monday, 0 miles . . .
tuesday, 8 miles . . .
wednesday, .15 miles . . .
thursday, 0 miles . . .
friday, 0 miles . . .
saturday, 4 miles . . .
. . . so it was supposed to be 8 to 10 miles. i was supposed to work out my talk on this run. the weather was great, a little bit of drizzle, just cold enough, perfectly dressed. and this pain started. the same pain from saturday that caused me to stop and massage it out. but that pain went away and i didn't have any other problems the rest of that day. and now this happens. i started down the street and it became increasingly more and more painful. finally i had to stop and tried working it out, but again the pain returned and increased. i decided to run back home at this point. i spent the rest of the time with my foot in an ice chest filled with cold water and ice. that night i did it again, took some ibuprofen, and massaged it out.
. . . the only thing harder than running is not running. i took the day off. i figure that this is the smart thing to do. although it is a hard decision to make, i have to do this. i have to see running as a long term thing, with my major goal in sight. this shows me that i have grown as a runner. i think two years ago, i would have just sucked it up and worked through it.
it's monday night and my foot feels incredibly better. i will try running tomorrow. not sure how long i'll make it. fearful that the pain will return.
. . . such freedom in running. i just breathed in those first few pain free miles. this is why i run. i can't lose sight of this, the sheer joy. somewhere between mile 2 and 3, the pain started to return. for the next 5 miles the pain would ebb and flow but never so bad as to make me stop. i noticed that turning right hurt more than turning left. running downhill hurt more that uphill. i ended up a second off of my typical training pace. i had time to ice my foot again and massage it a bit. i'll do it again tonight.
reflected a lot about running on this run as i was forever confronted with the question of: do i need to stop this run? running makes me feel something that is hard to describe. maybe because running has become so wrapped up with my identity. it may come across as silly, ridiculous, or at worse pridefully, but in my mind, it is none of these things. i feel like i am in a different plane than before i was a runner. i eat differently, sleep differently, go about my life differently. i am not one of you. and then injury stops all this (or at least threatens to). and my whole world comes crashing down. i start to think thoughts . . . maybe i can eat whatever i want now. maybe i will stay up later. maybe, maybe, maybe. i'm not sure what tomorrow will bring.
. . . i wish for this day that it would say 15 miles instead of .15 miles but i just couldn't do it. too much pain. in retrospect probably shouldn't have run yesterday and maybe i will pay for it. here is the decree that i must make for myself: no running until sunday. even saying that scares me. i hate it. i hate injury. anything that stops me from running is my enemy. but i'm trying to change my perspective. here is my thought, i need to be just as fierce, just as ferocious, just as obsessive about my healing as i am about my training. i need to take rest, ice, compression, elevation seriously. i need to throw down ibuprofen as i throw down miles. the stick is my new friend. icing in the morning, at lunch break, and again at dinner. maybe even some cycling adventures to keep fitness up. do some ab workouts. stay in shape. get loads of sleep. eat less food. stay focused. believe that this is not the end of me. believe that this break is for the best. come back stronger.
. . . decided to be a little bit more proactive in my healing process. i went to the local running store downtown thinking that i would walk out with some compression socks. this was the only thing really missing in the tried and true rice method. i talked with the owner about my problem. that is when she suggested trigger point massage tools. i had read about these, researched them a bit, but discarded the notion because of how expensive they were. i thought the same thing as she went behind the counter to get a trail set to demonstrate. then she gave me a shot. magic. in five minutes my calve felt looser than it had in the previous three days of injury using the stick. i walked out with set. i've been using it twice, sometimes three times a day. things are loosening up. continuing to ice at breakfast, lunch, and after the kids go to sleep.
this whole not running thing is getting me down. i can see the progression in my own mind. on monday, i was full of energy. not running, sleeping more, less energy spent, storing up, bursting in each step. but then this energy soon wore out, had no place to go. now i am just depressed, depressed and angry. wondering when i will be able to run again. if i'll be able to run again. if i'll be at my same level of fitness. doubts about pushing on towards this goal. insecurity. fear. must push on. must not give up.
. . . felt great to run again. i smiled through the first half mile. a big cheesy grin. the kind that you'd be embarrassed wearing. the early light hid it. no one was around anyway. but just like wearing tights, i don't care anymore what i look like when i'm running. i need to remember this sheer joy of running when running gets tough in races and speed work and long runs. i need to remember the privilege and the gift that it is to run. why is this only a reality when it is taken away?
woke up at 6 in the morning. ate, went to the bathroom, and then spent thirty minutes working with my new trigger point massaging tools. working out the rough patches primarily on my left leg. loosening it up.
the first two mile was really slow. creeping up there to 8:00 pace. went to the mulch path around the school. soft surface, close to my house, endless circles. but i didn't care. i was running. then some pain started to enter my ankle. so i walked for a bit. the pain left and started running but now faster. whenever the pain came (primarily downhills) i would walk and then push myself especially on the uphill.
when i came home, i did two cycles of icing my foot and elevating. then after breakfast did some more trigger point (for evermore on this blog, tp).
and now it is the afternoon. the ankle feels great even with some jumping and running in place. things are looking up again. we'll see what next week will hold.
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