in the pocket of the pace: week 9

sunday, 8 miles . . .

monday, 14 miles . . .

. . . 2 mile warm up

. . . 10 mile at tempo (5:35)

. . . 2 mile cool down

tuesday (am), 8 miles . . .

tuesday (pm), 6 miles . . .

. . . 3 mile warm up

. . . 2 X .3 miles @ 6:39, .3 miles @ 6:00, .3 miles @ 5:20, .3 miles @ 6:39

wednesday, 8 miles . . .

thursday, 10.5 miles . . .

friday, 20 miles . . .

. . . 4 mile warm up

. . . 40 min. @ 5:36

. . . 4:45 @ 5:20

. . . 30 min. @ 5:36

. . . 4:45 @ 5:20

. . . 1.6 mile cool down

saturday, 5.5 miles . . .

. . . 2.5 miles easy

. . . 6 X strides with full recovery

. . . continuing to learn to just sit back in the pocket of the pace, to relax in it, through all my muscles and breathing. to not push when i don't need to push. to treat these rest days like they are rest days. not only for body but for mind as well.

so sleepy, so tired, so exhausted. baby gracie kept waking up last night. there is no sleep for me. another cold, frigid, yet beautiful morning. i will embrace these days. the cold is infinitely better than the rain. i hit up a classic route today over by the middle school. i use to run this loop at least twice a week. what happened to it? i guess i tend to get stuck in ruts. the mountains where big and clear. the morning sun shooting orange rays everywhere. mmmmm.

this run felt great, in control, perfect. and the best part, i had runner's high for nearly the entire day. i don't know how that happened with one little 8 miler, but i'll take it.

. . . for some reason, i was so pumped for this run. i can't give a reason, but i was just excited. i went in with no fear, no reserve, and just ready to destroy it. another cold but clear morning. shivering through my warm up. at about one mile into it one person came to the track, then two, then four. before i knew it the track was overrun (no pun intended). i don't get annoyed by this. i love the extra company, the community of runners, all pushing our bodies towards our goals, even if we are not running beside each other. they were spread across the different lanes but left mine alone.

the first mile was a bit awkward, trying to find my pace, speeding up, slowing down, settling in. finally hit 5:36 and kept it there for a few laps. i thought i would try to speed things up a bit and get right on my target pace of 5:35. i looked down a lap later and had shot down to 5:33 nearly effortlessly. i focused on slowing things down a bit, nothing happened. i stayed at this pace. this was nearing mile 4. and then just as suddenly i shot up to 5:37. and i couldn't get it back. by the time i was at mile 5 and was turning around to go the other way around the track, doubt begin to creep in. watch still read 5:37 and i was wondering if i could even keep that pace.

and then something miraculous happened. something shifted. not in my thinking but in my body. the pace came easy. and i knew that i was going to finish this at the right tempo. my confidence came quickly back as all of those other runners left the track. and now it was just me and an older man sprinting on the football field. the sun had warmed things up, but not enough for me to shed my hat.

and then there was another shift. i took one deep breath. this is when i discovered that my breathing was coming easily. i didn't need to take those quick, shallow breaths. i started filling my lungs, belly breathing, less breaths per step. i wasn't working hard. there was some burn in my calves, but that was it. how did this happen? i remember just last years training cycle near the very end of the training for the marathon that i completed a 10 mile run at 5:55's. i looked back at my training log and it said "beautifully hard run." and here is one that is 20 seconds faster, easier, and in the middle of my marathon cycle. i will only build on this.

eugene, i'm coming for you.

i called upon my images only on the last 2 miles but i didn't have to dig all that deep. it was more for the practice of thinking about these for races.

. . . went up to nike today to test the new shox (which i am not a fan of). i did some speed stuff in them which made them even feel clunkier, heavier, as though i had snow shoes of concrete nailed to my feet. but i got a pass to the employee store, a gift card, and a pair of lunar racers out of it, so i'm not complaining. plus i did my warm up around the campus on the mulch path, hit up the track, ran over bridges, it was awesome.

the morning's 8 miles was a nice relaxed easy run. i thought it would have been a lot tougher from yesterday's tempo run, but my muscles felt great and i just locked easily into that pace. flirting with the idea of bumping up all of my paces?

the rain started today and is supposed to last until sunday. i got in my early run before the showers started but the overcast oregon grey was spread like a blanket as far as i could see. except for two tiny slivers of light far in the east towards the foothills. farewell sun.

. . . had a bit of trouble for the first couple miles of this run. it could be because of the hills in the first part of this loop. or the wind. or the speed stuff so late in the afternoon. or the pain in my shin and calf from those shox yesterday. whatever the case, it all came together for the end and again i just settled right into my 6:39 pace.

thought a lot about my life on this run. i had a strange dream last night, that has forced me to become super introspective and depressive (not the greatest of combinations). thinking of my past and my future and what i have made of my life and what it is all about. strange how a dream can do this. more on this if i figure things out.

. . . why the half of mile? well on my way to do the 13 planned, i began to think back over this week, adding miles in my head, thinking of tomorrow's long run. that's when i realized that i was quickly approaching my 80 miles for this week. i love when the miles just slip right by without problem. so i cut the loop short, tacking on a huge hill, i might add. this is actually great because it will make for a super short run on saturday. next week is looking like a big week. add a camp that i'm speaking at and this is a recipe for disaster. i need all the rest i can get.

missed the rain today (not missed in the sense of i wish it would have been running in it, but rather the got in my run during a break in the run). the sun actually came out and it was quite nice. had to push just a bit at the beginning of the run and up that monster hill but other than that i'm feeling really good.

. . . wow, i could not have picked a worse day to do this long run. though as i think back to all of my marathon pace long runs for this training cycle, they have all been this same kind of day. weaving through puddles on the track, rain still coming down, bitterly cold made worse for the wind, experiencing at least mild hypothermia, take all morning to warm up. but on the positive side, i am getting mentally tougher. if i can run through this, i can run through anything, anything.

i'm nearly tempted to change the title of this week because i just couldn't find the pocket in these runs at all. it was a constant pushing and pulling for all these miles. i was tempted so many time to call it a day and not run my prescribed amount. thinking of things to blame like the weather, or lack of sleep, or increase of miles, or whatever. i had to keep reminding myself that i felt good and running is a blessing, so let's make this workout count.

there were a few moments of absolute clarity, a perfection of pace, an ease, but this was the exception. what always amazes me about these workouts, is just when i think i have nothing left, when i just feel like i can't go another minute at my marathon pace, and then i have to kick it up 16 seconds per mile faster, i somehow find another gear, some mental power to push. in retrospect it is awesome to consider. perhaps that is what i love about running, pushing that body, to death and beyond, yet still going farther.

the key song, the key thought throughout most of the time was arcade fire's 'my body is a cage . . . set my spirit free.' this seemed to hit right where i was feeling. it was very motivating. of course when things got really tough i went to my five faithful images corresponding to songs, elements, and my kids: air, child, gracie . . . water, dancing, maile . . . light, fighting, tobey . . . earth, beast, kinzi . . . and then the final one, resurrection, myself. i will have to talk about this more later. perhaps as the marathon gets closer to form it fully in my mind.

after the 40 minutes at marathon and the pickup tempo, i changed directions on the track. it was here that i felt a pain in my left knee. i knew this pain all too well. i.t. band. it only was sharp for a moment, later became an on and off dull ache. it became swollen and tender throughout the day. painful to bend the knee. i worked on it a ton with thestick and the tp tools. let's hope this doesn't get out of hand. i don't think i can afford another week off.

. . . a beautiful day. warm, sun, no wind, no rain. i wish that i would have checked the weather and switched days. loads of runners out. mainly women. felt good to do these strides. kicking it fast. wearing my new lunar racer's that i got at nike earlier this week. trying something different in my training. on saturdays and tuesdays, i'm going to wear a minimalistic shoe. not only for the strides that i do on this day, but just to get my feet use to a shoe that is less cushioned.

i.t. band still giving me problems, still considerably tight. wasn't painful during my run though. continuing to work it out.

breakthrough: week 8

sunday, 10.25 miles . . .

monday, 8 miles . . .

tuesday, 15 miles . . .

wednesday, 15 miles . . .

thursday, 11.75 miles . . .

friday, 22 miles . . .

. . . 2 mile warm up

. . . 4 miles @ 5:22

. . . 10 miles easy pace

. . . 2 miles @ 5:21

. . . 3 min. easy

. . . 2 miles @ 5:22

. . . 2 mile cool down

saturday, 8 miles . . .

. . . i thought that this morning was going to be like yesterday morning all over again but just slightly better. but let me rewind. last night at around eleven, i was led in this thing called synergy (a mix of tai chi, pilates, yoga, stretching, and whatever else). it was actually really fun and relaxing. felt some good burn in the inner and outer thigh. i think that i should do stuff like this more to stay more balanced with my muscles. it would definitely improve my running and ward off injuries.

but on to the run this morning . . . i started at a 7:15 pace for about a mile and half before i had to stop and walk because of my ankle. then i started running again for another mile or so before walking. this went on for about 5 and a half miles. running, walking, running, walking, and on and on i went through the golf course by the camp. foothills high and steep on either side of me with fog veiling the summits.

the final half mile and i'm running into the camp headed to the dinning hall for some breakfast. this is when something breaks, or more accurately, something is fixed. i begin to speed up. it feels good. this is me running. this is what i'm used too. no pain, no broken limping gait, just a great stride. i look at my garmin and notice that i'm off my about a half a mile and i'm at the cafeteria. i turn back to the entrance of camp with the full intention of just running right back and eating breakfast. but then i began to reconsider. i'm feeling good, there is no pain in my ankle, i have the time.

so i keep going. not because i have to, but because i want to. not in spite of my foot but because it feels good. this is such a shift in my running experience the past three weeks. i turn on the highway 26 and just cruise, settling quite comfortably into my 6:39 pace. i see a sign that says wildwood recreational site ahead. i take the turn and find a beautiful gravel trail twisting through the trees and across a river over a bridge. this is beautiful. i end up running 10.25 miles. i miss breakfast but i don't care.

. . . another day at camp and my ankle feels great. went back to the park so that i could fully explore that trail. i was cruising along right at my training pace with no problems until i hit the trail head. it was steep, with loads of switchbacks, but beautiful and epic. all single track weaving through trees and up a a huge mountain. i wish that i could say that i made it all the way to the top but i had to turn around. it was just much too intense but i am counting it as my speed work for this week. the way down was fairly slow because it was so steep. on the way back to camp i hit my proper speed again. things are looking up.

. . . outer quads are sore today from that down hill running from yesterday. but it didn't matter. this was what i have been longing for over the past two weeks. this classic 15 mile loop that was made popular during my base training. at about mile 7, i started feeling a little bit of tenderness or tightness around the ankle. i decided to stop, stretch, and open up my gel. at mile 10, i stopped again to go to the bathroom. and that was the last time. hit those hills coming back home. ended up with an average of 6:37 and my foot felt great. i'm back baby. can't wait for friday to test out some tempo work along with a long run.

. . . quads are still really sore. hurts a ton to run down those hills. ahhhhhh!!! but one thing that this ankle problem gave me was the ability to push through pain considering i ran on it for 70 miles. so these sore quads don't seem that big of deal. a perfect morning, at least in my mind. the low hanging fog that you just breathe in, making it hard to see, keeping you cool, forcing everything smaller than it actually is.

it felt like a push at some times, especially in those middle miles, but i kept my pace going even on those hills. did the classic 15 mile loop but backwards. in some ways i think that this way is easier even though i know that i gain/lose the same elevation no matter which way i go. but i actually like the aesthetics of going the harder way. i'm not really sure why. but it is a beautiful loop regardless.

my ankle feels a little tender right now to the touch and when i walk on sometimes. i wonder if it has to do with some sort of imbalance due to the quads. i worked them out twice yesterday but still sore. i think it was also from loading all that sound equipment along with that steep down hill running. i hope that the muscles are recovered by friday's long run or i may push it until saturday.

. . . getting right back into the groove of things, feels like i haven't even taken a break. i feel strong except for my quads still giving me problems. an amazing morning. clear blue sky. a frost on the ground. warmed up quickly. i had to go to the bathroom and was counting on my trusty port-a-poty. i turned the corner to get to it, so ready to go. and it was gone. and here i was 5 miles farther to go. hahaha!! i did have this thought though as i was stopping to hold it all in, i am completely surrounded by bathrooms right now. each of these houses has at least one. we need to unite as runners and create i sign that we can put on our doors that declare that we are runners, we know what it's like to be mid-run and have to go to the bathroom without a toilet in sight, so come over, ring the doorbell, you don't have to talk to me, explain or anything, just go to the bathroom and be on your way.

just an idea. but it reminds me that i now can think of things on my run besides just focusing on pain. i think my ankle was slightly swollen last night but i didn't feel any pain this morning.

i am healed.

. . . this was an epic long run. did i hit my tempo runs right on? no!! but i was only off by 2 seconds on two of them and only 1 second on the other one. and to be honest i am quite surprised. i didn't think that i had even that first four miles at tempo in me. i was wanting to quit after only the first mile. but i pushed through, dug deep, did whatever it took. and then when i got to those last two and the end of the run, i seriously considered just not even trying. keeping the run short. filling it in tomorrow. but then i had this thought, this nagging question: what if i don't try? and the obvious answer: i fail. and when i really get to the bottom of all of my running insecurities and fears it is all wrapped up in failing. so here is the thing, if i don't even try then i automatically fail. this idea pushed me along to victory. after my two mile cool down, i had the largest of all smiles on my face.

the morning was cold, frigid, icy frost of death and stillness over everything, my windshield, the grass, parts of the track. i heated up quickly on that first tempo run and even shed my hat for the last mile.

those 10 miles of easy pace (6:39) where truly epic miles. i sat back in my pace and just let the road stretch out before me. it felt easy, relaxed, in control. no pushing, no pulling, like a current of concrete just sliding me along. the sun was up now. the harsh, bright, winter sun, giving more light than heat. these are the moments.

had to ice my ankle tonight because it was a little tender (i think from the tempo on the track?)

. . . this was not an epic run like yesterday, especially those first few miles where everything (especially calves) where screaming out in pain. things became a little more controlled at the end however. it was nice to hit the cemetery again. quads are nearly pain free now.

going nowhere: week 7

sunday, .5 miles . . .

. . . 30 minutes cycling

monday, 0 miles . . .

. . . 40 minutes cycling

tuesday, 0 miles . . .

. . . 60 minutes cycling

wednesday, 0 miles . . .

. . . 90 minutes cycling

thursday, 0 miles . . .

. . . 90 minutes cycling

friday, 0 miles . . .

. . . 120 minutes cycling

saturday, 3 miles . . .

. . . i had to come to a decision. this morning, after stretching, working my sore ankle tendon with my little piece of stolen bark, and going out for a run, i made a drastic decision. my tendon is not getting better. it is not getting worse either. i could suck up the pain and push through this week much like i pushed through last week. i have the resolve, the pain tolerance, and all the stupidity necessary for such a task. but the problems with this besides other injuries is that i won't get any quality workouts in and it will most likely be stretched out for two to three weeks. so i turned back home and decided the best thing to do is rest until it is healed one hundred percent. no day to put on this. it could be tomorrow or in a month from now, but it is the only chance i have.

so for now, thanks to my good friend tom who lent me a trainer, i will be going nowhere in my garage, until the tendon calms itself down. i drove over to his beautiful house out in the country this afternoon and picked it up. i set it up shortly after returning home and spent a half an hour on the bike. it gave me quite a workout as i listened to npr on the radio and sweating large drops on the floor. it's just not the same as running but it didn't agitate my ankle. so this is truly a blessing and for it i am thankful.

. . . teaching two classes at a local private college this morning. the first one starts at 8. i had my alarm set for 5:45 but baby gracie had different plans. or at least her stuffed up nose had different plans. i was out of bed at 5:20 which worked out fine. it's just that i'm really stinking tired right now. spinning those cogs for 40 minutes this morning. some tempo stuff. some sprint stuff. still trying to figure out this whole thing and how it works and at what pace. i could start using a heart rate monitor, but i never have before so i'm reluctant.

listened to npr again this morning. why does it have to be pledge drive week. i'm thinking of maybe setting up my computer tomorrow and watching some tv. or maybe i'll put in more minutes tonight after work. my right it band started getting a little sore. i'll need to work that out.

dear ankle,

please get better so that i can run.

. . . another beautiful day. fog filled frozen rain free day. my favorite. but i am stuck in my garage listening to npr people beg me to give them money. not really the most motivating cycling soundtrack but i couldn't find the dvd player. heart rate was going nice and strong for this hour. hoping this ankle heals soon. this is madness. more ice, more stretching, more ibeproffin. my butt is getting ridiculously sore. but still i shall press on.

. . . brought the portable dvd player out in the garage today. watched most of batman begins with the headphones in. got rid of much of the drudgery of cycling training. really felt my heart pounding nice and fast for the majority of this stationary ride. loads of sweat dripping of the ground. some good runner's (rather biker's) high afterwards. ankle is starting to show signs of healing. i just need to hold back, hold back, wait for it. at least now i know that this is an alternative to running (though a lesser alternative) if i ever start to feel another injury coming on. good to have options, more tools to keep the running in the best place possible. i have a camp coming up this weekend and i can't take the bike with me so i'm thinking of bringing my running shoes. maybe get someone else to run with me so that i am forced to run slow. i'v got to do an easy onset with this thing. i don't want all this to be for nothing. keep focused, continue with the ice and the drugs.

the ice and the drugs.

. . . watched more batman, on to the dark night. keep pushing this bicycle thing. how monotonous this garage life is becoming but at least there is no pain in my foot. i can tell that things are being healed. let's see what it looks like on saturday. tomorow's plan is 2 hour ride. bring it.

. . . and three episodes of lost later, he finishes his cycling. some minor problems with my right i.t. band, but nothing bad. butt no longer that sore. miss running to death.

. . . here i am at camp, decided to put in some miles today because i couldn't take my bicycle here with me. ankle feels much better. ran one mile on it before i started feeling pain and then went to a walk. this continued for the rest of the run which was mostly annoying. going to do some synergy yoga tonight. it was a beautiful day though. a little light mist running around a golf course. i just wish it could have been longer.

how long?

rehab in loops: week 6

sunday, 4 miles . . .

monday, 6 miles . . .

tuesday, 10 miles . . .

wednesday, 10 miles . . .

thursday, 10 miles . . .

friday, 20 miles . . .

saturday, 10 miles . . .

. . . and now the hard part of injury, rehab in motion. i almost prefer last week, in the sense that there was little question as to my plan of attack: don't run. easy, yet so hard for those addicted to running, the amazing feel of poetry, movement, breathing. hard to walk away from that even knowing it was temporary.

this week is all about the delicate balance. i don't want to push too hard too soon and yet there is that part of me. the runner part of me. that just wants to pound pavement for an hour and forty minutes. but i have to hold back. test my ankle. test my patience. this is endurance but in a completely different way. the strength to hold back. the strength to keep back your own strength.

after a mile and a half at a really slow pace (around 8's), my ankle was hurting fairly bad. i stopped and just worked it, massaged it, dug my thumbs into that tendon until i couldn't stand the pain and then push harder. after about five minutes, i tried to run again. the pain was relatively gone. for the next two and a half miles, i hit my magical pace of 6:39. it felt so great to run that fast. amazing.

i didn't have time to ice afterwards because i'm teaching half of the sermon this morning. i may pay for that later but this is my job, my ministry, my passion and i suppose running must bow down to a few things in my life. i did ice that night and worked it more with the tp.

. . . this morning scared me. not because of the two unleashed dogs running around the elementary school, whose owners seemed upset at me, but because i couldn't shake the pain for the first two miles or so, though i tried all of the same things as yesterday.

but finally the tendon settled down and it became more of a constant burden, awareness, instead of an intolerable pain. i think i passed my first test for the week. i was nearing the exit from the path to my house, looking down at my watch reading 5.80 miles, just enough to get home and make it an even 6 and still have time to ice my foot before work. but then i had a demon thought. or was it an angel. maybe i didn't pass my test. what if i put in just 2 more miles? can i push it? no ice? and i pushed that voice down.

maybe tomorrow.

. . . maybe tomorrow has become a reality today. a truly breakthrough run that started with very little promise. my leg started hurting after the first mile or so. i stopped and worked out the area. for awhile the pain was gone, but then it came back with a fierce vengeance around 2.5 miles. this was quite discouraging. i had to either cut this run short or make it really long by stopping every mile to massage it out. but during this massage i hit a place i hadn't before by using my other hand to wrench my ankle at strange angles. this seemed to do something amazing.

i started running again. and as before the pain was gone for the first lap around the school yard. but then the pain didn't return. at times there was a dull ache but nothing that consumed my mind like the other pain. i started to drift off into that magical place that only happens on a run. an all exuding peace of perfect communion with GOD where everything in life becomes clear. the miles started zooming by. and then i was at 10 miles. this felt amazing. at times i was averaging a 6:31 pace but ended up with a 6:38. my foot wasn't sore at all afterwards and i went through two icing cycles.

things are starting to turn around.

it was a beautiful morning too. i thick fog covering everything. i couldn't even see across the playground. one of those days that i would have loved to just run forever. though after all this rest and low miles, i am thankful for the 10 that i got.

. . . and now this endless third mile mulch path around the elementary school is becoming tiresome. a total of 34 miles around this glorified loop with the little changes of clockwise to counterclockwise and back again. but again i must be thankful that i am able to even run. today was even better than yesterday pain wise. i stopped at about 1.5 miles to massage out that tendon. i found that same piece of large bark to dig into the spot and turn my foot. this again did the trick. i ran the rest of the time without stopping. it did start to throb a little bit near the end as well as some other places on the foot (but i think this was from going the same direction the whole time, this pain eased up when i started going the other way). even some runner's high afterwards. this tells me that i'm not quite ready to hit the streets. which means this weekends long run (if it happens) will be at bush park which is mostly mulch path but affords a few more choices than this single loop.

. . . 10 miles without having to take one break to work out my ankle!!! this confirms what i have speculated over these past two days, that i am getting better, slowly getting better. it felt great. hit my pace right on, though it took a few laps to get there. i am tiring of this madness. 40 miles of this 1/3 mile loop. the same high school students walking to class. the same middle school students waiting for their bus. the same dogs barking. the same over-zealous teachers arriving early. the same. the same. the same. but at least from a pain perspective it was different. this is what i am holding onto in the midst of this seeming madness. this is just another step, another part of being a runner, and for that reason, and that reason only, i embrace it. one of those things that will be a great story looking back on it, as most trials are.

wondering how tomorrow will play out. some pavement mixed in with the trail. i change of scenery will be nice. more options, more elevation, more mileage. hoping that my ankle will be able to handle all of these mores.

. . . this was a less than glorious run. at bush park, around the bark dust trails he runs for over 2 hours. i tried the track. hurt my ankle too much. i tried the concrete path. hurt my ankle too much. and actually i was in a constant throbbing pain through much of the run. had to stop quite a bit to massage things out. a huge effort to stay at my pace. maybe because of the trees, or the turns, or the pain, or who knows.

what i do know is that this is less than fun.

. . . back at the elementary school. running on that third mile loop. this is madness. something must change, i thought. i grabbed my piece of bark that was under the bench, took a turn, and hit the road. maybe a good idea, maybe a bad idea, but i needed a change of scenery. at the end of the 10 miles, things were fairly sore. took time to ice and stretch. not getting worse, not getting better.