i do not run aimlessly

race for the roses half marathon

2010-04-14T13:28:00.000-07:00

the first race since august's 5k in the park. i have tried to find a half marathon to race in this marathon training cycle for two reasons. first, to feel what my target pace will feel like in an actual race environment. second, to hit 1:15 or under so that i can register as an elite at the eugene marathon. it is now three weeks until the marathon and this was the only half that my busy schedule could afford. so it is cutting it close.

i slept well the night before because i knew that the result was out of my hands. i knew that i was more than fit enough to hit the time. the big factor for this race would be my right inner thigh. this annoying injury that has been plaguing my running for the past two weeks. it has caused me to shorten my stride, especially downhill. this forces me to work harder for slower times.

half the week last week, i stuck to the bicycle. on thursday i ran for three miles at a slow face. friday four. saturday three, but this time at my actual easy pace. if i had a few more days, i would be more confident. it's a variable, a question. will it keep together? will it loosen up? or will tighten up causing me to slow down, or stop completely, and bring about an even greater injury that will prevent me from running the eugene marathon?

but since, as i said, this was out of my control, i fell promptly asleep.

the alarm woke me up at 4:00am. first thought that hits my head. why am i doing this? who is making me? every now and again in the midst of my training, these questions and doubts surround me. attempting to bring me down and cloud my resolve. i push them along with my covers away and begin the pre race morning routine.

i start the water boiling for my espresso. bread is placed in the toaster oven. i viciously stab my red potato and cook it in the microwave. the toast is done, almond butter, fruit only blueberry jelly. potato is done, cut into small bite size pieces and sprinkled with garlic salt. water is boiling, i pull my shot of espresso.

next to the bathroom. toilet, shower, dressed.

i'm in the living room stretching out my leg. it feels good, loose, flexible. i'm packed and ready. the clock in the hall reads 5:05 when mr. box drives up in his honda hybrid as silent as the morning.

we're on the road, making great time. trying to calm each others nerves with talks of past races, future glories, and strategies. we are absentmindedly talking and only half way listening. our minds our on the upcoming pain, wondering if we have what it takes.

we're in the parking garage looking for the elevators. one hour until race time. finding the elevators, walking through the building, towards exhibit hall A, taking escalators whenever possible.

we're picking up our race packets. one more stop to the bathroom. a warm up in my pants and long sleeves. a few sprints, a few stretches, a few high knees, a few butt kicks. i would look foolish anywhere else but here. a large box of a room crowded with nearly 5,000 spandex-ed runners twisted in pretzel shapes, shaking away anxieties, pinning numbers, packing gels.

over the speakers a voice blares: 20 minutes until the half marathon begins. i'm shedding clothing, stripping down to the very bear minimum packing the rest into a plastic bag with my number on it, handing it to a volunteer, exiting the building. 12 minutes left.

i'm outside in the cold trying to stay warm in my skimpy singlet and short shorts and 99 cent wall-mart gloves that i will throw away mid course. a perfect day for a race. a little cloud cover, no wind, no rain, just slightly chilly. i continue to stretch, wondering what this leg will do when the race starts.

i look around at those who have stepped beyond the 7:00 minute mile pace sign. this is my competition. these are the ones that will pull me along as things get tough.

and now the countdown from the announcer. from ten . . . just enough time to take a deep breath, focus, relax, before i push the start on my garmin. and we are off.

instantly the lead pack is formed. six to eight of us. we turn a corner and there is a slight but steep hill that spits us out on the broadway bridge. i take a quick peek at the garmin to mark my pace. 5:20's. we went out too fast as is the common mistake in most races. i start to back off a bit, four people pass me as i settle into a 5:42 pace. this is where i want to be regardless of the competition especially for the first six miles.

as we cross the bridge those four people slow down considerably, i pass them easily maintaining my pace and speeding up slightly on downhill after the bridge. and from this early point, right around the first mile marker (which i didn't see) the places are settled for the next 11 miles. in first place a man from arizona who completely defeats the rest of us. in second place a man who will later become disqualified for turning around at the 5k and cuts the course short by a mile. in third place a porltand fellow sporting a red and black racing outfit declaring himself as a member of team red lizard. i am behind this guy at fourth. his singlet becomes my focus. i use him just as much as my garmin for pace imagining a great cable spanning the 30 seconds or so that separate us.

now we are hitting our second hill. at the base of the hill, i am still comfortably at my 5:42 pace, leg feels great. we start the climb. it's a long hill that continually steepens until the end. one of those hills that is completely laid out before you, the kind that would defeat you if it were at the end of the race. i attack it conservatively. not worrying about pace so much as effort. at the top, my garmin reads a 5:49 average. i have some time to make up.

but here is the problem. i can't fully extend my right leg. i can't make up that time as quickly as i would like, as quickly as i could do in perfect health. i try to relax, to glide down the hill, to make it smooth, to speed up without effort but the seconds come off so slowly.

and now we are in the body of the race, twisting and turning through downtown portland. team red lizard nearly misses a rogue bicyclist through a tricky maneuver. every time we turn left, we go uphill, every time we turn right we go downhill. it's too hilly, my leg is still too stiff, i can't make up my time. this is a point of great despair as doubt enters my mind. at mile 6, i shed my gloves. at 6.5 i take my first and only gel. i'm just trying to relax through this section, to focus, to stay with team red lizard, to keep hope.

and now we are on the last section. two turn arounds, all on flat road. this is where i have to return to my 5:42 pace. surprisingly, i get there quicker than when going downhill. after the first turn around, i draw encouragement from how spaced out i am from 5th place and 6th place. this is when i start to focus my mind, to prepare for the final 3.1 miles, when the real race begins.

it's mile 9 and i began the first of my four images. i push lap on my garmin for the first time. i speed up slightly. i am slowly gaining on team red lizard. this continues through mile 9 and 10 as we are weaving through a crowd of 5k walkers.

then we come to the final turn around with just a little over a mile to go. red lizard takes it wide, i go on the inside. for a second we are side by side. then the last mile comes. the final image and i am pushing hard. 10k and 5k walkers converge taking over the lanes, laughing, walking, enjoying the beautiful day. i continue to push, forgetting about red lizard, forgetting about the pain, just the push.

and then the steel bridge. the final, shortest, and steepest ascent on the course. the hill and the walkers crowding the inside turn slow me down. the course narrows. i am pushing through them, bobbing, weaving, breaking stride, but still pushing.

down the last little hill we go and turn the corner for the final straight away, the announcer, the crowds, the final mat, and the digital display clock over the finish. i look up at it. it reads . . .

1:14:50

this is madness. i have to make it. i have to get under 1:15. i break into a mighty sprint of desperate death through a sea of walkers. i run into one hard, i push into another one. it's almost as though they are holding me back, keeping me from my goal.

and then i cross the mat, it's over, i'm smiling, laughing.

official time . . .

1:14:57
second overall
first in my age group

according to the eugene marathon, i am an elite runner.

rest and patience really works: week 14

2010-04-03T22:29:00.000-07:00

sunday, 1 hour bike . . .

monday, 1.2 mile run, 90 min. bike . . .

tuesday, 10 miles . . .

wednesday, 13 miles . . .

thursday, 12 miles . . .

friday, 8 miles . . .

saturday, 20 miles . . .
       . . . 2 mile warm up
       . . . 20 min. @ 5:31 pace
       . . . 10 miles easy
       . . . 10 min. @ 5:31 pace
       . . . half mile easy
       . . . 5 min. @ 5:21 pace
       . . . 1 mile cool down

. . . on the trainer, episodes of lost on hulu, in my garage. felt like a good workout from a heart rate, effort, sweat perspective. i just haven't biked enough to know how it translates in the running world. there just isn't anything else like running. you can't get that type of fluidity on a bike, too mechanical, too unnatural. but i am thankful for this option to stay in shape while allowing time for my inner thigh to heal. i have been using my tp tools to massage it out. it hurts a ton, so i know that i am hitting it right. a little sore even to walk this morning. i may try a shorter, slower run tomorrow on a soft surface as a sort of trial with zero expectations. if i can only run a mile, i'll come back home and hit up the bike again. if i can run ten miles that would be great. this is the hard part.

. . . this morning was a terribly windy, downpour of a morning. in that respect i should be thankful that i only ran for a little over eight minutes in it. i've further pinpointed the origin of this right leg pain. it is higher than i first anticipated. i finally found it this morning after the workout(s). its just a very tight muscle that is hard to stretch and hard to massage out. i finally found something that worked but involved my oldest daughter balancing on my hand. i need to find a better solution.

during the run, and the reason it was cut so short, i noticed that my gait was drastically askew. i know that running like this for an extended period of time will only cause other injury and muscle strain elsewhere. i thought it best to go back home and hit the garage.

cycling. i'm thankful for it as a cross-training activity. it gets my heart rate up. i sweat a ton. i even had a deep runner's (or rather cyclist's) high afterward. but it just makes me miss running all the more.

tonight i'll work out that leg as best as i can and give it another test run tomorrow.

. . . much thanks to my wife who helped me push on my trouble spot into near tears last night. when i woke up this morning, i could feel a difference in my leg even in my walking. i threw on my tights, jacket, gloves and headed out. it was freezing. i went back inside to grab my hat and i'm glad that i did. oregon threw out all three of it's worst patterns: rain, wind, and cold, the triumvirate of death, and we're supposed to be in spring!! more on this later . . .

first i must talk about my leg. the first half mile was a little clunky, but i consciously kept it slow. somewhere around a 7:40 pace or so. somewhere near the end of this half mile, i got a burning sensation in the sorest part of the leg. it seemed like a healing sort of burning that brought an incredible loosening of the leg. from here on out i just got faster and faster. downhills became easier. my stride continued to lengthen out farther and farther. by the end of the ten miles (actually with less than a tenth of a mile to go) i had averaged a 7:00 pace without any pain.

so now on to this crazy weather . . . five miles into it, i got really cold. my hands were numb despite the two pairs of gloves i was wearing (and the outer layer a really thick polar fleece north face pair). the numbness was spreading down my arms and it seemed to be getting colder and colder. something caught my eye on my left glove as i was looking at my watch. it was white and fluffy, sticking up on the black fleece. i had a thought, dismissed it, and then looked around me and revisited that thought. snow. sure it was more of a slush mixed with rain that had no hope of sticking, but it was snow. crazy. i was tempted to end at 9 miles because i started to experience shoots of pain running from my thumb up to my bicep. i was so cold it was starting to hurt. but my leg felt so great and my pace was speeding up, i had to keep going. push through the pain to the victory.

. . . another break through with my leg. again things were a little sore at first but not as slow as yesterday. things loosened up fairly quickly but i consciously stayed at a slow pace for the first half of the run, just to test things out. in the middle/end, i noticed some tightness in the leg and some on the lower back on my left side (same sort of thing that started all of this, though not as bad). another cold morning, another windy morning, but at least no more rain came my way. i kept speeding up throughout this run and ended up with an average of 6:42. so i'd say that i'm back but at around 85%.

signed up today for the race for the roses half marathon next sunday morning. the plan: 11 miles at marathon pace, 2.1 miles at tempo pace. i don't want to fully race this thing because of how close it is to the marathon in may that i have been training for. but it will give me a good feel for the pace and if i get a 1:15 (which i'm pretty sure i can do as long as this leg continues to heal), i can register as an elite in eugene. i don't know what that means but it would be cool.

. . . another huge step in the healing process. i wasn't expecting much of an improvement from yesterday. in fact the first half mile felt terrible. but then suddenly, i started speeding up, almost without my control. somewhere around the 5 mile mark, i had hit my 6:35 easy pace that i was doing before all of these thigh problems. i would say that i'm 100% back, but i still notice the leg at times and it still is affecting my stride.

. . . the first half of this run brought fear into my heart and pain into my leg. i thought that maybe i had pushed too hard too soon, that i didn't ease into this, that i didn't give enough time to heal. all three of the evil elements were at work, another crazy storm rumbling in bringing cold and a harsh wind pelting unending rain upon my body. but then there came a point as i was running downhill. i focused everything i had on lengthening my stride and allowing the flow of the run to take over. i sped up, the pain went away, and everything was beautiful again (except for the weather).

. . . after talking to a friend of mine, who has run forever and is currently a track coach, i decided to stay off the track for this work out. he seems to believe that all of these problems i've been having during the season is from all the time of put running in those loops. i found a nice stretch of road, fairly flat, in an industrial part of town that sees little traffic.

the warm up i was a little bit tight. i quickly noticed that the wind was here with full force coming from the south. i knew this was going to be a problem with my little work out because i would have a head wind during the uphill sections. how fun.

the first attempt at my tempo pace was a difficult one. i didn't hit my goal of 5:20. i'm not sure if it was my hip, or that wind, or the bit of incline, or what. i did notice that in the downhill section my leg wasn't fully extending. but i finished with the full 20 minutes and actually felt ready to complete my workout afterward despite not hitting my time and the awful weather.

back at my car, i put on my pants which though keeping me warm for these 10 miles also gave me some nice chaffing in the inner thighs. also some thicker gloves, hat, and jacket. i quickly got into my easy pace and just settled right into it. hills, wind, nothing could stop the ease of this pace. however at the end of those 10, as i sat in my car, cold, tired, soaked to the bone, i had to pull deep within to get the motivation to finish my run. i think what finally caused me to open the door was thinking about all the training of done so far and how little there is left. do i really want to give up now? do i really want to cut short a quality work out when physically i am feeling fine?

my plan called for another 20 minutes at tempo before my cool down. but with that harsh wind, i just couldn't do it anymore. i called it good at 10, with another 5 after a short easy pace. i feel good about that. i feel ready for this race next week and the marathon in four weeks. four weeks sounds so close. but i'm better prepared than i ever have been for a race.

open the box

2010-03-31T14:55:00.000-07:00

the shoes were waiting for me outside of my front door when i came home for lunch. i am wearing them right now. this is something that i don't often do. i believe that running shoes should be run in, not walked in. but i want to wear them on tomorrow's run and i thought it good to break them in. plus there are some people i'll see tonight that i want to show them to. they are the new lunar racers in the final stages of development. they seem more flexible, softer cushioning, not as stiff, and perhaps lighter (if that is possible). they added more design to them including what looks like an iron on swoosh just past the middle of the shoe and some funky braided cord business that spans from the sole to the laces and some in the back.

seerockyrun[faster--and then fall on his face]: week 13

2010-03-27T22:14:00.000-07:00

sunday, 10 miles . . .

monday, 18 miles . . .
. . . 2.5 mile warm up
. . . 25 min. @ 5:20 pace
. . . 5 min. easy
. . . 20 min. @ 5:16 pace
. . . 5 min. easy
. . . 10 min. @ 5:21 pace
. . . 5 min. easy
. . . 5 min. @ 5:16 pace
. . . 2 mile cool down

tuesday, 14 miles . . .
. . . 9.5 miles easy
. . . 8 X strides with full recovery
. . . .5 mile easy

wednessday, 13 miles . . .

thursday, 12 miles . . .

friday, 0 miles . . .

saturday, 6 miles . . .

. . . relax, you can do this, what is four seconds?, a meager one second per mile faster per lap at a track, this is nothing, this is minuscule, this is doable, this is easy. these were the words that i tell myself before, during, and after my first run at the new pace of 6:35. but even as i type it, it sounds crazy fast for an easy pace. but this is the beauty of the daniels' method. small steps that create big results. it makes since to me even if it doesn't work for everybody. it give me a sense of confidence which as a runner is one of the more important mind sets.

a bit of a windy morning and extremely warm. too warm for my north face gloves which a kept on and my brooks cap which i left in my mailbox. this pace was an ebb and flow of ease and push. it will be interesting to see how these new paces will work themselves out.

some soreness in the right leg. i finally found the spot that is giving me trouble. it is a small knot hidden behind the achilles. i've been using a broken drumstick to apply pressure to it and it has been doing the trick. decided to wear my compression socks today to prepare for tomorrow's workout.

. . . i couldn't have asked for a better day to do this run. the track was clear of people. very little wind and no rain. just cool enough without freezing. the sun came out directly as i was done. i thought about this work out all day yesterday. not with dread but excitement. the idea that i was going to destroy this track, hit my times, and complete the workout 100%. i kept that attitude going as i prepared for the track this morning, pushing out all negative thoughts about limitations and fear of pain and questions of if i am ready.

the warm up felt great. no clunky starts, no push, just an easy three miles at my new easy pace and it did in fact feel easy.

then the first 25 minutes. for some reason these minutes just cruised on by. at one point i was 3 seconds below my target time and i felt great. i didn't have to use any of my mind tricks or images. i just cruised, feeling the pace, regulating my breathing, relaxing, getting in tune with my body.

the second tempo of 20 minutes, which had to be 4 seconds faster was very similar. it wasn't until the last 8 minutes or so that i really had to focus and when i did i sped up way to fast and had to pull back a bit. i felt great, amazing.

the third tempo was supposed to be 15 minutes. this is when things appeared to fall apart. the pace got to me. things began to hurt and hurt fast. i decided to end it at 10 minutes and skip to the last tempo effort.

i had to push this failure behind me and really gear up for this shorter effort. my tendency is to fail once and let that effect the rest of the workout, week, training cycle, etc. so i determined to stay on my target pace and for the full five minutes. and so i did.

all in all this morning inspired confidence in me. i have had to do this workout (or ones very similar to it) on three separate occasions. this morning i was the most successful and at a faster pace. my body is adapting to this faster rocky. my mind is following suit.

started noticing a little bit of pain on the top of my right foot but it doesn't hurt while running.

. . . oh great victory! just a little sore for the first couple of strides in my inner thigh/upper quad (whatever that is?) but it loosened right up. a little clunky for the first stride (took 25 seconds which is the slowest i've ran it in a long time). the cool down felt more tiring than anything else. other than these three very minor moments, the rest of the run was epic.

i settled quickly into my 6:35 pace (and ran much of it at 6:34/6:33) and nothing could break it. and it felt easy, so incredibly easy. i was just cruising along. even after each stride, there wasn't much difficulty.

a perfect day too. not a cloud in the sky, perfect temperature (at least the way i like it), no wind to speak of, the sun slightly hazy but still big and bright. i was planning on 13 but i just felt too good. i shall conquer this week.

. . . being a runner, putting this much time out there, i know that there are certain experiences that i will encounter. it's just a matter of time. overheating, hypothermia, dog bites, injuries, d.n.f., and the list goes on and on. trials that link the running community together. where we sit back and tell our tragic tales again and again. outdoing each other in pain and torment.

today, i gathered a new story.

last night my two year old got sick. i slept in passed my alarm and was doing my morning routine: eat, bathroom, stretch, run. my wife knocks on the bathroom door. our daughter had thrown up on her bed. i knew my run would have to wait. i comfort, i console, i give a bath, i change her clothes, i get her water, i cuddle with her and watch tv, all while my wife attends to the other three.

it's now the time that i'm usually coming back from my run. i lace up my shoes and head out after eating another slice of toast. i settle easy into my pace and things are great for about three miles. i even decide to hit up one of those classic loops that has been overlooked for several months. it's down a nice trail a half mile from my house, cruises on a country road, and meanders through a park that must have been built by a runner. acres upon acres of cement, cinder, gravel, pastures, forest, sloughs, river. it is in this park that i have to stop in order to hold things in. i need a bathroom and i need one quickly. i look at the time. this is when i usually go, when i'm usually at home. i know that i'm about 1.5 miles away from the nearest outhouse. it is while i am standing there contemplating, that i become unsure about my attempts to hold things in. i start running again, make it to the outhouse, turn around, pull shorts down, and the ugly truth is realized.

i know now what i must do. i slide my shorts off all the way. then my soiled underwear. they are a lost cause. i throw them into the outhouse toilet (as i type this now, i wonder if this was a bad thing to do. is there a law against this? at the time sitting there, this question never occurred.) i run the remaining 8 miles without. which in the end proved quite beneficial as the temperature began to rise and i became overheated.

. . . something (or things) happened today. too many variables, too many combination, too much data to make sense of it all.

a monster headwind that seemed to appear only uphills.

a knot in my upper back on the left side of my spine that made it painful to take deep breaths.

big mileage week with an increase in pace.

sore inner thigh on my right leg that never worked itself out.

all of this combined made for a very miserable, difficult, inglorious run. i never got into a groove, never relaxed.

so after typing this, i will leave this run far far behind me. except in one respect. five miles into the run i knew that it was an epic defeat, failure. i wasn't going to hit my easy pace. my body just couldn't do it. for awhile, i became progressively more depressed as i witnessed my garmin proclaiming my constant slowing down. and then a point of freedom, a breaking away, a shift in attitude. i was going to finish this run and i don't care about the pace. i'm just going to listen to my body and run by effort. after that i only looked at my watch for the mileage, something i ought to do more often.

. . . i looked at the weather last night and saw that this morning called for cold, rainy, windy weather. saturday, warm, sunny, beautiful. so i thought it best to switch friday's long run with saturday's 11 miler. but when i woke up this morning, my back was still very sore. and i decided to run with my mind today instead of my body, which is a huge shift in my training. normally i am i 'if it's on the plan i'm doing it' type of runner. most of the time this sort of motivation and resolve pushes me beyond what my body would be able to do. but then there are those rare times when it does more damage than good. i've ran through many miles that i probably shouldn't have. i wanted to end that cycle, to be more in tune with my body. so i forgo this run for the future good, for tomorrow, to be completely ready for the hard work out. for now i rest.

. . . so obviously i didn't run long again today. what happened? still trying to sort this out. i don't think that i'm injured, i'm still just trying to avoid it. those six miles today were painful and slow. my stride is considerable shorter and downhill is a joke. all this from my inner thigh on my right leg. i think that this pain is what caused the pain in my upper left back. overcompensating and all that stuff. so i figured again that it was best to not go according to the plan. i knew that i could push through it, but at what cost i wasn't sure. i still got in a little over 70 miles with a really good quality run on monday. i figure if i take tomorrow off and get back to the bike, i shouldn't have lost too much. strangely i don't feel depressed. i think i'm making the right choice that will benefit me long term. but it does go against all that i am. to think that this was supposed to be a 100 mile week. maybe my body is just not ready for this. i need patience and time. why do i feel like i don't have either?

. . . and i just can't hide it.

2010-03-25T13:38:00.001-07:00

i just got an e-mail from nike.

they asked me if i want to accept a long term test.

obviously i responded yes.

sometime next week, the new lunar racers will be mailed to my house.

i will get to test them for eight weeks.

I'M SO EXCITED!!

the four rules of running

2010-03-22T21:02:00.000-07:00

rule number one . . .
you can always run faster.

rule number two . . .
you can always run farther.

rule number three . . .
your body and your mind form an alliance in hopes to trick you in to believing that rule number one and rule number two don't really exist.

rule number four . . .
the goal of running is to figure out how to stop rule number three from becoming a reality.

clunky starts: week 12

2010-03-16T14:31:00.001-07:00

sunday, 0 miles . . .

monday, 12 miles . . .

. . . 2 mile warm-up

. . . 40 min. @ 5:19

. . . 2 mile cool down

tuesday, 10 miles . . .

. . . 6 miles easy

. . . 8 X strides w/full recovery

wednesday, 10.3 miles . . .

thursday, 10 miles . . .

friday, 22 miles . . .

saturday, 5.7 miles . . .
. . . 2.7 miles easy
. . . 6 X strides w/full recover

. . . only a 70 mile week. this is an oasis in my desert. i needed this recovery week so badly and here it is. i will rest within it. for that reason decided to take the day off.

. . . things were a little rough for the warm up today and it made me a little bit worried. my right ankle is acting up a bit. this makes me a little nervous. just seemed really clunky the whole first 2 miles. is this what the whole work out will be like?

i shed my pants and long sleeve shirt and prepared for the 40 minutes at tempo. 20 minutes one way around the track 20 minutes the other way. the first few laps is alway interesting. you just get into that groove. the pace is not quite set. after this i settled into a 5:21 pace. over the next 10-15 minutes, i shifted between this and 5:20. fighting it. but it was a controlled fight. two people running up the bleachers. a college track girl doing plyometrics in the football field. the grounds keeper (who i found out is named walt) driving around his tractor and spraying new parking lines in the gravel. and so lap after lap goes. i'm now at the 20 minute mark and turn to go the other way around. i'm now in my groove. all doubts about this work out are squelched. i'm going to finish and hit my time. my mind is focused. fells great to be done.

on the cool down, i work out a new song that i'm writing and just enjoy the weather.

. . . felt good to only have to do 10 miles. that 6 miles and then my strides. these 6 felt really easy. it's strange, though my right ankle hurts at times when i bend it weird or dig things into it or flex and bend move my big toe, it doesn't really hurt when i run. this could be a good sign. i worked on it a ton last night. iced it also. strides felt great too.

my plan says that if i want to i can increase my fitness level by one point. this would mean an increase in speed for all of my paces. still debating whether i will do this or not.

. . . another clunky start. all sore from the knees down. legs flopping around, feeling like bricks on my feet. but only for the first mile. and then everything became clear and relatively easy. breathing, stride, everything just came super easy. this run gave me confidence in my fitness. a little .3 posted on to the end because i mistook the distance of a little loop. felt strong.

. . . days like these are why i run. everything was perfect (except for that first quarter mile where again things where a bit clunky--though not as bad as yesterday). a thin frost covering in the shade, a crisp feel in the air, low wind, bright blue sky, gigantic sun spraying me with it's rays. and the pace just felt easy, controlled, comfortable. i just sat in that pace and could have gone all day in it. 10 miles felt like 2. the right amount of clothing, was neither too cold or too hot. makes me believe i can do anything. and i shall.

i've decided to push forward in my training. to move one more step closer to my goal. this will mean that starting on sunday all of my paces will be quicker. but i know that i'm ready. i have to take this step. i realize that it will be uncomfortable, painful, but this is the road i've chosen. i can't just sit in the same place for too long, i can't get too comfortable. it is time.

. . . everything was perfect today, everything except for the temperature which was too cold for the first half of the run and too hot for the second half. i went from freezing fingers to nearly overheating in my hat. but such are these last days of winter.

i found the magic pre-long run meal. half banana, toast with almond butter and jelly, and a small red potato. this seemed to be the right amount of food, settled well in my stomach and gave me enough energy throughout the two and a half hours. this followed with a gel every 6 miles.

i hit my stride early on and just settled one second under it. when i hit the hills on the way back home for the final four miles, i thought i was in trouble because of the heat, but i actually sped up. finished with an average pace of 6:37.

i wasn't sore, tired, or anything for the whole day. i had energy to spare. i'm ready for this.

. . . so easy mentally this morning. just knowing that i would only be out there for over thirty minutes. didn't have to gear up for anything, didn't have to work myself up mentally, just went out there and ran. again things were a little clunky at the start and even the first three strides were a little rusty and awkward, but after that, it was pretty easy.

tomorrow starts a new beginning.

fighting the elements: week 11

2010-03-11T13:09:00.000-08:00

sunday, 0 miles . . .

monday, 14 miles . . .

. . . 2 mile warm up

. . . 3 X mile repeats with 4 min. recovery

. . . 3 X 1000m repeats with 3 min. recovery

. . . ??? cool down

tuesday, 14 miles . . .

. . . 10 miles easy pace

. . . 8 X strides with full recovery

wednesday, 14 miles . . .

thursday, 14 miles . . .

friday, 17 miles . . .

. . . 2 mile warm up

. . . 20 min. @ 5:24

. . . 10 miles easy pace

saturday am, 12 miles . . .

saturday pm, 5 miles . . .

. . . 2 miles easy

. . . 6 X strides w/full recovery

. . . and so another week of running begins. i find myself at camp, the very last day. i am exhausted and very unmotivated to put in any miles today. maybe because of the lack of sleep, all of the relationships i've been building, all the messages i've been giving, the elevation, the thought that if i do run it is going to be a death uphill. this week is a 90 mile week. if i don't run today, i'll be paying for it the rest of the days. but at this point i don't care. i think it is a good call. at least for now.

. . . the last nice day. that is what all of the weather reports are saying. the last attempt at winter will unleash itself on the valley for these first weeks of march. i felt pretty rested, though still a little bit weak from the madness. ended up taking the afternoon off from work just to hang with the family and do nothing.

i had so many doubts going into this workout. the mile repeats were supposed to be at 4:53. and the strange thing, i actually hit that right on for the first two. but i just couldn't hold it for the last one. again i was supposed to do this same pace for the 1000m. it wasn't happening, not today. all i can say is that i finished them all. when i wanted to quit i kept pushing and finished my workout. i'm just not use to running at this pace. it is so fast. i had some weird taste in the back of my mouth during the cool down and it stuck with me for the whole day. intense and different runner's high throughout the day too.

windy on the track. really windy. it seemed that on the last 1000m i had a headwind running south and north. i don't know if that is possible but it sure felt that way.

. . . dramatic decrease in temperature. i should have worn my big gloves but i didn't. by the time i got home my fingers (especially on my left side) were in really bad shape. they hurt so bad. i tried blowing warm air on them, running them under water, and finally wrapping them in a towel. it burned, it hurt. i almost cut my strides short because of it.

. . . today was a very difficult day. especially those last few miles. somewhere in the middle someone shouted out to me from their car: nice pace!! these are always encouraging. i snatched greedily at those words and clung to them for the remainder of the run. using them to push me forward. some pain in the left leg on the left side right below the knee for the last half mile or so. i'll focus on that during massage tonight. i thought this was supposed to be an easy run. wore my big gloves today thinking it would be just as cold. wouldn't you know it, it was warmer. this sort of over heating could be on of the causes of my problems today.

. . . running low on motivation. the weather sure didn't help. cold, windy, and rainy. really really windy at times. the harshest of winds was always during the steepest of hills. i'm not sure how i ended up staying on my easy pace because at times it felt like i was going backwards. there were times of peace and fluidity on this run unlike yesterday. i finally got into that mindset that i often do on just crappy days like this. who else would run in this weather? and the answer: no one. i am getting tougher, stronger, mentally and physically. i draw on the eyes of everybody in the nicely heated cars driving down the street, splashing water on me, looking at me like i'm some sort of freak of nature. so i push harder.

i got that same pain below my left knee as i did yesterday though not as intense. i'll have to work it out again tonight.

. . . defeated. completely defeated. today the days and miles and weeks and stress and everything piled up on top of each other. i couldn't even hit my 5:20 pace for those twenty minutes (though it did get a bit easier). the 10 miles at 'easy' pace was very difficult. i went back to my car and sat there for awhile. feet hurt, ankles hurt, shins hurt, but more than these minor aches, my will to continue was completely destroyed. i decided to cut things short and finish up tomorrow.

. . . this day brought hope. the morning run was quite easy and i could have done those strides fairly easily but it was already quite late and i needed to go to the bathroom. i knew that i was risking a lot by saving 5 miles for the evening. i hate night running. and i knew after saturday night service, getting the kids to bed late, and the hour of sleep i was losing, a 30 minute run would be the farthest thing from my mind.

a few things helped.

first, i got my compression socks today in the mail. they are my new best friends. the feel so amazing on. i will have to devote a whole post to these later.

second, it was a beautiful night. clear, dry, and slightly crisp.

third, only 5 miles to hit my 90 mile goal. was i really going to quit at 85 miles when i wasn't injured? yeah you could say only 5 miles, what difference would that make? but that is not the way that i want to train.

fourth, i made a vow to myself on the next night run i would put on my tights and my skin tight long sleeve top with only my light vest over it. i showed my wife. she laughed and asked if i was really going to go out like that. i figured if apollo ohno could, so could i.

an insane week: week 10

2010-03-02T14:13:00.000-08:00

sunday am, 5 miles . . .

sunday pm, 10 miles . . .

monday, 16 miles . . .

. . . 2 mile warm up

. . . 25 min. @ 5:25

. . . 1 mile easy

. . . 20 min. @ 5:20

. . . 3/4 mile easy

. . . 15 min. @ 5:20

. . . 1 mile cool down

tuesday, 12 miles . . .

. . . 8 miles easy

. . . 8 X strides with full recovery

wednesday, 14 miles . . .

thursday, 11 miles . . .

friday, 21 miles . . .

. . . 8 miles easy (at 8 miles, i refuse to call it a warm up)

. . . 30 minutes at 5:37

. . . 4:45 at 5:21

. . . 30 minutes at 5:36

. . . 4:45 at 5:20

. . . 2.?? miles cool down

saturday, 11 miles . . .

. . . too much on my plate this week. hitting the limits of mental and physical barriers and still pushing. this is what running is all about apparantly. teaching at a camp and running 100 miles. what a week!!

. . . i didn't wake up to my alarm and i had to be at church at 8:45. i guess it was good to sleep but this is a really long week so i had to get some miles in. i could barely squeeze in the 5 that i did do. it was really easy. a beautiful morning.

the afternoon was even nicer. i went to church. came home. ate. put the kids down for a nap. waited an hour. and then set out to run the other ten. t-shirt and shorts run. nice. things were going great until about 5 miles into it. then my stomach started hurting bad, on the upper part. i went to the bathroom in burger king. felt better, but then a mile down the road, started hurting again. i'm not sure if it was something i ate or if i just didn't wait long enough.

got home, went to the bathroom again, but still my stomach hurt. hurt through the whole night. hope it feels better tomorrow.

. . . a grueling death workout. not sure even now sitting here at my computer how i finished this one. a beautiful day that just got warmer as the session went on, shedding gloves and arm warmers after each tempo effort. that first 25 minutes was a crazy push. and only a mile break. one little break. and then i was in to the 20 minute effort that was 5 seconds per mile faster. just at the point that i wanted so desperately to give up, there was a relaxation. i had finally hit my happy spot even in the midst of a 5:20 pace. this is crazy for me to think about. a year and a half ago, this was my mile pace. i had to focus like crazy on those last 10 minutes but i made it though somehow. and now a shorter break.

during this short break, i started wieghing my options. thinking about cutting the work out short. just finishing with some easy miles. i worked with all that i had to push that thought out of my head, pushing it way in the back. and then i found myself running. and finishing right on my pace.

another success. though i would say more of a mental one then a physical one.

stomach was fine during the run but in the early afternoon started to hurt again. what is this thing? some sort of bug, food poisoning, too much proffin? i hope this thing clears up.

. . . everywhere i am sore. i am worn out. i have already put in 31 miles. 31 miles over two days. my body is feeling that right now and it makes even my easy pace seem like an effort. but i hung on, pushed through. i even put in those 8 strides at a really fast pace. i thought about just doing them half way. i have to shake this attitude. if i'm going to succeed in this, to push my body to the limits, i must do it with every single workout. so i did it. i thought about each sprint with a fresh perspective. focusing just on it.

stomach feels completely fine today. left i.t. band still causing problems.

. . . it seems that all my stomach stuff has gone away completely. i was lacking in motivation this morning. 100 miles just seems like such a long distance even though i have done it before. i have thought about the daily doubles thing, but evening running doesn't fit with my schedule plus i really don't like doing it. even if it is only five miles.

my legs felt tired, just sort of everywhere. similar to yesterday. with one exception. after about 5 miles, i got into my groove. then the miles just cruised right by. running was easy and fun again. i even added an extra mile at the end because i was feeling so good. for the majority of the run i was hanging at a 6:38 pace and for the last two miles i hit 6:37 a few times. this felt great.

on the very last quarter mile some grade schoolers on their way to school shot out of their house and started running alongside of me. they actually kept my pace going which was impressive and fun. then just for kicks, i surged in front of them. i can see the beauty in running with people but not enough to pursue a running partner. this is my solace.

. . . back in the groove of things today. a crisp cool morning. no rain. a little bit of fog. up to the cemetery and meandering around some residential areas. i settled into my pace early on and just hung out there without much effort. it was great. nothing hurt, no pain, no push, just a nice easy recovery run. what these days are supposed to be.

. . . the week has worn upon me, wearing upon me, pressure crashing and breaking me. tonight is the first night of camp. so much anxiety going into it. will they like me? will i be effective? will GOD speak through me? will i be ready? will they be ready?

and then here it is, the final thing before camp . . . a 21 mile run. haha.

even those first 8 miles was a bit of a challenge. took so much mental energy once this was over and i was at the track. trying with all my might to do battle with myself. and then i started. 30 minutes at marathon pace. this was a huge, hard, constant push. how was i even going to finish this, let alone do the other half of my workout.

again, i made it through somehow. i was off a second for the marathon and tempo pace for the first half but right on for the second half. this is further cementing in my mind the concept that i can always go further and faster than i think that i can, than my body will want me to.

i'm glad that it was a nice day this morning. no rain, very little wind, just slightly cold that continued to warm up throughout the run. if it was like last week, it could have been the final piece to topple me down to complete death.

i meant to run 22, was scheduled for 22, and though one of my running maxims is 'a real runner never says i was going to . . .' under these circumstances, i had to make an exception.

. . . here i am at camp. started out at 3000 feet, peaked out at nearly 3,500 feet, and had a total gain of 1284 feet. these 11 miles was less of a recovery run and more of just sheer madness. i stayed up with some of the campers to get to know them and finally found my way to my bunk where i tossed and turned on a very lumpy mattress sometime around 1:30. i decided to run during their small group time and after my morning message.

a beautiful morning. i found a ton of different trails. waterfalls, oregon trail historic sites, beautiful views of hood, a downhill section with giant banks on the switchbacks, a tunnel, a couple rivers, some snow, a section of hurdling fallen trees on what looked like to be the old highway, rocks, mud, heart pounding steepness, several breaks to rest and look out at creation, constant change in temperature sudden drops, not really knowing where each trail will end up.

the final section was intense. a steady uphill. i really wanted to quit at 10 miles but i just couldn't. something unnatural about a 99 mile week. so even though it took all i had to pass camp and continue up the hill to finish of the 100 mile week, i did it.

i ate a hearty soup lunch with the band. my hands shaking, dropping my bread into my soup several times, and most likely stinking terribly.

these last 11 miles felt like 20. i was proud of my 7:18 pace average. i can't imagine a tougher week.

in the pocket of the pace: week 9

2010-02-22T16:16:00.000-08:00

sunday, 8 miles . . .

monday, 14 miles . . .

. . . 2 mile warm up

. . . 10 mile at tempo (5:35)

. . . 2 mile cool down

tuesday (am), 8 miles . . .

tuesday (pm), 6 miles . . .

. . . 3 mile warm up

. . . 2 X .3 miles @ 6:39, .3 miles @ 6:00, .3 miles @ 5:20, .3 miles @ 6:39

wednesday, 8 miles . . .

thursday, 10.5 miles . . .

friday, 20 miles . . .

. . . 4 mile warm up

. . . 40 min. @ 5:36

. . . 4:45 @ 5:20

. . . 30 min. @ 5:36

. . . 4:45 @ 5:20

. . . 1.6 mile cool down

saturday, 5.5 miles . . .

. . . 2.5 miles easy

. . . 6 X strides with full recovery

. . . continuing to learn to just sit back in the pocket of the pace, to relax in it, through all my muscles and breathing. to not push when i don't need to push. to treat these rest days like they are rest days. not only for body but for mind as well.

so sleepy, so tired, so exhausted. baby gracie kept waking up last night. there is no sleep for me. another cold, frigid, yet beautiful morning. i will embrace these days. the cold is infinitely better than the rain. i hit up a classic route today over by the middle school. i use to run this loop at least twice a week. what happened to it? i guess i tend to get stuck in ruts. the mountains where big and clear. the morning sun shooting orange rays everywhere. mmmmm.

this run felt great, in control, perfect. and the best part, i had runner's high for nearly the entire day. i don't know how that happened with one little 8 miler, but i'll take it.

. . . for some reason, i was so pumped for this run. i can't give a reason, but i was just excited. i went in with no fear, no reserve, and just ready to destroy it. another cold but clear morning. shivering through my warm up. at about one mile into it one person came to the track, then two, then four. before i knew it the track was overrun (no pun intended). i don't get annoyed by this. i love the extra company, the community of runners, all pushing our bodies towards our goals, even if we are not running beside each other. they were spread across the different lanes but left mine alone.

the first mile was a bit awkward, trying to find my pace, speeding up, slowing down, settling in. finally hit 5:36 and kept it there for a few laps. i thought i would try to speed things up a bit and get right on my target pace of 5:35. i looked down a lap later and had shot down to 5:33 nearly effortlessly. i focused on slowing things down a bit, nothing happened. i stayed at this pace. this was nearing mile 4. and then just as suddenly i shot up to 5:37. and i couldn't get it back. by the time i was at mile 5 and was turning around to go the other way around the track, doubt begin to creep in. watch still read 5:37 and i was wondering if i could even keep that pace.

and then something miraculous happened. something shifted. not in my thinking but in my body. the pace came easy. and i knew that i was going to finish this at the right tempo. my confidence came quickly back as all of those other runners left the track. and now it was just me and an older man sprinting on the football field. the sun had warmed things up, but not enough for me to shed my hat.

and then there was another shift. i took one deep breath. this is when i discovered that my breathing was coming easily. i didn't need to take those quick, shallow breaths. i started filling my lungs, belly breathing, less breaths per step. i wasn't working hard. there was some burn in my calves, but that was it. how did this happen? i remember just last years training cycle near the very end of the training for the marathon that i completed a 10 mile run at 5:55's. i looked back at my training log and it said "beautifully hard run." and here is one that is 20 seconds faster, easier, and in the middle of my marathon cycle. i will only build on this.

eugene, i'm coming for you.

i called upon my images only on the last 2 miles but i didn't have to dig all that deep. it was more for the practice of thinking about these for races.

. . . went up to nike today to test the new shox (which i am not a fan of). i did some speed stuff in them which made them even feel clunkier, heavier, as though i had snow shoes of concrete nailed to my feet. but i got a pass to the employee store, a gift card, and a pair of lunar racers out of it, so i'm not complaining. plus i did my warm up around the campus on the mulch path, hit up the track, ran over bridges, it was awesome.

the morning's 8 miles was a nice relaxed easy run. i thought it would have been a lot tougher from yesterday's tempo run, but my muscles felt great and i just locked easily into that pace. flirting with the idea of bumping up all of my paces?

the rain started today and is supposed to last until sunday. i got in my early run before the showers started but the overcast oregon grey was spread like a blanket as far as i could see. except for two tiny slivers of light far in the east towards the foothills. farewell sun.

. . . had a bit of trouble for the first couple miles of this run. it could be because of the hills in the first part of this loop. or the wind. or the speed stuff so late in the afternoon. or the pain in my shin and calf from those shox yesterday. whatever the case, it all came together for the end and again i just settled right into my 6:39 pace.

thought a lot about my life on this run. i had a strange dream last night, that has forced me to become super introspective and depressive (not the greatest of combinations). thinking of my past and my future and what i have made of my life and what it is all about. strange how a dream can do this. more on this if i figure things out.

. . . why the half of mile? well on my way to do the 13 planned, i began to think back over this week, adding miles in my head, thinking of tomorrow's long run. that's when i realized that i was quickly approaching my 80 miles for this week. i love when the miles just slip right by without problem. so i cut the loop short, tacking on a huge hill, i might add. this is actually great because it will make for a super short run on saturday. next week is looking like a big week. add a camp that i'm speaking at and this is a recipe for disaster. i need all the rest i can get.

missed the rain today (not missed in the sense of i wish it would have been running in it, but rather the got in my run during a break in the run). the sun actually came out and it was quite nice. had to push just a bit at the beginning of the run and up that monster hill but other than that i'm feeling really good.

. . . wow, i could not have picked a worse day to do this long run. though as i think back to all of my marathon pace long runs for this training cycle, they have all been this same kind of day. weaving through puddles on the track, rain still coming down, bitterly cold made worse for the wind, experiencing at least mild hypothermia, take all morning to warm up. but on the positive side, i am getting mentally tougher. if i can run through this, i can run through anything, anything.

i'm nearly tempted to change the title of this week because i just couldn't find the pocket in these runs at all. it was a constant pushing and pulling for all these miles. i was tempted so many time to call it a day and not run my prescribed amount. thinking of things to blame like the weather, or lack of sleep, or increase of miles, or whatever. i had to keep reminding myself that i felt good and running is a blessing, so let's make this workout count.

there were a few moments of absolute clarity, a perfection of pace, an ease, but this was the exception. what always amazes me about these workouts, is just when i think i have nothing left, when i just feel like i can't go another minute at my marathon pace, and then i have to kick it up 16 seconds per mile faster, i somehow find another gear, some mental power to push. in retrospect it is awesome to consider. perhaps that is what i love about running, pushing that body, to death and beyond, yet still going farther.

the key song, the key thought throughout most of the time was arcade fire's 'my body is a cage . . . set my spirit free.' this seemed to hit right where i was feeling. it was very motivating. of course when things got really tough i went to my five faithful images corresponding to songs, elements, and my kids: air, child, gracie . . . water, dancing, maile . . . light, fighting, tobey . . . earth, beast, kinzi . . . and then the final one, resurrection, myself. i will have to talk about this more later. perhaps as the marathon gets closer to form it fully in my mind.

after the 40 minutes at marathon and the pickup tempo, i changed directions on the track. it was here that i felt a pain in my left knee. i knew this pain all too well. i.t. band. it only was sharp for a moment, later became an on and off dull ache. it became swollen and tender throughout the day. painful to bend the knee. i worked on it a ton with thestick and the tp tools. let's hope this doesn't get out of hand. i don't think i can afford another week off.

. . . a beautiful day. warm, sun, no wind, no rain. i wish that i would have checked the weather and switched days. loads of runners out. mainly women. felt good to do these strides. kicking it fast. wearing my new lunar racer's that i got at nike earlier this week. trying something different in my training. on saturdays and tuesdays, i'm going to wear a minimalistic shoe. not only for the strides that i do on this day, but just to get my feet use to a shoe that is less cushioned.

i.t. band still giving me problems, still considerably tight. wasn't painful during my run though. continuing to work it out.

breakthrough: week 8

2010-02-14T13:30:00.000-08:00

sunday, 10.25 miles . . .

monday, 8 miles . . .

tuesday, 15 miles . . .

wednesday, 15 miles . . .

thursday, 11.75 miles . . .

friday, 22 miles . . .

. . . 2 mile warm up

. . . 4 miles @ 5:22

. . . 10 miles easy pace

. . . 2 miles @ 5:21

. . . 3 min. easy

. . . 2 miles @ 5:22

. . . 2 mile cool down

saturday, 8 miles . . .

. . . i thought that this morning was going to be like yesterday morning all over again but just slightly better. but let me rewind. last night at around eleven, i was led in this thing called synergy (a mix of tai chi, pilates, yoga, stretching, and whatever else). it was actually really fun and relaxing. felt some good burn in the inner and outer thigh. i think that i should do stuff like this more to stay more balanced with my muscles. it would definitely improve my running and ward off injuries.

but on to the run this morning . . . i started at a 7:15 pace for about a mile and half before i had to stop and walk because of my ankle. then i started running again for another mile or so before walking. this went on for about 5 and a half miles. running, walking, running, walking, and on and on i went through the golf course by the camp. foothills high and steep on either side of me with fog veiling the summits.

the final half mile and i'm running into the camp headed to the dinning hall for some breakfast. this is when something breaks, or more accurately, something is fixed. i begin to speed up. it feels good. this is me running. this is what i'm used too. no pain, no broken limping gait, just a great stride. i look at my garmin and notice that i'm off my about a half a mile and i'm at the cafeteria. i turn back to the entrance of camp with the full intention of just running right back and eating breakfast. but then i began to reconsider. i'm feeling good, there is no pain in my ankle, i have the time.

so i keep going. not because i have to, but because i want to. not in spite of my foot but because it feels good. this is such a shift in my running experience the past three weeks. i turn on the highway 26 and just cruise, settling quite comfortably into my 6:39 pace. i see a sign that says wildwood recreational site ahead. i take the turn and find a beautiful gravel trail twisting through the trees and across a river over a bridge. this is beautiful. i end up running 10.25 miles. i miss breakfast but i don't care.

. . . another day at camp and my ankle feels great. went back to the park so that i could fully explore that trail. i was cruising along right at my training pace with no problems until i hit the trail head. it was steep, with loads of switchbacks, but beautiful and epic. all single track weaving through trees and up a a huge mountain. i wish that i could say that i made it all the way to the top but i had to turn around. it was just much too intense but i am counting it as my speed work for this week. the way down was fairly slow because it was so steep. on the way back to camp i hit my proper speed again. things are looking up.

. . . outer quads are sore today from that down hill running from yesterday. but it didn't matter. this was what i have been longing for over the past two weeks. this classic 15 mile loop that was made popular during my base training. at about mile 7, i started feeling a little bit of tenderness or tightness around the ankle. i decided to stop, stretch, and open up my gel. at mile 10, i stopped again to go to the bathroom. and that was the last time. hit those hills coming back home. ended up with an average of 6:37 and my foot felt great. i'm back baby. can't wait for friday to test out some tempo work along with a long run.

. . . quads are still really sore. hurts a ton to run down those hills. ahhhhhh!!! but one thing that this ankle problem gave me was the ability to push through pain considering i ran on it for 70 miles. so these sore quads don't seem that big of deal. a perfect morning, at least in my mind. the low hanging fog that you just breathe in, making it hard to see, keeping you cool, forcing everything smaller than it actually is.

it felt like a push at some times, especially in those middle miles, but i kept my pace going even on those hills. did the classic 15 mile loop but backwards. in some ways i think that this way is easier even though i know that i gain/lose the same elevation no matter which way i go. but i actually like the aesthetics of going the harder way. i'm not really sure why. but it is a beautiful loop regardless.

my ankle feels a little tender right now to the touch and when i walk on sometimes. i wonder if it has to do with some sort of imbalance due to the quads. i worked them out twice yesterday but still sore. i think it was also from loading all that sound equipment along with that steep down hill running. i hope that the muscles are recovered by friday's long run or i may push it until saturday.

. . . getting right back into the groove of things, feels like i haven't even taken a break. i feel strong except for my quads still giving me problems. an amazing morning. clear blue sky. a frost on the ground. warmed up quickly. i had to go to the bathroom and was counting on my trusty port-a-poty. i turned the corner to get to it, so ready to go. and it was gone. and here i was 5 miles farther to go. hahaha!! i did have this thought though as i was stopping to hold it all in, i am completely surrounded by bathrooms right now. each of these houses has at least one. we need to unite as runners and create i sign that we can put on our doors that declare that we are runners, we know what it's like to be mid-run and have to go to the bathroom without a toilet in sight, so come over, ring the doorbell, you don't have to talk to me, explain or anything, just go to the bathroom and be on your way.

just an idea. but it reminds me that i now can think of things on my run besides just focusing on pain. i think my ankle was slightly swollen last night but i didn't feel any pain this morning.

i am healed.

. . . this was an epic long run. did i hit my tempo runs right on? no!! but i was only off by 2 seconds on two of them and only 1 second on the other one. and to be honest i am quite surprised. i didn't think that i had even that first four miles at tempo in me. i was wanting to quit after only the first mile. but i pushed through, dug deep, did whatever it took. and then when i got to those last two and the end of the run, i seriously considered just not even trying. keeping the run short. filling it in tomorrow. but then i had this thought, this nagging question: what if i don't try? and the obvious answer: i fail. and when i really get to the bottom of all of my running insecurities and fears it is all wrapped up in failing. so here is the thing, if i don't even try then i automatically fail. this idea pushed me along to victory. after my two mile cool down, i had the largest of all smiles on my face.

the morning was cold, frigid, icy frost of death and stillness over everything, my windshield, the grass, parts of the track. i heated up quickly on that first tempo run and even shed my hat for the last mile.

those 10 miles of easy pace (6:39) where truly epic miles. i sat back in my pace and just let the road stretch out before me. it felt easy, relaxed, in control. no pushing, no pulling, like a current of concrete just sliding me along. the sun was up now. the harsh, bright, winter sun, giving more light than heat. these are the moments.

had to ice my ankle tonight because it was a little tender (i think from the tempo on the track?)

. . . this was not an epic run like yesterday, especially those first few miles where everything (especially calves) where screaming out in pain. things became a little more controlled at the end however. it was nice to hit the cemetery again. quads are nearly pain free now.

going nowhere: week 7

2010-02-08T14:10:00.000-08:00

sunday, .5 miles . . .

. . . 30 minutes cycling

monday, 0 miles . . .

. . . 40 minutes cycling

tuesday, 0 miles . . .

. . . 60 minutes cycling

wednesday, 0 miles . . .

. . . 90 minutes cycling

thursday, 0 miles . . .

. . . 90 minutes cycling

friday, 0 miles . . .

. . . 120 minutes cycling

saturday, 3 miles . . .

. . . i had to come to a decision. this morning, after stretching, working my sore ankle tendon with my little piece of stolen bark, and going out for a run, i made a drastic decision. my tendon is not getting better. it is not getting worse either. i could suck up the pain and push through this week much like i pushed through last week. i have the resolve, the pain tolerance, and all the stupidity necessary for such a task. but the problems with this besides other injuries is that i won't get any quality workouts in and it will most likely be stretched out for two to three weeks. so i turned back home and decided the best thing to do is rest until it is healed one hundred percent. no day to put on this. it could be tomorrow or in a month from now, but it is the only chance i have.

so for now, thanks to my good friend tom who lent me a trainer, i will be going nowhere in my garage, until the tendon calms itself down. i drove over to his beautiful house out in the country this afternoon and picked it up. i set it up shortly after returning home and spent a half an hour on the bike. it gave me quite a workout as i listened to npr on the radio and sweating large drops on the floor. it's just not the same as running but it didn't agitate my ankle. so this is truly a blessing and for it i am thankful.

. . . teaching two classes at a local private college this morning. the first one starts at 8. i had my alarm set for 5:45 but baby gracie had different plans. or at least her stuffed up nose had different plans. i was out of bed at 5:20 which worked out fine. it's just that i'm really stinking tired right now. spinning those cogs for 40 minutes this morning. some tempo stuff. some sprint stuff. still trying to figure out this whole thing and how it works and at what pace. i could start using a heart rate monitor, but i never have before so i'm reluctant.

listened to npr again this morning. why does it have to be pledge drive week. i'm thinking of maybe setting up my computer tomorrow and watching some tv. or maybe i'll put in more minutes tonight after work. my right it band started getting a little sore. i'll need to work that out.

dear ankle,

please get better so that i can run.

. . . another beautiful day. fog filled frozen rain free day. my favorite. but i am stuck in my garage listening to npr people beg me to give them money. not really the most motivating cycling soundtrack but i couldn't find the dvd player. heart rate was going nice and strong for this hour. hoping this ankle heals soon. this is madness. more ice, more stretching, more ibeproffin. my butt is getting ridiculously sore. but still i shall press on.

. . . brought the portable dvd player out in the garage today. watched most of batman begins with the headphones in. got rid of much of the drudgery of cycling training. really felt my heart pounding nice and fast for the majority of this stationary ride. loads of sweat dripping of the ground. some good runner's (rather biker's) high afterwards. ankle is starting to show signs of healing. i just need to hold back, hold back, wait for it. at least now i know that this is an alternative to running (though a lesser alternative) if i ever start to feel another injury coming on. good to have options, more tools to keep the running in the best place possible. i have a camp coming up this weekend and i can't take the bike with me so i'm thinking of bringing my running shoes. maybe get someone else to run with me so that i am forced to run slow. i'v got to do an easy onset with this thing. i don't want all this to be for nothing. keep focused, continue with the ice and the drugs.

the ice and the drugs.

. . . watched more batman, on to the dark night. keep pushing this bicycle thing. how monotonous this garage life is becoming but at least there is no pain in my foot. i can tell that things are being healed. let's see what it looks like on saturday. tomorow's plan is 2 hour ride. bring it.

. . . and three episodes of lost later, he finishes his cycling. some minor problems with my right i.t. band, but nothing bad. butt no longer that sore. miss running to death.

. . . here i am at camp, decided to put in some miles today because i couldn't take my bicycle here with me. ankle feels much better. ran one mile on it before i started feeling pain and then went to a walk. this continued for the rest of the run which was mostly annoying. going to do some synergy yoga tonight. it was a beautiful day though. a little light mist running around a golf course. i just wish it could have been longer.

how long?

rehab in loops: week 6

2010-02-01T14:14:00.000-08:00

sunday, 4 miles . . .

monday, 6 miles . . .

tuesday, 10 miles . . .

wednesday, 10 miles . . .

thursday, 10 miles . . .

friday, 20 miles . . .

saturday, 10 miles . . .

. . . and now the hard part of injury, rehab in motion. i almost prefer last week, in the sense that there was little question as to my plan of attack: don't run. easy, yet so hard for those addicted to running, the amazing feel of poetry, movement, breathing. hard to walk away from that even knowing it was temporary.

this week is all about the delicate balance. i don't want to push too hard too soon and yet there is that part of me. the runner part of me. that just wants to pound pavement for an hour and forty minutes. but i have to hold back. test my ankle. test my patience. this is endurance but in a completely different way. the strength to hold back. the strength to keep back your own strength.

after a mile and a half at a really slow pace (around 8's), my ankle was hurting fairly bad. i stopped and just worked it, massaged it, dug my thumbs into that tendon until i couldn't stand the pain and then push harder. after about five minutes, i tried to run again. the pain was relatively gone. for the next two and a half miles, i hit my magical pace of 6:39. it felt so great to run that fast. amazing.

i didn't have time to ice afterwards because i'm teaching half of the sermon this morning. i may pay for that later but this is my job, my ministry, my passion and i suppose running must bow down to a few things in my life. i did ice that night and worked it more with the tp.

. . . this morning scared me. not because of the two unleashed dogs running around the elementary school, whose owners seemed upset at me, but because i couldn't shake the pain for the first two miles or so, though i tried all of the same things as yesterday.

but finally the tendon settled down and it became more of a constant burden, awareness, instead of an intolerable pain. i think i passed my first test for the week. i was nearing the exit from the path to my house, looking down at my watch reading 5.80 miles, just enough to get home and make it an even 6 and still have time to ice my foot before work. but then i had a demon thought. or was it an angel. maybe i didn't pass my test. what if i put in just 2 more miles? can i push it? no ice? and i pushed that voice down.

maybe tomorrow.

. . . maybe tomorrow has become a reality today. a truly breakthrough run that started with very little promise. my leg started hurting after the first mile or so. i stopped and worked out the area. for awhile the pain was gone, but then it came back with a fierce vengeance around 2.5 miles. this was quite discouraging. i had to either cut this run short or make it really long by stopping every mile to massage it out. but during this massage i hit a place i hadn't before by using my other hand to wrench my ankle at strange angles. this seemed to do something amazing.

i started running again. and as before the pain was gone for the first lap around the school yard. but then the pain didn't return. at times there was a dull ache but nothing that consumed my mind like the other pain. i started to drift off into that magical place that only happens on a run. an all exuding peace of perfect communion with GOD where everything in life becomes clear. the miles started zooming by. and then i was at 10 miles. this felt amazing. at times i was averaging a 6:31 pace but ended up with a 6:38. my foot wasn't sore at all afterwards and i went through two icing cycles.

things are starting to turn around.

it was a beautiful morning too. i thick fog covering everything. i couldn't even see across the playground. one of those days that i would have loved to just run forever. though after all this rest and low miles, i am thankful for the 10 that i got.

. . . and now this endless third mile mulch path around the elementary school is becoming tiresome. a total of 34 miles around this glorified loop with the little changes of clockwise to counterclockwise and back again. but again i must be thankful that i am able to even run. today was even better than yesterday pain wise. i stopped at about 1.5 miles to massage out that tendon. i found that same piece of large bark to dig into the spot and turn my foot. this again did the trick. i ran the rest of the time without stopping. it did start to throb a little bit near the end as well as some other places on the foot (but i think this was from going the same direction the whole time, this pain eased up when i started going the other way). even some runner's high afterwards. this tells me that i'm not quite ready to hit the streets. which means this weekends long run (if it happens) will be at bush park which is mostly mulch path but affords a few more choices than this single loop.

. . . 10 miles without having to take one break to work out my ankle!!! this confirms what i have speculated over these past two days, that i am getting better, slowly getting better. it felt great. hit my pace right on, though it took a few laps to get there. i am tiring of this madness. 40 miles of this 1/3 mile loop. the same high school students walking to class. the same middle school students waiting for their bus. the same dogs barking. the same over-zealous teachers arriving early. the same. the same. the same. but at least from a pain perspective it was different. this is what i am holding onto in the midst of this seeming madness. this is just another step, another part of being a runner, and for that reason, and that reason only, i embrace it. one of those things that will be a great story looking back on it, as most trials are.

wondering how tomorrow will play out. some pavement mixed in with the trail. i change of scenery will be nice. more options, more elevation, more mileage. hoping that my ankle will be able to handle all of these mores.

. . . this was a less than glorious run. at bush park, around the bark dust trails he runs for over 2 hours. i tried the track. hurt my ankle too much. i tried the concrete path. hurt my ankle too much. and actually i was in a constant throbbing pain through much of the run. had to stop quite a bit to massage things out. a huge effort to stay at my pace. maybe because of the trees, or the turns, or the pain, or who knows.

what i do know is that this is less than fun.

. . . back at the elementary school. running on that third mile loop. this is madness. something must change, i thought. i grabbed my piece of bark that was under the bench, took a turn, and hit the road. maybe a good idea, maybe a bad idea, but i needed a change of scenery. at the end of the 10 miles, things were fairly sore. took time to ice and stretch. not getting worse, not getting better.

injury: week 5

2010-01-26T15:25:00.000-08:00

sunday, 1.5 miles . . .

monday, 0 miles . . .

tuesday, 8 miles . . .

wednesday, .15 miles . . .

thursday, 0 miles . . .

friday, 0 miles . . .

saturday, 4 miles . . .

. . . so it was supposed to be 8 to 10 miles. i was supposed to work out my talk on this run. the weather was great, a little bit of drizzle, just cold enough, perfectly dressed. and this pain started. the same pain from saturday that caused me to stop and massage it out. but that pain went away and i didn't have any other problems the rest of that day. and now this happens. i started down the street and it became increasingly more and more painful. finally i had to stop and tried working it out, but again the pain returned and increased. i decided to run back home at this point. i spent the rest of the time with my foot in an ice chest filled with cold water and ice. that night i did it again, took some ibuprofen, and massaged it out.

. . . the only thing harder than running is not running. i took the day off. i figure that this is the smart thing to do. although it is a hard decision to make, i have to do this. i have to see running as a long term thing, with my major goal in sight. this shows me that i have grown as a runner. i think two years ago, i would have just sucked it up and worked through it.

it's monday night and my foot feels incredibly better. i will try running tomorrow. not sure how long i'll make it. fearful that the pain will return.

. . . such freedom in running. i just breathed in those first few pain free miles. this is why i run. i can't lose sight of this, the sheer joy. somewhere between mile 2 and 3, the pain started to return. for the next 5 miles the pain would ebb and flow but never so bad as to make me stop. i noticed that turning right hurt more than turning left. running downhill hurt more that uphill. i ended up a second off of my typical training pace. i had time to ice my foot again and massage it a bit. i'll do it again tonight.

reflected a lot about running on this run as i was forever confronted with the question of: do i need to stop this run? running makes me feel something that is hard to describe. maybe because running has become so wrapped up with my identity. it may come across as silly, ridiculous, or at worse pridefully, but in my mind, it is none of these things. i feel like i am in a different plane than before i was a runner. i eat differently, sleep differently, go about my life differently. i am not one of you. and then injury stops all this (or at least threatens to). and my whole world comes crashing down. i start to think thoughts . . . maybe i can eat whatever i want now. maybe i will stay up later. maybe, maybe, maybe. i'm not sure what tomorrow will bring.

. . . i wish for this day that it would say 15 miles instead of .15 miles but i just couldn't do it. too much pain. in retrospect probably shouldn't have run yesterday and maybe i will pay for it. here is the decree that i must make for myself: no running until sunday. even saying that scares me. i hate it. i hate injury. anything that stops me from running is my enemy. but i'm trying to change my perspective. here is my thought, i need to be just as fierce, just as ferocious, just as obsessive about my healing as i am about my training. i need to take rest, ice, compression, elevation seriously. i need to throw down ibuprofen as i throw down miles. the stick is my new friend. icing in the morning, at lunch break, and again at dinner. maybe even some cycling adventures to keep fitness up. do some ab workouts. stay in shape. get loads of sleep. eat less food. stay focused. believe that this is not the end of me. believe that this break is for the best. come back stronger.

. . . decided to be a little bit more proactive in my healing process. i went to the local running store downtown thinking that i would walk out with some compression socks. this was the only thing really missing in the tried and true rice method. i talked with the owner about my problem. that is when she suggested trigger point massage tools. i had read about these, researched them a bit, but discarded the notion because of how expensive they were. i thought the same thing as she went behind the counter to get a trail set to demonstrate. then she gave me a shot. magic. in five minutes my calve felt looser than it had in the previous three days of injury using the stick. i walked out with set. i've been using it twice, sometimes three times a day. things are loosening up. continuing to ice at breakfast, lunch, and after the kids go to sleep.

this whole not running thing is getting me down. i can see the progression in my own mind. on monday, i was full of energy. not running, sleeping more, less energy spent, storing up, bursting in each step. but then this energy soon wore out, had no place to go. now i am just depressed, depressed and angry. wondering when i will be able to run again. if i'll be able to run again. if i'll be at my same level of fitness. doubts about pushing on towards this goal. insecurity. fear. must push on. must not give up.

. . . felt great to run again. i smiled through the first half mile. a big cheesy grin. the kind that you'd be embarrassed wearing. the early light hid it. no one was around anyway. but just like wearing tights, i don't care anymore what i look like when i'm running. i need to remember this sheer joy of running when running gets tough in races and speed work and long runs. i need to remember the privilege and the gift that it is to run. why is this only a reality when it is taken away?

woke up at 6 in the morning. ate, went to the bathroom, and then spent thirty minutes working with my new trigger point massaging tools. working out the rough patches primarily on my left leg. loosening it up.

the first two mile was really slow. creeping up there to 8:00 pace. went to the mulch path around the school. soft surface, close to my house, endless circles. but i didn't care. i was running. then some pain started to enter my ankle. so i walked for a bit. the pain left and started running but now faster. whenever the pain came (primarily downhills) i would walk and then push myself especially on the uphill.

when i came home, i did two cycles of icing my foot and elevating. then after breakfast did some more trigger point (for evermore on this blog, tp).

and now it is the afternoon. the ankle feels great even with some jumping and running in place. things are looking up again. we'll see what next week will hold.

the wood and the clay: week 4

2010-01-19T17:20:00.000-08:00

sunday, 8 miles . . .

monday, 15 miles . . .

tuesday, 12 miles . . .

2 mile warm up

40 min. tempo run (5:31)

2.5 mile cool down

wednesday, 15 miles . . .

thursday, 10 miles . . .

friday, 20 miles . . .
2 mile warm up
40 min. @ marathon pace (5:36)
4:45 @ tempo pace (5:20)
20 min. @ marathon pace
4:45 @ tempo pace
10 min. @ marathon pace
3.37 mile cool down

saturday, 10 miles . . .

7 miles easy

6 X strides w/full recovery

. . . the first day at camp, near the base of mt. hood at 1300 feet of elevation. it's beautiful, dark, quiet out here. but it was raining most of the day today. just a light drizzle during my run (some luck carried over from last week). ran around camp for a bit and then hit the gravel road. started out nice, gradual rise and fall. then a sudden steep drop with a dead end at the bottom. spent the rest of the 8 miles on country roads. steep hills, no cars, lots of unleashed dogs. it was nice to sleep in.

. . . this will go down as one of my great runs. i woke up without an alarm near 8:00. took my time eating some oatmeal with blueberries and honey. took more time stretching and loosening up. few clouds, no rain, crisp, a slight breeze. i decided to hit all log roads today at camp since it was going to be my longer run. first two roads were dead ends. then i took the third one. this one went for miles (never found the end of it) with other roads swerving off from it. after a few miles i connected to a nice gravel "main" road and followed it. this was epic. a huge hill to conquer. from the top you could see the world. it gradually sloped down, facing another shorter hill that the road climbed lazily up in a serpentine manner. nice open country with the woods close by. i ended up gaining 1000 feet on this run and yet somehow still managed to average a 6:42 pace (a mere 3 seconds off from my typical training pace). i stopped at mile 5 and a little after mile 10 to eat some blocks. this seemed to sustain. also a bunch of random stops to read signs and just look at GOD'S creation. hips and butt felt a bit tight and by the end i had a small blister on the top of my pinkie toe on my right foot and one on my big toe on my left foot. on some of those steep hills, i felt like crying and even did a few times. but none of this mattered. i wish every run could be like this. but tonight i leave this camp.

. . . with much uncertainty i drove to the track for this long tempo run. yesterday was sheer utter craziness and exhaustion after my camp run. had to pack everything up and i was allotted (rather self allotted) as the master packer. this involved hunching down in the trailer attempting to left and swing heavy musical equipment tetris like so that it would all fit. then a long drive home in portland five o'clock mlk day traffic. this is not good recovery activity. by the time i made it home, my right butt, calves, and hamstrings where rather tight. i tried to work them out as much as i could but during the two mile warm up, i felt exhausted and tight. but beyond the physical misgivings, the all consuming ominous thought 'how am i going to make it through this forty minutes at tempo.'

i decided to push this number forty as far out off my mind as i could and just focus on one lap, hitting my 5:31 and then just holding it. lap by vicious lap. the first mile was fairly inconsistent jumping from as low as 5:18 average to as high as 5:34. but then i hit my sweet spot and somehow i was running quite comfortably at my 5:31. i spent a lot of time just living in that constant pain of a tempo run. letting my mind just rest in that movement, trying to be fully aware of my body the whole time. it was beautifully epic. lap after lap. looking at my garmin. staying consistent. it was only in the final 1.5 miles that i had to really dig in mentally but by then i had the luxury of knowing that i was going to finish this run at my tempo. this seems to always give me an extra push. still not sure where i got the strength to do this.

. . . after two beautiful runs on two beautiful days, i knew something had to give. and since the weather was once again incredible (especially the sunrise, a crimson blood shed over a third of the sky), it was my running that suffered. my right butt has gotten worse. so i found an old bocce ball that i haven't used for years and put it right on the knot in my butt and pushed my whole weight rolling along it. this was excruciating but it didn't work it all the way out. the first 5 miles of this 15 miler was all pain. with every strike of my right foot pain shooting from the fiery knot of death in my butt, down my calf, and around my shin. there was some decent running from 6 to 7 but still a desperate push. by the time i hit the hills from downtown to my house, i was quite exhausted. my form felt deflated, a side ache on my left side added to the misery. it's one of those glad it's over sort of days of constant mental coaching and physical death.

. . . even with all of the stretching, massaging, and bocce ball rolling last night, i still woke up a little bit sore. good news, after four miles i had loosened up considerably and just got in a relaxed stride hovering around the 6:37 average pace. and though i felt clunky, slow, feet pounding down hard, whenever i looked into a store window (which i do often to observe my form), i looked strong. and whenever i looked at my garmin for pace, it was right on. tried to relax and just focus on the ease of this pace. afterwards, my left hip felt a little tight but loosened up after a few yoga poses pre-shower.

. . . long run of freezing wet death. 20 miles, around the track (with the exception of the quarter mile it takes to run to the track). a cold day mixed with rain, fortunately no wind. i felt actually pretty recovered going into this run. the first 40 minutes at marathon pace went really well after the first mile which was spent just trying to hit the right pace. after that it was pretty smooth and relatively pain free, though by the end i was quite tired. mentally asking the question, how am i going to make it through the other half of this workout?

somehow i found the extra kick to hit that (almost) mile at tempo, one second faster actually. the next 20 minutes was very difficult. i took my gel, drank my water, and had to then really focus, especially those last 5 minutes. and now another push, another boost, a hard effort. but only a little less than 5 minutes. this is doable, right? and i made it through on pace. during this tempo effort, two willamette runners came on the track doing some easy pace. then a pickup 1000m. they kicked it fast at the end. it was beautiful to watch them soar around the track. afterwards they went into the locker room where i was changing. one left, me and the other one talked. he asked what i was doing, adding that i looked fast. interesting. because at this point i did not feel fast. i felt like i was just trying with all i was to hold on to a runaway train, feet flopping, legs dragging, fingers clutching but slipping. the last 10 minutes at marathon tempo was death. especially those first 5 minutes. i was 10 seconds off my pace. how was i going to regain that time with only 5 minutes left. but then something happened. i dug in, i pushed, and then i watched in amazement as my average pace crept slowly down, second by gruelling second.

and then it was over and i had hit my tempo right on. i went to the locker room to change out of my soaking shorts (which later i found out had caused some chaffing on my inner thighs, surprisingly this is a first for me). my fingers were frozen, pain shooting through as the warmed up. the cool down was clunky but i was rejoicing in completing another hard workout.

. . . so sore today in that place between heel and calve. stopped after a mile or more, out of breath, struggling to keep my form and pace. stretched out both calves. this helped for awhile until mile 5 came along. felt this intense pain, a ball of death on my left calve. continued to run, thinking that it would loosen up. no luck. visions of hobbling back to my house crowded my worried mind. i stopped at the catholic school and stretched. then sat down on a large rock and massaged the area and stretched again. luckily, this did the trick and i was able to run pain free the rest of the way, even speed up a little. i was limber now, ready physically, but not mentally to hit those strides. these final six bursts of energy to finish of the running week. one by one i knock them down. like i knock down each mile, each week, each day of my training. another week of successful training. after breakfast i spent a lot of time working out my problem calves, massaging them with the stick until i whimpered in pain. still a little sore though.

racing against the rain: week 3

2010-01-11T13:26:00.000-08:00

sunday, 0 miles . . .

monday, 16 miles . . .

2 mile warm up

4 mile tempo (5:20)

4 min. easy

3 mile tempo

3 min. easy

2 mile tempo

2 min. easy

1 mile tempo

2.5 mile cool down

tuesday, 10 miles . . .

6 miles easy

8 X strides with full recovery

wednesday, 8 miles . . .

thursday, 13 miles . . .

friday, 18 miles . . .

saturday, 5 miles . . .

2 miles easy

6 X strides with full recovery

. . . i regretted not running on this beautiful morning. though i will say, my muscles needed the rest and it was good to not have to wake up too incredibly early (as i must do if i am to run on a sunday morning). but getting my breakfast and seeing the early morning sky filled with reds and pinks and dark blues and clouds streaked and no wind and no rain, i was so tempted.

. . . this could have been one of the tougher workouts of my ever so short running career. besides being so incredibly long (10 miles of tempo), mentally it was grueling. i did my warm up and was greeted once again by my new friend the blue heron. nearly in the exact place as last friday. again he did not allow me the joy of watching his flight.

next i went to the bathroom and when i came out the track was overtaken by runners. i actually don't mind this. speedwork is so difficult for me and even more so by yourself. and although none of them run with me, i use them for encouragement nonetheless. i imagine that they know what my planned workout is, along with proper paces, and that my watch is forever before their eyes. they are my accountability, they push me along. they guy in lane eight, the old timer cinched in spandex. the newbie in lane one wearing his hooded sweatshirt. the faithful pair in lanes four and five who seem more fitted for lifting, yet have found a certain peace in running. they pushed me through my first four miles. but at the end of those four, i felt so weak, so spent, i had no idea how i would finish this workout, let alone hit the next three at tempo. i tried to just focus on those four minutes of easy pace, not on what was to come. i tried to relax my breathing, to live in those four minutes. to stretch those four minutes. to allow them to spread throughout my whole being, slowing my heart, giving me strength.

and then i was off again. three miles at tempo. and somehow, i found strength, reserve that i didn't know was even there. my mind was allowed to float free for the first mile without really focusing while at the same time hitting my tempo. mile two was difficult. i tried focusing. my mental image of the child. running for running's sake. for pure joy. running free. with that mile over and only one more to go, i felt better even though it was still a push. and now only three minutes of rest. it's just not long enough. i tried some of the same tricks. i tried to convince myself of my own strength, of my will, of my ability. that i am fast, fast enough. that it was only ten minutes. and what is ten minutes anyway?

and then i was off again. two miles at tempo. already feel weak, but able to push through the first half mile and a bit of the rest of that mile. but then things fall apart. every muscle is strained, i'm tensing while trying to relax while trying to push. things continue to go down hill. but then it is over. two minutes of rest. two minutes is nothing. i have been defeated but i will not bow down. not with only one mile to go. i will finish this workout or die trying. this may be the slowest tempo in history, but i'm going to do it. and i did and it was.

. . . a laughably clunky beginning to this run. will it be this painful for the next hour? i made the mistake of running all of my tempo work without switching directions on the track. my right butt has paid for this oversight. fortunately i did some yoga last night and just after i made it off of my street the pain ceased. it has warmed up considerably today. after the six miles at easy, i stop by my house and shed one pair of gloves and my long sleeve shirt, shoving them in my mail box, keeping my hat company which i left at the beginning of my run. so tempting to just walk into my house without doing these strides. got to keep going. don't even think about doing that. first stride feels a little clunky and slow. but as they progress, i'm getting faster and faster. i'm able to actually focus on relaxing, lengthening my stride, and a quick turnover. even the recovery at easy pace between each one becomes progressively easier. i'm consistently eight seconds faster than this pace even though i feel like i'm running slow. this shows me that my body is adapting to this training regimen. i remember just two weeks ago having to struggle to keep my easy pace between these strides. about an hour after my run, the rains came pummeling down. i love when i miss the rain.

. . . a powerful harsh wind. so fierce all the power in my neighborhood has gone out including the traffic lights, which made for an interesting drive downtown. the wind was like a river current for the first few miles of my run, pushing me along it's course. before i turned into it, i was seven seconds faster than my easy pace. but now it is in my face. at times this running feels anaerobic and i have to push into or fear for going backwards. shorter run than expected, my alarm didn't wake up.

. . . the wind and rains have both died down. the sky was amazing, clouds streaking, the mountains peaking out, the sun bringing soft pinks, just the thinnest of layers. i felt powerful during most of this run. really on top of this easy pace. felt like i could have gone all day. until i hit those last two miles. i wonder if it is a nutrition thing, if i need to start taking in some calories during runs that are longer than ten miles. whatever the case, things just came a lot harder. but i kept my pace. i really didn't want to do this run. i got out of bed a little after 6:30 and pictured myself just going back to sleep. so much of me wanted to. on this side of the run, i'm glad that i didn't.

. . . and again i miss the rains, this time by mere minutes, mere minutes i tell you. just as i'm walking to my front door, the heavens break loose. mass flooding the rest of the day, cars and trucks pushing hard through large puddles on the side of the road, spraying water, cascading over the side walk, the very same sidewalk i was running on this morning. my timing has been perfect this week. though tomorrow looks less than hopeful.

stage one of this 18 miler was one of mass overheating. i mistook the temperature quite largely. fortunately five miles into the run, i was by the church and dropped off my under shirt and thicker gloves in my office. this actually turned out great because i could drink water from our cooler, cold and refreshing. i also had to visit the port-a-potty a half mile from the church.

stage two was the greatest part of the run. from mile five to the willamette track at mile eleven, i felt great. perfect body temp. now, my right hamstring which was a little tight (not hurt mind you) had loosened up considerably, my stride felt long, i was cruising easily.

stage three was the most boring. for some reason i decided to do two miles around the track. even now i don't know why. it seems like i had a few reasons, next to a bathroom and water fountain (which i used both), some good flat before the hills back, didn't feel like hitting downtown traffic, etc, whatever.

stage four was difficult but triumphant. four hills. the first on a mulch path. the second a long but relatively gentle grade. the third shorter but steeper. the last even shorter and much steeper. surprisingly, i kept my pace without much of a push. i think back to this same route (only without the track work making it 15 miles) and how hard it was at this pace two weeks ago. this is encouraging.

stage five, the final three miles was sheer death and misery. i was cruising downhill thinking myself home free when a vicious side ache similar to the one from last week hit me. this small ball of fiery pain in my lower right lung, making it difficult to breath and even stand up straight. i considered stopping, lifting my hands over my head, and deep breath the thing out. but then i had this thought . . . what if this happened in my marathon? what would you do? would you really just stop to work it out? my will answered back with a resounding NO!! never. this is my commitment, to never stop and walk during a race, not even last august when i had broke my foot on a 5k. you've got to figure this out. you've got to keep your pace and attempt to breath it out or else just suffer through it. but do not slow down, do not stop. i wish i could say that in the face of this resolve the side ache quivered back into it's lair from which it came, but that was not the case. it stuck with me until the 18 miles was complete.

. . . and now today i leave for camp, but before i go, i must finish these final 5 miles. alarm failed to wake me up again, fortunately had enough buffer time to still get in this run and make it to the church ten minutes before everyone else. i hate telling everyone as the leader to be there at a certain time and then arrive late. i felt really slow for the meager 2 mile warm up, right leg still sore in the butt and hamstring. loosened up in time for the strides. however those felt exceptionally slow. not a great way to end a week of training but at least i got in all my miles during a crazy week (more of this sort of craziness will follow) and i beat out the rain once again.

to fail is to succeed: week 2

2010-01-06T12:42:00.000-08:00

sunday, 5 miles . . .

monday, 13 miles . . .

2 mile easy

5 X 1000m @ 3:03 with 4 min. recovery

6 X 400m @ :67 with full recovery

tuesday, 10 miles . . .

6 miles easy

8 X strides

wednesday, 13 miles . . .

thursday, 10 miles . . .

friday, 20 miles . . .

2 miles easy

3 miles tempo (5:20 pace)

10 miles easy

3 miles tempo

2 miles easy

saturday, 9 miles . . .

6 miles easy

6 X strides

. . . and what happened on sunday? even now, i cannot say for sure. i changed nothing in my diet, sleep, stretching, or anything. it must just be the wear from the first week, the wear from the change. i thought that i would go out for an easy 5 mile run before church. this would not be so. i considered stopping at 3. just trying to stay at my easy pace was difficult. everything was clunky, painful, hard. so glad when this run was over. saturday was so easy. more than the pain, i hate how these little dips in training fill me with such negative thoughts and doubts about what i am attempting to do here. trying to overcome this mental battle is an ongoing challenge that i never thought would play such a crucial role in this effort. yet here it is hovering. fortunately, later in the week, a friend of mine drove by me giving me a fist of glory. later she said i was going fast. this is what i must cling to. a simple mantra. i am fast.

. . . and then monday happens. and i am not yet fast or not fast enough. on the first 1000m repeat i was off by a second. and the results only got worse, cascading down to the pitiful, not even a whisper of my goal. i post them here so as not to hide from my defeat, but rather, like my pain, i will embrace it ever so closely that it may push me.

1000m:

1--3:04:07

2--3:04:10

3--3:05:50

4--3:08:33

5--3:12:75

800m:

1--70:10

2--70:82

3--71:15

4--71:08

5--71:90

6--72:02

but there is hope in the midst of this, this success in the failure is that i can post these results. here stands ALL 5 1000m repeats and ALL 6 800m repeats. no it was not pretty, but it was done. this is my success, that i kept going. this is what marathon is all about. the will to finish, to keep going, to never give up, as you sense yourself getting ever slower, as your goal is slipping away, your splits ever skewed, your goals changing mid stride, you do not stop. i considered it. after a few of those that thought entered my head, 'just quit now, what's the point.' i will no longer listen to that voice.

. . . and tuesday, i am still off my game. running is not fun. struggling for motivation, struggling to keep going, struggling through those 8 repeats, which felt like a miniature version of yesterday.

. . . and then there was wednesday, blessed wednesday, the turning point in my week. everything snaps into place. things are easy again. effortless. the joy of running returns. thursday is similar. looking forward to the long run on friday. ready to face the challenge of the tempo.

. . . at the track for the two miles of warm up. it is still dark. no one else is about. i look into the adjacent baseball field. what looks like a large sprinkler stands in the middle. i round the track and look again. not so sure it is a sprinkler any longer. i round the track again, looking for it. beautiful. i giant blue heron, standing majestically. it's getting lighter. i look forward to seeing it in full light. perhaps spreading it's wings in flight. no such luck, it is gone.

the warm up is done. i shed my jacket. 3 miles at 5:20. i never thought i would say this, but it was easy. i warmed up, had to focus slightly, but other than that, it was so fluid, so epic. i feel confident. change shoes, rehydrate, take some blocks, and hit the streets for 10 miles at easy.

this is when things start to become a challenge. must be some sort of delayed reaction to my tempo run. not quite sure how tempo run part two is going to work out. i hit up minto brown. signs of high water are everywhere. flooding has taken over. the river is engorged, tearing everything along with it, large piles of wood and earth. and then we meet again. the blue heron, staring me down and then flying off. i need to turn around, too much water. this quick, yet slow turn, drops my average by a second. i am over my training pace. i try to kick it up but there is nothing.

i am back at the track. the coat is shed once more. 3 more miles at 5:20. the first one is terribly inconsistent. i can't find my rhythm. the middle one is all focus. trying to stick with it while fighting my body which is so desparetly wanting to stop. yet somehow i keep driving around that track. the last is all effort, all heart, all guts, nothing left. and then it is over. i am in my cool down. and it is easy again. the last half mile a penetrating ache in my right lower lung. hard to stay up straight, but still i smile. it's over. and i succeeded. i can do this.

. . . it's saturday morning. this week is over. the last 9 miles. the last 6 strides. takes a while to shake off yesterday's effort, but it comes back. strides feel good, better than earlier in the week. i think i'll take tomorrow off.

change: week 1

2010-01-02T22:00:00.001-08:00

sunday, 0 miles . . .

monday, 12 miles . . .

2 miles easy

40 minutes at tempo (5:31)

2.75 miles easy

tuesday, 11 miles . . .

7 miles easy

8 X strides with full recovery

wednesday, 15 miles . . .

thursday, 11 miles . . .

friday, 18 miles . . .

2.35 miles easy

30 minutes at marathon (5:36)

4:45 minutes at tempo (5:20--actual 5:17)

25 minutes at marathon

4:45 minutes at tempo--actual 5:16

4:45 minutes at marathon--actual 5:34

3.17 miles easy

saturday, 11 miles . . .

8 miles easy

6 X strides with full recovery

. . . felt great to not run for a day. after four weeks of running big miles, no breaks, and a constant pace of 6:44 (with the exception of a few strides), i am now turning a corner. first i have bumped up a level fitness wise. my new 'easy' pace has lowered to 6:39. this sounds less than easy and especially on wednesday's run, this was the case. second, i have exited the base training and entered marathon specific training. this means more speed and a slight dip in overall miles, at least for this first few weeks.

. . . monday's run almost didn't happen. the ground was icy when i first woke up fortunately, my wife slept in a little longer than normal, so my run started later. which was fine because i am on winter break. an entire week off from work and we aren't traveling anywhere. a wondrous 'stay-cation' as a friend of mine called it. this pace for this length felt good. the first ten minutes went by without much thought or effort. i had to start working it out mentally after that but i didn't have to push all that hard at the end. this gives me much comfort and confidence. the rest of the day was spent in a luscious runner's high. loads of energy, feeling good.

. . . as i said, wednesday was tough, really tough. especially coming up those hills from downtown on the final miles. constant pushing, heavy breathing, muscles aching, the death of 6:39. i did keep my pace, which is the good news, but i'm beginning to doubt my fitness and speed. wondering if i have set my sights too high (or in this case too fast). and on a completely different note, my daughter got a fish with her christmas money. while attempting to fill the tank with the tiny rocks, she dropped them all over the floor. naturally we didn't get all of them. evidence: one such rock rolling around in my sock, first noticed at mile 8. ever so annoying.

. . . friday was beautiful but difficult. it started out so warm. no wind, no rain. i had overdressed, but it was too late to go back. i didn't even have a t-shirt. i was planning to use my long sleeve shirt that zips half way down with no shirt on underneath it, since it had been so cold as of late. during the warm up, i was shedding fast. then the real work out began. along with the pouring, large drops of rain, and an intense head wind for half of the track. that first 30 minutes at marathon pace was a constant struggle, a constant focus. i was wondering how i would find the push to hit the tempo pace. but then it came, i surged, and quite surprising myself, i hit it. it actually seemed easier that the marathon pace. i had to hold myself back at times. strange. and then the ultimate mental low after this. i had only done half of my workout. where did i find the strength to hit that 25 minutes at marathon pace? i have no idea. but it came. i kept going. kept running. and again the tempo was easier. that last 4:45 at marathon was quite difficult but then it was over. i was sore, hurting, tired, cold, drenched in sweat and rain and snot and tears, but feeling triumphant. it wasn't until later that day when i realized that i had actually done . . . nearly a half marathon where my slowest pace was a 5:36 with two surges at 5:16/5:17. this, for me, is a huge leap. my current half pr is a 5:56 pace. granted today was on a track, but had it been a race, i believe i could have even pushed faster.

in a fog

2009-12-24T22:00:00.000-08:00

wednessday 16 miles . . .

thursday 16 miles . . .

6 x strides

the temperature has once again dropped and the ninja hoodie is making its grande reappearance. to this i say excellent. along with that is this amazing fog that lasts through much of the day. a thick wet fog that sits like so many transulent bubbles on my back, forearms, gloves. giving me this sense that i belong out here with the rest of the scenary soaked in a glorious mist. i love days like this.

i am nearing the end of my four weeks. i won't lie. i am weary. these days, after days, of running long miles has been quite wearisome. a change of pace next week will be nice. taking a day off will be nice. but still i must push through. two more days. 30 more miles. and then i did it!!

the strides felt great. i didn't hit any 21's like yesterday but on average they were faster, so i am improving. also within the strides themselves, i keep getting faster and faster.

coming out of one and turning the corner, i was startled by the ground moving around me in all directions. i looked more closely, they were birds. tiny, chubby, feather stuffed birds. they must have been all congregating in one area and my shoe broke them off. it was like stepping in puddle, the scattered clinging low to the ground.

creatures in the dark

2009-12-20T21:30:00.000-08:00

6 miles (or so i think) . . .

once again, i forgot to charge my garmin. this has become quite the ritual of hearing the beep to signify the low battery, leaving it on after the run, hoping and trying to remember to plug it in that night, and waking up the next morning with a sudden sting of horror realizing that i've forgotten. a system must be put in place. the idea: keep watch in the bathroom in my little container where my contact case and other toiletries are housed when it needs to be charged, that way, i'll see it there at night and remember to plug it in.

so the plan for this particular, exceedingly dark morning, was to run the mile to the high school and do laps around the track. this way i can hit the exact mileage i need to while getting the added bonus of running on a soft surface. this plan was working out great until i made it to said high school and squeezed through the little chained gate (a lame attempt at keeping unauthorized people out) and i noticed some trash cans knocked over close by. in the dark, i can make out two beady eyes, and a large black shadow creeping behind one of the cans. my mind quickly runs through all the possibilities of this unidentified animal . . . cat, nutria, raccoon, baby cougar with mama close by, black bear cub. i don't stick around long enough to put weight on any one of these theories. i squeeze back through the gate trying to keep an eye on the creature which is now carefully stepping closer towards me and run away, far away, to the grade school and run laps on the mulch path.

should have switched days

2009-12-19T21:00:00.000-08:00

friday, 10 miles . . .

saturday, 22 miles . . .

i went into saturday's run thinking that it would be glorious, easy, comfortable (as far as long runs go at any rate). the reason for this unprecedented confidence was because of friday's run. it was all those things and more. i was flowing, it was easy, i felt as though i could have run forever at an even faster pace, and in retrospect i suppose i should have. for some strange reason, the long run was the exact opposite and i can't for the life of me figure out the reason. although i did hit my goal pace (i was actually at 6:43 for about 90 percent of the time), it came with much difficulty. even though i took three gels perfectly spaced consuming water after each, i still felt weak, behind, i sense of urgency, of the pace just running away from me. i didn't even come close to the delirium of last week, it wasn't that death fatigue. it was more a constant pain that would shift from muscle to muscle, moving through from hips, to side, to shins, to thighs, and back to hips again.

this is super discouraging. i would think after three weeks of these big miles from a consistent base and training program with the exception of the s.n.s, which was probably a good thing for my body to recover, that this easy pace would all come easy. and maybe that is my problem, the trip up in my logic. running these big miles will not always feel easy no matter how far along i get because running is not easy. there is no coasting, no cruising, no going out with incredible ease. yes there will be moments. but i didn't take up this project because it would be easy. quite the opposite.

ice capades

2009-12-13T21:00:00.000-08:00

saturday, 10 mile . . .

surprisingly not sore at all from yesterday's long run!!! must have been all of that massage work.

started my run late again because i slept with my son again. i started going down the sidewalk, when i hit a patch of ice. even worse on the road. i turned around a headed towards the elementary school that has a nice little mulch path a little less than a third of a mile long (or rather short).

yes that's right. i spent the next hour doing approximately 28 laps around the play ground. there is a little rise and fall during this loop and it is rather beautiful there. but this was a bit ridiculous. this is as close as i will ever get to running on a treadmill. this takes considerably more mental toughness than one big loop. with a loop (even a there and back course) you have to run back home, there is no choice. with this, each lap is a choice.

the only thing keeping me going was the fact that this was the last run of the week and i needed to put in all ten to complete my mileage.

i use to think that there was something magical about this high number of weekly mileage, something heroic, epic, adventurous. but after this run, especially after this run, i realize that it is just a number which means that you are running even longer and even more. that running is just about consistency, going out there and getting your miles in, no matter what that means. and for an icy day that will be 28 laps around a play ground.

sunday, 12 miles . . .

baby woke me up 20 minutes before i actually needed to. i thought that i would take advantage of this and put in some extra miles to get a jump on the week. usually sunday running is so short because of church, i feel like i'm playing catch up all week, like i have no give in my miles.

i started going along my run and everything was fine. but it was dark. this always slows me down a little because i want to be careful. after the second mile i was quite a ways from my target pace--and i was going downhill. i picked up the pace, still headed downhill. finally at the end of this section i had hit my pace. this was a bit worrisome because most of the way back is either flat or uphill. little did i know this wasn't going to be the problem.

after i turned of the main road to hit up some more residential areas, i hit some pretty bad ice. and there was nothing i could do at that point. fortunately it was intermittent and i switched frequently back and forth between the sidewalk and the road depending on which was less icy. for a lot of the time i ran on this very slim section that was between the road and the sidewalk that never seemed to have ice.

i did pass one other runner near the end of the run. he looked like he was going pretty strong and he had quite the entourage of dogs with him. one in front, two behind. not that close to him. none of them leashed. but they must have been trained really well because they didn't even look at me.

so i'm going into the week with an extra four miles to play with. i'll have to use them wisely.

on the drive to church, i came to a sudden realization. i had run more miles last week than i had drove. epic.

delirium

2009-12-11T21:00:00.000-08:00

22 miles . . .

last night my son got sick. really sick. so sick my wife gave the advice nurse a call. she thinks that it could be croup, which although it rhymes with poop, there is nothing else all that funny about it. they suggested one of us sleep with him just in case his coughing becomes so bad that we need to take him to the emergency room. since my wife needs to wake up with baby to feed her early in the morning, this job went to me.

it was actually great cuddling with my boy and comforting him all through the night. what wasn't good was sharing a twin size bed with him, having to curl up my legs so that my feet didn't dangle over the end of the bed, and waking up every hour or so to the poor little guy violently coughing.

we all woke up at 8:30. at which point i ate my pre-run meal of almond butter and jelly toast and a half of banana. then i fed the other three kids and got them dressed. wife and baby came out at around 9:30 so i didn't start my run until a little after 10.

this was actually pleasant in the sense that it was a bit warmer and at one point i thought that i had overdressed but i think it ended up getting colder. i ran out of gels and blocks (though i did finally order them), but i went to roth's the night before and picked up a cliff bar. i ate half at 7 miles and the other at 15. but this little bar, coupled with the late start, proved to be not enough fuel for such a long run.

the last couple of miles, i think i was in some sort of weird delirious state. by this time it was close to 1 in the afternoon. at one point as i was pushing up a hill talking to myself to provide motivation a guy walking across the street (four lanes of traffic mind you) looked over at me. i must have been talking so loud, he thought i was talking to him. turning became difficult and it took me a long time to distinguish between cars that were moving and ones that were parked.

when i made it home, motor skills were fuzzy, i felt light headed, flushed in the face, and nothing sounded good to eat, but i knew that i needed to. after a couple of meals and a shower, i felt better.

recovery

2009-12-10T11:13:00.000-08:00

tuesday, 15 miles . . .

wednesday, 15 miles . . .

thursday, 15 miles . . .

now this is the strange thing, all of the pains that i had as a result of saturday's long run have been slowly vanishing in the midst of these 15 mile days. this distance at this speed has become such a staple that my body is actually able to heal itself in these what would a year ago been considered back to back to back long runs.

there is however a monotony and a huge mental barrier to overcome. after an hour and forty minute run realizing that i have to wake up and the next day and do it all over again is a tough project for the psyche. it's best just to try and lie to yourself.

wednesday was exceptionally hard in this aspect. it was the coldest day yet and less than a mile into it i was already freezing despite my many layers. then it hit me hard, completely overwhelming me, tempting me to return to the warmth of home. you are going to be cold for the next hour and forty minutes. i tried surging uphills but still i stayed cold. when i got back home, i had not a drop of sweat.

a pain in my butt

2009-12-07T21:00:00.000-08:00

sunday, 8 miles . . .

and quite literally. the long run on saturday had some pretty steep sections of downhill running, something that i don't do too often. this coupled with the long run and the total mileage from the week, caused a deep knot in my left butt cheek. it must of developed over the night as i was sleeping, what a cheap trick, because i didn't feel it at all on saturday.

and actually that whole left leg was pretty sore everywhere. mainly the butt and the calve. the first two miles was sheer utter misery. it filled me with doubts of myself. my running was clunky, a bit of a limp, and it just hurt so bad. i was tempted many times to just cut it short, but i knew that i would have to pay for it later on in the week. it didn't help that it was even colder, started earlier, and there was a vicious wind.

but some how, i kept going. and as i was clunking along, in terrible form, fortunately it was dark and no one was out to bear witness to this miserable creature, i noticed that i was getting faster and faster. things were working themselves out. i never really hit a rhythm. it never stopped hurting. but i did it. i ran it. and that's all i can say.

monday, 15 miles . . .

last night, i tried everything i could to work out that butt. stretches, using the stick, everything i could think of. i finally went to runner's world and a forum suggested using a tennis ball. so i went into the garage and hunted. success--which if you've seen my garage is an absolute miracle. so there i sat on the floor, rolling on the tennis ball and finally that beautiful, terribly terrific pain of working out a knot. i did this several times.

that made this morning's run significantly easier, though for the first mile i was still a little clunky. at least i'm healing and it's an injury that loosens up with a run instead of becoming worse. though downhill just kills.

plan on doing more work with the tennis ball. what funny tricks we learn.

in the dog house

2009-12-05T14:04:00.000-08:00

thursday, 15 miles . . .

friday, 11 miles . . .

i don't remember too much about these two runs other than the fact that it each day was colder than the previous and that i keep hitting my times. i've solved that inner thigh problem, thanks to the stick, and things are pretty much under control.

friday, i went in search of the christmas tree. deep into the woods my brother and i hiked looking for it. this year was a real beauty. ended up going a mile up and a mile back to the truck pulling the tree. didn't effect saturday's long run though, like i thought it might.

saturday, 19 miles . . .

i found this sight which has proven to be most helpful for the runner: http://www.usatf.org/routes/index.asp. you type in a city and different routes pop up. just for new ideas and the like. the endless effort to keep the running fresh. there was a nice little loop that i added to that i've never ran before, so i thought i would give it a try.

it was amazing. lazy country roads. rolling hills. large fields, some barren, some vineyards, all frosted over. old trees. old cars. old roads. train tracks. no trains. few cars. along the river. the shoulder wasn't that big at times but i had no problem running on the road. only once did i have to go through a ditch. no big deal.

the only real problem in all this is the tendency for those who live outside of the city limits to: 1) own dogs 2) have poor or no fences 3) leave said dogs unleashed.

encounter one . . . i heard a dog start barking and running towards me. this house had a long driveway. i was going downhill. i thought for a second. it was still early in the run. i felt good. i decided that i would outrun him. and the crazy thing, it worked!!!

encounter three and four . . . after the previous two encounters, i kept my eyes open to any and all dogs in the yards around me until i made it back into salem. i spotted an unchained unfenced german shepherd and a pit bull. yes, a pit bull. fortunately neither one of these dogs spotted me.

encounter two . . . dog starts to bark and he is close, too close to outrun even though i am on a steep down hill. so i stop and put out my hand. he stops barking after a few minutes. so i take a step down the road. he barks again, so i stop. now it becomes a ten minute game of red light green light except i'm going away from the light and losing equals teeth in my leg (or worse). a few cars pass me in this time and i stick out my thumb, hoping to hitchhike even 200m. no one stops. so i use the cars as cover and walk quickly as they pass (probably laughing the whole time). by this time i am completely cooled off, sweat freezing in the air.

i've looked up on a few websites and it seems like the answer is pepper spray. the thing is i really like this route and i'm not going to allow some back woods x-logger (i know making assumptions) who doesn't chain up his dog or even wake up when he is barking intermittently for ten minutes, stop me from doing it again.

other point of interest for this run . . . there was an older lady out running, right towards me. her legs looked like cooked, wet spaghetti noodles. i'm not sure how she did it but they would wobble in and out, like jelly fish tentacles before they struck the ground.

i hard push back uphill towards the end. but i did it. week one of base building is over and successful. two more to go. but for now i won't think of that. i'll just focus on what i've accomplished.

and the weather just keeps dropping

2009-12-02T16:42:00.000-08:00

15 miles . . .

frost over everything. a cold wind. a beautiful morning. clear blue sky. hood and jefferson dark in the distance. when the sun finally rose, i got to run straight into it for a few miles. it was amazing. a few times, i had to jump over or run around patches of ice on the sidewalk from night time watering. i had a couple of close calls and slips, but nothing bad.

i felt very weary at the end of this run. i have to order those gels on bloks. must do it tonight. 15 miles is too long to not refuel.

i ran the same course as yesterday but in reverse. it's funny how that completely transforms a route. though it felt the same. it took me until the eighth mile or so to get into a groove and then i had to go to the bathroom. the city is working on an on-ramp for the freeway and have abandoned one area, but left the port-a-potty. it was in the perfect place for me.

i wore my ninja hoodie again, keeping it on my lower jaw. i know that i probably look funny, but i don't care. it is so warm and breathable. besides if i can wear tights, i can wear anything.

really had to motivate myself at two points today. the first was just getting out of bed. so tired, so exhausted. i let all three vibrating alarms go off and then tacked on another 20 minutes or so of just laying in bed. fortunately i didn't fall back asleep.

the second time was right before that 8 mile hump. i just had to focus on my movement. telling, lying to myself, that i can do this, that it didn't hurt, that it was easy, that i can make, that i will make it. i tried every trick in the book and apparently it worked because i didn't stop or slow down.

it is such a mental thing, this running business. but the question is this: if your body wants to stop and your mind is telling you to stop and those two things are working against you, what keeps you going? is it your will? what is it when you even lose your will to run? what keeps those legs moving? it is something beyond that. maybe even outside of myself. many writers and runners have talked about the spiritual side of running. and since i am a christian, i believe that CHRIST infuses everything that i say, think, or do. which includes running.

maybe it is this. the spiritual that keeps us going. in fact, i know that's what it is for me.

gels and crosswalks

2009-12-01T12:20:00.001-08:00

15 miles . . .

today was much like yesterday but a few degrees cooler. that could be because my alarm actually woke me up and i was an hour earlier. far off fog clinging to the clouds instead of the earth. a mist that never quite turned into a rain. not cold enough for a frost but this weekend we are to get quite a winter blast. the ninja hoodie shall return!!!

i need to order some new gels and bloks, i'm down to my last one and i need to save it for friday's long run. so i didn't take in any calories once i started my run. i definitely felt it near the end and the chocolate milk afterwards felt great. i did take a couple drinks of water at the ten mile mark.

the first mile and half i felt great, strong, in control, thinking it would be an easy run. and then the same thing happened as yesterday. from that point on until just before the 8 mile mark, i was struggling and it was mostly down hill. and then something magically switched and it was easy. even the hills on the way back home were easy. i ended the run at a 6:43 pace.

i had to hit the bathroom at bush park. just before i got there, a parks employee opened the door and stood his bathroom closed sign up. he only took a couple minutes. but then i had to go the bathroom (which seems to take awhile at times). so by the time i started running again, i had cooled off quite a bit. the first 200m or so everything felt awkward and painful. that quickly passed and was replaced with a side stitch that fortunately i could breath out.

i like to watch people at crosswalks go ape on the button to cross the street. at first the push it once. then twice in a row. then they just attack it, repeated strikes. i think if i designed these i would have these attacks make the people wait longer. or maybe there could be a little voice that mocks them.

i have a lot on my mind today. couldn't sleep well last night, tossing and turning, looking at the time. i hate nights like this. i know that this sort of stress affects my running as it affects all areas of life. but the quote from runner's world that i get regularly said 'they say that you can't run away from your troubles. i say that you can.' this is what i clung to on this run. i would use it to center myself, calm myself, bring peace, pray. at it's hardest moments, i used it to motivate me in other areas of my life. if i can run 15 miles today at this pace and again tomorrow, then i am unstoppable. i can face anything in victory. i need not be afraid or be filled with anxiety.

sore quads at the moment. could be from holding screaming baby while doing lunges to stop the screaming.

and so it begins (again)

2009-11-30T14:40:00.000-08:00

sunday, 10.75 miles . . .

today it begins. the new training program with four weeks of base building. welcome my old friends. ice baths. long runs. marathon pace. three gels. something always sore.

and then there is the big one. no sugar. the rule is if sugar (dextrose, high fructose corn syrup, brown sugar, etc.) is in the first three ingredients, then i don't eat it. with the exception of chocolate milk as a recovery drink and syrup with my pancakes at the otis cafe. this rule is held in effect until after the eugene marathon, the first week in may.

the discovery from saturday of massaging out that left inner thigh has truly saved me. i felt strong this morning. my legs free, nimble, relatively pain free. fog was starting to set in but i was about 30 minutes too early. while driving to church, it completely surrounded me. i would have loved to run in that.

i feel like i could have ran more, but time was against me.

i used my ninja hoodie for the first time and lifted it up over my lower jaw. it was amazing. warm, yet breathable, the ears and neck completely covered, with the constant option of either covering the lips and nose or dropping it off the jaw.

also used a watch my wife bought me that has a vibrating alarm so i don't wake up her or the baby for my runs. worked great.

monday, 14.25 miles . . .

a cool, misty, high fog, slight drizzle day. the new watch failed to wake me up this morning. finally opened my eyes on my own an hour late. i probably needed this sleep.

this was a strange phenomenon. the pace felt like a push that was harder than normal. my breathing, my muscles, everything seemed to be staining just a bit more than i like on an easy run. but then at mile 8, something switched. something changed. it was instantly easy and effortless. i was going to only do 13 because of the watch debacle, but i was feeling too good and the weather was too nice. these are the moments that you just have to grab at as a runner. put in more miles when you are feeling great so that you may put in less when you aren't.

there were quite a few runners out. people i had never seen on the streets before. this is a strange season to pick up this sport.

the motivating thought of the day. the only difference between 'i'm doing it' and 'i did it' is time. the idea here is that nothing will stop me. these four weeks of base training is already done in my mind, time just has to catch up with it. i've already qualified for the olympic trials, time just has to catch up with it. so i will be patient and know that i'm already there.

the things we try

2009-11-28T16:14:00.000-08:00

left thigh continued to cause pain throughout the morning especially when standing up.

i tried to stretch it out, trying various stances. the traditional splits, a deep lunge, a deep lunge with my left foot raised, a strange contortion involving a slanted lunge, twisted hip, and one arm up in the air. none of these seemed to quite get the spot.

i tried the stick. i threw my leg up on a stool and rolled it out. but i couldn't get high enough on the thigh. next i tried sitting on the ground and driving the handle into the spot. this seemed to help a bit but i still couldn't get deep enough. next i tried laying on my bed sideways, straddling the stick and using my body weight. this got me closer.

and then suddenly through all of these attempts, it came to me. i put one end of the stick on the piano bench and the other on the bed frame. i got on my side and laid down. i set my left thigh on the stick and rolled my body across it.

this was the pain i was looking for. the runner is so tuned into his body, he knows the difference between a good pain and a bad pain. there is a pain that brings healing in the hurt. it is deep, brings tears to the eyes, makes you all hot and sweaty, but in the end you know it is good. so you count to ten, as slow as you can muster and you push through it. like a track workout, like an ice bath, like passing on the homemade apple pie. you push because you know that this will bring you one step close to your goal.

so i lift up my ceramic mug half filled with lukewarm french press coffee that i made over two hours ago and have already microwaved once and toast to the good pain that brings me the confidence for tomorrow.

lessons from my left thigh

2009-11-28T09:33:00.000-08:00

6 miles . . .

left inner thigh is really tight. i worked it out quite a bit before and after the run, but still the pain is persisting. when i turn my leg in just the right (or wrong) way it is a sharp, piercing type of sensation. i've got to start focusing on this area before it actually affects my running like last marathon training. it got so bad that the first couple miles was all pain causing a shorter stride. the plan? stretching, rolling, and i need to do some strength exercises. i'm thinking of some plyometrics?

needles to say, this doesn't instill within me great confidence as i enter into these four weeks of base training. i had this concept that i would be going into it strong, rested, recovered, and above all mentally ready to tackle this 20+ week training cycle (which will be the most intense of my short marathon career). instead, i struggled through this meager six mile run like it was a tempo run. and this after a week off and low mileage.

i guess the best i can hope for now is to put this run behind me and start focusing on what i need to focus on.

four weeks.

big miles.

6:44 pace.

exceptionally unexceptional

2009-11-27T11:25:00.000-08:00

13 miles . . .

a run without anything exceptional happening. which in and of itself is exceptional because it has been one week and one day since the s.n.s. surgery. so to have nothing truly tragic or monumental happen on a 13 mile run where i hit an average of 6:42 is wondrous. it's funny how those little doubts began to hit you in times of rest but it feels like i didn't lose any of my fitness. not to say that this was an easy run. rather it was a constant see saw between ease and minor discomfort. much of the way it felt a week ago.

some of my minor aches which were gone yesterday started creeping back in slowly throughout this run. particularly my left inner thigh and the bottom of my right foot. but only slightly.

i started late enough to miss all of the morning rain and actually near the end the sun broke through the thin layer of grey.

on the very last mile, i saw someone i went to college with and see at the coffee shop from time to time because he started dating one of the barristas. this is the third time i've seen him running in the past week. he use to be a soccer player but now has moved to the only true sport left.

one more day left and then the base building begins for the eugene marathon.

one hundred percent

2009-11-26T10:26:00.000-08:00

9 miles . . .

today i am back and better than ever. i feel my strength, speed, and endurance completely back but with even something more. it's like these six days rest was a pushing of a reset button on all of my minor aches and tightness that never quite escalates to an injury so you just run through it. you stretch, roll, ice as much as you can but still they slowly persist. on this run, they were all gone. i ran completely pain free and hit my 6:44 pace early on and never went over it.

a slight misty mixed rain slowly descended unending upon me throughout the entire run, like running through a thick wet fog. grey skies overtook the sun just before i started. i caught a slim glimpse of it standing on my deck judging the temperature. its edges were softened by the cloud covered sky. it was incredible. i was hoping it would stick around for a bit during my run. no such luck.

already my wife has made these amazing cinnamon roll type creations of moist dough, sugar, and butter. my goal is to eat no sweets for the day.

let's see what happens.

working out the bugs

2009-11-25T11:05:00.000-08:00

4.4 miles . . .

woke up a little tender but not swollen in 'the area.' took some ibuprofen, slid into my tights, and hit the streets. today was that beautiful day that i dream of. crisp, foggy, blue sky. mmmmm.

the first mile felt really awkward and rusty. but i wasn't worried about my pace. hung around 7:10's or so. and i just ran. freedom. peace. all of those worries from a few days ago about losing my love for my mistress vanished on this run.

and then something strange . . .

every block or so, my pace kept creeping faster and faster without my really trying. things loosened up. i fell into my old pace from two weeks ago and hung there easily. 6:49. and then it began to creep lower. in the final half mile, i was at 6:46 a mere 2 seconds from my pace before the surgery.

so i pushed a little. and right before the 4.4 my watch read 6:44. excellent.

zero to sixty in 1.1

2009-11-24T21:59:00.000-08:00

2.2 miles . . .

what a way to come back into running after all these sedentary days. i'm sure this goes against all conventional wisdom, but i just couldn't help myself. i got an email inviting me to the nike campus to test out the 2010 lunar racers that they are in the process of developing. i was a little unsure if i would be able to do it, since i started getting a little swollen from the surgery on one side. but i started taking ibuprofen, icing with frozen sweet peas, and wearing boxers. so by today, i was pretty much back to normal.

there were four of us at the test. there were two different pairs that we had to try, looking for similarities and differences. it was a .33 mile lap that we would run three times in each pair. the first would be at a typical training pace. the second at tempo. the third at 5k race pace. something about when the word race hits my ears. it became a race. not a test. not a first day back. a race. between me and three other guys on the nike campus.

fortunately, nothing ended up hurting and i think it ended up loosening things more than anything else. the first pair i tried on were 10x better than the current model of lunar racers. they had a better fit, especially in the uppers and at the achilles tendon, where i typically get a little blister in the old model. they handled great around the many turns this loop had. and they were super fast and responsive.

then i laced up the second pair. noticed an instant difference. softer and more flexible sole instead of the rigidity typical in the racer. reminded me more of the lunar trainer. if the first shoe was a 9, this was a 10. this shoe was amazing. hopefully i'll be able to do a longer term trial with these because that 1.1 mile loop was just too short.

i also got a ten dollar gift certificate, a pair of lunar trainers, and another trip to the nike employee store.

all in all, a great day back to running.

you've been gone for awhile but i don't miss you

2009-11-23T10:37:00.001-08:00

0 miles . . .

today marks the fifth day that i haven't run in a row. what scares me is not my fitness level, strength, or anything like that. it's the fact that i haven't missed running at all and the fear that what if i never do. what if, when i start up again, i don't enjoy it? what if i've lost my passion?

this morning is beautiful. rigid and cold but brights, everything glistening. in my mind, the perfect day for a morning run. this thought came to me, but without any yearning. i thought that these five days would be a hard thing for me to do, that i would be trying to sneak in a run while no one was looking. but that has not been the case.

we shall see what happens tomorrow. for whether i want to or not, i will run.

i am so fickle in my feelings towards my mistress known as running.

what you do when all signs point against running

2009-11-20T12:40:00.000-08:00

0 miles . . .

yesterday was supposed to be a longer run somewhere around 15 miles. yesterday was also supposed to be my last run before the s.n.s surgery in the afternoon. so i woke up, got out of bed, ate, went to the bathroom, and even got all dressed up in my beloved tights, bright orange top, and shoes. i believe that my hat was even on too. that is when i realized that i had forgotten to charge my garmin from yesterday. no problem, i would just run without. then i noticed the light on in my kids' room. they were already up and playing on the floor, though they hadn't opened up the door yet, which my daughter does about one billion times every morning slamming the door, much too my wife's dismay. then i thought about the run. i felt tired in my legs. tired in general. and then i had this thought, today could be the last day in the next four months that i could actually willfully skip a run. and all the signs seemed to be pointing to it.

so i took off all my running stuff, went into the kids' room and we watched t.v. this is when the final sign was revealed to me that i should not have run that morning. we watched sid the science kid on o.p.b. he was getting a flu vaccination and was talking about all the science behind why we need them. this was the perfect episode for my daughter who was getting one today and was vehemently against it. they sang a song about it and kept repeating this little adage "it hurts for a little, but helps a lot." however, none of this really changed the fact that when she actually got the shot she held the door shut, kicked her legs, flailed her arms, and screamed a deathly scream that embarrassed my wife and confounded the friend that went with her to help. on a positive note, she said that if anyone ever tries to snatch my daughter, she won't go quietly. but in retrospect, i wonder if the show did help. maybe this was her tamed down version.

so now i've been in bed for nearly twenty-four hours, mainly keeping up on this blog and watching studio 60 on the sunset strip on hulu. i haven't gotten restless yet from this sedentary life. and the extra sleep has helped out a bunch. though when the itch to go out for a run overpowers me, i shall be miserable.

for now i will enjoy the life of a non-runner. though i am wearing my tights for support.

stretch, roll, recover, repeat

2009-11-18T11:15:00.000-08:00

10 miles . . .

the wind has died down, the rain is taking a short break, the sky is clear, the sun is large and bright, there is a chill in the air. these could perhaps be my favorite days to run. they are just beautiful.

when thinking about what route to do this morning, for some reason i thought of the trail. the trail that i haven't been on since they started advertising a cougar on it. the sign is gone now. this route is amazing. down the trail. out on a country road. through a running park paradise. a gravel path rarely traveled next to a wide river. back up through commercial st. is really the only annoying part, but there is no way around it.

i struggled today to stay on my 6:44 pace. one idea is that since this route is so out of the way, it could not get as good gps reception. or it could be my motivation. or it could be that i haven't been staying up on my yoga, stretching, and rolling out of my problem areas. two places of particular note: left hip flexor and left inner thigh.

this will be one of my goals for the break. stretching, rolling, recovery.

the burger king blues

2009-11-17T11:28:00.000-08:00

13.1 miles . . .

i think everything, all of my training, the baby, lack of sleep, the weather, all of it is combining together, all twelve weeks of it, since i started training with mr. daniels' is just stripping away my motivation to run, to put in the miles. when i woke up this morning, i did not want to get out of bed. i just wanted to sleep, to rest, to not run, not even one mile. just sit and read or watch tv or mess around on the computer or go to hulu and watch studio 60 on the sunset strip or do nothing. absolutely nothing. with no kids and nothing to do. but i figured since i was already up, i should just run. but there was no drive, no joy. just the drudgery of another nearly hour and a half run in crumby oregon weather.

the run itself was not difficult. i hit my times easily. even the hills and the wind and the cold and the rain was of little consequence. it's as though my mental strength has been pushed and stretched and beaten up and pounded and it just needs a vacation. but for now i will keep pushing. two more days. two more days of running. and then the s.n.s. i am strangely looking forward to this pseudo-vacation from not only running but from all that goes into it. i will sleep in. i will sit around. i will watch tv and movies and read and do nothing else. dr's orders, i embrace you.

major bowel problems today. (stop reading now if you don't want to know). as is my custom, i sat on the toilet, pre-run, in hopes to "get it all out." i was there for longer than normal, yet at the same time i just knew there was more. but i had already wasted too much time. so i stood up, flushed, and bid a hearty farewell to the house.

half way through, as i knew would happen, the urge for a bathroom came strong upon me. i crossed the street and headed to a coffee shop i frequent, begging that i may use the facilities. but then, just as quickly as it came, it left. so i, foolishly, kept running, crossing the street. as soon as i hit an uphill stretch, it came back, with a vengeance and i still had three miles to my house. there was no way that i could make it.

and then my salvation, a burger king. running across the busy street again, i ran toward the entrance, sneaking in, past the employees, straight to the bathroom, and out again, without anyone being the wiser.

now i feel better. the rain is falling now. cold hard rain. there is two miles of peace. the running is easy. there are no worries. and then the feeling comes back. arrrggghhh!!! for the next mile and a half, i am forced to stop three or four times to hold it all in. annoying.

wall of wind

2009-11-16T17:02:00.001-08:00

15.6 miles . . .

downhill from my house with a crazy tailwind behind pushing me further and further down into insanely fast times. but it wasn't a cold wind and there was no rain to go with it, so at least i wasn't miserable. a beautiful run around the park, over the river. but then i started getting nervous. my average kept creeping closer and closer second by second to 6:44 and i hadn't even started back uphill or into the wind. this was going to be interesting.

i finally turned the corner and it was like running into a wall of wind. it became anaerobic. it was a battle, a fight, a push. at times it would calm slightly but just as i hit the biggest, longest, steepest hill of the lot a huge gust fell upon me and i had the sensation that although my body was moving i wasn't going anywhere. like being on a treadmill. this passed after a few seconds but didn't die down completely. i ended up hitting an average of 6:42, which really shocked me when it was all said and done.

i might just be ready for this.

the new level

2009-11-16T17:01:00.000-08:00

6 miles . . .

today starts the new level of fitness from mr. daniels. every pace is faster now. the new target for easy running is 6:44, which now that i type it, seems fast and far removed from the category of easy. however, this morning i had little trouble hitting this time. but this is just week one.

also today is the official start for my marathon training. although it is just base building and due to the imminent s.n.s. surgery coming later this week along with mandatory bed rest, these first two weeks are really more of a rest time. this doesn't worry me because i have pushed so hard these past twelve weeks and i've been treating it like base building. i will still have four solid weeks of just easy running and i'll be ready.

dearest tights,

2009-11-16T16:48:00.001-08:00

why has no one spoken of your wonder to me before? we have only spent these two hours together and yet i feel like we know each other so well. it is like the beginning of a friendship. everything is fresh, everything is new. the hope of our imminent closeness excites me, bringing me to tears. everything about you is amazing. so amazing in fact, that i don't even care who sees me with you. in fact, it's the opposite. i want the whole world to know that we know each other.

you make me feel sleek, skinny, and fast. my legs seem to stride freer, easier, quicker. and so smooth, oh so smooth. all is hugged close, pressed together, compressed into a streamlined aerodynamic insanity. you support, i.t. band and quads and hamstrings and shins and calves.

not that you are some magical mystique that causes all pains disappear. yes it was a tough run at times as all long runs are. yes i felt some minor tightness at times in my left hip flexor because i forgot to work on it last night. you just make it all more pleasant. like sharing a trail with a close friend.

you are so transparent. i can feel the wind, each particle rushing at me. i can feel. as clothing should be, making me connect with my surroundings instead of breaking me off from them. yet at the same time your provide warmth and security. and your wicking power is amazing. when finally we had to depart, you left me dry. where did all that sweat go from such a long run? you will not divulge your secret.

no other pant will compare with you. i have found the pinnacle. and, yes, maybe i look funny. maybe people will stare at me. maybe i have gone too far. but in so doing i have found something amazing.

and there is no going back. i look forward to the next time we unite. in the meantime, rest yourself. there are many miles in your future.

forever and always yours,

rocky

ps 19.44 miles . . .

numb

2009-11-13T19:02:00.000-08:00

12.18 miles . . .

20 minute warm up
6 X 1000m at 3:24 with 1 minute recovery

6 X strides with full recovery

??? mile cool down

i can't recall in recent memory a more miserable run than this morning. the evil triumvirate of oregon weather pounding upon me: cold, wind, rain. any one of these on their own is of little consequence, though a bit annoying, especially when attempting tempo work. a combination platter is slightly worse depending on what the combo is. but all three as sometimes experienced here is terrible, miserable, and the road to hypothermia.

during the warm up, i never quite felt warmed up. i should have known better the moment i walked out my front door than to be wearing shorts. but this has become a bit of a tradition for me on my track workouts. in retrospect, i clean dry pair of pants for the warm up and cool down could have made a huge a difference.

at the track, my workout was momentarily paused as i debated over what to wear for my tempo workout. hat, gloves, arm warmers were the no brainers. but what of the thicker long sleeve adidas jacket? after much thought i took this off and started my workout thinking that the minute recover between each effort would not be ample time to lower my body temperature. i was only mostly right. as the cold, wind, and rain persisted, and at times became harsher, i felt a steady numbness starting in the fingers and crawling up the arm. by the last tempo, i could barely push the button on my watch to record the times, the end of my fingers being the numbest of all.

i decided it wise to put the jacket back on for the strides, since i was doing a full recovery between each. and though this was the right call, i believe that the damage had already been done. the only thing keeping me alive at this point was those quick bursts of speed ever three minutes or so.

but when that was over and the cool down began, i cascaded into ever descending circles of misery. typically i will switch back into my trail shoes for the cool down but i though that i just had to keep running. it was the only thing from pushing me over the edge of some real damage. so i just circled around the track. my easy pace is 6:49. this is the pace i would usually do my cool down. i kept looking at my watch and it read 6:33 for the whole cool down. i couldn't will myself to go slower knowing that it would only make me colder.

finally back at my car, i struggled with my key, dropping it once. i noticed that my motor skills were slightly off and shaky, and i couldn't get warm fast enough.

this is my last speed workout for six weeks. what a one to go out on. but if i can hit all my times and push through this workout on a day like this, i'm ready for this intense marathon training plan. there were so many times that i wanted to quit by blaming it on the weather and not my own strength. it's funny all the things that go through our minds as runners. all the negative thoughts, reasons to stop, to cut our workouts short or not as intense or whatever.

finishing strong today has shown that mentally i am ready.

employee store

2009-11-12T23:05:00.001-08:00

10.1 miles . . .

nothing much of consequence happened on this run. only thing to really note was the wind. surging me forward, down rolling hills for the first part of the run. averaging nine seconds quicker than easy pace with no effort. as i turned on my loop, all was made equal.

the real important stuff happened after the run . . .

drove up to portland with the family this morning for a host of random adventures. among them was the long delayed trip to the nike employee store. i kept forgetting to call jonathon so he could get me in. so i did on the way up there fearing that it might be too late. he totally came through. he's going through a tough time right now. he broke his foot this summer on a 5k (the very same series that i broke mine on two years previous). only he is having major complications and surgeries. with despair, he relayed to me his doctor's guess about not being able to run again until the spring. he was really pushing hard before this injury. increasing speed and distance. and now he has to start back all over. my heart and prayers go out to him.

he also told me that he is starting another test soon for the new lunar racers and he'll send me an invite when they are ready. this is great news. i have three pairs of racers now from previous tests and ran in a new pair for the seattle rock n roll marathon. i'm excited to see what the changes are and to be one of the first to run in them.

the nike employee store was a gold mine today. i only spent $149.00 (as i told this to my wife she rolled her eyes and emphasized my word choice of only). but for that i got two pairs of socks, a ninja like hoodie that is part hat-part scarf and all ninja, two long sleeve half zip up tops, and two pants--one a traditional style, the other a tight style. i'm excited to try out this new stuff, but i'll have to wait until saturday as tomorrow is a track work out, which i was supposed to do today. but there was too much to do today.

running away

2009-11-11T12:30:00.000-08:00

15.25 miles . . .

though i'm not sure about the pace. it felt a lot like other easy runs that i've done. i think that i left my garmin on yesterday after i recorded my track times. for when i turned it on this morning it instantly beeped the low battery warning. it lasted for approximately 3/4 a mile and then turned off. i was left in the dark about pace and distance. but just like the last time this happened, there was again that peace and freedom of simply running for running's sake. what i love about running is the heavy symbolism of escaping from society and all that it holds dear. comfort, warmth, technology, cars, noise, speed, and so much more. it's why i don't like to run with music. it's why i love minimalistic shoes that helps me feel the road. it's why i prefer it to cycling. i know that the garmin goes against this ideology. if there was some way that i could internally measure pace and distance i would never run with it.

i ran through three distinct weather systems. the first was a dense, low hanging fog, dampening the sounds. most of which didn't exist because there was no school today. places that are normally traffic hubs, kids standing, walking, kissing and hugging parents goodbye, stood as ghost towns. the second happened when the fog lifted up to the sky. a bleak ceiling of unending white towered over me. no sun. no distinction between the clouds. the third happened as the clouds suddenly burst bringing a light and steady rain through the rest of the run.

i took a couple of shot blocks with me during the run and ate them at about mile 8. they were great for my energy level but actually really hard to chew. they taste better but those gels go down easier, so i think i'll stick with them while i'm running.

no problems really other than a general weariness that spread over me during the last couple of miles. but even this wasn't overly annoying.

in other news . . . i went in for my consulting appointment for my s.n.s. i asked him about running afterwards. he said that i should be good to do it three to four days after but with less intensity and less distance than typical. i'm thinking i still may take the whole week off for the sake of recovery. but a week seems like a long time. maybe just some really easy stuff?

tried the chocolate milk thing again this morning after my run. and again i felt more alive, more energetic, more myself. this could either be placebo, my body finally accustomed to this new level of training, or the fact that i got seven hours of sleep last night in a row. either way, there are no complaints here.

experimentation

2009-11-10T11:34:00.000-08:00

13.2 miles . . .

20 minute warm-up

4 X 200m at 34 seconds with 200m recovery

3 X 1000m at 3:08 with 3 minutes recovery

4 X 200m at 34 seconds with 200m recovery

3+ mile cool down

experimenting with some different foods. before the run i had a piece of toast with almond butter and jelly on it and a half of a banana. seemed like at times i had a heavy feeling in my stomach but none of it came up, so that is good. i think i may try potatoes again. i'm not sure why i went away from them. i keep reading from a variety of resources that chocolate milk is the best recovery drink. my wife went to costco last night and picked up a tub that should last for the next twenty years. tried it after the run. went down fine, tasted great, and i think i feel more energetic than i would typically after a track work out. it'll be interesting to see how it works after a long run.

the day was beautiful. their is a lull in the rain and the sky shines blue. no wind. a little chilly but i can handle it. thin puddles dotted around the inside lane of the track. i especially liked the part where i splashed by a couple who was walking in that first lane, even though the rest of the track was open.

i was really tempted to not do the speed work today. i've just been feeling so weak and tired. mr. box keeps telling me that i need to recover, that all the signs are there. and a piece of me wants to do that. back off the miles. back off the speed. sleep in. relax before my big marathon push. but then i remember that i'm going in for my s.n.s. next thursday and i will have to take nearly a week off. completely off. no running. and lying on the couch in pain and misery, all i will think about is 'when can i run again.' and if i back off this next week, i know that i will regret it. so i will push on.

both sets of 200m felt very similar. hard pushes. hitting my times right on. there isn't much of a trick to them. just throttle it up 100% for 34 seconds. i did feel these deep in my gut. i think that this is from my increase in core workout from sunday.

the 1000m's actually felt really good. each one was faster than the previous. and i ended up hitting an average of 3:07:71. but beyond the times, what i am really excited about is the control that i felt, even on that last one. the pace felt smooth and relaxed but not easy. when i was a little off, i pushed just enough to hit my times again.

the city laid down some fresh mulch for the path around half of the loop at bush park. this makes it much softer, springier, and more cushion-y. which is great for the long distance runner. my only complaint in all of this is only temporary. they do a great job spreading it but they leave the work of leveling it out and pounding it down to the runners and walkers. so for now, there are clumps and bumps. little hills and valleys that force you to watch each step instead of the beautiful surroundings. we are already starting to push it down but only in one spot. this means a lot of stepping off the path as you're passing people. i remember when they did this a couple years ago. they did it in the spring. it was during my bout with my i.t. band.

below the knees

2009-11-09T11:33:00.001-08:00

12 miles . . .

another work out cut short because gracie had a doctor's appointment this morning and she woke up later than usual. i'll just have to make it up sometime this week.

i stayed up on my core workouts more these past two weeks, so i upped the repetitions last night and abs feel great today. no soreness.

i got a small glimpse of the beautiful sunrise this morning. i wish i would have been outside running when sky lit up with large bubbles of pinks and reds.

the first mile started out great. the weather was perfect. a little bit cold but no wind and no rain. and i felt powerful, exhilarated. i took a route that starts out with a pretty long hill. usually i'll crest it hovering close to 7's. this morning i was at 6:54 and wasn't even feeling it.

mile two to mile six, the weather stayed the same, but my running did not. gradually pain and soreness overcame me from my knees down to my feet on both legs. calves, shins, feet, everything. throbbing pain with every step.

the first rain drops started coming down on mile six. steadily increasing. the wind followed suit. but it washed away all my pain. i was running free and easy now. the temperature dropped. uphill all the way home. wind increasing. but i didn't care. it was easy now.

the lesson is to just run. run through the pain, the storms, the sun, the ease because you never know when it is going to change. so you just run.

at one point as i was going up a hill, the wind and rain slamming into my face, a man on a bicycle stopped to let me run by. "nice pace!!" with a smile on his face. i acknowledged him with my runner's head nod. "thank you." the whole time thinking "where were you on miles two through six? that's where i really needed some encouragement."

i'm back

2009-11-08T13:39:00.000-08:00

the weather did not mirror my running today. a complete downpour for over half of the run. dark, gloomy, just another day like many we have here. but my running was epic. i easily stayed under (quite a bit under at times) of my easy pace. never had to really push at all. nothing was sore, nothing ached. mentally a breeze. i would have loved to tack more miles on at the end but i needed to shower, eat, and get ready to teach this morning, so i kept it at as planned (though with that extra .1 mile because i got lost in the run).

two factors to consider for this sudden change. first, since i taught last night, i was no longer stressed about my message. it was done and sure i had to teach two other times but the anxiety i feel before i deliver a message for the first time vanishes as soon as i teach. second, i rolled out my muscles fairly exhaustively last night with the stick. i found a good method of hitting my hamstrings and found a nasty little bundle of tension on my left one that i worked out to the point of tears.

whatever it is, it's good to be running free, light, and smooth once again. all of these little dips and rises keeps me on edge. right where a runner belongs.

mental toughness, we salute you

2009-11-07T14:37:00.000-08:00

8.75 miles . . .

friday morning run. weather outside looked terrible. a storm is coming in. a cold harsh biting wind with slanted rain pushing into me. i was prepared for the worst, thinking that this misery would last for the entire hour of running. but suddenly the sky cleared, the wind died down, and it was a rather pleasant morning. later that day, we went through all four seasons including a nice hailing episode.

it was a very clunky, poundy, ugly run though. took a ton of effort. fortunately it was short. trying to figure out why it was so tough. what has happened? again there are too many factors. including some pain (with a numb left heel??), a large helping of indian food yesterday for lunch, no yoga because i was too tired last night after ministry, and mostly stress. i'm teaching this weekend and i feel unprepared. not sure if it's going to come together or if it's going to be good. i know that i shouldn't worry about these things but i do nonetheless.

17.9 miles . . .

a strange number but it is what i needed to do to hit my total mileage for this week. this was a very tough run. i really don't even know how i finished it. or even how i started it. from the very first step to the very last it was just pure effort and pain. the stress is still piling on for teaching tonight. so many questions . . .

all the way back home from downtown was uphill with a headwind that just kept pushing harder and harder as i got closer to my house. but here is the strange thing. i hit my greatest times here. at the end of the run. when i was most weary. when the wind was the most intense. when the grade was the steepest.

the only other good thing about this run, is that i somehow had enough mental strength left to write an introduction for the sermon tonight and think through some of the major points.

when i got back home i felt really weak, tired, maybe dehydrated, and in desperate need just to lie down and spend a relaxing day resting, sleeping, doing nothing. but that is not in store for this day. it has really just begun.

but if i can do this run, now, under these circumstances of the turmoil without and within, than i can run it anytime. but not only that, if i can run these 17.9 miles like this, i can do anything. i can write this sermon. i can finish it. i can suck it up, find the strength, and make it happen.

here's to toughness.

just be consistent

2009-11-05T11:49:00.000-08:00

14 miles . . .
20 minute warm up
6 X 1000m at 3:24 with 1 minute recovery

6 X strides with full recovery

3.6 mile cool down

something didn't quite work out today at all. the warm up was slow, a struggle to work up to pace. the tempo work was sporadic. i couldn't ever get into a groove. i kept wavering between two seconds faster to two seconds slower than pace every 200m. only one (i believe it was the third one?) did i really feel in the zone. it wasn't necessarily overly difficult. i ended up averaging 3:23:94 which is crazy close to my time. but there is a way to hit your pace that feels right. the strides felt sloppy and forced. the cool down, i felt dizzy and light headed at first. after that i started to notice all of my little sore places. primarily my left inner thigh and hip/hip flexor.

but i completed it. that is all i can say. i carried with me the words of someone i met on the track today. she said that she was a willamette alumni but hadn't used the track before. she usually does her speed work at south high school (that would be torture). afraid of the rain that is supposed to start this afternoon and end sometime next year, she went with the morning workout. she has done quite a few marathons and half marathons. she asked if i was a student. most people do when i run there. great thing about ethnic is that you always look young. before we parted ways she said 'just be consistent.' this is the secret to running that everyone knows but few people practice. consistency. stay on it. through the good and the bad, the easy days and the hard days, hold on for dear life, don't ever talk about your training by starting with the words 'i was going to . . . but.'

i need the long term perspective to help me through the next rough mile.

a little less grand

2009-11-04T14:00:00.000-08:00

13.35 miles . . .

gracie woke me up later today so i had to cut things a little short. still really cold even though the sun was shinning down. no fog today.

i felt great for the first part of the run. it was those last 3-4 miles or so that i started to feel a bit of a burn. mainly in my hips, gluets, and upper hamstrings. it was uphill at this point. it wasn't super hard but the effortlessness from yesterday didn't carry over.

i made it back home still under pace and feeling great. another beautiful surge of runner's high through breakfast and shower.

just seems like today was a less grand version of yesterday but still enjoyable. like a sequel that didn't quite measure up to the original but still better than howard the duck (in this analogy howard the duck being last week's hard running).

after credo last night, i found that my blood test had been mailed. i opened it up curious to see the ferritin result. my number was 30. a friend at church told me that i should shoot for somewhere around 70. so i'll keep taking those iron pills. maybe get my blood tested in a few months from now. i wonder if i'll notice a difference in my training?

in other health news . . . i scheduled my vasectomy (which from here on out i will refer to my strip 'n snip or with the shortened acronym sns). next thursday is the initial visit. this is where i will ask the doctor the only question i have for him: when can i run again? then a week from that visit is the procedure. it is actually coming at a great time, if there ever is a great time for an sns. i will be done with the elite gold program from mr. daniels. and though i will be starting up the marathon base training, i think that i can afford a week off this early. especially since i have been faithfully building my base through the fall. if i can just relax and trust that this break is good for my muscles, i should be fine. it's hard for me to see how not running could possibly be good for my running, but apparently it is.

a new theory

2009-11-03T11:08:00.000-08:00

15 miles . . .

a beautiful sunrise. frost scattered like patchwork where the sun had yet to strike. running down into bush park, rolling hills but constantly down. not even trying and hitting 8 seconds below my target pace. no effort required. around the empty track after a trip to the locker room. a few miles of flat. getting into an easy rhythm. pace is hovering around 6:45-6:46. still easy. laying of the pace a bit. i notice that they sky is no longer clear. a high fog is brushing the tallest trees tickled by the swaying in the wind. i look again and it has stealthily sunk lower. before i even knew what happened i'm surrounded by fog. all colors are muted. vision is very limited, i can't see much in front of me. but it brings clarity to mind. i'm writing sermons. working out problems. struggling through my faith while flying through my workout. the temperature drops. frost forms on my gloves. but i am warm. i can run forever. if i have time i would. i feel so good. only my bowels prevent a 16 mile journey. but everything else is perfect. even the uphill i kept under pace with ease. i'm stopping at a light. i'm not breathing hard. my pulse is barely raised. i'm now at home sitting down. this runner's high is intense. i can feel every particle of air by the tens of thousands enter my lungs.

there is a new theory that i am working up. mr. daniels has me stay at one intensity for four weeks before i shift everything faster. this is the third week of this intensity and i think that's why it is easier. i think that the second week in the cycle is the most difficult. here's what i believe is going on (let me break it down):

week one--i'm ready to go fast. i have been holding my body back. it is comfortable. it is fully acclamated to the new pacing and he just wants to go faster.

week two--the week of death. this is the hard work. this is my body dealing with a new stress, a new intensity. muscles are being broken down. the heart is having to work harder. he doesn't like this. he wants to go back to the slower pace. back when things were easier.

week three--now my body has responded to the new stress and has adapted. it's the beginning of the plateau.

week four--we're ready to go faster. it now takes effort to hold myself back. this is the opposite side of week two. difficult but in a different way. don't be tempted to go with the pace. this week is important for recovery.

i need to read through my blog over the past two months to see if this is really going on. if so, i know what to expect, i'll know what's coming. and even though it will be hard (i suppose running is supposed to be) it will not cascade me into a pit of doubt.

in the meantime. i will enjoy this week three where running is fun, yet furious.

change is good

2009-11-02T11:33:00.000-08:00

13 miles . . .

20 minute warm-up

4 X 200m at 34 seconds with 200m recovery

3 X 1000m at 3:08 with 3 minutes recovery

4 X 200m at 34 seconds with 200m recovery

3 mile cool down

too many factors have changed since last week. is it a combination of all of these things or just one change? i slept a ton more this weekend than last. i've now been two weeks at this intensity. i rolled out my calves last night, really hard (they were quite knotty and sore). i've been staying on top of my yoga and core work outs. i experimented with eating more before the run (oatmeal with honey and ground seed, half a banana with almond butter).

but during this morning's run, i wasn't thinking about this. i was just delighting in the run. something i haven't done for over a week. i hit my 6:49 pace during my warm-up early on and it became a struggle not go faster. the cool down was similar except i was even going faster (at one point averaging 6:52's and easy?)

the first set of 200m was easy even though it was an effort. 200m recovery is something i doubt i'll ever get use to. i imagine that is the point.

i admit to fearing the 1000m repeats. these are just hard. all effort. in a word these were consistent. scary consistent. like clockwork. 3:07:79, 3:07:90, 3:07:82. and the strange thing, they didn't feel that fast. it felt like i was just cruising along. maybe like a tempo or something. i think i settled into this mindset too much though. because on the last one my 200m time read 39 seconds (two seconds too slow). at the 400m and the 600m i was still off that much. i kicked it up at that point. i thought, no way am i going to get over 3:08. not today. so i pushed, i surged. unlike last week, the gear was there and carried me home.

the second set of 200m seemed strange. my legs felt rubbery on that first one. and although i hit all of my times, i could have done better if i had focused. i think i was just too excited about the 1000m's.

i kept running by a fleece green hat that someone had thrown in the brush beside the trail. i kept thinking about picking it up, taking it home, and washing it 100 times to get rid of whatever things may have been growing in it. i never did. i wonder if it is still there.

halloweeny

2009-11-01T21:17:00.000-08:00

8 miles . . .

today would best be described as a teeter-totter, a giant steep sky reaching see-saw, moving ever up and down, violently bumping from one extreme to the next. at first i thought, this is going to be an easy run. then a minute later everything falls apart in pain, agony, effort, defeat. then it's easy again. hard to find a rhythm, a balance in the midst of this playground mayhem. but i still hit my time. and i suppose that is what is important. as long as i'm not injured or sick, i tread along through my workouts, ever getting stronger, ever getting closer to my goal.

i love fall back. even more so as a runner. i was getting tired of the dark mornings. so much nicer now. the extra hour of sleep was great too.

out of all the things that have frightened me during my runs, some of which i have told here, others which happened before i started this blog (though i will have to share them on a post), this morning was the scariest. i was running along, down a hill in a residential area by my house. i'm just looking around as i often do when i run. taking in the trees, the scenery, breathing in the landscape. i look over at a house. there is a woman standing at the window holding the curtains back gazing out into the street. only there is nothing to look at. no one else is around. nothing is happening. the morning is still early. and there she is just staring, staring at me. like she had been there all night staring into space, just waiting, watching and waiting, until the moment that i should cross her path. standing watch just to stare. not to say anything or do anything but pierce with her blank look, unsmiling face. it's hard to describe what i felt at that moment. even now as i write it, i realize that it doesn't sound scary. but at the time it filled me with a chill and i haven't been able to shake the ghastly image from my mind. last night was halloween. so i considered that maybe it was a cardboard cutout. so a few strides later i turned back and looked again. she was still frozen in time as it were. nothing would move her.

i don't know if i'll run down that street again. if she is there again, looking out, i swear i'll pee my pants. i guess every runner has to do that sometime. i always thought mine would be under different circumstance.

it's all easy to me

2009-10-31T20:49:00.000-07:00

18.2 miles . . .

another warm morning finds me overdressed again. but not nearly as bad as yesterday. he learns only in increments. strange though . . . the first part of my run was much warmer than the second part even though the second part was uphill. i didn't have to take off my hat, i just had to raise it over my ears. in the bathroom at a park, i noticed that it pushed my ears down making me look like a little running elf. such are the ways of a runner.

lots of people out running today. one older couple a ran by on a bridge going across the willamette river. i started having an imaginary conversation with them over the next mile that spiraled me into this musing.

-you're fast. how fast are you?

-me i'm just as fast as you are.

-what do you mean. you blew right by us.

-in that sense yes. but in another sense we are both running our easy pace. my easy pace is in proportion to my fitness as your easy pace is to yours. relatively speaking we are both putting out the same effort. what isn't fair is that i have to spend less time doing this for my miles.

i remember an author once talking about this. how everyone who really races is putting out the same effort. from the elites to the first timers, we are all pushing ourselves at the same level. it's just that the elites get to do it for less time.

in a way this is encouraging. as i get faster, it will take less and less time to race and do my workouts. but on the other hand, as i have been reflecting on it on other posts, my training, no matter at what level, will always be pushing my fitness, will always be fighting against where i am at right now.

i guess it's all in how you look at it.

ten is the new six

2009-10-30T18:24:00.000-07:00

10.1 miles . . .

there are no more six mile runs. ten is the new six. but what is strange is that this ten felt like the good old six. funny how the body responds so well to stress. things warmed up again. it always takes me awhile to catch on to these things. i waaaaaay overdressed today. two pairs of gloves, my hat, pants, and long sleeve nike dri-fit. i ended up taking off my hat and stuffing it in the back of my pants. this was a workable solution until the constant jarring and pounding caused the hat to slip down all the way. it felt like i was running with a diaper on. and naturally this would happen on the most crowded street i ran on today. but i have long since lost all shame when i run. everywhere from short shorts to blowing snot rockets to stinking. i dug my hand down the back of my pants and grabbed the hat.

stumbling along

2009-10-29T11:27:00.000-07:00

13.56 miles . . .

20 minute warm up

6 X 1000m at 3:24 with 1 minute recovery

6 X strides with full recovery

3 mile cool down

felt very weak and tired on this run. also very unmotivated, in that state of mind where i am questioning this goal of mine. the day was dark, cold, windy, rainy. i allowed the weather to soak into my bones, darkening my mood, clouding my goals, making them vanish before me. appearing unattainable.

even the warm up, i had a difficult time reaching the 6:49 pace. when i finally did hit it, it was hard to keep it. i prepared to hit the track already feeling tired. my one saving grace in all this was the pace, my tempo pace. but even this pace at such a short distance (a mere 1000m) seemed difficult at times. any other work out would have slammed me to the ground.

once again there was a heavy head wind pushing into me for about 150m during every lap. this makes it difficult to keep a consistent pace. i ended up hitting all my times spot on, the average of the six ended up being 3:23:87, which is pretty stinking close to the 3:24 goal.

the strides were fairly easy. would have been easier without the wind. afterwards i ran back to the car to change my shoes and put my long sleeve shirt back on for the cool down. something strange happened as i started this.

is it lack of food? all the miles? the lack of sleep? am i pushing too hard? was my head down too long lacing up my shoes? is my body saying enough?

i breathed in and felt an intense rush of oxygen shoot into my body, like a heightened runners high, concentrated into one inhale. then i became light headed. things began to blur a bit. it seemed like i was running through a dream. strange sensations in legs and fingers. this soon vanished but i noticed as the cool down continued, i was getting weaker and weaker. by the time i finished, i felt strange again. i dropped the key to my car. it seemed to fall from my hand in slow motion.

i took a few more shot blocks before i started driving home. i feel fine now.

more powerful than a speeding school bus

2009-10-28T14:09:00.000-07:00

14 miles . . .

the first frost covering my deck, my lawn, my windshield. a clear dark sky, moon and stars still shinning. a light, thin haze surrounding the dawn. fog hovering below, trees shooting out of it, breakaway parts twisting serpentine throughout the landscape. a pink and blue sunrise, softly making itself known to those who look for it.

i jumped again today on my run. i turned to my right, there was a car perpendicular, headlights on me. i then turn to my left and see movement. my heart skips, i break stride. it was my shadow, i laugh.

i stopped a school bus with my hand. i run no matter what. if i have a green light or right of way, i run. i don't stop. i'm running against traffic, the bus is turning towards me, but is looking the other direction for a break in the traffic. the break coincides with me crossing the intersection. she is pulling out, i am running in front of her. i authoritatively hold my hand out towards her windshield. she slams on the brakes, making apologizing motions. i smile, continue running, victorious. i think she might just start looking both ways before she pulls out again.

the first time in three days that i actually feel strong. i have to hold myself back to stay closer to the easy tempo. things are still a little sore but i feel powerful again. there was a long stretch of flat lands where i really noticed that aerobically i am solid. it's just that soreness in the legs.

make new friends, throw away the old

2009-10-27T14:57:00.000-07:00

13 (nah, let's make it 14) miles . . .

added a little bit more to my loop. i could have taken a short cut back home and hit pretty close to 13. but i checked myself. then i thought, i could just add a little bit more and round it up to 14. i felt good, i had time, so why not?

it was a cold run. a different cold from a few weeks ago. it felt like january. i remember running last year through the snow and ice storms. that was the feeling in the air.

still really sore everywhere. particularly noticeable in the calves. but just a general weariness in bones that i couldn't seem to shake for the first 5 miles. and then suddenly it was a though a switch was flipped, i had found my zone. it wasn't exactly running nirvana, but it definitely felt better.

before the kids came out, i was standing in the kitchen and i heard a high pitched squeal of some kind. i tried to listen to where it was coming from but then it would stop. so i continued getting my breakfast ready when i heard it again. i realized it was coming from me, somewhere. i listened hard. i took a step and it happened again. it was my left shoe. somehow i popped the airbag cage in the heel while running. sad thing, they still had some life in them. they were my special edition nike milers. fortunately i got them for free. but i did really like them. air was escaping out making the noise as i stood on it. it's funny how we get attached to our running shoes. they are like old friends. you get comfortable with them. you know their little idiosyncrasies. you know what runs they work best for. you form a bond. but you can't keep them forever.

goodbye, my friend.

ughhhh

2009-10-26T22:51:00.001-07:00

10.14 miles . . .

20 minute warm-up

4 X 200m at 34 seconds with 200m recovery

3 X 1000m at 3:08 with 3 minutes recovery

4 X 200m at 34 seconds with 200m recovery

10 minute cool down

the title of the post says it all. my legs were tired going into this run and they felt tired all the way throughout. though there were some moments of victory.

the first set of 200m felt a little out of control. i hit some good times but i felt more like they were running me then i was running them. not very consistent. sloppy. etc, whatever.

the 1000m's, even though there were only three of them, felt very difficult. i was behind for a second or so much of the run and then tried to kick it in for that last 200m-400m. from somewhere, and i'm still not sure where, i did have that extra kick that pushed me through the first two and i hit under the target time. then came that last one. always that last one. i was cruising along much like those first two, so i wasn't worried. then as i was coming into that last 200m, i thought, okay now is the time to put in your kick and finish this off. mentally, i was there. desire was there. but the kick was not. i was out of gears. my legs were rebelling against me. i only ended up 28 hundredths of a second slower than the goal, so i guess it isn't terrible. however, as i look over my times, i realize that i got progressively slower and i'm convinced had mr. daniels prescribed four 1000m's instead of three, i would have definitely failed.

after pushing myself, dragging myself, huffing and puffing through these repeats, i thought that i would have nothing left for the second set of 200m's. yet this group felt more controlled than the first ones.

also at the track was a middle aged fellow that i've talked with a few times. he has to run under a certain time for two miles for some sort of army qualification. he was there with a pacer, a timer, and for the final two laps a guy dressed in camouflage. he sprinted for that last bit and then collapsed. i don't think he hit his goal. i felt bad for shooting by him during my 200m repeats. while getting water before my 1000m repeats i was talking with the timer. he asked me how fast i could do 2 miles. i said i wasn't sure. he said how about just one. i made a guess. he said that was *expletive* fast. i laughed and said thanks. i should have taken that opportunity to share CHRIST with him. to tell him that HE is the reason i run fast. but i was waiting for something, or just thought it was the wrong time, or for him to ask how i got fast.

i must take these opportunities.

emptiness

2009-10-25T17:15:00.000-07:00

13 miles . . .

saturday morning

i was supposed to run 19 this morning. i even made the batter the night before with my daughter for some experimental buckwheat pancakes as a recovery breakfast. gracie woke up later than normal so i decided to split up the run. i wish i would have had more time. i felt strong, powerful, fast and the day was beautiful. a cold front has moved back in pushing the rain out. perfect conditions. even though my fingers got a little bit cold.

6 miles . . .

saturday night

after church we stumble our way home for complete child meltdown taking a grande total of 45 minutes to get all the kids tucked away in their beds (except for baby gracie who had to eat). then i go to the bathroom. at this point it is around 9:30 and i DO NOT want to run. not one mile. not the planned 6 miles. what i do want to do is curl up in my bed and sleep. somehow i push all that out and get on my clothes. the first couple of miles was a struggle both in effort and pace. but suddenly everything became focused and i had to fight to stay at my easy pace.

i make it home, eat some cereal, and going to bed remembering how much i hate night running but with a smile on my face for pushing through this run.

10 miles . . .

sunday morning

on a barren stretch of road, in darkness with the occasional car driving by or blinking street light, i hear a low grumble and growl like a hound from the underworld. i jump, fortunately no one is there to bear witness.

everything is hard about this run. hard to see my footing, hard to keep pace, hard to push, every stride, every step. never enter my zone. the morning came to soon. the run is too long. last night's run seemed like just minutes ago. everything is sore, everything hurts. days like these make you doubt your goals, your dreams, your ambitions, your speed, your talent, your everything.

but the run is over. i did it. and i never have to run it again.

standing in the lobby of the church later that morning sipping espresso, i'm talking with a fitness instructor about exercise, like we often do. this is when i speak my horrific realization.

it's never going to get easier.

i'll have my up days and my down days, but as i continue to push my effort, i will always be pushing my body to a greater level of fitness. a marathon pace will always feel like a marathon pace. my tempo days will always feel like they do now. these 10 mile runs will come again.

this is the emptiness, the futility that i now feel.

it's just you and me here now

2009-10-23T17:57:00.001-07:00

15.87 miles . . .

34 minute warm-up
5 X 6 minutes at tempo pace (5:28's) with 1 minute recovery
6 X strides with full recovery
10 minute cool down

the days are ever getting darker, colder, wetter. less and less people running around bush park. and no one else was on the track, no one. which made it peaceful. long legged lady with the two dogs is still faithful. i ask her where her friend has been. apparently he has nerve damage and exercises indoors in the winter months but at least he has an excuse. i love braving the elements because it proves my toughness. if i can do this workout on a day like this, i can do anything.

though now, i will admit that this was miserable. rain pouring down upon me the entire work out. except for the times that the wind was hurling it sideways into my face.

started the warm up in near darkness. i could barely tell if i was even on the path. at one point i wasn't and my right foot stumbled its way into a hole in the grass. after that i thought i should play it safe and finish the warm up around the track, even though easy pace around the track is boring.

the tempo section seemed at times difficult, which i thought only natural since i increased the speed by 4 seconds, which comes to a meager .5 seconds per 200m. which doesn't appear like much. but this is mr. daniels approach. small measurable increments. ever faster and faster until i am at the olympic trails. that one minute of rest just cruised by me like it was nothing. no time to refocus. it was hard to stay consistent throughout the 6 minutes because of the vicious headwind on the homestretch. large pools of rain covered parts of the track. i splashed into them feeling the water sloshing up through my racing flats. for the first couple laps it seemed epic. the final ones began to wear on me. i became cold, miserable. my legs weren't tired. my wind was fine. i just wanted to get out of the rain. i was soaked to the bone. and i still had to run the strides and the cool down.

i hit really slow times on the sprints because of the headwind that seemed to magnify every time i pushed harder. i thought for a moment about possibly running the other direction with the wind pushing me forward. but this is cheating. yeah i could get great times, but this is the tougher way. there is no short cut in running.

i was glad when it was all over and i was shaking in my car. the heat couldn't blow hard enough.

what the people want is freedom

2009-10-22T16:45:00.000-07:00

5.91 miles . . .

an unforeseen freedom. i forgot to charge up my garmin watch last night. i remember this morning. too late at this point. so i just ran. when i stopped i didn't have to push a button. when i started i didn't have to push a button. i wasn't looking at my watch to see if i was on pace. i didn't know how fast i was going or how far. at first i thought 'what am i doing?' but then i found a peace, a tranquility. i think i have to get in the habit of doing this every now and again.

the morning was so beautiful. a thick fog hovering over everything, trying unsuccessfully to soften the brightness from the trees. i loved the contrast of this. the push and the pull. the greyness and the color mixing harshly together. it was one of those mornings that i wish i could have just run for hours and hours.

in the cemetery, i saw out of the corner of my eye, a grey blurr running towards me. i jumped slightly breaking stride. thinking it was a dog or something. ended up being a squirrel. their tails get so bushy in the fall, doubling their size.

on one of the streets, three fire engines, an ambulance, and a few police cars where around a house. one fireman was on a ladder sawing into the house. not sure what was going on. fire, accident?

had a good stretch of sleep last night . . . six lush beautiful hours. haven't slept that long without waking up for over a month.

i feel awake. or is it the espresso?

i had to visit mapmyrun. a place i haven't been since i got the garmin. i forgot how annoying that is.

i run

2009-10-21T11:35:00.000-07:00

13.3 miles . . .

in a rain that went from downpour to constant drizzle, forever back and forth. and in this hour and a half only one small moment of relief as i'm running under the freeway. the wind seemed to be blowing into me nearly the whole run, though i doubt that is possible. my arms and fingers were frozen by the end. so begins an oregon winter. low hanging clouds, rain until summer. there are more miserable days. times when i can feel the water sloshing around in my running shoes.

i guess i haven't been through enough of these consecutive days yet because i actually enjoyed this run. i felt strong, rested, and was always under pace. the rain was refreshing and i wished that i didn't have my hat on so i could feel it on my hair, running down my face.

days like these provide me extra motivation. i know that some people shy away from days like these. i imagine that people driving cozily in their cars drinking vanilla lattes heater turned up radio tuned in catch a flash of a psychotic mexican running down the street. i feed off their astonishment.

people ask me 'what do you do when the weather gets bad?'

my answer is always, i run.

trusting my coach

2009-10-20T16:14:00.000-07:00

14.93 miles . . .

20 minute warm-up

6 X strides with full recovery

5 X 4:00 at :37.5's 200m with 3 minutes recovery

20 minute cool down

last night i had my doubts about this pace. i considered for a fleeting moment of reverting back to last weeks pace for this workout. i couldn't stay on pace last week. what makes me think that i could do it this week 3 seconds faster? i ended up pushing those thoughts down, way down, far out of my mind. i had worked for four weeks at that fitness level. mr. daniels tells me that i am ready to push my body again. i must learn to trust my coach even if he only communicates to me with ink and paper.

the morning is beautiful. a nice fog. a day that is neither cold nor warm. no wind. the perfect fall running weather.

i found the warm up to be surprisingly easy. i hit my pace at 6:49 fairly early on. lost it for a bit on the steep uphill a mile into it. but i got it back with ease.

sitting in the car, i stalled. again doubt loomed over me. i could just put in large miles today and forget about the track work out. again i had to push these doubts out of me. i headed towards the track.

the strides went fine. i didn't push really hard on these. the effort of the next part of my work out loomed over me. i wasn't really focused on the strides. i was also consciously holding myself back.

and then i had to pee. i don't know if this is an unconscious stalling method but it worked. i'm in the football locker room at the urinal. i stall further by reading the names of the players over their lockers and the list of team goals. now i realize that i am stalling and sort of walk/run/jog to the start. i take another moment of pseudo-stretching and then i begin.

it's not rare for my first 200m of any work out to be a bit fast. i am ahead of pace by 2 seconds. after one lap i look down at my watch. it should read 1:15 right on. but instead it's at 1:13. so i back off the pace a little. at the next mark i am still 2 seconds faster than pace. this continues for the entire 4 minute workout. and what is stranger, i feel great. it was a hard effort, obviously, but it wasn't death. i take my three minute recovery and go into the second one. it's the same story. so is the third one. whenever i fall behind by a second or half second, i dig in a little and then i am 2 seconds quicker than pace. this is beautiful. the fourth one i can feel but i still hit everything right on.

then comes the fifth one. the last one. when exhaustion sets in. i run it pretty much the same as the fourth one. but then i notice that i am behind by a second after the half mile mark. i try to kick it up but my legs fail. i am still a second or so off at the 1000m mark. i try to push it, to find that extra gear. it's just not there. i end up hitting the 1200m at 3:46 when it should be 3:45. but now for the good news. that last little bit. that last little 3/4 turn of the track. i push it. this is the fastest last section of all five.

and even this one. the slowest of the day. it was faster than the fastest one from last week by over 2 seconds.

a whirlwind of sorts

2009-10-19T11:01:00.000-07:00

17.5 miles . . .

so begins my friday. an easy run. lots of people out. nearly got ran over. a walker bore witness to it. i think i really freaked out the driver this time. but not enough for her to turn off her cell phone and pay attention as she drove.

i don't know what happened to our winter weather but things have warmed up significantly. i just can't get the hint and once again overdressed. but not as bad as earlier this week.

friday at about 5:30pm, it became evident that i would have to drive to the coast and back. i guess that's what it means to be the boss. sometimes it drops to you. not that it's any ones fault. but sometimes such is life.

so instead of a relaxing evening with the family, preparing for the craziness of saturday, and my yoga, i am driving through the night, with a double shot of espresso in me listening to the n.p.r. pledge drive. the one ray of light in all of this is the stop at the otis cafe for the most amazing pancakes of life.

4.1 miles . . .

so begins my saturday. what an incredibly therapeutic run. the sky was strikingly beautiful. a deep dark red streaked with swirls of dark blue nearing purple. and warm. everything was quiet too. very few cars on the road but even they seemed hushed.

quiet and calm but with a discernible tension in the air. all this would soon break. a hush before the madness.

at 10:00am i am in a beautiful house when the storm finally comes. large unending drops. thunder shaking us all. i am sharing with a group of worship singers how the LORD is my song. looking through a psalm. talking about how HE is my love song, my song of distress, my song of triumph, the soundtrack of my life. and now the guitar is out. we are lifting up our voice along with pounding rain, praising HIS name.

as i'm driving back, i realize that i was a part of something special. it has shifted my perspective on ministry. ministry is simple. we as pastors seem to over complicate it. all it truly is: believers coming together to worship HIM and fellowship with each other. the beauty and simplicity of an acoustic guitar, no production, no schedules. mmmmmm.

it's 2:50pm and i am driving to the church for worship practice. i'll be here until 8:30pm. this day is long.

0 miles . . .

so begins my sunday. baby gracie wakes up late this morning. it's 6:30am and i need to be at the church by 8:00 for another worship practice. i don't have time to run today. but along with that something very frightening.

i have no desire to run today.

i just don't want to. i don't want to run in the afternoon or the evening. i've lost my passion. is it just for this day? is it just because i am in the midst of this whirlwind of sorts? or am i now in a season where running isn't fun? where it isn't something i look forward to?

11 miles . . .

so begins my monday. no track work out this morning like usual because i have a doctor's appointment at 9:15am. there is no time.

my lack of passion has carried over to this morning. but i have to put in miles today because i skipped out yesterday. i must.

today also marks a new level of intensity. i have graduated up a point in mr. daniels' system. i had my doubts whether is should do this now or wait a week in view of last monday's speed work out. however, everything else is pointing to an advance. the ease of my easy runs and tempo work, plus that explosion in my strides on thursday.

my new easy pace is 6:49.

i start my run not knowing what to expect with either my pace or my motivation. within the first few feet the joy of running came flooding back over me. it was a great run. enjoyable. fun. a sweet runner's high afterwards. i hovered around 6:47 to 6:48 most of the run and it felt nice and easy. i had to turn it up a bit on a few hills but nothing too serious.

so starts a new week.

stay on target

2009-10-15T13:03:00.000-07:00

13.62 miles . . .
20 minute warm-up
5 X 6 minutes at tempo pace (5:32's) with 1 minute recovery
6 X strides with full recovery
10 minute cool down

low motivation. almost no motivation. first few minutes of the warm-up just hurt, everywhere. things didn't get a whole lot better. when i went back to the car to change into my speed shoes, i was nearly tempted just to drive away. cold, wet, miserable, unmotivated. still not sure what stopped me from doing this.

the tempo pace work out was an interesting one. the effort was somewhere between lay back easy and pushing unto death. so i started playing this tug-o-war with my mind and body. i would start out by focusing on my running. but then i would be going to fast. i would be up by a few seconds. so then i thought, well this is easy. i don't even need to think about this. i would let my mind drift into other things, other places. then i would notice that i was too slow. this would continue over the course of the 6 minutes. finally on the last one, i tried with all i was to stay focused for the whole time. this proved to be quite difficult. keeping your mind in it for this long.

i've read that most mistakes in a race happen in the first half. if this is true, then i must train my mind to be focused and alert at all times, even before the pace gets hard. the first half of a marathon lasts well over an hour. this early in the race, you shouldn't really be feeling the tempo. i must learn this type of focus. the focus i found on that last 6 minute tempo run, the most consistent of the lot.

the strides were just crazy. i hit the first one pretty normal. it felt normal. the time was normal. everything the same as it has been since i've added strides to my running. but the second one was a different story. something happened on that stride. something unexpected. there was no reason for it. something just snapped, exploded in my legs. they just started moving me . . . fast. faster than i have ever been before. my torso, my head, my arms, where just going along for the ride. i looked down at my watch. it said 16 seconds. i tried to repeat it for the remaining 4 strides, but i couldn't recapture that feeling, though i did sustain my 16 second pace.

i am getting faster.

i prayed several weeks ago that GOD would use my running for HIS glory. this week, i was focusing on sharing JESUS with a stranger. three people came into mind that were connected with my running. the tall, long legged girl that runs with her two dogs. the guy with long flowing hair that bounces as he walks around the park like he's in a pert plus commercial. the old man who keeps the grounds at the track. though they aren't strangers, for we have had little conversations as i am running by them, i don't really know there names, and i doubt they know mine.

i didn't see any of these people on my run. but i knew that GOD would be faithful in bringing me someone to talk to if i was faithful to keep my eyes open to what HE has for me. if i was ready.

on those strides, as i'm nearing completion, an older man that i've talked with quite a few times, but haven't seen on the track for some time, drove up. i knew this was the guy that GOD had set up for me. i was scared, i was nervous. i started to question myself. i started making deals with GOD. i had dropped off some of my extra clothing under a moveable shelter. he had done the same. i prayed, ok GOD, if YOU want me to talk to this guy, YOU'RE going to have to put him under that shelter when i'm done with my work out.

HE did just that.

we talked for a bit. about life. his injury. running. etc, whatever. i told him that i would be praying for him about his knee. he asked what i did for a living. i told him.

this is not the end of the story.

i know believe that GOD is going to use me in not only his life but others.

i don't think i've ever really believed this like i do now.

what not to wear

2009-10-14T11:48:00.000-07:00

12 miles . . .

last night when i got home from the college group it was cold and raining a cold rain. when i woke up this morning, i was cold. when i went out into the garage to get my running clothes, it was cold and pouring rain with howling rains. however, when i walked outside my front door, fully prepared for the weather, in my jacket, two pairs of gloves, pants, and hat, it was warm. i should have walked straight back in and changed.

but i didn't. for whatever reason i didn't.

as i was running, all i could think about was how warm i was, how i was going to get warmer when i was going back uphill. i couldn't focus on my running or just letting my mind go free, as it often does on these easy runs. finally, i wizened up and turned back towards home.

i stuffed my hat, thicker gloves, and jacket into the mailbox. this was 3.5 miles into the run. and then everything was clear. everything was perfect. i did this run nearly effortless. i say nearly because at one point for about 2 miles near the end of the run, i was going up some rolling hills into a pretty fierce headwind. i felt a slight burn but not the fatigue that i have been feeling. perhaps my body just needed to accustom itself to the new stresses. or it could be the extra sleep.

today felt like a recovery run.

started the ball rolling with the iron testing. nurse said that she would call back either today or tomorrow.

1 mile + 1 mile = 20 miles

2009-10-13T14:44:00.000-07:00

7 miles . . .

my wife was very nice to me last night. she let me go to sleep at 9:30. and she got gracie ready for bed. that means i didn't have to wake up until her 3:30 feeding. then she woke up again at 5:00. i was up with her for about 45 minutes off and on. the next thing i knew it was 7:30. how amazing!!

i do feel better but still not one hundred percent. i think this first month with the baby are really starting to wear on me. or it's the more miles. or it's the more intensity. or it's the whole iron diffeciency that i've been reading about. there are just too many factors. what i do know is that i've been feeling dizzy, weak, tired, irratable, and my wife keeps telling me that i look pale.

all this stacked one on top of the other, caused me to put in a shorter run than originally planned. the first half of this run was just pure effort. it was death. i hate it when 2 miles feels like 20. but then i found my zone. despite all of that. despite the cold and the rain and everything, i found my happy place in running and just ran. then it came easy. then the easy pace was an easy pace.

i actually thought that it would be worse today than it actually was. i was just too tired to do my yoga last night. i felt tight everywhere going to bed. i stretched as best i could before my run. and then after the run, i worked them out with the stick. primary place of pain, right hip flexor. i found the money spot and jammed it hard with the stick. it was a pleasant pain.

should be interesting to see how tomorrow's longer run goes. i'm hoping to put in 13 but would be happy with anything over 10.

a conversation with self

2009-10-12T11:09:00.000-07:00

14.79 miles . . .

20 minute warm-up

6 X strides with full recover

5 X 4:00 at :38's 200m with 3 minutes recovery

20 minute cool down

i knew that today was going to be a hard day when i first started the warm up. i slept hard last night. as usual not enough sleep and recovering from the weekend's lack of sleep. i had a marathon dream where i was trying to qualify, i was doing pretty well at the half. and then i had to stop running. there was a section of the race where you had to wait for a shuttle to take you somewhere else and i had just missed one. i stood and waited and waited, watching the seconds go by on my clock.

in the very first strides this morning, my legs felt sore and heavy everywhere, specifically tight in my hip flexors. it was a challenge to hang at my easy pace. a thin layer of frost clung to the cinder trail on the south side of the park.

the sprints felt sloppy and slow, though i did hit good times. i just felt heavy and clumsy and awkward. like i hadn't really entered the zone.

i stalled more than usual at the start of my first 4 minute interval. i have this idea that once i start a particular section of my work out, i do not stop. in between the different sections is my time to focus and prepare for the effort. i'll usually just stop running for about 10-15 seconds. i think this one was more like 30 seconds. and then i started.

even the first one was hard and they only got harder. by the time i hit the third one, i was doing my little hurt cry followed by the gasp of air that i do after really hard efforts. then i close my eyes during the straights of the track. usually this is reserved for the last one or two. the fourth on i had to focus really hard and push even harder. at one point i was a second off and it took all i was worth to shave it back off. i remember trying to push hard and feeling like i wasn't going any faster.

and then came the last one.

in those three minutes of recover before the fifth one, i had a conversation with myself. but that was only for the last minute. for the first two minutes i let my mind float far away from the track, far away from the pain. i tried to find little moments of happiness to live in, to comfort me. and the place i went was to my family. i went to my wife and the love we share, the times that we've had. and i went to my kids. little tiny flashes of pure joy that only my family can bring. and now with only a minute left i had to focus again. and just as i was about to enter the zone, my psyche fractured into two distinct personalities.

-it's going to hurt.

-but it's only pain.

-only pain?

-four minutes. what's four minutes? if you can't do this for four minutes what makes you think that you can hold your pace for 2 hours and 19 minutes?

-but what if i fail?

-don't worry about that. just think of the first 200m.

-but what if i stop after that?

-who cares? at least you did that much.

-but what if it's slower than the others?

-then at least you did it?

-but what if i fail?

-being out here, on this day, on this morning, doing this run is already success. now it's time. it's only pain.

and the good news, the encouraging thing, the victory, the fact that i finished. maybe not strong. but i finished. that last one was slower than the rest. but let me say it again. i finished. on this day, tired, torn, beaten up physically and mentally from the long week, i persevered. and that is important. the average from these repeats is 4:03:35. this puts me at a mere 95 hundredths of a second slower than last week.

i consider it success.

passing in the dark

2009-10-11T14:26:00.000-07:00

11 miles . . .

in the harsh winds that the brooks jacket blocked. and mostly in the dark. i stuck to a mostly lit course until i turned off of commercial and then total darkness. i figured when picturing this route that the sun would be up when i hit that turn. two things worked against this plan.

first, baby gracie. she woke up at 4:40, 4:45, and 4:55. at which point we gave up and my wife fed her. i asked her to wake me up after the feeding. so at 5:30 i was finally rolling out of bed. hit the streets by 6:10.

second, a little bit of clouds streaked over the foothills where the sun comes up. this delayed the true brightness of the sun by about 10 minutes.

while running along that dark stretch of road with not a single streetlight, i heard a large strange shuffling scraping noise in the drainage ditch. this caused me to run in the middle of the street. this stretch brought me back a few years. right after college, i lived in apartments on this street. once, before i was a runner, i even remember running this street. i maybe put in a mile. and then i couldn't move or breathe afterwards for about an hour. that was the first and last time i ran from the apartment. and now i'm soaring by it before sun up with 10 additional miles tacked on for good measure. before i hit the lights, the sky turned from black to dark blue. i passed an older runner on this dark road. we exchanged the classic runner's head nod.

earlier, at about mile 3, i passed a guy that i recognized only after we passed. his name is john. he was the leader of the hood to coast team last year. he wasn't into running yet, maybe he did the whole thing on a dare. his first leg, he ran in khaki cargo shorts and a cotton t-shirt. this morning he was completely decked out with hydration belt and blinking light.

this sport has a way of sucking you in.

my wife keeps saying i look pale. at times i feel week, dizzy, and exhausted. i researched nutrition books and they have some in our library. i also need to get a blood check.

on leaves and windows

2009-10-10T20:35:00.000-07:00

17.7 miles . . .

as i've been saying, it's been cold every morning and getting progressively colder. i layered like mad for this run. as i'm going down kuebler for the first 4 miles of my run, i began to feel like i made a mistake. although i can see my breathe hover in the air before me, i'm already feeling fairly warm, and i'm going downhill, and it's the very beginning of my run. what will it feel like an hour and half from now going uphill? this was my fear. however, as soon as i crossed the freeway and hit one final descent before a huge chunk of relatively flat land, the air became instantly colder. there where still little pockets time and time again. but for the most part, i was (temperature-wise) comfortable.

i love the fall in oregon before the wind and rains come and strip the trees prematurely of their bright yellows and oranges and reds. this morning particularly with the sun shooting it's rays at those leaves, they seemed even more brilliant. this was just a beautiful morning. everything and everywhere. i felt like i was doing a photo shoot for runners world. there he is going over a misty bridge. there he is along a small creek. there he is surrounded by a line of trees as far as the eye can see. this helped to inspire me.

for a long run, this was an easy run, mentally and physically. for some reason, running for two hours doesn't seem like that big of a deal anymore. a few of the hills at the very end provided some burn in the upper hamstrings, but other than that, my only other concern came when i realized that i had made too big of a loop and ran over my planned time.

there is a chunk on this route after the park and before the bridges that i get to run downtown. i love running downtown. the urban atmosphere suits me. i like not having a specific route. i just run until i hit a red light and then take a turn. eventually i end up at the bridge, but i'm in no rush. i would love to do this in a bigger area than salem. i also like running by the large display windows. this early in the morning the only places that are open are the coffee shops. the other shops are vacant and dark. as i run, i like to look at myself. not in a vain, egotistical way, but because it is the only time that i get to analyze my stride. this was about 11 miles into my run when i passed the first window, as i turned i almost didn't recognize the runner. i have never seen my form like this before. legs at perfect angles, long strides, powerful, arms slightly bent, not too high. above all that, beyond the specifics, i actually, and maybe for the first time that i can remember, looked like a runner.

all in all a very encouraging run. and as if that wasn't enough at about three in the afternoon, i was still on my runner's high.

what a great sport.

my day off

2009-10-09T08:49:00.000-07:00

3.3 miles . . .

put in so many miles this week that today was practically nothing. a few years ago, before i became obsessed with running, the idea that 3.3 miles would feel like nothing would be crazy talk. my mom asked me a few weeks ago when my day off from running was. i said i didn't have one. she went into a rehearsed talk about how important a day off is, etc, whatever. i tried to explain to her that when i run 3.3 miles (or really anything under 6) it is a day off, in fact it is more than that. it takes no effort. i don't have to get into a zone to do it. i don't need to focus. i feel free. i feel the complete joy of running. it's relaxation. stranger still is the concept that as i put more stress on my body, everything will feel different. i'm sure an ultra-marathoner sees 10 miles much as the way i see 3.3. it's all perspective.

it was a nice quiet morning--other than the garbage trucks. few people or cars around. ran through the cemetery, always sobering. and just around the neighborhood, obscure cul-de-sacs and the like.

now . . . what am i forgetting?

2009-10-08T11:37:00.000-07:00

13.6 miles . . .

warm up

5 X 6 minutes at tempo (5:32) with 1 minute rest

6 X strides with full recovery

cool down

there was a girl on the track today, walking around and around, talking on the phone while i was doing my tempo repeats. after about the third one, she hung up only to plug her ears with music. i thought that she was really missing out on this morning by turning it off. so many sounds.

the wind rushing towards the ears

the rhythmic pounding of shoe on track

the cry of the birds

the track was epic this morning. i thin mist hovering around the backside. you can feel it when you breathe, so breathe deep. one crow made me jump, upsetting my cadence during a tempo. i heard his wings flapping in my ear. i turned my head, he was flying inches from my face.

what was not epic, what caused some frustration, but only for a moment, and then it turned into a laugh. a laugh at morning rocky's unending stupidity. it happened right after my warm up. i open up the car door to grab my racing flats. they're not on the seat. they're not on the floor. oh wait, they are on the floor, at home, in the kitchen, where i forgot them. my only other shoes i have with me are my trail running shoes. for trail shoes they are light but much heavier than what i typically wear for speed work. and then i had this thought. if i can cruise through this workout with these shoes, i can do anything.

the first two repeats were relatively easy. but the problem is in the 1 minute cool down. what good is that? by the fourth and fifth repeat my breathing was still quite heavy. but i liked this challenge. i like running at tempo. i like that feeling of a constant medium hard push.

i ended up going longer than 6 minutes because at perfect pace i could run my mile at 5:32 and then that last 200m at 41:50 which puts me at 6:13:50. and what is 13.5 seconds anyway? something in the compulsive nature of my personality is appeased with ending at a 200m marker. the first one was over at 6:14:19, not because i couldn't keep pace, but because my watch doesn't show hundredths of seconds. so when i go around a lap and hit the reset and it reads 1:23, it could mean 1:23:01 or 1:23:99 or somewhere in between. all my other ones were under my goal time with each one getting progressively faster with the last one at 6:11:50.

the strides where tough. i'm not sure if it was because i was tired or because those trail shoes where hard to sprint in or both. last night wasn't the most restful of times. watched law and order when i should have gone to bed. then gracie woke up at around 4:00. i plugged her with the binky and went back to bed. she woke up about 40 minutes later. this happened three or four times before my wife just fed her. during that time of broken sleep, i had the most vivid, intense dreams but i can't remember even a piece of any of them.

how to dress today?

2009-10-07T11:09:00.000-07:00

i had a long day yesterday. partying with the credo kids. a great time of worship, talking about our faith, fellowship, and of course catan. didn't get home until 10:00. finally hit the bed around 10:40 but i couldn't sleep right away, which is strange for me. i think what my wife refers to as my 'cold' was keeping me awake. but i can't (as in physically unable) get sick. the nose running is gone, the throat is mostly back to normal, no more coughing. should i confess that i feel a little bit warm/feverish? never!!

speaking of my wife, she let me go to sleep and got gracie ready for bed (usually that's my job). and then gracie slept until 2:00. and then again at 2:30. then i thought, oh no, it's going to be one of those nights. but then christy fed her and she slept until 6:30. i woke up so refreshed. i also had the time to put in a bit longer run then expected--11 miles. this should mean that i can put less in on friday.

for the run i felt strong and in control. the only semi-annoyance was that i overdressed a bit. which in retrospect is better than yesterday when i was miserable for the last bit because i was so cold. i wore a long sleeve shirt under my brooks bright yellow jacket. i think next time i may just wear a short sleeve shirt, that jacket is so warm. stops the harsh winds to bite at your body. i unzipped it a little at around mile 2 and never zipped back up. by the time i got home my shirt was soaking with sweat. i also think i could've done without my hat. it's so hard to tell how to dress for the run until the first 20 minutes or so is passed. but by then it's too late.

unless you wanted to run the first couple miles around your house.

but that would be annoying.

icy hand of death

2009-10-06T11:15:00.001-07:00

four hour of sleep in a row last night. when gracie cried me awake at 6:00, i felt surprisingly rejuvinated. i had a sore throat starting yesterday afternoon and continued through the night. but once i started running, i pretty much dissapeared. it since has returned slightly, not nearly as bad. also a general stuffiness. i'm going to beat this thing.

another cold clear morning. wore my pants, hat, two long sleeve shirts, and two pairs of gloves. finally wore my north face fleece ones for the first time this season. i thought that it was enough. but in last 5 miles of this 13 mile run, my left hand began to get really cold. in fact, the last 5 miles everything seemed to fall apart. i was struggling to keep pace, every movement was an effort. i thought that's how the whole run would be after yesterday's tough workout. but the first 8 was fairly effortless. i did notice my legs didn't want to cooperate when i made some steeper turns, but other than that it was beautiful.

really hungry when i stopped. my stomach was actually grumbling. i think i could have used a couple of my shot bloks before the run.

there was one tiny break in all of this. somewhere around the fourth mile, i turned a corner and the air was suddenly warmer for about ten seconds. then right back to cold. strange.

and you thought 1000m was tough

2009-10-05T11:55:00.000-07:00

and along comes four minutes. four little tiny minutes. at your death pace. for me my death pace is 38 seconds every 200m. this takes me around the track 3 times and then about three quarters of the curve. last week doing those 1000m at 3:10, i thought i was going to die. 50 more seconds feels more like 50 minutes. i actually ran more than four minutes. i decided to pick a spot on that bend that i could run to so i wouldn't be looking at my watch to hit exactly four minutes. this would also give me an idea of consistency.

but let me rewind . . .

this morning was winter. i started at about 7:15, feeling sore and tired. it took most of the 20 minute warm up to really feel warmed up. especially in my legs from the cold. it was a beautiful morning though. lots of fog, which i love. a clear sky. the full moon still hovering to the west.

after warm-up, i kept my hat, gloves, and arm warmers on and hit the track. the place was packed. more runners/walkers than i have ever seen on it before. but they were all very nice and knew about proper track etiquette.

six sprints. these were fast. and i felt fast. my warm up finally did its work and i was soaring. it always helps when there are people there to witness your workouts. makes you run faster. i pretend that they have a copy of my workout. so they know if i'm going to slow or skipping out early.

then came the hard part. 5 x 4 minutes at my hard pace. i went into this workout with fear. and maybe rightfully so. this was the first time since starting with mr. daniels that i wasn't sure if i was going to actually finish the workout. i doubted. i kept trying to tell myself that he knew what he was talking about. that it is only pain. all the little mind tricks we use to trick the mind and body.

and then i was off. i hit the first one right on time. but so out of breath. hit the second one on. still unsure. it was at the end of the third one that i knew i would finish this workout. that i would do all five. that i would have victory.

i had dumped my hat off at the start after the sprints next to my water bottle. as i'm coming into the final straightaway, 3:35 seconds into this 4 minute effort, i notice the ground keeper picking up random garbage left on the turf from the cross country meet. he picks up my hat and water bottle. without thinking i yell out 'those are mine!! can you leave them there?!?' and that's when i know. if i have the oxygen left at the end of this repeat to shout that such a way that he can understand what i am saying, then i have the oxygen left to finish what i started.

and so i did.

it was hard, but that's running. as i did 4 minute repeat after 4 minute repeat, people began to leave the track and no more where coming. during the 3 minute easy run right before the last one, the last guy left the track. and i was alone. with the fog coming in. no one to witness this. it ended up being the slowest of the five but i hit my 200's right on pace. here is a breakdown of them: 4:01:9, 4:01:6, 4:02:7, 4:02:33, 4:03:46. this comes out to an average of 4:02:4.

the odd thing about this is a vividly remember every time i hit that 1000m distance and thinking if i were to stop now, this would be an easy workout. this is encouraging. it means i'm more comfortable at this pace.

when i got back to my car to change shoes for the cool down, i realized that my singlet was on inside out. i was embarrassed for one half of a second. and then i remembered my workout. i suffered through the death and survived to tell about it. who cares what i look like?

this idea did not prevent me from taking off my singlet and turning it the right way for my 20 minute cool down. it's one thing to look stupid. it's another thing to look stupid on purpose.

how can one little run . . .

2009-10-04T20:52:00.000-07:00

. . . fill you with so much doubt. this morning's eight mile run was not enjoyable. it seemed like a battle to stay on pace, to hit my form, to run pain free. it's one of those runs that you're glad is over.

on a positive note, my hip flexor feels much better. on friday afternoon it started feeling a little tight, not sore but just tight. i noticed it more on my long run yesterday. it affected the length of my stride in my right leg but it wasn't causing pain. it actually felt better as the run went on. last night i really worked it out. shoved the end of the stick (see www.thestick.com) right into my hip until i found the spot. instantly pain shot down my thigh, focusing on my knee, ankle, and bottom of my foot. i love that thing. i think it has prevented so many injuries. also worked out my i.t. band on right leg as it has been feeling tight.

have mixed feelings going into tomorrow. it's going to be a tough workout. i'm tired. this weekend was not relaxing. i need more sleep. my wife says that i am getting sick.

i don't believe her.

i'm invincible.

beware of the cougar

2009-10-04T20:40:00.000-07:00

saturday morning was a late start. didn't start running until 7:45 and had to put in a two hour run at a 6:54 pace. which actually ended up being a good thing because even that late it was still really cold. i could have used my thicker fleece gloves.

i decided to hit up a route that i hadn't done in some time. starts out in my neighborhood to a dead end street. from here a real nice (though short) trail starts. i lived in this house for a couple years without knowing that it existed even though it is half a mile from my house. at the beginning of the trail, a sign catches my eye posted to a tree. i stop my watch and walk back. it warns that a cougar has been sighted in the area and lists what to do if you come across it. i took note and followed the trail.

i have to admit i was scared. ever since that bear episode of last summer, i've had a slight fright in the woods. but i wasn't going to stop. my heart leapt at every noise and movement. i wasn't even worried about my pace.

that was the only exciting thing that happened on this run. but now that i say that i realize nothing even happened. no cougar that i could see.

while going through minto brown i saw several running groups. one lady who works at a local running store. another guy i see at the coffee shop all the time. several others i only recognize from other times i've seen them running.

at bush park they were setting up for a cross country meet. busses lined up, parrallel parked, from all over the state, washington, and california. i often wonder what it would have been like to run in college.

all in all it was a great run. pace felt really easy and most of the times slow. i'm getting use to this 6:54 pace. hung out at 6:51 much of the time.

after next week, we go faster.

a little post for a little run

2009-10-02T21:33:00.000-07:00

just finished my four mile run. went with the evening run. thought it would be good to let my wife sleep in this morning. spent some good cuddle time with gracie belly to belly. she is such a sweet little girl. and although i still hate night running for a billion reasons, at least no one yelled at me (that is the worst) and it was a full moon, nice and bright.

off to bed soon. two hour run tomorrow then leading worship for saturday night service. unfortunately i'm sweaty and wide awake.

running will do that to you.

missed that day in kindergarten

2009-10-01T14:53:00.000-07:00

another early morning, another night broken up by rocking, wiping, changing, another dark start, another cold warm up that turned hotter. all the days collide together.

this was a tough day at the track. made tougher because i apparently missed the day that they went over counting in kindergarten. the workout was supposed to be the same as last thursday.

. . . 20 minute warm up at 6:54's

. . . 6 strides with full recovery

averaged 22:88

. . . 10 x 200m at :34 with 1 minute at 6:54's between each

averaged 33:66

. . . 10 minutes at 6:54's

. . . 10 x 200m at :34 with 1 minute at 6:54's between each

averaged 33:67

. . . 10 minutes at 6:54's

i just looked at my times from my watch. everything was according to plan until the second set of 200m. after the tenth one the watch read an eleventh one and then a twelfth one. i had so exhausted myself that i ran two extra ones. but the funny thing is that i remember those last two and the were the most poetic of the twenty-two of them. i hit that last 50m and then something happened.

i felt like i was flying.

my legs were going so fast, my stride so long, my feet smoothly striking the track. it was like that dream that i had the week gracie was born. it hurt but it felt amazing. i wish all of the 200m could have felt like that, that all my running could be like that. the last two in the first set were on the opposite spectrum. clumsy and clunky. fortunately it's not how you get across the finish but when.

it's the first day of october. i allow myself one sugar every month (defined as sugar in the first three ingredients). on the way to work i picked up three of those cake donuts with white frosting and green sprinkles. yes three. and an odwalla super food to balance it out. i should have probably stopped after the first one. definitely should have after the second one. what was i thinking eating the third one. i instantly felt terrible, sick to the stomach. that was this morning. it's the afternoon and has only gotten a little bit better.

considering no sweets ever. i hate how it makes me feel afterwards. but it's so good going down.

all this for a six mile run

2009-09-30T15:47:00.000-07:00

strange how some days can feel worse than other days. today felt clunky. like my legs were concrete, concrete blocks for feet, pounding down clumsily on the street. it was a day that i couldn't find my rhythm, i couldn't get the fluidity that i love about running, that point where your body is just moving along perfectly. where every stride is a battle.

and all this for a six mile run. i had enough time. i thought at first about only doing four and then doing six on friday. but when i woke up at 7:20, i decided to switch. halfway through i wish i didn't.

my times didn't suffer, just sore a lot of places. mainly on the inside sole of my right foot. i tried to work it out some last night and this morning. it is still throbbing though.

today is that last day of the month. i looked at my totals. 268.45 miles for the month. this is the most miles i've ever ran in one month. 4.24 miles longer than when i raced the marathon this summer. this is encouraging because my body feels generally better than it did in that peak marathon training. even with a baby being born.

in other news . . . i just signed up for the 2010 eugene marathon. it's the first sunday in may. i ran it the inaugural year, it was my first marathon. they have changed the course a bit, which is very exciting. it all ends on the track at hayward field. so much history there. as the websites boasts 'so many records broken . . . the home of several olympic trails . . . etc. . . . i'm just excited about the whole idea of finishing on a track. a crowd in the stands bringing you home on that final straight away. it seems all very official, all very olympic, all very epic.

training starts next month. here we go.

a million little deaths

2009-09-29T10:24:00.000-07:00

i felt so strong this morning. from the first stride to the last. 6:54's felt easy even with the hills, even going the hour that i did, even the six sprints after the hour. most of the time i was hanging around 6:50-6:52, and it felt easy. should it surprise me when the easy pace feels easy? probably has a lot to do with the sleep i got last night. thank you lovely wife for getting gracie ready for bed and letting me sleep. thank you mom for coming to stay with us this week to help out and watch the kids. i went to bed just after 9 and woke up around 6:45. on my own. no alarms, no pats on the shoulder, no newborn cries.

again it is getting colder. today seemed like winter not fall. windy with large grey clouds threatening. and finally half way through my run the bark became bite. cold, biting, sharp rain drops hurled at me like so many daggers by the wind, a million little deaths. but not even that slows me down. nothing can today.

hit my strides at 22 seconds right on. with the exception of the third one and the last one. the third one was a second slower. i wasn't focusing on my running. i was thinking about work, stress, the latest worry. although i can do this during easy running it does not do for speed work. must focus. the last one was a second faster and it gave me a new image.

just as i was turning the block for my last stride, a truck pulled up to the stop sign and was headed on my route. i hit the thin crack in the asphalt that marks the beginning of the sprint and shot out fast. i could hear the truck behind me. coming right towards me. passing me. i imagined a rope tied to the truck and wrapped around my waist pulling me towards the stop sign. it gave me that extra lunge to end with a 21 second sprint.

walked through the door cold, wet, and charged with confidence.

no rest for the weary

2009-09-28T10:36:00.000-07:00

there is no more denying it. this schedule with this new baby and everything else that is going on in my life, with less sleep, ministry starting up, etc. is taking it's toll on my body. rolling out of bed at 5:40 or so, my whole body was crying to stay.

hit bush park when it was still dark, really dark. especially through the trees. i was surprised to see how many other people were running. my times suffered a bit for the first part of my warm up because i couldn't really see where my feet were landing. this slowed me down.

at the top of the hill i hit the bathroom. the guy next to me in the stall was making weird grunting pushing sounds. i was glad when he left.

when i got out of the bathroom it was much lighter. i reset my watch and hit the other half of the warm up right on. by then we where well into morning and it was heating up. stripped down to my singlet and just one pair of gloves and made my way to the track where a group of psuedo-pilates style middle aged women where hogging lanes 2-8. at least i had lane 1.

i've already talked about how i feel about 1000m repeats. this is my third week in a row that i've done them. i felt like i had much more control and my times reflect that. but it was still effort. intense effort. even that first one. this scarred me. can't i even get through one 1000m easily? it's odd how much of running is a mind game. one intense 1000m run and i start to doubt why i'm up this early, why i'm trying to do something with this hobby, why i'm pushing for the olympic trials. the second one wasn't much better. but hope came in the shape of the third one and and the fourth one. that fourth one seemed effortless. i was just flowing, always two seconds under time. i cruised in with ease.

and then came the last one. the hardest of the lot by a billion. by the first lap i was slow by a second. i tried to hit the next 200m harder but made no ground. the air was getting warmer but just in sections. the track had become like a swimming pool, little pockets of cold and warm air dotted about at random. i hit the 800m right on. but at this point there was a head wind shooting right at me going into the 400m and 800m. it was so hard to push into it. i felt like a giant sail being blown backwards by the wind. i tried to think about the wind just cooling me off (a trick someone told me about on a 10k i raced last spring). this helped little. that last 200m was pure misery. especially that curve. it felt like i was pushing 5x harder but going 5x slower. then i hit the straight. that last 100m was just steam. it was as though the last two weeks was pressing down on my shoulders, legs, arms, pushing me back towards the beginning. somehow i pushed through. i played different songs in my head. i told myself that it was just pain. then a new pain came. my upper abs violently contracting as though preparing to vomit. and then just before it was over, one stride away, i let out a cry.

and then it was over. and i'm smiling. and i'm taking off my track shoes. and i'm doing my warm up. and i'm driving home. and i'm drinking water. and i'm feeling the utter euphoria of runner's high coupled with another workout done.

times: 3:08:90, 3:10:78, 3:08:97, 3:09:15, 3:09:50

on a completely different topic and should perhaps be a different note entirely . . . yesterday at church i met a personal trainer. he loves his job and he loves to help people realize their fitness goals. that's why he doesn't want to move into management yet at the club. he doesn't want to be that far removed from the people who need him. i found this to be a refreshing outlook. i asked him if he could give me a few exercises that target the sides. he started explaining one. it became complicated. i think i'm more of a kinesthetic learner. we moved to the south auditorium now mostly empty. i laid on my back. he explained while moving my legs and spotting me. i can tell he is good at his job. he showed me three different exercises that i tried last night. i could actually feel the burn.

early morning animals

2009-09-27T16:01:00.000-07:00

gracie woke us up at 5:20 this morning. i asked my wife if she would wake me up after the feeding. at 5:40 she tapped my shoulder. by 6:10 i was running. still mostly dark with the exception of a faint white light low in the sky. it was cold too. which means i got to wear my new long sleeve skin hugging shirt i picked up at the outlet stores in august but have only worn once since. i love the way it compresses my body and the way the cold wind feels on me. makes me feel faster. it's like a second skin but spiderman like and trimmer. it also stinks like my skin when i wear it. i had another one that i would wear all the time in the winter months. my wife bought all sorts of detergents to rid the stink from it but even the special one she found on the internet 'guaranteed to get rid of the worst sport stink' couldn't defeat it. i finally ended up cutting the arms off of it.

it was dark for about 40 minutes of my 56 minute run. what i thought was a opossum turned out to be a cat. what i thought was a cat ended up being a raccoon (and this right on a main street clawing at the sidewalk). and two rabbits, one black with white spots, the other all black caught me unawares at the park.

fairly easy effort wise. went longer than typical too. i figured since i was up, i should put in more. will help me to sleep in on another day when i can.

spent some time praying over the course of the first two miles. took up the challenge presented last night at service. to pray that i would know my mission. that GOD would use me to impact people for HIM. that HE would use this thing called running to bring HIM glory.

victory over the gooey goodness

2009-09-26T13:51:00.000-07:00

stupid chewy chocolaty nearly dough cookie blocks sitting in an opaque rectangular container on the island that i've had to pass for the past two days. finally got the better of me. shouldn't have asked my wife to describe how they tasted. about five minutes ago went over to the drawer, snuck a knife, and cut one delightful morsel in half.

then temptation as soon as i swallowed it. tempted to finish it off. i've already fallen why not go further?

and here is the moral of the story. failure is inevitable. it will happen. it may be on a saturday afternoon with a cookie, a monday morning on a 400m, or a 5k race. the question is, what will i do with that failure? will i have the strength to pick myself up from it, move on from it? or will i let it drag me down into utter degradation?

that opaque rectangular container sitting on the island could be empty now at my hand from this tiny fall. but it's not. in fact, the other half that i cut into is still there.

i count this as a victory.

in a fog

2009-09-26T10:59:00.000-07:00

chrisy's mom went home yesterday. she's been here the past week to help out because of baby gracie. i decided to hit up my long run a day early so i could do my shorter run this morning when it's just us. this put thursday's hard track day next to friday's two hour run. this coupled with the fact that thursday, with leading worship at high life, made for a really long day. i was so tired by the time i got home, i had not the strength for yoga. i started the long run a bit sore. but it was an exciting run nonetheless.

i finally got to venture on to those streets i use to run on before the fear of gracie coming tethered me to courses around my home. straight into downtown, riverfront park, over the west salem bridge, through wallace marine park. i found a new mulch path that was laid down last week. i could tell not many people had been on it. it was still really springy, inconsistent, and fairly bumpy at places.

i hit great times with surprisingly not that much effort. right on my 6:54's when i finally stopped the watch. the two truly glorious parts of the runs was looking into the fog hunkering low over the willamette, blocking the view south to minto brown park. the other was going up the steep incline at 12th street. when i finally crested the fairly large hill my watch read an average of 6:51's. and this was on the last half of my run.

i hit quite a few water fountains (as many as i could find) and i think that helped greatly.

by the time i got back home and started eating i noticed that i had some amazing runner's high. i've asked other people if they get this phenomenon. when they say yes, i ask them to describe it. they say that they feel like they are in a zone and can run forever. my high isn't like this at all. mine always happens when i stop running. i breathe in and i can feel the oxygen tingling through my throat, lungs, and even tickle my brain. the deeper i breathe the more intense. i've never used drugs, but perhaps this is a similar feeling. this high lasted into the afternoon. i love it when that happens.

i did get my yoga in last night. it was very essential. so many sore points. mainly i.t. band, gluets, and shins. especially the shins. i think it could be time to retire those shoes i did my long run in. or maybe just reserve them for shorter runs or warm ups and bush park.

this morning's six miles was less than glorious for the first half. really achy for that first mile. primarily felt a slow burn in my left hamstring. i circled around schirle elementary school on the mulch path for two miles. then went up to the high school to work a few on the track. i wanted to stay on really soft ground today for healing. unfortunately the football team was working there so i just circled through some neighborhoods. i felt much stronger on the second half. hit my times right on though: 6:54's.

i've been craving sweets for the past two days and almost cheated on my diet yesterday with a secret roth's donut. those cake ones with the white icing and green sprinkles where calling to me. i had to pass by them close twice because i forgot the avocados. which, by the way, i actually like now. at least in burritos. my quest to like all whole foods is one step closer.

today also marks the most miles i've ever put in a week: 72. and if i can do it on a crazy week like this, with little sleep, and sore muscles, i am confident i can do more.

facing my nemesis

2009-09-24T15:45:00.000-07:00

i couldn't sleep last night. i kept tossing and turning. checking the alarm clock to see the time. not sure if i was anxious or if this waking up every two to four hours to help with gracie is the cause. i finally rolled out of bed at 6:30 and running by 7:15.

i had mixed feelings during the twenty minute warm up. still a bundle of nerves from the ever closer workout. something about the unknown in running frightens me. didn't help that my legs felt a little tired.

fortunately this twenty minutes takes me around a park that surrounds the track. it goes by a little stream, through some trees, down a field, all of it on a cinder track. runners, walkers, dogs, bicyclists, students walking to school, old man doing tai-chi (or something like it), park employees repositioning sprinklers or picking up garbage or digging ditches. this morning as i came out of the trees section towards a baseball field, i light fog clung to the ground no higher than the chain link fence. as i strode into it the temperature seemed to drop about ten degrees. epic.

and now i'm at the track. i start with six strides. they are slower than normal. not because they are difficult but because i am thinking to much about the next part of the workout. that and i really need to go to the bathroom. so either from a desire to stall the next part or from real necessity, when i'm done with these sprints i go the bathroom.

now i'm at the start. i drink some water (another stall?), i do a few needless stretches, shake out, can't think of anything else, so i start.

the workout is 10 X 200m at 34 seconds with a minute recover at a 6:54 pace. after this i do a 10 minute run at 6:54's. after that i do another round of 10 X 200. same tempo, same recovery. two things scare me about this. one i've never done this many 200m before. i don't have much running experience. never did track or cross country in high school or college. i just started a few years ago and went right to marathons and half marathons. second, it's 30 minutes of speed work. yeah it's broken up with a minute recovery. but what is a minute.

it turns out i had nothing to be afraid of. i need to trust in my ability, in my training, in my fitness, in my coach. i need to believe that i can hit these things. i need to see the pain for what it is. like all of life, temporary. if i can just push through with victory. not that i'm saying this was an easy workout. it was tough. probably one of the tougher track sessions i've had. those minute recovery seem to shrink and shrink and shrink as you get more exhausted. then to finish all ten only to realize that this is only half the workout--tragic.

i averaged the first set of 10 at 33.25 seconds and the second set at 33:85. fastest was a 32:12 (the fourth one on my first set). the slowest was a 35:32 (the second one on my second set). this was my only one over 34 seconds. i think the problem was that i lost focus for some reason and thought i could just cruise without pushing. i made up for it with a 33:10 on the one after it.

my nemesis (the old asian lady that walks in lane one) came near the end of my first set. she was walking in the very middle of my lane which made it difficult for me to pass her. i finally thought that this is enough of the madness. i needed to talk to her. i was hopelessly out of breath having just completed the first set and barely choked out 'can you move into another lane for me?' she didn't respond. she just looked through me with those pensive eyes, lower jaw jutting out, stone cold face, and kept her slow shuffle down the first lane. i looked back she was still in the lane. but then suddenly she moved over to lane two. when i passed her i said thanks. 'thanks' she echoed back in a harsh snarl.

rocky = 1

nemesis = 0

just another six mile run

2009-09-23T10:23:00.000-07:00

feel so much better today. one of those runs that gives me hope, assurance, that i will reach my goal. went to bed at around 10:30 and got out around 7:30. i only had to wake up two times to change gracie.

my legs seemed to have completely lost all fatigue. i ran strong today. hit my 6:54's right on with little effort. it truly seemed like an easy pace.

this helped me to free my mind during the run. all i could think about was the olympic trials. how i was going to get there. what it would feel like to run a 2:18 marathon and run with world class athletes. also worked some on a song that i shelved for awhile. yesterday at work i started playing it and it seems to have some new life.

last night, after credo my stomach was grumbling like mad. we had momiji's take out and i purposefully only ate half, knowing how i feel after eating all of it. even added some asparagus. had my bowl of iron enriched grapenuts at 6:45 and the my pear at around 7:20. by 10:00 when i got home i was so tempted to have a little bite to eat. broke through it though and went to bed.

feel a little apprehensive about tomorrow's workout and the lack of sleep that will come with it. but i feel much more confident after today.

blood red sky

2009-09-22T14:54:00.000-07:00

i loved the sky this morning

gracie screaming me awake twenty minutes till six

starting the run just before daybreak

and there it hovered

over the horizon

over the trees

over the mountains

large, ominous

a deep blood red sky

shooting rays of crimson horizontally

into me

extending my shadow

ten paces down the scarlet tinted road

. . . though not all was beautiful this morning. i don't really feel pain in any specific part of my body, just a general fatigue, everywhere. though mostly in my right leg. it could be from the added mileage, the increase of speed, the less sleep, the messed up schedule, the different meals this past week (either take out or cooked by others--though i'm staying true to my diet), or it is a combination of all of these things.

the first half mile was not pretty. i knew it was going to take a lot of will for this one even as i sped up before starting my watch. throbbing everywhere. quads, i.t. band, gluets, hamstrings. everywhere and yet nowhere, just all together miserable.

i did get into a pleasant rhythm for the middle section of the hour run at my easy pace (which has dropped down to 6:54's). the end was a little bit of a push. it was mostly uphill. but i kept right on pace and actually ran a little bit longer than the hour.

i still had six strides to do which equals another 20 minutes or so of running. i sprint for .1 mile, which takes 22 seconds, a slight uphill, and then round the block at my easy pace which takes just under three minutes. i was thinking of a billion excuses not to run these strides and save them for tomorrow. things like i need to use the bathroom, i'm too tired, i'll be less tired tomorrow, high school students will be walking to school on this route and i'll see them over and over and over again, i have a hat and gloves i'll be much too hot.

it took a huge chunk of effort to pass over the street i live on instead of turn on it to my home. it took an equal effort to start that first stride. that first one is always so hard. i've been running for an hour at a consistent pace and now i'm sprinting, fast, focused, loose, pushing towards that stop sign. fortunately once that one was under the belt the rest came fast and easy.

in this training, for this goal, i cannot, i must not delay my workouts for other days. i cannot get into this pattern or my dream will never be realized. stay on that path.

on a crisp september morn

2009-09-21T13:43:00.000-07:00

this morning was cold. really cold. the days of frost on the windshield and doubling up on gloves is just around the corner.

for my warm up, i had on my t-shirt, gloves, hat, and arm warmers. this was the right amount of clothing. but twenty minutes later, as i was changing into my track shoes, i noticed a stark increase in temperature. i decided to hit the track with just my singlet and shorts, which proved to be a great idea. it just kept heating up with each and every lap of the track. until the end, as i was sitting back in my car, changing back into my trail shoes, where i was dripping sweat. large drops, two, three at a time, blurring my vision and smashing to the ground.

the workout was amazing, exhilarating, and so incredibly tough. my least favorite workout use to be 800m repeats, after this morning it has switched to 1000m repeats. the concepts with this distance is that you are to run at the same pace and effort you would an 800m but an extra 200m is tacked on at the end. this may not seem like much. what is a half a lap? but by the last couple repeats, when you hit the 600m mark and realize that you still have to go around the whole track again, it becomes an intense battle.

i hit my times nearly perfect on. my slowest was a 3:10:18--and this was my second repeat. my quickest was my third at 3:08:80. typically on these track workouts, i memorize my 200m and 400m time and then reset the watch every lap. today i tried a different technique. i decided to not reset my watch until after the 1000m and memorize all five 200m times. last night i wrote them down :38, 1:16, 1:54, 2:32, 3:10. and then for the rest of the night i kept repeating them in my mind. every time gracie would wake up for a feeding, as i was changing her diaper, i would be repeating these numbers in my head. over and over again. until they would come without thought.

i think this helped me to be even more consistent over the course of the 1000m. it left all the extra mind energy of adding and subtracting numbers to see how close i am to the target time. i can just look down at my watch at ever 200m and know exactly where i am at. this helped me to focus solely on my running.

:38--focus on holding back. don't go out too fast or you will suffer for the remaining 2:32.

1:16--don't slow down. don't settle into a slow pace. push through that turn but not too hard. not yet.

1:54--you should now be settled into your pace. but this is no reason for your mind to float off into the clouds or to be annoyed with that ancient hunched over asian lady who walks with incredible slowness around the inside lane of the track even though you speed by her within centimeters yelling 'track.' this is a focus but a rhythmic focus.

2:32--this is a battle now. but only stage one. don't push too hard yet. don't give your all. but don't give in to your weariness.

3:10--this is where legends are created. become one. leave it all on the table. don't let that time of 3:10 slip away from you. at the end of this 200m don't let your watch say 3:11 or worse yet 3:12. you are fit enough to run this. and run it ever faster.

i found myself even on the second repeat making excuses for myself. my legs are too sore from holding and rocking gracie. i haven't had enough sleep over the past week to hit these times. my mind is too wearied from all that afternoon/evening running. i'm not ready to run this fast. i was foolish to move up a point value from mr. daniels. i had to grab each of these doubts, one at a time, and stuff them out of my mind and just do my workout.

one day at a time, one workout at a time, on point at a time, one repeat at a time, one 200m at a time.

that's how i had to run today. i feel powerful afterwards.

running since gracie . . . taking the good with the bad

2009-09-20T20:26:00.000-07:00

things have been a whirlwind of craziness ever since we drove back from the hospital with the new little one. i haven't had time to do much of anything and have barely squeezed in a few training sessions. some things have been epically beautiful, others have been tragically low. so here they are the good and the bad over the last couple of days.

-it's thursday night. i haven't run since monday morning. the first few strides down the street away from my house are so amazing i can't even begin to describe the euphoria of it. breathing in that air, movement of body, pounding of heart, after such a long break. i am a runner. i know realize that i can never stop.

-i mark out 200m in the darkness with the aid of my garmin. my hope is to do a twenty minute warm up, 6 strides, and then 10 x 200m repeats with a minute break between each. then a ten minute easy run. then repeat. but it is already late. my legs are tired. my body is week from little sleep. i do the 6 strides and then do a cool down. i'll save this for another day.

-it's friday afternoon. late in the afternoon. i'm fighting to stay at my easy pace of 7 minute miles. i'm easily doing 6:54's. as i enter the belcrest cemetery, i realize that it is stupid to put this much effort into staying slow. this is when i decide to move onto the next fitness point level on mr. daniels' chart. i am one step closer to reaching my goal. i smile, though barely perceptible.

-i'm fight three different pains. a deep thirst from this hot weather. a pressing desire to sit on a toilet. a sharp sting in my eyes from the sweat running of the brow. afternoon running is NOT fun.

-i'm excited to hit my run today at the sprague track. it's a new track and i haven't done any speedwork on it. i am ready. i am excited. let's do this.

-i'm sitting in the outhouse at the track after doing my warm up and two sprints. this is frustrating. even more so, i hear band instruments. as i open the door, i see that the high school marching band has taken over my track. i have to run by them to get my water bottle and t-shirt. i head to the middle school 'track.' a bumpy, old, cement track. but at least it is marked out every 50 meters.

-i hit my first five 200m's right on pace at 34 seconds (some even at 33) with a minute between each.

-i can't finish the last five 200m's. the outhouse is calling again. aaaaarrrrrgggghhhh. afterwards. i run around the track and get ready to hit more 200's. the urge comes again. out of frustration i leave the track.

-some punk middle school wanna be skaters walking down the street from the 7-11 with fountain drinks look at me, smile, laugh. one of them does a mock victory cry. i mock him back. he mocks me back. i end the conversation with boo-ya!! why is it that i can go months without getting heckled in morning runs and then get mocked every day of afternoon and evening runs? i have a theory that stupid people don't wake up before ten in the morning.

-it's sunday morning. i've had enough of this. my training is suffering. i wake up early, as i should, and do my six mile run. this is awesome. this is epic. this is running as it is meant to be. this is the running that i have missed. though i may regret it, though i may have to go to bed way earlier than i want, though i may have to drink ten shots of espresso, i will wake up early tomorrow and go to the track.