it's all easy to me

18.2 miles . . .

another warm morning finds me overdressed again. but not nearly as bad as yesterday. he learns only in increments. strange though . . . the first part of my run was much warmer than the second part even though the second part was uphill. i didn't have to take off my hat, i just had to raise it over my ears. in the bathroom at a park, i noticed that it pushed my ears down making me look like a little running elf. such are the ways of a runner.

lots of people out running today. one older couple a ran by on a bridge going across the willamette river. i started having an imaginary conversation with them over the next mile that spiraled me into this musing.

-you're fast. how fast are you?

-me i'm just as fast as you are.

-what do you mean. you blew right by us.

-in that sense yes. but in another sense we are both running our easy pace. my easy pace is in proportion to my fitness as your easy pace is to yours. relatively speaking we are both putting out the same effort. what isn't fair is that i have to spend less time doing this for my miles.

i remember an author once talking about this. how everyone who really races is putting out the same effort. from the elites to the first timers, we are all pushing ourselves at the same level. it's just that the elites get to do it for less time.

in a way this is encouraging. as i get faster, it will take less and less time to race and do my workouts. but on the other hand, as i have been reflecting on it on other posts, my training, no matter at what level, will always be pushing my fitness, will always be fighting against where i am at right now.

i guess it's all in how you look at it.

ten is the new six

10.1 miles . . .

there are no more six mile runs. ten is the new six. but what is strange is that this ten felt like the good old six. funny how the body responds so well to stress. things warmed up again. it always takes me awhile to catch on to these things. i waaaaaay overdressed today. two pairs of gloves, my hat, pants, and long sleeve nike dri-fit. i ended up taking off my hat and stuffing it in the back of my pants. this was a workable solution until the constant jarring and pounding caused the hat to slip down all the way. it felt like i was running with a diaper on. and naturally this would happen on the most crowded street i ran on today. but i have long since lost all shame when i run. everywhere from short shorts to blowing snot rockets to stinking. i dug my hand down the back of my pants and grabbed the hat.

stumbling along

13.56 miles . . .

20 minute warm up

6 X 1000m at 3:24 with 1 minute recovery

6 X strides with full recovery

3 mile cool down

felt very weak and tired on this run. also very unmotivated, in that state of mind where i am questioning this goal of mine. the day was dark, cold, windy, rainy. i allowed the weather to soak into my bones, darkening my mood, clouding my goals, making them vanish before me. appearing unattainable.

even the warm up, i had a difficult time reaching the 6:49 pace. when i finally did hit it, it was hard to keep it. i prepared to hit the track already feeling tired. my one saving grace in all this was the pace, my tempo pace. but even this pace at such a short distance (a mere 1000m) seemed difficult at times. any other work out would have slammed me to the ground.

once again there was a heavy head wind pushing into me for about 150m during every lap. this makes it difficult to keep a consistent pace. i ended up hitting all my times spot on, the average of the six ended up being 3:23:87, which is pretty stinking close to the 3:24 goal.

the strides were fairly easy. would have been easier without the wind. afterwards i ran back to the car to change my shoes and put my long sleeve shirt back on for the cool down. something strange happened as i started this.

is it lack of food? all the miles? the lack of sleep? am i pushing too hard? was my head down too long lacing up my shoes? is my body saying enough?

i breathed in and felt an intense rush of oxygen shoot into my body, like a heightened runners high, concentrated into one inhale. then i became light headed. things began to blur a bit. it seemed like i was running through a dream. strange sensations in legs and fingers. this soon vanished but i noticed as the cool down continued, i was getting weaker and weaker. by the time i finished, i felt strange again. i dropped the key to my car. it seemed to fall from my hand in slow motion.

i took a few more shot blocks before i started driving home. i feel fine now.

more powerful than a speeding school bus

14 miles . . .

the first frost covering my deck, my lawn, my windshield. a clear dark sky, moon and stars still shinning. a light, thin haze surrounding the dawn. fog hovering below, trees shooting out of it, breakaway parts twisting serpentine throughout the landscape. a pink and blue sunrise, softly making itself known to those who look for it.

i jumped again today on my run. i turned to my right, there was a car perpendicular, headlights on me. i then turn to my left and see movement. my heart skips, i break stride. it was my shadow, i laugh.

i stopped a school bus with my hand. i run no matter what. if i have a green light or right of way, i run. i don't stop. i'm running against traffic, the bus is turning towards me, but is looking the other direction for a break in the traffic. the break coincides with me crossing the intersection. she is pulling out, i am running in front of her. i authoritatively hold my hand out towards her windshield. she slams on the brakes, making apologizing motions. i smile, continue running, victorious. i think she might just start looking both ways before she pulls out again.

the first time in three days that i actually feel strong. i have to hold myself back to stay closer to the easy tempo. things are still a little sore but i feel powerful again. there was a long stretch of flat lands where i really noticed that aerobically i am solid. it's just that soreness in the legs.

make new friends, throw away the old

13 (nah, let's make it 14) miles . . .

added a little bit more to my loop. i could have taken a short cut back home and hit pretty close to 13. but i checked myself. then i thought, i could just add a little bit more and round it up to 14. i felt good, i had time, so why not?

it was a cold run. a different cold from a few weeks ago. it felt like january. i remember running last year through the snow and ice storms. that was the feeling in the air.

still really sore everywhere. particularly noticeable in the calves. but just a general weariness in bones that i couldn't seem to shake for the first 5 miles. and then suddenly it was a though a switch was flipped, i had found my zone. it wasn't exactly running nirvana, but it definitely felt better.

before the kids came out, i was standing in the kitchen and i heard a high pitched squeal of some kind. i tried to listen to where it was coming from but then it would stop. so i continued getting my breakfast ready when i heard it again. i realized it was coming from me, somewhere. i listened hard. i took a step and it happened again. it was my left shoe. somehow i popped the airbag cage in the heel while running. sad thing, they still had some life in them. they were my special edition nike milers. fortunately i got them for free. but i did really like them. air was escaping out making the noise as i stood on it. it's funny how we get attached to our running shoes. they are like old friends. you get comfortable with them. you know their little idiosyncrasies. you know what runs they work best for. you form a bond. but you can't keep them forever.

goodbye, my friend.

ughhhh

10.14 miles . . .

20 minute warm-up

4 X 200m at 34 seconds with 200m recovery

3 X 1000m at 3:08 with 3 minutes recovery

4 X 200m at 34 seconds with 200m recovery

10 minute cool down

the title of the post says it all. my legs were tired going into this run and they felt tired all the way throughout. though there were some moments of victory.

the first set of 200m felt a little out of control. i hit some good times but i felt more like they were running me then i was running them. not very consistent. sloppy. etc, whatever.

the 1000m's, even though there were only three of them, felt very difficult. i was behind for a second or so much of the run and then tried to kick it in for that last 200m-400m. from somewhere, and i'm still not sure where, i did have that extra kick that pushed me through the first two and i hit under the target time. then came that last one. always that last one. i was cruising along much like those first two, so i wasn't worried. then as i was coming into that last 200m, i thought, okay now is the time to put in your kick and finish this off. mentally, i was there. desire was there. but the kick was not. i was out of gears. my legs were rebelling against me. i only ended up 28 hundredths of a second slower than the goal, so i guess it isn't terrible. however, as i look over my times, i realize that i got progressively slower and i'm convinced had mr. daniels prescribed four 1000m's instead of three, i would have definitely failed.

after pushing myself, dragging myself, huffing and puffing through these repeats, i thought that i would have nothing left for the second set of 200m's. yet this group felt more controlled than the first ones.

also at the track was a middle aged fellow that i've talked with a few times. he has to run under a certain time for two miles for some sort of army qualification. he was there with a pacer, a timer, and for the final two laps a guy dressed in camouflage. he sprinted for that last bit and then collapsed. i don't think he hit his goal. i felt bad for shooting by him during my 200m repeats. while getting water before my 1000m repeats i was talking with the timer. he asked me how fast i could do 2 miles. i said i wasn't sure. he said how about just one. i made a guess. he said that was *expletive* fast. i laughed and said thanks. i should have taken that opportunity to share CHRIST with him. to tell him that HE is the reason i run fast. but i was waiting for something, or just thought it was the wrong time, or for him to ask how i got fast.

i must take these opportunities.

emptiness

13 miles . . .

saturday morning

i was supposed to run 19 this morning. i even made the batter the night before with my daughter for some experimental buckwheat pancakes as a recovery breakfast. gracie woke up later than normal so i decided to split up the run. i wish i would have had more time. i felt strong, powerful, fast and the day was beautiful. a cold front has moved back in pushing the rain out. perfect conditions. even though my fingers got a little bit cold.

6 miles . . .

saturday night

after church we stumble our way home for complete child meltdown taking a grande total of 45 minutes to get all the kids tucked away in their beds (except for baby gracie who had to eat). then i go to the bathroom. at this point it is around 9:30 and i DO NOT want to run. not one mile. not the planned 6 miles. what i do want to do is curl up in my bed and sleep. somehow i push all that out and get on my clothes. the first couple of miles was a struggle both in effort and pace. but suddenly everything became focused and i had to fight to stay at my easy pace.

i make it home, eat some cereal, and going to bed remembering how much i hate night running but with a smile on my face for pushing through this run.

10 miles . . .

sunday morning

on a barren stretch of road, in darkness with the occasional car driving by or blinking street light, i hear a low grumble and growl like a hound from the underworld. i jump, fortunately no one is there to bear witness.

everything is hard about this run. hard to see my footing, hard to keep pace, hard to push, every stride, every step. never enter my zone. the morning came to soon. the run is too long. last night's run seemed like just minutes ago. everything is sore, everything hurts. days like these make you doubt your goals, your dreams, your ambitions, your speed, your talent, your everything.

but the run is over. i did it. and i never have to run it again.

standing in the lobby of the church later that morning sipping espresso, i'm talking with a fitness instructor about exercise, like we often do. this is when i speak my horrific realization.

it's never going to get easier.

i'll have my up days and my down days, but as i continue to push my effort, i will always be pushing my body to a greater level of fitness. a marathon pace will always feel like a marathon pace. my tempo days will always feel like they do now. these 10 mile runs will come again.

this is the emptiness, the futility that i now feel.

it's just you and me here now

15.87 miles . . .

34 minute warm-up
5 X 6 minutes at tempo pace (5:28's) with 1 minute recovery
6 X strides with full recovery
10 minute cool down

the days are ever getting darker, colder, wetter. less and less people running around bush park. and no one else was on the track, no one. which made it peaceful. long legged lady with the two dogs is still faithful. i ask her where her friend has been. apparently he has nerve damage and exercises indoors in the winter months but at least he has an excuse. i love braving the elements because it proves my toughness. if i can do this workout on a day like this, i can do anything.

though now, i will admit that this was miserable. rain pouring down upon me the entire work out. except for the times that the wind was hurling it sideways into my face.

started the warm up in near darkness. i could barely tell if i was even on the path. at one point i wasn't and my right foot stumbled its way into a hole in the grass. after that i thought i should play it safe and finish the warm up around the track, even though easy pace around the track is boring.

the tempo section seemed at times difficult, which i thought only natural since i increased the speed by 4 seconds, which comes to a meager .5 seconds per 200m. which doesn't appear like much. but this is mr. daniels approach. small measurable increments. ever faster and faster until i am at the olympic trails. that one minute of rest just cruised by me like it was nothing. no time to refocus. it was hard to stay consistent throughout the 6 minutes because of the vicious headwind on the homestretch. large pools of rain covered parts of the track. i splashed into them feeling the water sloshing up through my racing flats. for the first couple laps it seemed epic. the final ones began to wear on me. i became cold, miserable. my legs weren't tired. my wind was fine. i just wanted to get out of the rain. i was soaked to the bone. and i still had to run the strides and the cool down.

i hit really slow times on the sprints because of the headwind that seemed to magnify every time i pushed harder. i thought for a moment about possibly running the other direction with the wind pushing me forward. but this is cheating. yeah i could get great times, but this is the tougher way. there is no short cut in running.

i was glad when it was all over and i was shaking in my car. the heat couldn't blow hard enough.

what the people want is freedom

5.91 miles . . .

an unforeseen freedom. i forgot to charge up my garmin watch last night. i remember this morning. too late at this point. so i just ran. when i stopped i didn't have to push a button. when i started i didn't have to push a button. i wasn't looking at my watch to see if i was on pace. i didn't know how fast i was going or how far. at first i thought 'what am i doing?' but then i found a peace, a tranquility. i think i have to get in the habit of doing this every now and again.

the morning was so beautiful. a thick fog hovering over everything, trying unsuccessfully to soften the brightness from the trees. i loved the contrast of this. the push and the pull. the greyness and the color mixing harshly together. it was one of those mornings that i wish i could have just run for hours and hours.

in the cemetery, i saw out of the corner of my eye, a grey blurr running towards me. i jumped slightly breaking stride. thinking it was a dog or something. ended up being a squirrel. their tails get so bushy in the fall, doubling their size.

on one of the streets, three fire engines, an ambulance, and a few police cars where around a house. one fireman was on a ladder sawing into the house. not sure what was going on. fire, accident?

had a good stretch of sleep last night . . . six lush beautiful hours. haven't slept that long without waking up for over a month.

i feel awake. or is it the espresso?

i had to visit mapmyrun. a place i haven't been since i got the garmin. i forgot how annoying that is.

i run

13.3 miles . . .

in a rain that went from downpour to constant drizzle, forever back and forth. and in this hour and a half only one small moment of relief as i'm running under the freeway. the wind seemed to be blowing into me nearly the whole run, though i doubt that is possible. my arms and fingers were frozen by the end. so begins an oregon winter. low hanging clouds, rain until summer. there are more miserable days. times when i can feel the water sloshing around in my running shoes.

i guess i haven't been through enough of these consecutive days yet because i actually enjoyed this run. i felt strong, rested, and was always under pace. the rain was refreshing and i wished that i didn't have my hat on so i could feel it on my hair, running down my face.

days like these provide me extra motivation. i know that some people shy away from days like these. i imagine that people driving cozily in their cars drinking vanilla lattes heater turned up radio tuned in catch a flash of a psychotic mexican running down the street. i feed off their astonishment.

people ask me 'what do you do when the weather gets bad?'

my answer is always, i run.

trusting my coach

14.93 miles . . .

20 minute warm-up

6 X strides with full recovery

5 X 4:00 at :37.5's 200m with 3 minutes recovery

20 minute cool down

last night i had my doubts about this pace. i considered for a fleeting moment of reverting back to last weeks pace for this workout. i couldn't stay on pace last week. what makes me think that i could do it this week 3 seconds faster? i ended up pushing those thoughts down, way down, far out of my mind. i had worked for four weeks at that fitness level. mr. daniels tells me that i am ready to push my body again. i must learn to trust my coach even if he only communicates to me with ink and paper.

the morning is beautiful. a nice fog. a day that is neither cold nor warm. no wind. the perfect fall running weather.

i found the warm up to be surprisingly easy. i hit my pace at 6:49 fairly early on. lost it for a bit on the steep uphill a mile into it. but i got it back with ease.

sitting in the car, i stalled. again doubt loomed over me. i could just put in large miles today and forget about the track work out. again i had to push these doubts out of me. i headed towards the track.

the strides went fine. i didn't push really hard on these. the effort of the next part of my work out loomed over me. i wasn't really focused on the strides. i was also consciously holding myself back.

and then i had to pee. i don't know if this is an unconscious stalling method but it worked. i'm in the football locker room at the urinal. i stall further by reading the names of the players over their lockers and the list of team goals. now i realize that i am stalling and sort of walk/run/jog to the start. i take another moment of pseudo-stretching and then i begin.

it's not rare for my first 200m of any work out to be a bit fast. i am ahead of pace by 2 seconds. after one lap i look down at my watch. it should read 1:15 right on. but instead it's at 1:13. so i back off the pace a little. at the next mark i am still 2 seconds faster than pace. this continues for the entire 4 minute workout. and what is stranger, i feel great. it was a hard effort, obviously, but it wasn't death. i take my three minute recovery and go into the second one. it's the same story. so is the third one. whenever i fall behind by a second or half second, i dig in a little and then i am 2 seconds quicker than pace. this is beautiful. the fourth one i can feel but i still hit everything right on.

then comes the fifth one. the last one. when exhaustion sets in. i run it pretty much the same as the fourth one. but then i notice that i am behind by a second after the half mile mark. i try to kick it up but my legs fail. i am still a second or so off at the 1000m mark. i try to push it, to find that extra gear. it's just not there. i end up hitting the 1200m at 3:46 when it should be 3:45. but now for the good news. that last little bit. that last little 3/4 turn of the track. i push it. this is the fastest last section of all five.

and even this one. the slowest of the day. it was faster than the fastest one from last week by over 2 seconds.

a whirlwind of sorts

17.5 miles . . .

so begins my friday. an easy run. lots of people out. nearly got ran over. a walker bore witness to it. i think i really freaked out the driver this time. but not enough for her to turn off her cell phone and pay attention as she drove.

i don't know what happened to our winter weather but things have warmed up significantly. i just can't get the hint and once again overdressed. but not as bad as earlier this week.

friday at about 5:30pm, it became evident that i would have to drive to the coast and back. i guess that's what it means to be the boss. sometimes it drops to you. not that it's any ones fault. but sometimes such is life.

so instead of a relaxing evening with the family, preparing for the craziness of saturday, and my yoga, i am driving through the night, with a double shot of espresso in me listening to the n.p.r. pledge drive. the one ray of light in all of this is the stop at the otis cafe for the most amazing pancakes of life.

4.1 miles . . .

so begins my saturday. what an incredibly therapeutic run. the sky was strikingly beautiful. a deep dark red streaked with swirls of dark blue nearing purple. and warm. everything was quiet too. very few cars on the road but even they seemed hushed.

quiet and calm but with a discernible tension in the air. all this would soon break. a hush before the madness.

at 10:00am i am in a beautiful house when the storm finally comes. large unending drops. thunder shaking us all. i am sharing with a group of worship singers how the LORD is my song. looking through a psalm. talking about how HE is my love song, my song of distress, my song of triumph, the soundtrack of my life. and now the guitar is out. we are lifting up our voice along with pounding rain, praising HIS name.

as i'm driving back, i realize that i was a part of something special. it has shifted my perspective on ministry. ministry is simple. we as pastors seem to over complicate it. all it truly is: believers coming together to worship HIM and fellowship with each other. the beauty and simplicity of an acoustic guitar, no production, no schedules. mmmmmm.

it's 2:50pm and i am driving to the church for worship practice. i'll be here until 8:30pm. this day is long.

0 miles . . .

so begins my sunday. baby gracie wakes up late this morning. it's 6:30am and i need to be at the church by 8:00 for another worship practice. i don't have time to run today. but along with that something very frightening.

i have no desire to run today.

i just don't want to. i don't want to run in the afternoon or the evening. i've lost my passion. is it just for this day? is it just because i am in the midst of this whirlwind of sorts? or am i now in a season where running isn't fun? where it isn't something i look forward to?

11 miles . . .

so begins my monday. no track work out this morning like usual because i have a doctor's appointment at 9:15am. there is no time.

my lack of passion has carried over to this morning. but i have to put in miles today because i skipped out yesterday. i must.

today also marks a new level of intensity. i have graduated up a point in mr. daniels' system. i had my doubts whether is should do this now or wait a week in view of last monday's speed work out. however, everything else is pointing to an advance. the ease of my easy runs and tempo work, plus that explosion in my strides on thursday.

my new easy pace is 6:49.

i start my run not knowing what to expect with either my pace or my motivation. within the first few feet the joy of running came flooding back over me. it was a great run. enjoyable. fun. a sweet runner's high afterwards. i hovered around 6:47 to 6:48 most of the run and it felt nice and easy. i had to turn it up a bit on a few hills but nothing too serious.

so starts a new week.

stay on target

13.62 miles . . .
20 minute warm-up
5 X 6 minutes at tempo pace (5:32's) with 1 minute recovery
6 X strides with full recovery
10 minute cool down

low motivation. almost no motivation. first few minutes of the warm-up just hurt, everywhere. things didn't get a whole lot better. when i went back to the car to change into my speed shoes, i was nearly tempted just to drive away. cold, wet, miserable, unmotivated. still not sure what stopped me from doing this.

the tempo pace work out was an interesting one. the effort was somewhere between lay back easy and pushing unto death. so i started playing this tug-o-war with my mind and body. i would start out by focusing on my running. but then i would be going to fast. i would be up by a few seconds. so then i thought, well this is easy. i don't even need to think about this. i would let my mind drift into other things, other places. then i would notice that i was too slow. this would continue over the course of the 6 minutes. finally on the last one, i tried with all i was to stay focused for the whole time. this proved to be quite difficult. keeping your mind in it for this long.

i've read that most mistakes in a race happen in the first half. if this is true, then i must train my mind to be focused and alert at all times, even before the pace gets hard. the first half of a marathon lasts well over an hour. this early in the race, you shouldn't really be feeling the tempo. i must learn this type of focus. the focus i found on that last 6 minute tempo run, the most consistent of the lot.

the strides were just crazy. i hit the first one pretty normal. it felt normal. the time was normal. everything the same as it has been since i've added strides to my running. but the second one was a different story. something happened on that stride. something unexpected. there was no reason for it. something just snapped, exploded in my legs. they just started moving me . . . fast. faster than i have ever been before. my torso, my head, my arms, where just going along for the ride. i looked down at my watch. it said 16 seconds. i tried to repeat it for the remaining 4 strides, but i couldn't recapture that feeling, though i did sustain my 16 second pace.

i am getting faster.

i prayed several weeks ago that GOD would use my running for HIS glory. this week, i was focusing on sharing JESUS with a stranger. three people came into mind that were connected with my running. the tall, long legged girl that runs with her two dogs. the guy with long flowing hair that bounces as he walks around the park like he's in a pert plus commercial. the old man who keeps the grounds at the track. though they aren't strangers, for we have had little conversations as i am running by them, i don't really know there names, and i doubt they know mine.

i didn't see any of these people on my run. but i knew that GOD would be faithful in bringing me someone to talk to if i was faithful to keep my eyes open to what HE has for me. if i was ready.

on those strides, as i'm nearing completion, an older man that i've talked with quite a few times, but haven't seen on the track for some time, drove up. i knew this was the guy that GOD had set up for me. i was scared, i was nervous. i started to question myself. i started making deals with GOD. i had dropped off some of my extra clothing under a moveable shelter. he had done the same. i prayed, ok GOD, if YOU want me to talk to this guy, YOU'RE going to have to put him under that shelter when i'm done with my work out.

HE did just that.

we talked for a bit. about life. his injury. running. etc, whatever. i told him that i would be praying for him about his knee. he asked what i did for a living. i told him.

this is not the end of the story.

i know believe that GOD is going to use me in not only his life but others.

i don't think i've ever really believed this like i do now.

what not to wear

12 miles . . .

last night when i got home from the college group it was cold and raining a cold rain. when i woke up this morning, i was cold. when i went out into the garage to get my running clothes, it was cold and pouring rain with howling rains. however, when i walked outside my front door, fully prepared for the weather, in my jacket, two pairs of gloves, pants, and hat, it was warm. i should have walked straight back in and changed.

but i didn't. for whatever reason i didn't.

as i was running, all i could think about was how warm i was, how i was going to get warmer when i was going back uphill. i couldn't focus on my running or just letting my mind go free, as it often does on these easy runs. finally, i wizened up and turned back towards home.

i stuffed my hat, thicker gloves, and jacket into the mailbox. this was 3.5 miles into the run. and then everything was clear. everything was perfect. i did this run nearly effortless. i say nearly because at one point for about 2 miles near the end of the run, i was going up some rolling hills into a pretty fierce headwind. i felt a slight burn but not the fatigue that i have been feeling. perhaps my body just needed to accustom itself to the new stresses. or it could be the extra sleep.

today felt like a recovery run.

started the ball rolling with the iron testing. nurse said that she would call back either today or tomorrow.

1 mile + 1 mile = 20 miles

7 miles . . .

my wife was very nice to me last night. she let me go to sleep at 9:30. and she got gracie ready for bed. that means i didn't have to wake up until her 3:30 feeding. then she woke up again at 5:00. i was up with her for about 45 minutes off and on. the next thing i knew it was 7:30. how amazing!!

i do feel better but still not one hundred percent. i think this first month with the baby are really starting to wear on me. or it's the more miles. or it's the more intensity. or it's the whole iron diffeciency that i've been reading about. there are just too many factors. what i do know is that i've been feeling dizzy, weak, tired, irratable, and my wife keeps telling me that i look pale.

all this stacked one on top of the other, caused me to put in a shorter run than originally planned. the first half of this run was just pure effort. it was death. i hate it when 2 miles feels like 20. but then i found my zone. despite all of that. despite the cold and the rain and everything, i found my happy place in running and just ran. then it came easy. then the easy pace was an easy pace.

i actually thought that it would be worse today than it actually was. i was just too tired to do my yoga last night. i felt tight everywhere going to bed. i stretched as best i could before my run. and then after the run, i worked them out with the stick. primary place of pain, right hip flexor. i found the money spot and jammed it hard with the stick. it was a pleasant pain.

should be interesting to see how tomorrow's longer run goes. i'm hoping to put in 13 but would be happy with anything over 10.

a conversation with self

14.79 miles . . .

20 minute warm-up

6 X strides with full recover

5 X 4:00 at :38's 200m with 3 minutes recovery

20 minute cool down

i knew that today was going to be a hard day when i first started the warm up. i slept hard last night. as usual not enough sleep and recovering from the weekend's lack of sleep. i had a marathon dream where i was trying to qualify, i was doing pretty well at the half. and then i had to stop running. there was a section of the race where you had to wait for a shuttle to take you somewhere else and i had just missed one. i stood and waited and waited, watching the seconds go by on my clock.

in the very first strides this morning, my legs felt sore and heavy everywhere, specifically tight in my hip flexors. it was a challenge to hang at my easy pace. a thin layer of frost clung to the cinder trail on the south side of the park.

the sprints felt sloppy and slow, though i did hit good times. i just felt heavy and clumsy and awkward. like i hadn't really entered the zone.

i stalled more than usual at the start of my first 4 minute interval. i have this idea that once i start a particular section of my work out, i do not stop. in between the different sections is my time to focus and prepare for the effort. i'll usually just stop running for about 10-15 seconds. i think this one was more like 30 seconds. and then i started.

even the first one was hard and they only got harder. by the time i hit the third one, i was doing my little hurt cry followed by the gasp of air that i do after really hard efforts. then i close my eyes during the straights of the track. usually this is reserved for the last one or two. the fourth on i had to focus really hard and push even harder. at one point i was a second off and it took all i was worth to shave it back off. i remember trying to push hard and feeling like i wasn't going any faster.

and then came the last one.

in those three minutes of recover before the fifth one, i had a conversation with myself. but that was only for the last minute. for the first two minutes i let my mind float far away from the track, far away from the pain. i tried to find little moments of happiness to live in, to comfort me. and the place i went was to my family. i went to my wife and the love we share, the times that we've had. and i went to my kids. little tiny flashes of pure joy that only my family can bring. and now with only a minute left i had to focus again. and just as i was about to enter the zone, my psyche fractured into two distinct personalities.

-it's going to hurt.

-but it's only pain.

-only pain?

-four minutes. what's four minutes? if you can't do this for four minutes what makes you think that you can hold your pace for 2 hours and 19 minutes?

-but what if i fail?

-don't worry about that. just think of the first 200m.

-but what if i stop after that?

-who cares? at least you did that much.

-but what if it's slower than the others?

-then at least you did it?

-but what if i fail?

-being out here, on this day, on this morning, doing this run is already success. now it's time. it's only pain.

and the good news, the encouraging thing, the victory, the fact that i finished. maybe not strong. but i finished. that last one was slower than the rest. but let me say it again. i finished. on this day, tired, torn, beaten up physically and mentally from the long week, i persevered. and that is important. the average from these repeats is 4:03:35. this puts me at a mere 95 hundredths of a second slower than last week.

i consider it success.

passing in the dark

11 miles . . .

in the harsh winds that the brooks jacket blocked. and mostly in the dark. i stuck to a mostly lit course until i turned off of commercial and then total darkness. i figured when picturing this route that the sun would be up when i hit that turn. two things worked against this plan.

first, baby gracie. she woke up at 4:40, 4:45, and 4:55. at which point we gave up and my wife fed her. i asked her to wake me up after the feeding. so at 5:30 i was finally rolling out of bed. hit the streets by 6:10.

second, a little bit of clouds streaked over the foothills where the sun comes up. this delayed the true brightness of the sun by about 10 minutes.

while running along that dark stretch of road with not a single streetlight, i heard a large strange shuffling scraping noise in the drainage ditch. this caused me to run in the middle of the street. this stretch brought me back a few years. right after college, i lived in apartments on this street. once, before i was a runner, i even remember running this street. i maybe put in a mile. and then i couldn't move or breathe afterwards for about an hour. that was the first and last time i ran from the apartment. and now i'm soaring by it before sun up with 10 additional miles tacked on for good measure. before i hit the lights, the sky turned from black to dark blue. i passed an older runner on this dark road. we exchanged the classic runner's head nod.

earlier, at about mile 3, i passed a guy that i recognized only after we passed. his name is john. he was the leader of the hood to coast team last year. he wasn't into running yet, maybe he did the whole thing on a dare. his first leg, he ran in khaki cargo shorts and a cotton t-shirt. this morning he was completely decked out with hydration belt and blinking light.

this sport has a way of sucking you in.

my wife keeps saying i look pale. at times i feel week, dizzy, and exhausted. i researched nutrition books and they have some in our library. i also need to get a blood check.

on leaves and windows

17.7 miles . . .

as i've been saying, it's been cold every morning and getting progressively colder. i layered like mad for this run. as i'm going down kuebler for the first 4 miles of my run, i began to feel like i made a mistake. although i can see my breathe hover in the air before me, i'm already feeling fairly warm, and i'm going downhill, and it's the very beginning of my run. what will it feel like an hour and half from now going uphill? this was my fear. however, as soon as i crossed the freeway and hit one final descent before a huge chunk of relatively flat land, the air became instantly colder. there where still little pockets time and time again. but for the most part, i was (temperature-wise) comfortable.

i love the fall in oregon before the wind and rains come and strip the trees prematurely of their bright yellows and oranges and reds. this morning particularly with the sun shooting it's rays at those leaves, they seemed even more brilliant. this was just a beautiful morning. everything and everywhere. i felt like i was doing a photo shoot for runners world. there he is going over a misty bridge. there he is along a small creek. there he is surrounded by a line of trees as far as the eye can see. this helped to inspire me.

for a long run, this was an easy run, mentally and physically. for some reason, running for two hours doesn't seem like that big of a deal anymore. a few of the hills at the very end provided some burn in the upper hamstrings, but other than that, my only other concern came when i realized that i had made too big of a loop and ran over my planned time.

there is a chunk on this route after the park and before the bridges that i get to run downtown. i love running downtown. the urban atmosphere suits me. i like not having a specific route. i just run until i hit a red light and then take a turn. eventually i end up at the bridge, but i'm in no rush. i would love to do this in a bigger area than salem. i also like running by the large display windows. this early in the morning the only places that are open are the coffee shops. the other shops are vacant and dark. as i run, i like to look at myself. not in a vain, egotistical way, but because it is the only time that i get to analyze my stride. this was about 11 miles into my run when i passed the first window, as i turned i almost didn't recognize the runner. i have never seen my form like this before. legs at perfect angles, long strides, powerful, arms slightly bent, not too high. above all that, beyond the specifics, i actually, and maybe for the first time that i can remember, looked like a runner.

all in all a very encouraging run. and as if that wasn't enough at about three in the afternoon, i was still on my runner's high.

what a great sport.

my day off

3.3 miles . . .

put in so many miles this week that today was practically nothing. a few years ago, before i became obsessed with running, the idea that 3.3 miles would feel like nothing would be crazy talk. my mom asked me a few weeks ago when my day off from running was. i said i didn't have one. she went into a rehearsed talk about how important a day off is, etc, whatever. i tried to explain to her that when i run 3.3 miles (or really anything under 6) it is a day off, in fact it is more than that. it takes no effort. i don't have to get into a zone to do it. i don't need to focus. i feel free. i feel the complete joy of running. it's relaxation. stranger still is the concept that as i put more stress on my body, everything will feel different. i'm sure an ultra-marathoner sees 10 miles much as the way i see 3.3. it's all perspective.

it was a nice quiet morning--other than the garbage trucks. few people or cars around. ran through the cemetery, always sobering. and just around the neighborhood, obscure cul-de-sacs and the like.

now . . . what am i forgetting?

13.6 miles . . .

warm up

5 X 6 minutes at tempo (5:32) with 1 minute rest

6 X strides with full recovery

cool down

there was a girl on the track today, walking around and around, talking on the phone while i was doing my tempo repeats. after about the third one, she hung up only to plug her ears with music. i thought that she was really missing out on this morning by turning it off. so many sounds.

the wind rushing towards the ears

the rhythmic pounding of shoe on track

the cry of the birds

the track was epic this morning. i thin mist hovering around the backside. you can feel it when you breathe, so breathe deep. one crow made me jump, upsetting my cadence during a tempo. i heard his wings flapping in my ear. i turned my head, he was flying inches from my face.

what was not epic, what caused some frustration, but only for a moment, and then it turned into a laugh. a laugh at morning rocky's unending stupidity. it happened right after my warm up. i open up the car door to grab my racing flats. they're not on the seat. they're not on the floor. oh wait, they are on the floor, at home, in the kitchen, where i forgot them. my only other shoes i have with me are my trail running shoes. for trail shoes they are light but much heavier than what i typically wear for speed work. and then i had this thought. if i can cruise through this workout with these shoes, i can do anything.

the first two repeats were relatively easy. but the problem is in the 1 minute cool down. what good is that? by the fourth and fifth repeat my breathing was still quite heavy. but i liked this challenge. i like running at tempo. i like that feeling of a constant medium hard push.

i ended up going longer than 6 minutes because at perfect pace i could run my mile at 5:32 and then that last 200m at 41:50 which puts me at 6:13:50. and what is 13.5 seconds anyway? something in the compulsive nature of my personality is appeased with ending at a 200m marker. the first one was over at 6:14:19, not because i couldn't keep pace, but because my watch doesn't show hundredths of seconds. so when i go around a lap and hit the reset and it reads 1:23, it could mean 1:23:01 or 1:23:99 or somewhere in between. all my other ones were under my goal time with each one getting progressively faster with the last one at 6:11:50.

the strides where tough. i'm not sure if it was because i was tired or because those trail shoes where hard to sprint in or both. last night wasn't the most restful of times. watched law and order when i should have gone to bed. then gracie woke up at around 4:00. i plugged her with the binky and went back to bed. she woke up about 40 minutes later. this happened three or four times before my wife just fed her. during that time of broken sleep, i had the most vivid, intense dreams but i can't remember even a piece of any of them.

how to dress today?

i had a long day yesterday. partying with the credo kids. a great time of worship, talking about our faith, fellowship, and of course catan. didn't get home until 10:00. finally hit the bed around 10:40 but i couldn't sleep right away, which is strange for me. i think what my wife refers to as my 'cold' was keeping me awake. but i can't (as in physically unable) get sick. the nose running is gone, the throat is mostly back to normal, no more coughing. should i confess that i feel a little bit warm/feverish? never!!

speaking of my wife, she let me go to sleep and got gracie ready for bed (usually that's my job). and then gracie slept until 2:00. and then again at 2:30. then i thought, oh no, it's going to be one of those nights. but then christy fed her and she slept until 6:30. i woke up so refreshed. i also had the time to put in a bit longer run then expected--11 miles. this should mean that i can put less in on friday.

for the run i felt strong and in control. the only semi-annoyance was that i overdressed a bit. which in retrospect is better than yesterday when i was miserable for the last bit because i was so cold. i wore a long sleeve shirt under my brooks bright yellow jacket. i think next time i may just wear a short sleeve shirt, that jacket is so warm. stops the harsh winds to bite at your body. i unzipped it a little at around mile 2 and never zipped back up. by the time i got home my shirt was soaking with sweat. i also think i could've done without my hat. it's so hard to tell how to dress for the run until the first 20 minutes or so is passed. but by then it's too late.

unless you wanted to run the first couple miles around your house.

but that would be annoying.

icy hand of death

four hour of sleep in a row last night. when gracie cried me awake at 6:00, i felt surprisingly rejuvinated. i had a sore throat starting yesterday afternoon and continued through the night. but once i started running, i pretty much dissapeared. it since has returned slightly, not nearly as bad. also a general stuffiness. i'm going to beat this thing.

another cold clear morning. wore my pants, hat, two long sleeve shirts, and two pairs of gloves. finally wore my north face fleece ones for the first time this season. i thought that it was enough. but in last 5 miles of this 13 mile run, my left hand began to get really cold. in fact, the last 5 miles everything seemed to fall apart. i was struggling to keep pace, every movement was an effort. i thought that's how the whole run would be after yesterday's tough workout. but the first 8 was fairly effortless. i did notice my legs didn't want to cooperate when i made some steeper turns, but other than that it was beautiful.

really hungry when i stopped. my stomach was actually grumbling. i think i could have used a couple of my shot bloks before the run.

there was one tiny break in all of this. somewhere around the fourth mile, i turned a corner and the air was suddenly warmer for about ten seconds. then right back to cold. strange.

and you thought 1000m was tough

and along comes four minutes. four little tiny minutes. at your death pace. for me my death pace is 38 seconds every 200m. this takes me around the track 3 times and then about three quarters of the curve. last week doing those 1000m at 3:10, i thought i was going to die. 50 more seconds feels more like 50 minutes. i actually ran more than four minutes. i decided to pick a spot on that bend that i could run to so i wouldn't be looking at my watch to hit exactly four minutes. this would also give me an idea of consistency.

but let me rewind . . .

this morning was winter. i started at about 7:15, feeling sore and tired. it took most of the 20 minute warm up to really feel warmed up. especially in my legs from the cold. it was a beautiful morning though. lots of fog, which i love. a clear sky. the full moon still hovering to the west.

after warm-up, i kept my hat, gloves, and arm warmers on and hit the track. the place was packed. more runners/walkers than i have ever seen on it before. but they were all very nice and knew about proper track etiquette.

six sprints. these were fast. and i felt fast. my warm up finally did its work and i was soaring. it always helps when there are people there to witness your workouts. makes you run faster. i pretend that they have a copy of my workout. so they know if i'm going to slow or skipping out early.

then came the hard part. 5 x 4 minutes at my hard pace. i went into this workout with fear. and maybe rightfully so. this was the first time since starting with mr. daniels that i wasn't sure if i was going to actually finish the workout. i doubted. i kept trying to tell myself that he knew what he was talking about. that it is only pain. all the little mind tricks we use to trick the mind and body.

and then i was off. i hit the first one right on time. but so out of breath. hit the second one on. still unsure. it was at the end of the third one that i knew i would finish this workout. that i would do all five. that i would have victory.

i had dumped my hat off at the start after the sprints next to my water bottle. as i'm coming into the final straightaway, 3:35 seconds into this 4 minute effort, i notice the ground keeper picking up random garbage left on the turf from the cross country meet. he picks up my hat and water bottle. without thinking i yell out 'those are mine!! can you leave them there?!?' and that's when i know. if i have the oxygen left at the end of this repeat to shout that such a way that he can understand what i am saying, then i have the oxygen left to finish what i started.

and so i did.

it was hard, but that's running. as i did 4 minute repeat after 4 minute repeat, people began to leave the track and no more where coming. during the 3 minute easy run right before the last one, the last guy left the track. and i was alone. with the fog coming in. no one to witness this. it ended up being the slowest of the five but i hit my 200's right on pace. here is a breakdown of them: 4:01:9, 4:01:6, 4:02:7, 4:02:33, 4:03:46. this comes out to an average of 4:02:4.

the odd thing about this is a vividly remember every time i hit that 1000m distance and thinking if i were to stop now, this would be an easy workout. this is encouraging. it means i'm more comfortable at this pace.

when i got back to my car to change shoes for the cool down, i realized that my singlet was on inside out. i was embarrassed for one half of a second. and then i remembered my workout. i suffered through the death and survived to tell about it. who cares what i look like?

this idea did not prevent me from taking off my singlet and turning it the right way for my 20 minute cool down. it's one thing to look stupid. it's another thing to look stupid on purpose.

how can one little run . . .

. . . fill you with so much doubt. this morning's eight mile run was not enjoyable. it seemed like a battle to stay on pace, to hit my form, to run pain free. it's one of those runs that you're glad is over.

on a positive note, my hip flexor feels much better. on friday afternoon it started feeling a little tight, not sore but just tight. i noticed it more on my long run yesterday. it affected the length of my stride in my right leg but it wasn't causing pain. it actually felt better as the run went on. last night i really worked it out. shoved the end of the stick (see www.thestick.com) right into my hip until i found the spot. instantly pain shot down my thigh, focusing on my knee, ankle, and bottom of my foot. i love that thing. i think it has prevented so many injuries. also worked out my i.t. band on right leg as it has been feeling tight.

have mixed feelings going into tomorrow. it's going to be a tough workout. i'm tired. this weekend was not relaxing. i need more sleep. my wife says that i am getting sick.

i don't believe her.

i'm invincible.

beware of the cougar

saturday morning was a late start. didn't start running until 7:45 and had to put in a two hour run at a 6:54 pace. which actually ended up being a good thing because even that late it was still really cold. i could have used my thicker fleece gloves.

i decided to hit up a route that i hadn't done in some time. starts out in my neighborhood to a dead end street. from here a real nice (though short) trail starts. i lived in this house for a couple years without knowing that it existed even though it is half a mile from my house. at the beginning of the trail, a sign catches my eye posted to a tree. i stop my watch and walk back. it warns that a cougar has been sighted in the area and lists what to do if you come across it. i took note and followed the trail.

i have to admit i was scared. ever since that bear episode of last summer, i've had a slight fright in the woods. but i wasn't going to stop. my heart leapt at every noise and movement. i wasn't even worried about my pace.

that was the only exciting thing that happened on this run. but now that i say that i realize nothing even happened. no cougar that i could see.

while going through minto brown i saw several running groups. one lady who works at a local running store. another guy i see at the coffee shop all the time. several others i only recognize from other times i've seen them running.

at bush park they were setting up for a cross country meet. busses lined up, parrallel parked, from all over the state, washington, and california. i often wonder what it would have been like to run in college.

all in all it was a great run. pace felt really easy and most of the times slow. i'm getting use to this 6:54 pace. hung out at 6:51 much of the time.

after next week, we go faster.

a little post for a little run

just finished my four mile run. went with the evening run. thought it would be good to let my wife sleep in this morning. spent some good cuddle time with gracie belly to belly. she is such a sweet little girl. and although i still hate night running for a billion reasons, at least no one yelled at me (that is the worst) and it was a full moon, nice and bright.

off to bed soon. two hour run tomorrow then leading worship for saturday night service. unfortunately i'm sweaty and wide awake.

running will do that to you.

missed that day in kindergarten

another early morning, another night broken up by rocking, wiping, changing, another dark start, another cold warm up that turned hotter. all the days collide together.

this was a tough day at the track. made tougher because i apparently missed the day that they went over counting in kindergarten. the workout was supposed to be the same as last thursday.

. . . 20 minute warm up at 6:54's

. . . 6 strides with full recovery

averaged 22:88

. . . 10 x 200m at :34 with 1 minute at 6:54's between each

averaged 33:66

. . . 10 minutes at 6:54's

. . . 10 x 200m at :34 with 1 minute at 6:54's between each

averaged 33:67

. . . 10 minutes at 6:54's

i just looked at my times from my watch. everything was according to plan until the second set of 200m. after the tenth one the watch read an eleventh one and then a twelfth one. i had so exhausted myself that i ran two extra ones. but the funny thing is that i remember those last two and the were the most poetic of the twenty-two of them. i hit that last 50m and then something happened.

i felt like i was flying.

my legs were going so fast, my stride so long, my feet smoothly striking the track. it was like that dream that i had the week gracie was born. it hurt but it felt amazing. i wish all of the 200m could have felt like that, that all my running could be like that. the last two in the first set were on the opposite spectrum. clumsy and clunky. fortunately it's not how you get across the finish but when.

it's the first day of october. i allow myself one sugar every month (defined as sugar in the first three ingredients). on the way to work i picked up three of those cake donuts with white frosting and green sprinkles. yes three. and an odwalla super food to balance it out. i should have probably stopped after the first one. definitely should have after the second one. what was i thinking eating the third one. i instantly felt terrible, sick to the stomach. that was this morning. it's the afternoon and has only gotten a little bit better.

considering no sweets ever. i hate how it makes me feel afterwards. but it's so good going down.