and the first day of school
and frost on windows and long sleeves and warm cocoa
and fleece blankets and fingers sliding the dials on thermostats

it mirrors my effort as i turn the block for another
twenty-two second sprint
pushing hopefully towards my goal
but a different push, a patient push, a relaxed push
i read once that as you tighten face and fingers
as is the reflex at maximum speed
extra blood flows through that area
much needed blood that should flow to the legs
that you may flow easier to your goal

so against all intuition, eleven seconds into my stride
i relax as i push, i ease myself into an increased effort
i take heed of the september sun
i learn from it's downfall
shake the numbness from face and fingers
round the block
and explode

Monday, September 7, 2009

running on clouds

this was the first morning that i could see my breathe linger in the air. a little windy but no rain. drove to bush park where i was greeted by considerably less runners than in last weeks nicer weather. i shaved my head fresh last night so things were a little bit chilly until about five minutes into the warm up.

i don't ever want to be accused of saying the running ten 400m at a fast pace is an easy workout, for it never has, and i highly doubt that it ever will be. yet this morning, i hit upon a strange phenomenon on the last four repeats. i found a new gear, a faster gear, that excited me, and took me quite off guard. i would hold back (as much as you can in a sprint which is not really holding back) until that last 100m. and then i would just shift. whereas before i would come across the line weakly and in disrepair, i strode across, lightly, loosely, strong muscles pushing me forward. this is the third monday in a row that i have been running this exact workout and i can feel my improvement.

the day started out overcast, dark, cold. at about the fourth or fifth repeat, the sky cleared in an instant, unaware to me until it was upon me. then light white fluffy clouds hovered low. i noticed them first during a three minute recovery reflected on the track in the puddles from yesterdays downpour. it gave me the illusion of flight, running on the clouds, running through them, soaring, ever faster. i suppose this is a good picture to have in your head while doing 400m. i stole it for the final few laps.

i am ready for the storm

this mornings' long run gave me a taste for what the future holds. alarm went off at six and it was still dark. overcast, rain coming down, and cold, the likes of which i haven't seen for several months. decided to put on my arm warmers and gloves which later proved to be a good idea. i suffer from some sort of low circulation in the arms and fingers that is accentuated while running. usually in the winter months i have to wear two gloves (sometimes three) per hand with my fingers still getting cold. after this morning, i started a search on-line for some warmer gloves, possibly even mittens. if i'm going to increase my mileage, i have to find a workable solution.

the run itself was perfect in terms of pace and effort over the course of the two hours. i may try experimenting with two gels for this amount instead of just the one that i took at the hour. i had planned on a course which would take me by four different water fountains but my wife has been having quite a few contractions so i thought it wise to stick closer to the house. the resulted in only one water break and that at the very end of the run. i think i was feeling the effects of it.

i had some minor muscle soreness in the gluets and hamstrings that could be from either the yoga i've been doing this week or just the increase in speed and mileage. although not painful just a bit annoying. still haven't worked out these shin splints though i am getting a bit ahead of them. last couple miles had some minor pain on the right foot on my arch. i worked it out a bit this afternoon with the stick and it feels quite a bit better.

week two with mr. daniels

i just finished my second quality workout this morning. i learnt a few things from last week that i applied to this week as it is the exact workout. i brought a water bottle and took a few sips after the warm up, after the six strides, and after the tempo run. also i decided to keep track of each lap in terms of seconds over or under that way, i could stay right on pace without any surprises.

i started the morning in a bit of despair. even before i started running i felt tired, unmotivated, and questioning my goals. my abs were sore from a core work out from two days ago and i had some minor leg aches, mainly in the shins. should i just throw this all away? the warm up didn't help much at all as it did not feel like much of a warm up. the strides felt a little better but i went into my twenty minute tempo run with slight trepidation. this all vanished with my first lap which felt fairly easy and was a whole five seconds faster than my tempo. i slowed down a bit on the second lap and still was a second faster. the whole workout was characterized by control, strength, though painful at times, definitely much improved over last week. the six strides after i had to really dig deep for but hit times right on.

so i left the track feeling much better. not only physically but more importantly mentally. this has increased my confidence as a runner and an olympic trail qualifier.