i think everything, all of my training, the baby, lack of sleep, the weather, all of it is combining together, all twelve weeks of it, since i started training with mr. daniels' is just stripping away my motivation to run, to put in the miles. when i woke up this morning, i did not want to get out of bed. i just wanted to sleep, to rest, to not run, not even one mile. just sit and read or watch tv or mess around on the computer or go to hulu and watch studio 60 on the sunset strip or do nothing. absolutely nothing. with no kids and nothing to do. but i figured since i was already up, i should just run. but there was no drive, no joy. just the drudgery of another nearly hour and a half run in crumby oregon weather.
the run itself was not difficult. i hit my times easily. even the hills and the wind and the cold and the rain was of little consequence. it's as though my mental strength has been pushed and stretched and beaten up and pounded and it just needs a vacation. but for now i will keep pushing. two more days. two more days of running. and then the s.n.s. i am strangely looking forward to this pseudo-vacation from not only running but from all that goes into it. i will sleep in. i will sit around. i will watch tv and movies and read and do nothing else. dr's orders, i embrace you.
major bowel problems today. (stop reading now if you don't want to know). as is my custom, i sat on the toilet, pre-run, in hopes to "get it all out." i was there for longer than normal, yet at the same time i just knew there was more. but i had already wasted too much time. so i stood up, flushed, and bid a hearty farewell to the house.
half way through, as i knew would happen, the urge for a bathroom came strong upon me. i crossed the street and headed to a coffee shop i frequent, begging that i may use the facilities. but then, just as quickly as it came, it left. so i, foolishly, kept running, crossing the street. as soon as i hit an uphill stretch, it came back, with a vengeance and i still had three miles to my house. there was no way that i could make it.
and then my salvation, a burger king. running across the busy street again, i ran toward the entrance, sneaking in, past the employees, straight to the bathroom, and out again, without anyone being the wiser.
now i feel better. the rain is falling now. cold hard rain. there is two miles of peace. the running is easy. there are no worries. and then the feeling comes back. arrrggghhh!!! for the next mile and a half, i am forced to stop three or four times to hold it all in. annoying.
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