race for the roses half marathon

the first race since august's 5k in the park.  i have tried to find a half marathon to race in this marathon training cycle for two reasons.  first, to feel what my target pace will feel like in an actual race environment.  second, to hit 1:15 or under so that i can register as an elite at the eugene marathon.  it is now three weeks until the marathon and this was the only half that my busy schedule could afford.  so it is cutting it close.

i slept well the night before because i knew that the result was out of my hands.  i knew that i was more than fit enough to hit the time.  the big factor for this race would be my right inner thigh.  this annoying injury that has been plaguing my running for the past two weeks.  it has caused me to shorten my stride, especially downhill.  this forces me to work harder for slower times.

half the week last week, i stuck to the bicycle.  on thursday i ran for three miles at a slow face.  friday four.  saturday three, but this time at my actual easy pace.  if i had a few more days, i would be more confident.  it's a variable, a question.  will it keep together?  will it loosen up?  or will tighten up causing me to slow down, or stop completely, and bring about an even greater injury that will prevent me from running the eugene marathon?

but since, as i said, this was out of my control, i fell promptly asleep.

the alarm woke me up at 4:00am.  first thought that hits my head.  why am i doing this?  who is making me?  every now and again in the midst of my training, these questions and doubts surround me.  attempting to bring me down and cloud my resolve.  i push them along with my covers away and begin the pre race morning routine.

i start the water boiling for my espresso.  bread is placed in the toaster oven.  i viciously stab my red potato and cook it in the microwave.  the toast is done, almond butter, fruit only blueberry jelly.  potato is done, cut into small bite size pieces and sprinkled with garlic salt.  water is boiling, i pull my shot of espresso.

next to the bathroom.  toilet, shower, dressed.

i'm in the living room stretching out my leg.  it feels good, loose, flexible.  i'm packed and ready.  the clock in the hall reads 5:05 when mr. box drives up in his honda hybrid as silent as the morning.

we're on the road, making great time.  trying to calm each others nerves with talks of past races, future glories, and strategies.  we are absentmindedly talking and only half way listening.  our minds our on the upcoming pain, wondering if we have what it takes.

we're in the parking garage looking for the elevators.  one hour until race time.  finding the elevators, walking through the building, towards exhibit hall A, taking escalators whenever possible.

we're picking up our race packets.  one more stop to the bathroom.  a warm up in my pants and long sleeves.  a few sprints, a few stretches, a few high knees, a few butt kicks.  i would look foolish anywhere else but here.  a large box of a room crowded with nearly 5,000 spandex-ed runners twisted in pretzel shapes, shaking away anxieties, pinning numbers, packing gels.

over the speakers a voice blares:  20 minutes until the half marathon begins.  i'm shedding clothing, stripping down to the very bear minimum packing the rest into a plastic bag with my number on it, handing it to a volunteer, exiting the building.  12 minutes left.

i'm outside in the cold trying to stay warm in my skimpy singlet and short shorts and 99 cent wall-mart gloves that i will throw away mid course.  a perfect day for a race.  a little cloud cover, no wind, no rain, just slightly chilly.  i continue to stretch, wondering what this leg will do when the race starts.

i look around at those who have stepped beyond the 7:00 minute mile pace sign.  this is my competition.  these are the ones that will pull me along as things get tough.

and now the countdown from the announcer.  from ten . . . just enough time to take a deep breath, focus, relax, before i push the start on my garmin.  and we are off.

instantly the lead pack is formed.  six to eight of us.  we turn a corner and there is a slight but steep hill that spits us out on the broadway bridge.  i take a quick peek at the garmin to mark my pace.  5:20's.  we went out too fast as is the common mistake in most races.  i start to back off a bit, four people pass me as i settle into a 5:42 pace.  this is where i want to be regardless of the competition especially for the first six miles.

as we cross the bridge those four people slow down considerably, i pass them easily maintaining my pace and speeding up slightly on downhill after the bridge.  and from this early point, right around the first mile marker (which i didn't see) the places are settled for the next 11 miles.  in first place a man from arizona who completely defeats the rest of us.  in second place a man who will later become disqualified for turning around at the 5k and cuts the course short by a mile.  in third place a porltand fellow sporting a red and black racing outfit declaring himself as a member of team red lizard.  i am behind this guy at fourth.  his singlet becomes my focus.  i use him just as much as my garmin for pace imagining a great cable spanning the 30 seconds or so that separate us.

now we are hitting our second hill.  at the base of the hill, i am still comfortably at my 5:42 pace, leg feels great.  we start the climb.  it's a long hill that continually steepens until the end.  one of those hills that is completely laid out before you, the kind that would defeat you if it were at the end of the race.  i attack it conservatively.  not worrying about pace so much as effort.  at the top, my garmin reads a 5:49 average.  i have some time to make up.

but here is the problem.  i can't fully extend my right leg.  i can't make up that time as quickly as i would like, as quickly as i could do in perfect health.  i try to relax, to glide down the hill, to make it smooth, to speed up without effort but the seconds come off so slowly.

and now we are in the body of the race, twisting and turning through downtown portland.  team red lizard nearly misses a rogue bicyclist through a tricky maneuver.  every time we turn left, we go uphill, every time we turn right we go downhill.  it's too hilly, my leg is still too stiff, i can't make up my time.  this is a point of great despair as doubt enters my mind.  at mile 6, i shed my gloves.  at 6.5 i take my first and only gel.  i'm just trying to relax through this section, to focus, to stay with team red lizard, to keep hope.

and now we are on the last section.  two turn arounds, all on flat road.  this is where i have to return to my 5:42 pace.  surprisingly, i get there quicker than when going downhill.  after the first turn around, i draw encouragement from how spaced out i am from 5th place and 6th place.  this is when i start to focus my mind, to prepare for the final 3.1 miles, when the real race begins.

it's mile 9 and i began the first of my four images.  i push lap on my garmin for the first time.  i speed up slightly.  i am slowly gaining on team red lizard.  this continues through mile 9 and 10 as we are weaving through a crowd of 5k walkers.

then we come to the final turn around with just a little over a mile to go.  red lizard takes it wide, i go on the inside.  for a second we are side by side.  then the last mile comes.  the final image and i am pushing hard.  10k and 5k walkers converge taking over the lanes, laughing, walking, enjoying the beautiful day.  i continue to push, forgetting about red lizard, forgetting about the pain, just the push.

and then the steel bridge.  the final, shortest, and steepest ascent on the course.  the hill and the walkers crowding the inside turn slow me down.  the course narrows.  i am pushing through them, bobbing, weaving, breaking stride, but still pushing.

down the last little hill we go and turn the corner for the final straight away, the announcer, the crowds, the final mat, and the digital display clock over the finish.  i look up at it.  it reads . . .

1:14:50

this is madness.  i have to make it.  i have to get under 1:15.  i break into a mighty sprint of desperate death through a sea of walkers.  i run into one hard, i push into another one.  it's almost as though they are holding me back, keeping me from my goal.

and then i cross the mat, it's over, i'm smiling, laughing.

official time . . .

1:14:57
second overall
first in my age group

according to the eugene marathon, i am an elite runner.

rest and patience really works: week 14

sunday, 1 hour bike . . .

monday, 1.2 mile run, 90 min. bike . . .

tuesday, 10 miles . . .

wednesday, 13 miles . . .

thursday, 12 miles . . .

friday, 8 miles . . .

saturday, 20 miles . . .
       . . . 2 mile warm up
       . . . 20 min. @ 5:31 pace
       . . . 10 miles easy
       . . . 10 min. @ 5:31 pace
       . . . half mile easy
       . . . 5 min. @ 5:21 pace
       . . . 1 mile cool down

. . . on the trainer, episodes of lost on hulu, in my garage.  felt like a good workout from a heart rate, effort, sweat perspective.  i just haven't biked enough to know how it translates in the running world.  there just isn't anything else like running.  you can't get that type of fluidity on a bike, too mechanical, too unnatural.  but i am thankful for this option to stay in shape while allowing time for my inner thigh to heal.  i have been using my tp tools to massage it out.  it hurts a ton, so i know that i am hitting it right.  a little sore even to walk this morning.  i may try a shorter, slower run tomorrow on a soft surface as a sort of trial with zero expectations.  if i can only run a mile, i'll come back home and hit up the bike again.  if i can run ten miles that would be great.  this is the hard part.

. . . this morning was a terribly windy, downpour of a morning.  in that respect i should be thankful that i only ran for a little over eight minutes in it.  i've further pinpointed the origin of this right leg pain.  it is higher than i first anticipated.  i finally found it this morning after the workout(s).  its just a very tight muscle that is hard to stretch and hard to massage out.  i finally found something that worked but involved my oldest daughter balancing on my hand.  i need to find a better solution.

during the run, and the reason it was cut so short, i noticed that my gait was drastically askew.  i know that running like this for an extended period of time will only cause other injury and muscle strain elsewhere.  i thought it best to go back home and hit the garage.

cycling.  i'm thankful for it as a cross-training activity.  it gets my heart rate up.  i sweat a ton.  i even had a deep runner's (or rather cyclist's) high afterward.  but it just makes me miss running all the more.

tonight i'll work out that leg as best as i can and give it another test run tomorrow.

. . . much thanks to my wife who helped me push on my trouble spot into near tears last night.  when i woke up this morning, i could feel a difference in my leg even in my walking.  i threw on my tights, jacket, gloves and headed out.  it was freezing.  i went back inside to grab my hat and i'm glad that i did.  oregon threw out all three of it's worst patterns:  rain, wind, and cold, the triumvirate of death, and we're supposed to be in spring!!  more on this later . . .

first i must talk about my leg.  the first half mile was a little clunky, but i consciously kept it slow.  somewhere around a 7:40 pace or so.  somewhere near the end of this half mile, i got a burning sensation in the sorest part of the leg.  it seemed like a healing sort of burning that brought an incredible loosening of the leg.  from here on out i just got faster and faster.  downhills became easier.  my stride continued to lengthen out farther and farther.  by the end of the ten miles (actually with less than a tenth of a mile to go) i had averaged a 7:00 pace without any pain.

so now on to this crazy weather . . . five miles into it, i got really cold.  my hands were numb despite the two pairs of gloves i was wearing (and the outer layer a really thick polar fleece north face pair).  the numbness was spreading down my arms and it seemed to be getting colder and colder.  something caught my eye on my left glove as i was looking at my watch.  it was white and fluffy, sticking up on the black fleece.  i had a thought, dismissed it, and then looked around me and revisited that thought.  snow.  sure it was more of a slush mixed with rain that had no hope of sticking, but it was snow.  crazy.  i was tempted to end at 9 miles because i started to experience shoots of pain running from my thumb up to my bicep.  i was so cold it was starting to hurt.  but my leg felt so great and my pace was speeding up, i had to keep going.  push through the pain to the victory.

. . . another break through with my leg.  again things were a little sore at first but not as slow as yesterday.  things loosened up fairly quickly but i consciously stayed at a slow pace for the first half of the run, just to test things out.  in the middle/end, i noticed some tightness in the leg and some on the lower back on my left side (same sort of thing that started all of this, though not as bad).  another cold morning, another windy morning, but at least no more rain came my way.  i kept speeding up throughout this run and ended up with an average of 6:42.  so i'd say that i'm back but at around 85%.

signed up today for the race for the roses half marathon next sunday morning.  the plan:  11 miles at marathon pace, 2.1 miles at tempo pace.  i don't want to fully race this thing because of how close it is to the marathon in may that i have been training for.  but it will give me a good feel for the pace and if i get a 1:15 (which i'm pretty sure i can do as long as this leg continues to heal), i can register as an elite in eugene.  i don't know what that means but it would be cool.

. . . another huge step in the healing process.  i wasn't expecting much of an improvement from yesterday.  in fact the first half mile felt terrible.  but then suddenly, i started speeding up, almost without my control.  somewhere around the 5 mile mark, i had hit my 6:35 easy pace that i was doing before all of these thigh problems.  i would say that i'm 100% back, but i still notice the leg at times and it still is affecting my stride.

. . . the first half of this run brought fear into my heart and pain into my leg.  i thought that maybe i had pushed too hard too soon, that i didn't ease into this, that i didn't give enough time to heal.  all three of the evil elements were at work, another crazy storm rumbling in bringing cold and a harsh wind pelting unending rain upon my body.  but then there came a point as i was running downhill.  i focused everything i had on lengthening my stride and allowing the flow of the run to take over.  i sped up, the pain went away, and everything was beautiful again (except for the weather).

. . . after talking to a friend of mine, who has run forever and is currently a track coach, i decided to stay off the track for this work out.  he seems to believe that all of these problems i've been having during the season is from all the time of put running in those loops.  i found a nice stretch of road, fairly flat, in an industrial part of town that sees little traffic.

the warm up i was a little bit tight.  i quickly noticed that the wind was here with full force coming from the south.  i knew this was going to be a problem with my little work out because i would have a head wind during the uphill sections.  how fun.

the first attempt at my tempo pace was a difficult one.  i didn't hit my goal of 5:20.  i'm not sure if it was my hip, or that wind, or the bit of incline, or what.  i did notice that in the downhill section my leg wasn't fully extending.  but i finished with the full 20 minutes and actually felt ready to complete my workout afterward despite not hitting my time and the awful weather.

back at my car, i put on my pants which though keeping me warm for these 10 miles also gave me some nice chaffing in the inner thighs.  also some thicker gloves, hat, and jacket.  i quickly got into my easy pace and just settled right into it.  hills, wind, nothing could stop the ease of this pace.  however at the end of those 10, as i sat in my car, cold, tired, soaked to the bone, i had to pull deep within to get the motivation to finish my run.  i think what finally caused me to open the door was thinking about all the training of done so far and how little there is left.  do i really want to give up now?  do i really want to cut short a quality work out when physically i am feeling fine?

my plan called for another 20 minutes at tempo before my cool down.  but with that harsh wind, i just couldn't do it anymore.  i called it good at 10, with another 5 after a short easy pace.  i feel good about that.  i feel ready for this race next week and the marathon in four weeks.  four weeks sounds so close.  but i'm better prepared than i ever have been for a race.

open the box

the shoes were waiting for me outside of my front door when i came home for lunch.  i am wearing them right now.  this is something that i don't often do.  i believe that running shoes should be run in, not walked in.  but i want to wear them on tomorrow's run and i thought it good to break them in.  plus there are some people i'll see tonight that i want to show them to.  they are the new lunar racers in the final stages of development.  they seem more flexible, softer cushioning, not as stiff, and perhaps lighter (if that is possible).  they added more design to them including what looks like an iron on swoosh just past the middle of the shoe and some funky braided cord business that spans from the sole to the laces and some in the back.

seerockyrun[faster--and then fall on his face]: week 13

sunday, 10 miles . . .

monday, 18 miles . . .
. . . 2.5 mile warm up
. . . 25 min. @ 5:20 pace
. . . 5 min. easy
. . . 20 min. @ 5:16 pace
. . . 5 min. easy
. . . 10 min. @ 5:21 pace
. . . 5 min. easy
. . . 5 min. @ 5:16 pace
. . . 2 mile cool down

tuesday, 14 miles . . .
. . . 9.5 miles easy
. . . 8 X strides with full recovery
. . . .5 mile easy

wednessday, 13 miles . . .

thursday, 12 miles . . .

friday, 0 miles . . .

saturday, 6 miles . . .

. . . relax, you can do this, what is four seconds?, a meager one second per mile faster per lap at a track, this is nothing, this is minuscule, this is doable, this is easy. these were the words that i tell myself before, during, and after my first run at the new pace of 6:35. but even as i type it, it sounds crazy fast for an easy pace. but this is the beauty of the daniels' method. small steps that create big results. it makes since to me even if it doesn't work for everybody. it give me a sense of confidence which as a runner is one of the more important mind sets.

a bit of a windy morning and extremely warm. too warm for my north face gloves which a kept on and my brooks cap which i left in my mailbox. this pace was an ebb and flow of ease and push. it will be interesting to see how these new paces will work themselves out.

some soreness in the right leg. i finally found the spot that is giving me trouble. it is a small knot hidden behind the achilles. i've been using a broken drumstick to apply pressure to it and it has been doing the trick. decided to wear my compression socks today to prepare for tomorrow's workout.

. . . i couldn't have asked for a better day to do this run. the track was clear of people. very little wind and no rain. just cool enough without freezing. the sun came out directly as i was done. i thought about this work out all day yesterday. not with dread but excitement. the idea that i was going to destroy this track, hit my times, and complete the workout 100%. i kept that attitude going as i prepared for the track this morning, pushing out all negative thoughts about limitations and fear of pain and questions of if i am ready.

the warm up felt great. no clunky starts, no push, just an easy three miles at my new easy pace and it did in fact feel easy.

then the first 25 minutes. for some reason these minutes just cruised on by. at one point i was 3 seconds below my target time and i felt great. i didn't have to use any of my mind tricks or images. i just cruised, feeling the pace, regulating my breathing, relaxing, getting in tune with my body.

the second tempo of 20 minutes, which had to be 4 seconds faster was very similar. it wasn't until the last 8 minutes or so that i really had to focus and when i did i sped up way to fast and had to pull back a bit. i felt great, amazing.

the third tempo was supposed to be 15 minutes. this is when things appeared to fall apart. the pace got to me. things began to hurt and hurt fast. i decided to end it at 10 minutes and skip to the last tempo effort.

i had to push this failure behind me and really gear up for this shorter effort. my tendency is to fail once and let that effect the rest of the workout, week, training cycle, etc. so i determined to stay on my target pace and for the full five minutes. and so i did.

all in all this morning inspired confidence in me. i have had to do this workout (or ones very similar to it) on three separate occasions. this morning i was the most successful and at a faster pace. my body is adapting to this faster rocky. my mind is following suit.

started noticing a little bit of pain on the top of my right foot but it doesn't hurt while running.

. . . oh great victory! just a little sore for the first couple of strides in my inner thigh/upper quad (whatever that is?) but it loosened right up. a little clunky for the first stride (took 25 seconds which is the slowest i've ran it in a long time). the cool down felt more tiring than anything else. other than these three very minor moments, the rest of the run was epic.

i settled quickly into my 6:35 pace (and ran much of it at 6:34/6:33) and nothing could break it. and it felt easy, so incredibly easy. i was just cruising along. even after each stride, there wasn't much difficulty.

a perfect day too. not a cloud in the sky, perfect temperature (at least the way i like it), no wind to speak of, the sun slightly hazy but still big and bright. i was planning on 13 but i just felt too good. i shall conquer this week.

. . . being a runner, putting this much time out there, i know that there are certain experiences that i will encounter. it's just a matter of time. overheating, hypothermia, dog bites, injuries, d.n.f., and the list goes on and on. trials that link the running community together. where we sit back and tell our tragic tales again and again. outdoing each other in pain and torment.

today, i gathered a new story.

last night my two year old got sick. i slept in passed my alarm and was doing my morning routine: eat, bathroom, stretch, run. my wife knocks on the bathroom door. our daughter had thrown up on her bed. i knew my run would have to wait. i comfort, i console, i give a bath, i change her clothes, i get her water, i cuddle with her and watch tv, all while my wife attends to the other three.

it's now the time that i'm usually coming back from my run. i lace up my shoes and head out after eating another slice of toast. i settle easy into my pace and things are great for about three miles. i even decide to hit up one of those classic loops that has been overlooked for several months. it's down a nice trail a half mile from my house, cruises on a country road, and meanders through a park that must have been built by a runner. acres upon acres of cement, cinder, gravel, pastures, forest, sloughs, river. it is in this park that i have to stop in order to hold things in. i need a bathroom and i need one quickly. i look at the time. this is when i usually go, when i'm usually at home. i know that i'm about 1.5 miles away from the nearest outhouse. it is while i am standing there contemplating, that i become unsure about my attempts to hold things in. i start running again, make it to the outhouse, turn around, pull shorts down, and the ugly truth is realized.

i know now what i must do. i slide my shorts off all the way. then my soiled underwear. they are a lost cause. i throw them into the outhouse toilet (as i type this now, i wonder if this was a bad thing to do. is there a law against this? at the time sitting there, this question never occurred.) i run the remaining 8 miles without. which in the end proved quite beneficial as the temperature began to rise and i became overheated.

. . . something (or things) happened today. too many variables, too many combination, too much data to make sense of it all.

a monster headwind that seemed to appear only uphills.

a knot in my upper back on the left side of my spine that made it painful to take deep breaths.

big mileage week with an increase in pace.

sore inner thigh on my right leg that never worked itself out.

all of this combined made for a very miserable, difficult, inglorious run. i never got into a groove, never relaxed.

so after typing this, i will leave this run far far behind me. except in one respect. five miles into the run i knew that it was an epic defeat, failure. i wasn't going to hit my easy pace. my body just couldn't do it. for awhile, i became progressively more depressed as i witnessed my garmin proclaiming my constant slowing down. and then a point of freedom, a breaking away, a shift in attitude. i was going to finish this run and i don't care about the pace. i'm just going to listen to my body and run by effort. after that i only looked at my watch for the mileage, something i ought to do more often.

. . . i looked at the weather last night and saw that this morning called for cold, rainy, windy weather.  saturday, warm, sunny, beautiful.  so i thought it best to switch friday's long run with saturday's 11 miler.  but when i woke up this morning, my back was still very sore.  and i decided to run with my mind today instead of my body, which is a huge shift in my training.  normally i am i 'if it's on the plan i'm doing it' type of runner.  most of the time this sort of motivation and resolve pushes me beyond what my body would be able to do.  but then there are those rare times when it does more damage than good.  i've ran through many miles that i probably shouldn't have.  i wanted to end that cycle, to be more in tune with my body.  so i forgo this run for the future good, for tomorrow, to be completely ready for the hard work out.  for now i rest.

. . . so obviously i didn't run long again today.  what happened?  still trying to sort this out.  i don't think that i'm injured, i'm still just trying to avoid it.  those six miles today were painful and slow.  my stride is considerable shorter and downhill is a joke.  all this from my inner thigh on my right leg.  i think that this pain is what caused the pain in my upper left back.  overcompensating and all that stuff.  so i figured again that it was best to not go according to the plan.  i knew that i could push through it, but at what cost i wasn't sure.  i still got in a little over 70 miles with a really good quality run on monday.  i figure if i take tomorrow off and get back to the bike, i shouldn't have lost too much.  strangely i don't feel depressed.  i think i'm making the right choice that will benefit me long term.  but it does go against all that i am.  to think that this was supposed to be a 100 mile week.  maybe my body is just not ready for this.  i need patience and time.  why do i feel like i don't have either?

. . . and i just can't hide it.

i just got an e-mail from nike.

they asked me if i want to accept a long term test.

obviously i responded yes.

sometime next week, the new lunar racers will be mailed to my house.

i will get to test them for eight weeks.

I'M SO EXCITED!!

the four rules of running

rule number one . . .
you can always run faster.

rule number two . . .
you can always run farther.

rule number three . . .
your body and your mind form an alliance in hopes to trick you in to believing that rule number one and rule number two don't really exist.

rule number four . . .
the goal of running is to figure out how to stop rule number three from becoming a reality.

clunky starts: week 12

sunday, 0 miles . . .

monday, 12 miles . . .

. . . 2 mile warm-up

. . . 40 min. @ 5:19

. . . 2 mile cool down

tuesday, 10 miles . . .

. . . 6 miles easy

. . . 8 X strides w/full recovery

wednesday, 10.3 miles . . .

thursday, 10 miles . . .

friday, 22 miles . . .

saturday, 5.7 miles . . .
. . . 2.7 miles easy
. . . 6 X strides w/full recover

. . . only a 70 mile week. this is an oasis in my desert. i needed this recovery week so badly and here it is. i will rest within it. for that reason decided to take the day off.

. . . things were a little rough for the warm up today and it made me a little bit worried. my right ankle is acting up a bit. this makes me a little nervous. just seemed really clunky the whole first 2 miles. is this what the whole work out will be like?

i shed my pants and long sleeve shirt and prepared for the 40 minutes at tempo. 20 minutes one way around the track 20 minutes the other way. the first few laps is alway interesting. you just get into that groove. the pace is not quite set. after this i settled into a 5:21 pace. over the next 10-15 minutes, i shifted between this and 5:20. fighting it. but it was a controlled fight. two people running up the bleachers. a college track girl doing plyometrics in the football field. the grounds keeper (who i found out is named walt) driving around his tractor and spraying new parking lines in the gravel. and so lap after lap goes. i'm now at the 20 minute mark and turn to go the other way around. i'm now in my groove. all doubts about this work out are squelched. i'm going to finish and hit my time. my mind is focused. fells great to be done.

on the cool down, i work out a new song that i'm writing and just enjoy the weather.

. . . felt good to only have to do 10 miles. that 6 miles and then my strides. these 6 felt really easy. it's strange, though my right ankle hurts at times when i bend it weird or dig things into it or flex and bend move my big toe, it doesn't really hurt when i run. this could be a good sign. i worked on it a ton last night. iced it also. strides felt great too.

my plan says that if i want to i can increase my fitness level by one point. this would mean an increase in speed for all of my paces. still debating whether i will do this or not.

. . . another clunky start. all sore from the knees down. legs flopping around, feeling like bricks on my feet. but only for the first mile. and then everything became clear and relatively easy. breathing, stride, everything just came super easy. this run gave me confidence in my fitness. a little .3 posted on to the end because i mistook the distance of a little loop. felt strong.

. . . days like these are why i run. everything was perfect (except for that first quarter mile where again things where a bit clunky--though not as bad as yesterday). a thin frost covering in the shade, a crisp feel in the air, low wind, bright blue sky, gigantic sun spraying me with it's rays. and the pace just felt easy, controlled, comfortable. i just sat in that pace and could have gone all day in it. 10 miles felt like 2. the right amount of clothing, was neither too cold or too hot. makes me believe i can do anything. and i shall.

i've decided to push forward in my training. to move one more step closer to my goal. this will mean that starting on sunday all of my paces will be quicker. but i know that i'm ready. i have to take this step. i realize that it will be uncomfortable, painful, but this is the road i've chosen. i can't just sit in the same place for too long, i can't get too comfortable. it is time.

. . . everything was perfect today, everything except for the temperature which was too cold for the first half of the run and too hot for the second half. i went from freezing fingers to nearly overheating in my hat. but such are these last days of winter.

i found the magic pre-long run meal. half banana, toast with almond butter and jelly, and a small red potato. this seemed to be the right amount of food, settled well in my stomach and gave me enough energy throughout the two and a half hours. this followed with a gel every 6 miles.

i hit my stride early on and just settled one second under it. when i hit the hills on the way back home for the final four miles, i thought i was in trouble because of the heat, but i actually sped up. finished with an average pace of 6:37.

i wasn't sore, tired, or anything for the whole day. i had energy to spare. i'm ready for this.

. . . so easy mentally this morning. just knowing that i would only be out there for over thirty minutes. didn't have to gear up for anything, didn't have to work myself up mentally, just went out there and ran. again things were a little clunky at the start and even the first three strides were a little rusty and awkward, but after that, it was pretty easy.

tomorrow starts a new beginning.

fighting the elements: week 11

sunday, 0 miles . . .

monday, 14 miles . . .

. . . 2 mile warm up

. . . 3 X mile repeats with 4 min. recovery

. . . 3 X 1000m repeats with 3 min. recovery

. . . ??? cool down

tuesday, 14 miles . . .

. . . 10 miles easy pace

. . . 8 X strides with full recovery

wednesday, 14 miles . . .

thursday, 14 miles . . .

friday, 17 miles . . .

. . . 2 mile warm up

. . . 20 min. @ 5:24

. . . 10 miles easy pace

saturday am, 12 miles . . .

saturday pm, 5 miles . . .

. . . 2 miles easy

. . . 6 X strides w/full recovery

. . . and so another week of running begins. i find myself at camp, the very last day. i am exhausted and very unmotivated to put in any miles today. maybe because of the lack of sleep, all of the relationships i've been building, all the messages i've been giving, the elevation, the thought that if i do run it is going to be a death uphill. this week is a 90 mile week. if i don't run today, i'll be paying for it the rest of the days. but at this point i don't care. i think it is a good call. at least for now.

. . . the last nice day. that is what all of the weather reports are saying. the last attempt at winter will unleash itself on the valley for these first weeks of march. i felt pretty rested, though still a little bit weak from the madness. ended up taking the afternoon off from work just to hang with the family and do nothing.

i had so many doubts going into this workout. the mile repeats were supposed to be at 4:53. and the strange thing, i actually hit that right on for the first two. but i just couldn't hold it for the last one. again i was supposed to do this same pace for the 1000m. it wasn't happening, not today. all i can say is that i finished them all. when i wanted to quit i kept pushing and finished my workout. i'm just not use to running at this pace. it is so fast. i had some weird taste in the back of my mouth during the cool down and it stuck with me for the whole day. intense and different runner's high throughout the day too.

windy on the track. really windy. it seemed that on the last 1000m i had a headwind running south and north. i don't know if that is possible but it sure felt that way.

. . . dramatic decrease in temperature. i should have worn my big gloves but i didn't. by the time i got home my fingers (especially on my left side) were in really bad shape. they hurt so bad. i tried blowing warm air on them, running them under water, and finally wrapping them in a towel. it burned, it hurt. i almost cut my strides short because of it.

. . . today was a very difficult day. especially those last few miles. somewhere in the middle someone shouted out to me from their car: nice pace!! these are always encouraging. i snatched greedily at those words and clung to them for the remainder of the run. using them to push me forward. some pain in the left leg on the left side right below the knee for the last half mile or so. i'll focus on that during massage tonight. i thought this was supposed to be an easy run. wore my big gloves today thinking it would be just as cold. wouldn't you know it, it was warmer. this sort of over heating could be on of the causes of my problems today.

. . . running low on motivation. the weather sure didn't help. cold, windy, and rainy. really really windy at times. the harshest of winds was always during the steepest of hills. i'm not sure how i ended up staying on my easy pace because at times it felt like i was going backwards. there were times of peace and fluidity on this run unlike yesterday. i finally got into that mindset that i often do on just crappy days like this. who else would run in this weather? and the answer: no one. i am getting tougher, stronger, mentally and physically. i draw on the eyes of everybody in the nicely heated cars driving down the street, splashing water on me, looking at me like i'm some sort of freak of nature. so i push harder.

i got that same pain below my left knee as i did yesterday though not as intense. i'll have to work it out again tonight.

. . . defeated. completely defeated. today the days and miles and weeks and stress and everything piled up on top of each other. i couldn't even hit my 5:20 pace for those twenty minutes (though it did get a bit easier). the 10 miles at 'easy' pace was very difficult. i went back to my car and sat there for awhile. feet hurt, ankles hurt, shins hurt, but more than these minor aches, my will to continue was completely destroyed. i decided to cut things short and finish up tomorrow.

. . . this day brought hope. the morning run was quite easy and i could have done those strides fairly easily but it was already quite late and i needed to go to the bathroom. i knew that i was risking a lot by saving 5 miles for the evening. i hate night running. and i knew after saturday night service, getting the kids to bed late, and the hour of sleep i was losing, a 30 minute run would be the farthest thing from my mind.

a few things helped.

first, i got my compression socks today in the mail. they are my new best friends. the feel so amazing on. i will have to devote a whole post to these later.

second, it was a beautiful night. clear, dry, and slightly crisp.

third, only 5 miles to hit my 90 mile goal. was i really going to quit at 85 miles when i wasn't injured? yeah you could say only 5 miles, what difference would that make? but that is not the way that i want to train.

fourth, i made a vow to myself on the next night run i would put on my tights and my skin tight long sleeve top with only my light vest over it. i showed my wife. she laughed and asked if i was really going to go out like that. i figured if apollo ohno could, so could i.

an insane week: week 10

sunday am, 5 miles . . .

sunday pm, 10 miles . . .

monday, 16 miles . . .

. . . 2 mile warm up

. . . 25 min. @ 5:25

. . . 1 mile easy

. . . 20 min. @ 5:20

. . . 3/4 mile easy

. . . 15 min. @ 5:20

. . . 1 mile cool down

tuesday, 12 miles . . .

. . . 8 miles easy

. . . 8 X strides with full recovery

wednesday, 14 miles . . .

thursday, 11 miles . . .

friday, 21 miles . . .

. . . 8 miles easy (at 8 miles, i refuse to call it a warm up)

. . . 30 minutes at 5:37

. . . 4:45 at 5:21

. . . 30 minutes at 5:36

. . . 4:45 at 5:20

. . . 2.?? miles cool down

saturday, 11 miles . . .

. . . too much on my plate this week. hitting the limits of mental and physical barriers and still pushing. this is what running is all about apparantly. teaching at a camp and running 100 miles. what a week!!

. . . i didn't wake up to my alarm and i had to be at church at 8:45. i guess it was good to sleep but this is a really long week so i had to get some miles in. i could barely squeeze in the 5 that i did do. it was really easy. a beautiful morning.

the afternoon was even nicer. i went to church. came home. ate. put the kids down for a nap. waited an hour. and then set out to run the other ten. t-shirt and shorts run. nice. things were going great until about 5 miles into it. then my stomach started hurting bad, on the upper part. i went to the bathroom in burger king. felt better, but then a mile down the road, started hurting again. i'm not sure if it was something i ate or if i just didn't wait long enough.

got home, went to the bathroom again, but still my stomach hurt. hurt through the whole night. hope it feels better tomorrow.

. . . a grueling death workout. not sure even now sitting here at my computer how i finished this one. a beautiful day that just got warmer as the session went on, shedding gloves and arm warmers after each tempo effort. that first 25 minutes was a crazy push. and only a mile break. one little break. and then i was in to the 20 minute effort that was 5 seconds per mile faster. just at the point that i wanted so desperately to give up, there was a relaxation. i had finally hit my happy spot even in the midst of a 5:20 pace. this is crazy for me to think about. a year and a half ago, this was my mile pace. i had to focus like crazy on those last 10 minutes but i made it though somehow. and now a shorter break.

during this short break, i started wieghing my options. thinking about cutting the work out short. just finishing with some easy miles. i worked with all that i had to push that thought out of my head, pushing it way in the back. and then i found myself running. and finishing right on my pace.

another success. though i would say more of a mental one then a physical one.

stomach was fine during the run but in the early afternoon started to hurt again. what is this thing? some sort of bug, food poisoning, too much proffin? i hope this thing clears up.

. . . everywhere i am sore. i am worn out. i have already put in 31 miles. 31 miles over two days. my body is feeling that right now and it makes even my easy pace seem like an effort. but i hung on, pushed through. i even put in those 8 strides at a really fast pace. i thought about just doing them half way. i have to shake this attitude. if i'm going to succeed in this, to push my body to the limits, i must do it with every single workout. so i did it. i thought about each sprint with a fresh perspective. focusing just on it.

stomach feels completely fine today. left i.t. band still causing problems.

. . . it seems that all my stomach stuff has gone away completely. i was lacking in motivation this morning. 100 miles just seems like such a long distance even though i have done it before. i have thought about the daily doubles thing, but evening running doesn't fit with my schedule plus i really don't like doing it. even if it is only five miles.

my legs felt tired, just sort of everywhere. similar to yesterday. with one exception. after about 5 miles, i got into my groove. then the miles just cruised right by. running was easy and fun again. i even added an extra mile at the end because i was feeling so good. for the majority of the run i was hanging at a 6:38 pace and for the last two miles i hit 6:37 a few times. this felt great.

on the very last quarter mile some grade schoolers on their way to school shot out of their house and started running alongside of me. they actually kept my pace going which was impressive and fun. then just for kicks, i surged in front of them. i can see the beauty in running with people but not enough to pursue a running partner. this is my solace.

. . . back in the groove of things today. a crisp cool morning. no rain. a little bit of fog. up to the cemetery and meandering around some residential areas. i settled into my pace early on and just hung out there without much effort. it was great. nothing hurt, no pain, no push, just a nice easy recovery run. what these days are supposed to be.

. . . the week has worn upon me, wearing upon me, pressure crashing and breaking me. tonight is the first night of camp. so much anxiety going into it. will they like me? will i be effective? will GOD speak through me? will i be ready? will they be ready?

and then here it is, the final thing before camp . . . a 21 mile run. haha.

even those first 8 miles was a bit of a challenge. took so much mental energy once this was over and i was at the track. trying with all my might to do battle with myself. and then i started. 30 minutes at marathon pace. this was a huge, hard, constant push. how was i even going to finish this, let alone do the other half of my workout.

again, i made it through somehow. i was off a second for the marathon and tempo pace for the first half but right on for the second half. this is further cementing in my mind the concept that i can always go further and faster than i think that i can, than my body will want me to.

i'm glad that it was a nice day this morning. no rain, very little wind, just slightly cold that continued to warm up throughout the run. if it was like last week, it could have been the final piece to topple me down to complete death.

i meant to run 22, was scheduled for 22, and though one of my running maxims is 'a real runner never says i was going to . . .' under these circumstances, i had to make an exception.

. . . here i am at camp. started out at 3000 feet, peaked out at nearly 3,500 feet, and had a total gain of 1284 feet. these 11 miles was less of a recovery run and more of just sheer madness. i stayed up with some of the campers to get to know them and finally found my way to my bunk where i tossed and turned on a very lumpy mattress sometime around 1:30. i decided to run during their small group time and after my morning message.

a beautiful morning. i found a ton of different trails. waterfalls, oregon trail historic sites, beautiful views of hood, a downhill section with giant banks on the switchbacks, a tunnel, a couple rivers, some snow, a section of hurdling fallen trees on what looked like to be the old highway, rocks, mud, heart pounding steepness, several breaks to rest and look out at creation, constant change in temperature sudden drops, not really knowing where each trail will end up.

the final section was intense. a steady uphill. i really wanted to quit at 10 miles but i just couldn't. something unnatural about a 99 mile week. so even though it took all i had to pass camp and continue up the hill to finish of the 100 mile week, i did it.

i ate a hearty soup lunch with the band. my hands shaking, dropping my bread into my soup several times, and most likely stinking terribly.

these last 11 miles felt like 20. i was proud of my 7:18 pace average. i can't imagine a tougher week.

in the pocket of the pace: week 9

sunday, 8 miles . . .

monday, 14 miles . . .

. . . 2 mile warm up

. . . 10 mile at tempo (5:35)

. . . 2 mile cool down

tuesday (am), 8 miles . . .

tuesday (pm), 6 miles . . .

. . . 3 mile warm up

. . . 2 X .3 miles @ 6:39, .3 miles @ 6:00, .3 miles @ 5:20, .3 miles @ 6:39

wednesday, 8 miles . . .

thursday, 10.5 miles . . .

friday, 20 miles . . .

. . . 4 mile warm up

. . . 40 min. @ 5:36

. . . 4:45 @ 5:20

. . . 30 min. @ 5:36

. . . 4:45 @ 5:20

. . . 1.6 mile cool down

saturday, 5.5 miles . . .

. . . 2.5 miles easy

. . . 6 X strides with full recovery

. . . continuing to learn to just sit back in the pocket of the pace, to relax in it, through all my muscles and breathing. to not push when i don't need to push. to treat these rest days like they are rest days. not only for body but for mind as well.

so sleepy, so tired, so exhausted. baby gracie kept waking up last night. there is no sleep for me. another cold, frigid, yet beautiful morning. i will embrace these days. the cold is infinitely better than the rain. i hit up a classic route today over by the middle school. i use to run this loop at least twice a week. what happened to it? i guess i tend to get stuck in ruts. the mountains where big and clear. the morning sun shooting orange rays everywhere. mmmmm.

this run felt great, in control, perfect. and the best part, i had runner's high for nearly the entire day. i don't know how that happened with one little 8 miler, but i'll take it.

. . . for some reason, i was so pumped for this run. i can't give a reason, but i was just excited. i went in with no fear, no reserve, and just ready to destroy it. another cold but clear morning. shivering through my warm up. at about one mile into it one person came to the track, then two, then four. before i knew it the track was overrun (no pun intended). i don't get annoyed by this. i love the extra company, the community of runners, all pushing our bodies towards our goals, even if we are not running beside each other. they were spread across the different lanes but left mine alone.

the first mile was a bit awkward, trying to find my pace, speeding up, slowing down, settling in. finally hit 5:36 and kept it there for a few laps. i thought i would try to speed things up a bit and get right on my target pace of 5:35. i looked down a lap later and had shot down to 5:33 nearly effortlessly. i focused on slowing things down a bit, nothing happened. i stayed at this pace. this was nearing mile 4. and then just as suddenly i shot up to 5:37. and i couldn't get it back. by the time i was at mile 5 and was turning around to go the other way around the track, doubt begin to creep in. watch still read 5:37 and i was wondering if i could even keep that pace.

and then something miraculous happened. something shifted. not in my thinking but in my body. the pace came easy. and i knew that i was going to finish this at the right tempo. my confidence came quickly back as all of those other runners left the track. and now it was just me and an older man sprinting on the football field. the sun had warmed things up, but not enough for me to shed my hat.

and then there was another shift. i took one deep breath. this is when i discovered that my breathing was coming easily. i didn't need to take those quick, shallow breaths. i started filling my lungs, belly breathing, less breaths per step. i wasn't working hard. there was some burn in my calves, but that was it. how did this happen? i remember just last years training cycle near the very end of the training for the marathon that i completed a 10 mile run at 5:55's. i looked back at my training log and it said "beautifully hard run." and here is one that is 20 seconds faster, easier, and in the middle of my marathon cycle. i will only build on this.

eugene, i'm coming for you.

i called upon my images only on the last 2 miles but i didn't have to dig all that deep. it was more for the practice of thinking about these for races.

. . . went up to nike today to test the new shox (which i am not a fan of). i did some speed stuff in them which made them even feel clunkier, heavier, as though i had snow shoes of concrete nailed to my feet. but i got a pass to the employee store, a gift card, and a pair of lunar racers out of it, so i'm not complaining. plus i did my warm up around the campus on the mulch path, hit up the track, ran over bridges, it was awesome.

the morning's 8 miles was a nice relaxed easy run. i thought it would have been a lot tougher from yesterday's tempo run, but my muscles felt great and i just locked easily into that pace. flirting with the idea of bumping up all of my paces?

the rain started today and is supposed to last until sunday. i got in my early run before the showers started but the overcast oregon grey was spread like a blanket as far as i could see. except for two tiny slivers of light far in the east towards the foothills. farewell sun.

. . . had a bit of trouble for the first couple miles of this run. it could be because of the hills in the first part of this loop. or the wind. or the speed stuff so late in the afternoon. or the pain in my shin and calf from those shox yesterday. whatever the case, it all came together for the end and again i just settled right into my 6:39 pace.

thought a lot about my life on this run. i had a strange dream last night, that has forced me to become super introspective and depressive (not the greatest of combinations). thinking of my past and my future and what i have made of my life and what it is all about. strange how a dream can do this. more on this if i figure things out.

. . . why the half of mile? well on my way to do the 13 planned, i began to think back over this week, adding miles in my head, thinking of tomorrow's long run. that's when i realized that i was quickly approaching my 80 miles for this week. i love when the miles just slip right by without problem. so i cut the loop short, tacking on a huge hill, i might add. this is actually great because it will make for a super short run on saturday. next week is looking like a big week. add a camp that i'm speaking at and this is a recipe for disaster. i need all the rest i can get.

missed the rain today (not missed in the sense of i wish it would have been running in it, but rather the got in my run during a break in the run). the sun actually came out and it was quite nice. had to push just a bit at the beginning of the run and up that monster hill but other than that i'm feeling really good.

. . . wow, i could not have picked a worse day to do this long run. though as i think back to all of my marathon pace long runs for this training cycle, they have all been this same kind of day. weaving through puddles on the track, rain still coming down, bitterly cold made worse for the wind, experiencing at least mild hypothermia, take all morning to warm up. but on the positive side, i am getting mentally tougher. if i can run through this, i can run through anything, anything.

i'm nearly tempted to change the title of this week because i just couldn't find the pocket in these runs at all. it was a constant pushing and pulling for all these miles. i was tempted so many time to call it a day and not run my prescribed amount. thinking of things to blame like the weather, or lack of sleep, or increase of miles, or whatever. i had to keep reminding myself that i felt good and running is a blessing, so let's make this workout count.

there were a few moments of absolute clarity, a perfection of pace, an ease, but this was the exception. what always amazes me about these workouts, is just when i think i have nothing left, when i just feel like i can't go another minute at my marathon pace, and then i have to kick it up 16 seconds per mile faster, i somehow find another gear, some mental power to push. in retrospect it is awesome to consider. perhaps that is what i love about running, pushing that body, to death and beyond, yet still going farther.

the key song, the key thought throughout most of the time was arcade fire's 'my body is a cage . . . set my spirit free.' this seemed to hit right where i was feeling. it was very motivating. of course when things got really tough i went to my five faithful images corresponding to songs, elements, and my kids: air, child, gracie . . . water, dancing, maile . . . light, fighting, tobey . . . earth, beast, kinzi . . . and then the final one, resurrection, myself. i will have to talk about this more later. perhaps as the marathon gets closer to form it fully in my mind.

after the 40 minutes at marathon and the pickup tempo, i changed directions on the track. it was here that i felt a pain in my left knee. i knew this pain all too well. i.t. band. it only was sharp for a moment, later became an on and off dull ache. it became swollen and tender throughout the day. painful to bend the knee. i worked on it a ton with thestick and the tp tools. let's hope this doesn't get out of hand. i don't think i can afford another week off.

. . . a beautiful day. warm, sun, no wind, no rain. i wish that i would have checked the weather and switched days. loads of runners out. mainly women. felt good to do these strides. kicking it fast. wearing my new lunar racer's that i got at nike earlier this week. trying something different in my training. on saturdays and tuesdays, i'm going to wear a minimalistic shoe. not only for the strides that i do on this day, but just to get my feet use to a shoe that is less cushioned.

i.t. band still giving me problems, still considerably tight. wasn't painful during my run though. continuing to work it out.

breakthrough: week 8

sunday, 10.25 miles . . .

monday, 8 miles . . .

tuesday, 15 miles . . .

wednesday, 15 miles . . .

thursday, 11.75 miles . . .

friday, 22 miles . . .

. . . 2 mile warm up

. . . 4 miles @ 5:22

. . . 10 miles easy pace

. . . 2 miles @ 5:21

. . . 3 min. easy

. . . 2 miles @ 5:22

. . . 2 mile cool down

saturday, 8 miles . . .

. . . i thought that this morning was going to be like yesterday morning all over again but just slightly better. but let me rewind. last night at around eleven, i was led in this thing called synergy (a mix of tai chi, pilates, yoga, stretching, and whatever else). it was actually really fun and relaxing. felt some good burn in the inner and outer thigh. i think that i should do stuff like this more to stay more balanced with my muscles. it would definitely improve my running and ward off injuries.

but on to the run this morning . . . i started at a 7:15 pace for about a mile and half before i had to stop and walk because of my ankle. then i started running again for another mile or so before walking. this went on for about 5 and a half miles. running, walking, running, walking, and on and on i went through the golf course by the camp. foothills high and steep on either side of me with fog veiling the summits.

the final half mile and i'm running into the camp headed to the dinning hall for some breakfast. this is when something breaks, or more accurately, something is fixed. i begin to speed up. it feels good. this is me running. this is what i'm used too. no pain, no broken limping gait, just a great stride. i look at my garmin and notice that i'm off my about a half a mile and i'm at the cafeteria. i turn back to the entrance of camp with the full intention of just running right back and eating breakfast. but then i began to reconsider. i'm feeling good, there is no pain in my ankle, i have the time.

so i keep going. not because i have to, but because i want to. not in spite of my foot but because it feels good. this is such a shift in my running experience the past three weeks. i turn on the highway 26 and just cruise, settling quite comfortably into my 6:39 pace. i see a sign that says wildwood recreational site ahead. i take the turn and find a beautiful gravel trail twisting through the trees and across a river over a bridge. this is beautiful. i end up running 10.25 miles. i miss breakfast but i don't care.

. . . another day at camp and my ankle feels great. went back to the park so that i could fully explore that trail. i was cruising along right at my training pace with no problems until i hit the trail head. it was steep, with loads of switchbacks, but beautiful and epic. all single track weaving through trees and up a a huge mountain. i wish that i could say that i made it all the way to the top but i had to turn around. it was just much too intense but i am counting it as my speed work for this week. the way down was fairly slow because it was so steep. on the way back to camp i hit my proper speed again. things are looking up.

. . . outer quads are sore today from that down hill running from yesterday. but it didn't matter. this was what i have been longing for over the past two weeks. this classic 15 mile loop that was made popular during my base training. at about mile 7, i started feeling a little bit of tenderness or tightness around the ankle. i decided to stop, stretch, and open up my gel. at mile 10, i stopped again to go to the bathroom. and that was the last time. hit those hills coming back home. ended up with an average of 6:37 and my foot felt great. i'm back baby. can't wait for friday to test out some tempo work along with a long run.

. . . quads are still really sore. hurts a ton to run down those hills. ahhhhhh!!! but one thing that this ankle problem gave me was the ability to push through pain considering i ran on it for 70 miles. so these sore quads don't seem that big of deal. a perfect morning, at least in my mind. the low hanging fog that you just breathe in, making it hard to see, keeping you cool, forcing everything smaller than it actually is.

it felt like a push at some times, especially in those middle miles, but i kept my pace going even on those hills. did the classic 15 mile loop but backwards. in some ways i think that this way is easier even though i know that i gain/lose the same elevation no matter which way i go. but i actually like the aesthetics of going the harder way. i'm not really sure why. but it is a beautiful loop regardless.

my ankle feels a little tender right now to the touch and when i walk on sometimes. i wonder if it has to do with some sort of imbalance due to the quads. i worked them out twice yesterday but still sore. i think it was also from loading all that sound equipment along with that steep down hill running. i hope that the muscles are recovered by friday's long run or i may push it until saturday.

. . . getting right back into the groove of things, feels like i haven't even taken a break. i feel strong except for my quads still giving me problems. an amazing morning. clear blue sky. a frost on the ground. warmed up quickly. i had to go to the bathroom and was counting on my trusty port-a-poty. i turned the corner to get to it, so ready to go. and it was gone. and here i was 5 miles farther to go. hahaha!! i did have this thought though as i was stopping to hold it all in, i am completely surrounded by bathrooms right now. each of these houses has at least one. we need to unite as runners and create i sign that we can put on our doors that declare that we are runners, we know what it's like to be mid-run and have to go to the bathroom without a toilet in sight, so come over, ring the doorbell, you don't have to talk to me, explain or anything, just go to the bathroom and be on your way.

just an idea. but it reminds me that i now can think of things on my run besides just focusing on pain. i think my ankle was slightly swollen last night but i didn't feel any pain this morning.

i am healed.

. . . this was an epic long run. did i hit my tempo runs right on? no!! but i was only off by 2 seconds on two of them and only 1 second on the other one. and to be honest i am quite surprised. i didn't think that i had even that first four miles at tempo in me. i was wanting to quit after only the first mile. but i pushed through, dug deep, did whatever it took. and then when i got to those last two and the end of the run, i seriously considered just not even trying. keeping the run short. filling it in tomorrow. but then i had this thought, this nagging question: what if i don't try? and the obvious answer: i fail. and when i really get to the bottom of all of my running insecurities and fears it is all wrapped up in failing. so here is the thing, if i don't even try then i automatically fail. this idea pushed me along to victory. after my two mile cool down, i had the largest of all smiles on my face.

the morning was cold, frigid, icy frost of death and stillness over everything, my windshield, the grass, parts of the track. i heated up quickly on that first tempo run and even shed my hat for the last mile.

those 10 miles of easy pace (6:39) where truly epic miles. i sat back in my pace and just let the road stretch out before me. it felt easy, relaxed, in control. no pushing, no pulling, like a current of concrete just sliding me along. the sun was up now. the harsh, bright, winter sun, giving more light than heat. these are the moments.

had to ice my ankle tonight because it was a little tender (i think from the tempo on the track?)

. . . this was not an epic run like yesterday, especially those first few miles where everything (especially calves) where screaming out in pain. things became a little more controlled at the end however. it was nice to hit the cemetery again. quads are nearly pain free now.

going nowhere: week 7

sunday, .5 miles . . .

. . . 30 minutes cycling

monday, 0 miles . . .

. . . 40 minutes cycling

tuesday, 0 miles . . .

. . . 60 minutes cycling

wednesday, 0 miles . . .

. . . 90 minutes cycling

thursday, 0 miles . . .

. . . 90 minutes cycling

friday, 0 miles . . .

. . . 120 minutes cycling

saturday, 3 miles . . .

. . . i had to come to a decision. this morning, after stretching, working my sore ankle tendon with my little piece of stolen bark, and going out for a run, i made a drastic decision. my tendon is not getting better. it is not getting worse either. i could suck up the pain and push through this week much like i pushed through last week. i have the resolve, the pain tolerance, and all the stupidity necessary for such a task. but the problems with this besides other injuries is that i won't get any quality workouts in and it will most likely be stretched out for two to three weeks. so i turned back home and decided the best thing to do is rest until it is healed one hundred percent. no day to put on this. it could be tomorrow or in a month from now, but it is the only chance i have.

so for now, thanks to my good friend tom who lent me a trainer, i will be going nowhere in my garage, until the tendon calms itself down. i drove over to his beautiful house out in the country this afternoon and picked it up. i set it up shortly after returning home and spent a half an hour on the bike. it gave me quite a workout as i listened to npr on the radio and sweating large drops on the floor. it's just not the same as running but it didn't agitate my ankle. so this is truly a blessing and for it i am thankful.

. . . teaching two classes at a local private college this morning. the first one starts at 8. i had my alarm set for 5:45 but baby gracie had different plans. or at least her stuffed up nose had different plans. i was out of bed at 5:20 which worked out fine. it's just that i'm really stinking tired right now. spinning those cogs for 40 minutes this morning. some tempo stuff. some sprint stuff. still trying to figure out this whole thing and how it works and at what pace. i could start using a heart rate monitor, but i never have before so i'm reluctant.

listened to npr again this morning. why does it have to be pledge drive week. i'm thinking of maybe setting up my computer tomorrow and watching some tv. or maybe i'll put in more minutes tonight after work. my right it band started getting a little sore. i'll need to work that out.

dear ankle,

please get better so that i can run.

. . . another beautiful day. fog filled frozen rain free day. my favorite. but i am stuck in my garage listening to npr people beg me to give them money. not really the most motivating cycling soundtrack but i couldn't find the dvd player. heart rate was going nice and strong for this hour. hoping this ankle heals soon. this is madness. more ice, more stretching, more ibeproffin. my butt is getting ridiculously sore. but still i shall press on.

. . . brought the portable dvd player out in the garage today. watched most of batman begins with the headphones in. got rid of much of the drudgery of cycling training. really felt my heart pounding nice and fast for the majority of this stationary ride. loads of sweat dripping of the ground. some good runner's (rather biker's) high afterwards. ankle is starting to show signs of healing. i just need to hold back, hold back, wait for it. at least now i know that this is an alternative to running (though a lesser alternative) if i ever start to feel another injury coming on. good to have options, more tools to keep the running in the best place possible. i have a camp coming up this weekend and i can't take the bike with me so i'm thinking of bringing my running shoes. maybe get someone else to run with me so that i am forced to run slow. i'v got to do an easy onset with this thing. i don't want all this to be for nothing. keep focused, continue with the ice and the drugs.

the ice and the drugs.

. . . watched more batman, on to the dark night. keep pushing this bicycle thing. how monotonous this garage life is becoming but at least there is no pain in my foot. i can tell that things are being healed. let's see what it looks like on saturday. tomorow's plan is 2 hour ride. bring it.

. . . and three episodes of lost later, he finishes his cycling. some minor problems with my right i.t. band, but nothing bad. butt no longer that sore. miss running to death.

. . . here i am at camp, decided to put in some miles today because i couldn't take my bicycle here with me. ankle feels much better. ran one mile on it before i started feeling pain and then went to a walk. this continued for the rest of the run which was mostly annoying. going to do some synergy yoga tonight. it was a beautiful day though. a little light mist running around a golf course. i just wish it could have been longer.

how long?

rehab in loops: week 6

sunday, 4 miles . . .

monday, 6 miles . . .

tuesday, 10 miles . . .

wednesday, 10 miles . . .

thursday, 10 miles . . .

friday, 20 miles . . .

saturday, 10 miles . . .

. . . and now the hard part of injury, rehab in motion. i almost prefer last week, in the sense that there was little question as to my plan of attack: don't run. easy, yet so hard for those addicted to running, the amazing feel of poetry, movement, breathing. hard to walk away from that even knowing it was temporary.

this week is all about the delicate balance. i don't want to push too hard too soon and yet there is that part of me. the runner part of me. that just wants to pound pavement for an hour and forty minutes. but i have to hold back. test my ankle. test my patience. this is endurance but in a completely different way. the strength to hold back. the strength to keep back your own strength.

after a mile and a half at a really slow pace (around 8's), my ankle was hurting fairly bad. i stopped and just worked it, massaged it, dug my thumbs into that tendon until i couldn't stand the pain and then push harder. after about five minutes, i tried to run again. the pain was relatively gone. for the next two and a half miles, i hit my magical pace of 6:39. it felt so great to run that fast. amazing.

i didn't have time to ice afterwards because i'm teaching half of the sermon this morning. i may pay for that later but this is my job, my ministry, my passion and i suppose running must bow down to a few things in my life. i did ice that night and worked it more with the tp.

. . . this morning scared me. not because of the two unleashed dogs running around the elementary school, whose owners seemed upset at me, but because i couldn't shake the pain for the first two miles or so, though i tried all of the same things as yesterday.

but finally the tendon settled down and it became more of a constant burden, awareness, instead of an intolerable pain. i think i passed my first test for the week. i was nearing the exit from the path to my house, looking down at my watch reading 5.80 miles, just enough to get home and make it an even 6 and still have time to ice my foot before work. but then i had a demon thought. or was it an angel. maybe i didn't pass my test. what if i put in just 2 more miles? can i push it? no ice? and i pushed that voice down.

maybe tomorrow.

. . . maybe tomorrow has become a reality today. a truly breakthrough run that started with very little promise. my leg started hurting after the first mile or so. i stopped and worked out the area. for awhile the pain was gone, but then it came back with a fierce vengeance around 2.5 miles. this was quite discouraging. i had to either cut this run short or make it really long by stopping every mile to massage it out. but during this massage i hit a place i hadn't before by using my other hand to wrench my ankle at strange angles. this seemed to do something amazing.

i started running again. and as before the pain was gone for the first lap around the school yard. but then the pain didn't return. at times there was a dull ache but nothing that consumed my mind like the other pain. i started to drift off into that magical place that only happens on a run. an all exuding peace of perfect communion with GOD where everything in life becomes clear. the miles started zooming by. and then i was at 10 miles. this felt amazing. at times i was averaging a 6:31 pace but ended up with a 6:38. my foot wasn't sore at all afterwards and i went through two icing cycles.

things are starting to turn around.

it was a beautiful morning too. i thick fog covering everything. i couldn't even see across the playground. one of those days that i would have loved to just run forever. though after all this rest and low miles, i am thankful for the 10 that i got.

. . . and now this endless third mile mulch path around the elementary school is becoming tiresome. a total of 34 miles around this glorified loop with the little changes of clockwise to counterclockwise and back again. but again i must be thankful that i am able to even run. today was even better than yesterday pain wise. i stopped at about 1.5 miles to massage out that tendon. i found that same piece of large bark to dig into the spot and turn my foot. this again did the trick. i ran the rest of the time without stopping. it did start to throb a little bit near the end as well as some other places on the foot (but i think this was from going the same direction the whole time, this pain eased up when i started going the other way). even some runner's high afterwards. this tells me that i'm not quite ready to hit the streets. which means this weekends long run (if it happens) will be at bush park which is mostly mulch path but affords a few more choices than this single loop.

. . . 10 miles without having to take one break to work out my ankle!!! this confirms what i have speculated over these past two days, that i am getting better, slowly getting better. it felt great. hit my pace right on, though it took a few laps to get there. i am tiring of this madness. 40 miles of this 1/3 mile loop. the same high school students walking to class. the same middle school students waiting for their bus. the same dogs barking. the same over-zealous teachers arriving early. the same. the same. the same. but at least from a pain perspective it was different. this is what i am holding onto in the midst of this seeming madness. this is just another step, another part of being a runner, and for that reason, and that reason only, i embrace it. one of those things that will be a great story looking back on it, as most trials are.

wondering how tomorrow will play out. some pavement mixed in with the trail. i change of scenery will be nice. more options, more elevation, more mileage. hoping that my ankle will be able to handle all of these mores.

. . . this was a less than glorious run. at bush park, around the bark dust trails he runs for over 2 hours. i tried the track. hurt my ankle too much. i tried the concrete path. hurt my ankle too much. and actually i was in a constant throbbing pain through much of the run. had to stop quite a bit to massage things out. a huge effort to stay at my pace. maybe because of the trees, or the turns, or the pain, or who knows.

what i do know is that this is less than fun.

. . . back at the elementary school. running on that third mile loop. this is madness. something must change, i thought. i grabbed my piece of bark that was under the bench, took a turn, and hit the road. maybe a good idea, maybe a bad idea, but i needed a change of scenery. at the end of the 10 miles, things were fairly sore. took time to ice and stretch. not getting worse, not getting better.

injury: week 5

sunday, 1.5 miles . . .

monday, 0 miles . . .

tuesday, 8 miles . . .

wednesday, .15 miles . . .

thursday, 0 miles . . .

friday, 0 miles . . .

saturday, 4 miles . . .

. . . so it was supposed to be 8 to 10 miles. i was supposed to work out my talk on this run. the weather was great, a little bit of drizzle, just cold enough, perfectly dressed. and this pain started. the same pain from saturday that caused me to stop and massage it out. but that pain went away and i didn't have any other problems the rest of that day. and now this happens. i started down the street and it became increasingly more and more painful. finally i had to stop and tried working it out, but again the pain returned and increased. i decided to run back home at this point. i spent the rest of the time with my foot in an ice chest filled with cold water and ice. that night i did it again, took some ibuprofen, and massaged it out.

. . . the only thing harder than running is not running. i took the day off. i figure that this is the smart thing to do. although it is a hard decision to make, i have to do this. i have to see running as a long term thing, with my major goal in sight. this shows me that i have grown as a runner. i think two years ago, i would have just sucked it up and worked through it.

it's monday night and my foot feels incredibly better. i will try running tomorrow. not sure how long i'll make it. fearful that the pain will return.

. . . such freedom in running. i just breathed in those first few pain free miles. this is why i run. i can't lose sight of this, the sheer joy. somewhere between mile 2 and 3, the pain started to return. for the next 5 miles the pain would ebb and flow but never so bad as to make me stop. i noticed that turning right hurt more than turning left. running downhill hurt more that uphill. i ended up a second off of my typical training pace. i had time to ice my foot again and massage it a bit. i'll do it again tonight.

reflected a lot about running on this run as i was forever confronted with the question of: do i need to stop this run? running makes me feel something that is hard to describe. maybe because running has become so wrapped up with my identity. it may come across as silly, ridiculous, or at worse pridefully, but in my mind, it is none of these things. i feel like i am in a different plane than before i was a runner. i eat differently, sleep differently, go about my life differently. i am not one of you. and then injury stops all this (or at least threatens to). and my whole world comes crashing down. i start to think thoughts . . . maybe i can eat whatever i want now. maybe i will stay up later. maybe, maybe, maybe. i'm not sure what tomorrow will bring.

. . . i wish for this day that it would say 15 miles instead of .15 miles but i just couldn't do it. too much pain. in retrospect probably shouldn't have run yesterday and maybe i will pay for it. here is the decree that i must make for myself: no running until sunday. even saying that scares me. i hate it. i hate injury. anything that stops me from running is my enemy. but i'm trying to change my perspective. here is my thought, i need to be just as fierce, just as ferocious, just as obsessive about my healing as i am about my training. i need to take rest, ice, compression, elevation seriously. i need to throw down ibuprofen as i throw down miles. the stick is my new friend. icing in the morning, at lunch break, and again at dinner. maybe even some cycling adventures to keep fitness up. do some ab workouts. stay in shape. get loads of sleep. eat less food. stay focused. believe that this is not the end of me. believe that this break is for the best. come back stronger.

. . . decided to be a little bit more proactive in my healing process. i went to the local running store downtown thinking that i would walk out with some compression socks. this was the only thing really missing in the tried and true rice method. i talked with the owner about my problem. that is when she suggested trigger point massage tools. i had read about these, researched them a bit, but discarded the notion because of how expensive they were. i thought the same thing as she went behind the counter to get a trail set to demonstrate. then she gave me a shot. magic. in five minutes my calve felt looser than it had in the previous three days of injury using the stick. i walked out with set. i've been using it twice, sometimes three times a day. things are loosening up. continuing to ice at breakfast, lunch, and after the kids go to sleep.

this whole not running thing is getting me down. i can see the progression in my own mind. on monday, i was full of energy. not running, sleeping more, less energy spent, storing up, bursting in each step. but then this energy soon wore out, had no place to go. now i am just depressed, depressed and angry. wondering when i will be able to run again. if i'll be able to run again. if i'll be at my same level of fitness. doubts about pushing on towards this goal. insecurity. fear. must push on. must not give up.

. . . felt great to run again. i smiled through the first half mile. a big cheesy grin. the kind that you'd be embarrassed wearing. the early light hid it. no one was around anyway. but just like wearing tights, i don't care anymore what i look like when i'm running. i need to remember this sheer joy of running when running gets tough in races and speed work and long runs. i need to remember the privilege and the gift that it is to run. why is this only a reality when it is taken away?

woke up at 6 in the morning. ate, went to the bathroom, and then spent thirty minutes working with my new trigger point massaging tools. working out the rough patches primarily on my left leg. loosening it up.

the first two mile was really slow. creeping up there to 8:00 pace. went to the mulch path around the school. soft surface, close to my house, endless circles. but i didn't care. i was running. then some pain started to enter my ankle. so i walked for a bit. the pain left and started running but now faster. whenever the pain came (primarily downhills) i would walk and then push myself especially on the uphill.

when i came home, i did two cycles of icing my foot and elevating. then after breakfast did some more trigger point (for evermore on this blog, tp).

and now it is the afternoon. the ankle feels great even with some jumping and running in place. things are looking up again. we'll see what next week will hold.

the wood and the clay: week 4

sunday, 8 miles . . .

monday, 15 miles . . .

tuesday, 12 miles . . .

2 mile warm up

40 min. tempo run (5:31)

2.5 mile cool down

wednesday, 15 miles . . .

thursday, 10 miles . . .

friday, 20 miles . . .
2 mile warm up
40 min. @ marathon pace (5:36)
4:45 @ tempo pace (5:20)
20 min. @ marathon pace
4:45 @ tempo pace
10 min. @ marathon pace
3.37 mile cool down

saturday, 10 miles . . .

7 miles easy

6 X strides w/full recovery

. . . the first day at camp, near the base of mt. hood at 1300 feet of elevation. it's beautiful, dark, quiet out here. but it was raining most of the day today. just a light drizzle during my run (some luck carried over from last week). ran around camp for a bit and then hit the gravel road. started out nice, gradual rise and fall. then a sudden steep drop with a dead end at the bottom. spent the rest of the 8 miles on country roads. steep hills, no cars, lots of unleashed dogs. it was nice to sleep in.

. . . this will go down as one of my great runs. i woke up without an alarm near 8:00. took my time eating some oatmeal with blueberries and honey. took more time stretching and loosening up. few clouds, no rain, crisp, a slight breeze. i decided to hit all log roads today at camp since it was going to be my longer run. first two roads were dead ends. then i took the third one. this one went for miles (never found the end of it) with other roads swerving off from it. after a few miles i connected to a nice gravel "main" road and followed it. this was epic. a huge hill to conquer. from the top you could see the world. it gradually sloped down, facing another shorter hill that the road climbed lazily up in a serpentine manner. nice open country with the woods close by. i ended up gaining 1000 feet on this run and yet somehow still managed to average a 6:42 pace (a mere 3 seconds off from my typical training pace). i stopped at mile 5 and a little after mile 10 to eat some blocks. this seemed to sustain. also a bunch of random stops to read signs and just look at GOD'S creation. hips and butt felt a bit tight and by the end i had a small blister on the top of my pinkie toe on my right foot and one on my big toe on my left foot. on some of those steep hills, i felt like crying and even did a few times. but none of this mattered. i wish every run could be like this. but tonight i leave this camp.

. . . with much uncertainty i drove to the track for this long tempo run. yesterday was sheer utter craziness and exhaustion after my camp run. had to pack everything up and i was allotted (rather self allotted) as the master packer. this involved hunching down in the trailer attempting to left and swing heavy musical equipment tetris like so that it would all fit. then a long drive home in portland five o'clock mlk day traffic. this is not good recovery activity. by the time i made it home, my right butt, calves, and hamstrings where rather tight. i tried to work them out as much as i could but during the two mile warm up, i felt exhausted and tight. but beyond the physical misgivings, the all consuming ominous thought 'how am i going to make it through this forty minutes at tempo.'

i decided to push this number forty as far out off my mind as i could and just focus on one lap, hitting my 5:31 and then just holding it. lap by vicious lap. the first mile was fairly inconsistent jumping from as low as 5:18 average to as high as 5:34. but then i hit my sweet spot and somehow i was running quite comfortably at my 5:31. i spent a lot of time just living in that constant pain of a tempo run. letting my mind just rest in that movement, trying to be fully aware of my body the whole time. it was beautifully epic. lap after lap. looking at my garmin. staying consistent. it was only in the final 1.5 miles that i had to really dig in mentally but by then i had the luxury of knowing that i was going to finish this run at my tempo. this seems to always give me an extra push. still not sure where i got the strength to do this.

. . . after two beautiful runs on two beautiful days, i knew something had to give. and since the weather was once again incredible (especially the sunrise, a crimson blood shed over a third of the sky), it was my running that suffered. my right butt has gotten worse. so i found an old bocce ball that i haven't used for years and put it right on the knot in my butt and pushed my whole weight rolling along it. this was excruciating but it didn't work it all the way out. the first 5 miles of this 15 miler was all pain. with every strike of my right foot pain shooting from the fiery knot of death in my butt, down my calf, and around my shin. there was some decent running from 6 to 7 but still a desperate push. by the time i hit the hills from downtown to my house, i was quite exhausted. my form felt deflated, a side ache on my left side added to the misery. it's one of those glad it's over sort of days of constant mental coaching and physical death.

. . . even with all of the stretching, massaging, and bocce ball rolling last night, i still woke up a little bit sore. good news, after four miles i had loosened up considerably and just got in a relaxed stride hovering around the 6:37 average pace. and though i felt clunky, slow, feet pounding down hard, whenever i looked into a store window (which i do often to observe my form), i looked strong. and whenever i looked at my garmin for pace, it was right on. tried to relax and just focus on the ease of this pace. afterwards, my left hip felt a little tight but loosened up after a few yoga poses pre-shower.

. . . long run of freezing wet death. 20 miles, around the track (with the exception of the quarter mile it takes to run to the track). a cold day mixed with rain, fortunately no wind. i felt actually pretty recovered going into this run. the first 40 minutes at marathon pace went really well after the first mile which was spent just trying to hit the right pace. after that it was pretty smooth and relatively pain free, though by the end i was quite tired. mentally asking the question, how am i going to make it through the other half of this workout?

somehow i found the extra kick to hit that (almost) mile at tempo, one second faster actually. the next 20 minutes was very difficult. i took my gel, drank my water, and had to then really focus, especially those last 5 minutes. and now another push, another boost, a hard effort. but only a little less than 5 minutes. this is doable, right? and i made it through on pace. during this tempo effort, two willamette runners came on the track doing some easy pace. then a pickup 1000m. they kicked it fast at the end. it was beautiful to watch them soar around the track. afterwards they went into the locker room where i was changing. one left, me and the other one talked. he asked what i was doing, adding that i looked fast. interesting. because at this point i did not feel fast. i felt like i was just trying with all i was to hold on to a runaway train, feet flopping, legs dragging, fingers clutching but slipping. the last 10 minutes at marathon tempo was death. especially those first 5 minutes. i was 10 seconds off my pace. how was i going to regain that time with only 5 minutes left. but then something happened. i dug in, i pushed, and then i watched in amazement as my average pace crept slowly down, second by gruelling second.

and then it was over and i had hit my tempo right on. i went to the locker room to change out of my soaking shorts (which later i found out had caused some chaffing on my inner thighs, surprisingly this is a first for me). my fingers were frozen, pain shooting through as the warmed up. the cool down was clunky but i was rejoicing in completing another hard workout.

. . . so sore today in that place between heel and calve. stopped after a mile or more, out of breath, struggling to keep my form and pace. stretched out both calves. this helped for awhile until mile 5 came along. felt this intense pain, a ball of death on my left calve. continued to run, thinking that it would loosen up. no luck. visions of hobbling back to my house crowded my worried mind. i stopped at the catholic school and stretched. then sat down on a large rock and massaged the area and stretched again. luckily, this did the trick and i was able to run pain free the rest of the way, even speed up a little. i was limber now, ready physically, but not mentally to hit those strides. these final six bursts of energy to finish of the running week. one by one i knock them down. like i knock down each mile, each week, each day of my training. another week of successful training. after breakfast i spent a lot of time working out my problem calves, massaging them with the stick until i whimpered in pain. still a little sore though.