to fail is to succeed: week 2

sunday, 5 miles . . .

monday, 13 miles . . .

2 mile easy

5 X 1000m @ 3:03 with 4 min. recovery

6 X 400m @ :67 with full recovery

tuesday, 10 miles . . .

6 miles easy

8 X strides

wednesday, 13 miles . . .

thursday, 10 miles . . .

friday, 20 miles . . .

2 miles easy

3 miles tempo (5:20 pace)

10 miles easy

3 miles tempo

2 miles easy

saturday, 9 miles . . .

6 miles easy

6 X strides

. . . and what happened on sunday? even now, i cannot say for sure. i changed nothing in my diet, sleep, stretching, or anything. it must just be the wear from the first week, the wear from the change. i thought that i would go out for an easy 5 mile run before church. this would not be so. i considered stopping at 3. just trying to stay at my easy pace was difficult. everything was clunky, painful, hard. so glad when this run was over. saturday was so easy. more than the pain, i hate how these little dips in training fill me with such negative thoughts and doubts about what i am attempting to do here. trying to overcome this mental battle is an ongoing challenge that i never thought would play such a crucial role in this effort. yet here it is hovering. fortunately, later in the week, a friend of mine drove by me giving me a fist of glory. later she said i was going fast. this is what i must cling to. a simple mantra. i am fast.

. . . and then monday happens. and i am not yet fast or not fast enough. on the first 1000m repeat i was off by a second. and the results only got worse, cascading down to the pitiful, not even a whisper of my goal. i post them here so as not to hide from my defeat, but rather, like my pain, i will embrace it ever so closely that it may push me.

1000m:

1--3:04:07

2--3:04:10

3--3:05:50

4--3:08:33

5--3:12:75

800m:

1--70:10

2--70:82

3--71:15

4--71:08

5--71:90

6--72:02

but there is hope in the midst of this, this success in the failure is that i can post these results. here stands ALL 5 1000m repeats and ALL 6 800m repeats. no it was not pretty, but it was done. this is my success, that i kept going. this is what marathon is all about. the will to finish, to keep going, to never give up, as you sense yourself getting ever slower, as your goal is slipping away, your splits ever skewed, your goals changing mid stride, you do not stop. i considered it. after a few of those that thought entered my head, 'just quit now, what's the point.' i will no longer listen to that voice.

. . . and tuesday, i am still off my game. running is not fun. struggling for motivation, struggling to keep going, struggling through those 8 repeats, which felt like a miniature version of yesterday.

. . . and then there was wednesday, blessed wednesday, the turning point in my week. everything snaps into place. things are easy again. effortless. the joy of running returns. thursday is similar. looking forward to the long run on friday. ready to face the challenge of the tempo.

. . . at the track for the two miles of warm up. it is still dark. no one else is about. i look into the adjacent baseball field. what looks like a large sprinkler stands in the middle. i round the track and look again. not so sure it is a sprinkler any longer. i round the track again, looking for it. beautiful. i giant blue heron, standing majestically. it's getting lighter. i look forward to seeing it in full light. perhaps spreading it's wings in flight. no such luck, it is gone.

the warm up is done. i shed my jacket. 3 miles at 5:20. i never thought i would say this, but it was easy. i warmed up, had to focus slightly, but other than that, it was so fluid, so epic. i feel confident. change shoes, rehydrate, take some blocks, and hit the streets for 10 miles at easy.

this is when things start to become a challenge. must be some sort of delayed reaction to my tempo run. not quite sure how tempo run part two is going to work out. i hit up minto brown. signs of high water are everywhere. flooding has taken over. the river is engorged, tearing everything along with it, large piles of wood and earth. and then we meet again. the blue heron, staring me down and then flying off. i need to turn around, too much water. this quick, yet slow turn, drops my average by a second. i am over my training pace. i try to kick it up but there is nothing.

i am back at the track. the coat is shed once more. 3 more miles at 5:20. the first one is terribly inconsistent. i can't find my rhythm. the middle one is all focus. trying to stick with it while fighting my body which is so desparetly wanting to stop. yet somehow i keep driving around that track. the last is all effort, all heart, all guts, nothing left. and then it is over. i am in my cool down. and it is easy again. the last half mile a penetrating ache in my right lower lung. hard to stay up straight, but still i smile. it's over. and i succeeded. i can do this.

. . . it's saturday morning. this week is over. the last 9 miles. the last 6 strides. takes a while to shake off yesterday's effort, but it comes back. strides feel good, better than earlier in the week. i think i'll take tomorrow off.