looking to the future (and trying not to)

a few nights ago my wife sat down at the computer for quite some time and made a calender for me. we printed it off and put it in a binder. the first date i wrote on was sunday may second, the date of the eugene marathon. then i filled out the weeks, working backwards to the current date.

the other thing i did that night was a somewhat scary proposition, scary, yet exciting. as is the case with running. perhaps the hardest thing. to grasp your potential, to reach for it, to push fear and doubt and insecurity out of your mind. these are things which will only hold you back.

running is strange. it's a constant state of discontentment. you look to that next level, those longer miles, those faster speeds, the group of people who were ten minutes ahead of you at the last race. in the back of your mind you cannot possibly see yourself at that stage. but then slowly, gradually, through time and work and sweat and early mornings and sore muscles, and faithful constant work, you reach it. but it's a false summit. the next level stretches out before you and you can't imagine being at that level.

taking into account a perfect year, free of injury or any serious setback, following jack daniels' formula, increasing my fitness level one point every six weeks, i should be able to train for a 2:18 marathon. this is a 5:18 pace, the qualifying time for the olympic trails. i cannot see myself running that fast right now sitting at my computer. my best 6.2 mile run is a 5:34 pace. that is my best. how in the world could i run 26.2 at an even faster pace?

so what i need to do is stop thinking of it in these terms. i need to not look at the real summit and focus on the hundreds of false summits between here and there. it's like running mile repeats. if you think midway through a repetition, when your body is crying to stop, that you still have four more miles to run, you will go mad and cry or stop or puke or faint or all four. just focus on this repeat, this lap, this 200m, this next step.

so that's the goal. just wake up tomorrow and run.